The way you looked across the bar
You must be a professional
Before this night is over
I’ll need the nearest confessional

The way you drive me crazy
It’s like a new kind of sin
The room is hotter than hell
So is your devilish skin

Call me a priest, call me a cop
Stuff like this ain’t legal
Get my keys out for the door
This night won’t be venial

Bouncing off the walls
Sweat pouring from our pores
The next question is
Who ends up on all fours?

You can’t see fetid decay
Evidence of damnation
Until you step back and see
Need for rejuvenation

The spell finally broken
I can’t see all that I did
The fog cleared from my eyes
Love turned from fresh to rancid

I need to move on from here
Find the space to find myself
A new home to call my own
A better place for my health

My refuge in coming storm
My beacon in darkest night
My solace in crushing loss
My support in life’s fight

You were important to me
Before I reached coming dawn
Some things seem to disappear
They are never fully gone

It’s rolling in
On the horizon
Calling my name
Challenging me

I will face it
I am unconquerable
I am undefeated
I am unbroken

It’s a new storm
It will not cower me
I will stand tall
And see the sun again

The first part is the best part
The excitement of control
Conjuring art from nothing
Digging into a damaged soul

Then the fear sets itself deep
Talentless and lack of insight
Going to the same stupid well
My weakness exposed to the light

I bought Poetry for Dummies
I’m no poet, and I know it
But I step up once again
I hit submit and I show it

I hold my breath as it posts
I pray for the views and the likes
My “gift” to Hello Poetry
Desperate to avoid dislikes

I don’t want forced pity
Candid confession from a man
Hiding behind pseudonym
Who hopes you can just understand

They never saw someone like you
The waitress with the auburn hair
Floating from patron to patron
Green dress waving, smiles to spare

I knew I needed to make you mine
And third time’s the charm they say
I would **** just to be with you
Love for you never to decay

I made mistakes along the way
I just wish you had listened more
Awash under a crescent moon
I left you to come back ashore

My monumental masterpiece
Permanent porcelain skin tight
No one can love you like I did
I made sure of that our last night

My poems are my way of hiding from you
Awful alliteration masks pain
If I can shroud my sadness over you
I don’t admit what still remains

I’m hoping to reach you in my words
Somehow reigniting light and heat
Foolish minstrel desperate to believe
That it matters if I am replete

You lied when you said you don’t love me
Because God cannot be this callous
To show me what a complete soul feels like
Then to tear it away with malice

Since our last night together I’m split
Between happy and falling apart
These syllables are my committed attempt
To rebuild your kingdom in my heart

Still I scribble in the gift you gave me
Remembering us warmly entwined
When two damaged spirits at last content
Waiting on impending doom, resigned

If you never read these pathetic lines
Then I sing to myself in regret
If you are reading with misty eyes
Then you know it’s not over yet

Final confession which will not surprise
My love for you proving unending
Whenever you see me recovering
Know I will always be pretending

Hushed whispers carry your demands
A litany of games needing enumeration
I take your direction of my next actions
Prepare to place you under my power

Tie them tighter to ensure compliance
The lack of control is the best part it seems
Hands and feet immobile and trembling
Your fiery eyes extinguished by blindfold

You convulse as I grasp and grip you
My fingers reach your neck and I squeeze
Breathing is shallow but deep in your chest
Harder, you say, but don’t leave a mark

I felt you over my shoulder
As I made her dinner tonight
Your sadness was palpable
As if you still have that right

She told me she loved me tonight
I instinctively said I love you too
I didn’t say who I meant when I did
If it was her name it wouldn’t be true

I saw you staring back at me
Lying next to me lying next to her
Your judgment left me cold
Feeling like a cheating, indecent, cur

Why did you leave me here
If you weren’t going to go
Why did you walk out the door
And leave a piece of your soul

I sent her home for the last time
My exorcism of you postponed
If I can’t have you my love
I’ll have to settle for your ghost

Your little lies and half-hearted honesty
Make up your maudlin mask of melancholy

Cloistered in your castle by the roaring river
Isolated cries give life to your tranquil torment

The world will see you as a quixotic queen
Unburdened seemingly to the unknowing masses

A beautiful break or valiant victory
Lay in your future of exhausting effort

Project your perfect stillness towards me
I’m a fool for you but you don’t fool me

Path I didn’t choose or want

Addition of another love

Means division of a single heart

Unsustainable and unhealthy

Subtraction is a cold calculus

Denied, live another day

Dark will not see the light

Cold corners of the soul

Crushing truth to its end

Growing in its isolation

Gnawing at the heart

Wreckage left behind

Wringing out the life

Solitude is its promise

Seclusion its covenant

Alone in this world

Avoiding crippling pain

It ended the best it could
No anger, no vitriol passed
Tears and gratitude between
Longing looks, deep sighs

The space is all I can give
Allow for bated breaths
Pains deep in the chest
Feeling the loneliness

You’ll never really be alone
As long as I breathe on earth
Someone in your corner
Whether you see me or not

The demons need facing
Overcome by strength
I know you have in spades
They don’t stand a chance

And now I’ll need to do
The hardest thing for me
Let go, have faith you return
When you’re ready

Friends just keep saying
It’s good to have you back
Thanks, good to be back

My armor shines in the midday sun
As I stroll along these ramparts
Walled out from the treasure within
But my message is easy to impart

I know the devastation wrought
Evidence of failure scattered about
A lesser would quit the fight
But unending patience I can tout

The queen watches from her tower
Secure behind her stone parapets
She sees me on my constitutional
She knows I am promise and threat

I serve at her majesty’s pleasure
Even while I disobey my liege
For I will not storm this Gothic castle
But I shall never lift this siege

Coiled and never broken
Two hearts woven to one form
He said to her as she teared
“We can’t weather the storm”

Their souls were tangled close
She knew him for the better
“We’re miserable apart always
I am your love, not fetter”

She continued to plead to him
Her voice continuing to travel
“You and I are united, my love
Our love never to be unraveled”

He prayed, angels of better nature
For the wisdom of heaven above
“What of the days I disappoint you
When I am not a man to be proud of?”

“Those times they will come and go
You will still find me at your side
We will carry our weight together
I’ll still look on you with pride”

“I believe it may be a grand disaster
Two fools facing the world peerless”
“When two are entwined as us
We face the world truly fearless”

You’re the one who keeps me grounded
Reminds me what life is about

The one thing I did absolutely right
The scariest thing I’ve ever done, I’m reminded

When I sneak into your room every night
For one more kiss on your forehead

I’ll never be as good as I want to be
I wish I could learn your mistakes for you

I’ll forever try to be everything you need
I’ll forever try to make it up to you

Vague vision of a room free of distraction
Cuddled close tightly in each other’s arms
This heavenly dream of you beside me
Perfect nightmare when I wake alone

The swirl has begun again
The impending cyclone returns
And I am overwhelmed once more
A violent disturbance breaks me

It will follow its well-worn path
Through my mind and weary soul
Nothing shown mercy or quarter
Weak as the terror tears through

And I look to you my only one
As I lay my pained head on your lap
I will not surrender to the storm
But I will surrender myself to you

I hope the *******
Was worth losing a great wife
You douchenozzle

I take another tenuous step,
Up this monolithic mountain,
The cyclone comes and goes,
My progress imperceptible,

My vision is badly blurred,
Each ridge an indefinite test,
The peak is a mocking mirage,
I am unequal to my challenge,

Clouds ease to an infinite sky,
Reminder to my weary mind,
Don’t just rush to the summit,
Enjoy the precarious climb.

Hello old friend

It's good to see you

What’s it, 20 years?

I’ve been up and down

People come and gone

Graduated college

Went to war

Fell in love

Fell out of it

Met a girl

Got married

Bought a house

Had a baby

Got some PTSD

Marriage ended

Sold the house

Started all over

Not surviving

I am thriving

How are you?

My navigator in the darkest of oceans
My immovable shield amid the onslaught
My opposite pole keeping me centered
My constant in this chaotic world of mine
My cure to parallax when I lose perspective
My azimuth to bring me back to the right path
My true north to bring me home to you
My North Star, My Polaris

I wanted to write a poem about love
But it never seems to come out right
It is a contradiction within the same breath
It makes someone the hero and the villain
It renews your faith in God and the Devil
It is a cancerous growth eating you alive
It is the faith that keeps you from losing hope
Its warmth feels like the sun was made for you
Its shadow leaves you feeling absolute zero
Love leaves its speaker endlessly loquacious
It leaves you mute when it falls apart at your feet
It is the destroyer of countless worlds and minds
It is the savior of uncountable hearts and souls
Love has temporary permanence to its holders
I was blindsided when love was born before me
I was dumbfounded when it died just as cruelly
I yearn to never be caught in its clutches again
While I pray for it to fall back into my life
Because it only needs to be perfect once

Oh my God I did it again
It was the whiskey or ***
She gave a sideways glance
And I looked at her ***

It all gets a fuzzy from there
Something about her school
Paying off her numerous loans
And then me playing the fool

We went back to my place
Apparently, I think anyway
That’s where I woke up
Alone, as she didn’t overstay

Serves a stupid drunk guy right
Waking up without any garment
She took more than my dignity
Like everything in the apartment

I’ve always preferred dark, rainy days
Like God is telling you to stay inside
Hold onto your loved one and stay dry
Enjoy the feeling of soft imprisonment

I can never forget the days in the pour
Unable to dodge the globs of cold water
The torrent making warmth impossible
The cozy light of home so far distant

I remember those days in my distant past
They remind me to hold everyone close
Appreciate that I can still breathe their air
And watch the rain harmlessly on windows

Take the bet you said
There’s no way we can lose
Naked in a snowstorm

You tried to break me in two
You were all rain and no sun
You robbed my light away
You reduced me to tears
You showed me my depths

I am not broken and you’re gone
I will make my own weather
I will find radiance in the new
I will celebrate triumphs daily
I am indestructible and not alone

It was then I knew it was over
When you didn’t care about me
What we had run its course
And I found myself alone again

Look for the one that won’t let go
Parade of those who never ask
Because I’m just too much to carry
Figure it out myself, alone again

I’ll be pathetic until the very end
Hoping you’ll chase me like I, you
Pretend it’s not too late for us
Alone again with my thoughts

It never works no matter what I want
My heart will beat faster and faster
As I watch you turn your back on me
I’ll find myself alone again to break

Pick myself and dust myself off
I’ve done it all before and will again
Look for the one who won’t run
Then maybe I won’t be alone again

The cynics are happy to tell you
True love is a myth from fairy tales
It doesn’t exist in this world’s reality
Love will not conquer all, no soul mates
Make your compromises and find a match
Find someone just good enough to work
True love is for suckers and romantics

You made them all look like skeptical fools
You proved the one I could always rely on
You saw in me the beauty not the beast
You were my best friend through it all
The rock in which I based my strength
The one rocking in the chair next to me
And I’ll love you until my last breath

You don’t get to choose the person, place, or time
Life would have been much easier if I chose you too
You did your part but it just couldn’t work that way
You wished to wear my ring but it wasn’t yours to take

Get the hell away from me and leave me to my devices
Hearts can’t heal when the scabs keep getting exposed
As long as I am here you will never close your open wound
I wish I loved you the way you wanted, but I never will

Envelopment of cold darkness
Empty atmosphere enclosing
Falling deeper into the void
Desperate for a sign of light
For comfort of an end to the end
Extinguishing eternal non-existence
Please God let there be God

I’ve said all I need to say
To tell you how I feel
What the path ahead is
Where you fit in it
Or how to walk away
Crystal clear vision
Of ups, downs, sorrows
And unmatched highs
Stay with me tonight
Or leave in the dark
But no more talking
It’s time for clarity

I want to make this kind but firm
I don’t hate you whatsoever
But don’t mistake my intention
My heart is closed to you forever

It’s not all your fault why it’s gone
You pushed and I dealt a final shove
I’ve learned lessons to take with me
Now live in the shadow of my love

I know I will still find my happy ending
My other half to walk beside me
To fill the empty chair you left behind
The best friend you could never be

My last words on this are thank you
For freeing me from my cold prison
To find the one who makes me better
My soul is born again, it is risen

I see them too when I close my eyes
I hear the sounds like yesterday
There is so much a mind can retain
Especially when you don’t want it to
Flashes of horror then shudders, shivers
Guilt is a terrible burden to carry
When you never deserved to own it
Demons find you in the dark
And keep you from seeing a way out
You see a permanent solution
To your very permanent problem
But there is still light in the tunnel
Hope is never truly far behind
Look to those holding out their hands
Don’t you leave me here like this

Every two weeks I take a trip
Always ending in the big dig
I open my soul to a stranger

Tell her your innermost feelings
Who you love and hate in this world
Open another vein and pour it out

Keep my wounds open to air
Prying apart the fiber of myself
Do no harm after doing harm

Take a deep breath and exhale
It’s all out there for exhibition
And a return trip in two weeks

Falling up and falling down
Whiplash hurts the same
You weren’t an option
Until you made yourself one

Whirlwind of emotions
New replacing the old
I carried you with me
I can’t carry you anymore

When I’m wide open to you
And you keep hiding from me
I can’t help your reflection
Because I don’t see the same

I’ll never understand your silence
Why suffer so much all alone
When I am screaming, begging
I’ll be whatever you need

I give up, you can go now
Find the one you can open up to
Because I wasn’t enough
But not for lack of trying

Prided himself on invulnerability

An impervious monolith  

Covered with impenetrable armor

Until the strike, clash, clang

Brought down low to a knee

Bloodied, blinded, wounded

Armor shattered, divided

Fully exposed to the blows

Stronger somehow, someway

Resolve is his new defense

Long car ride crushed in the back middle seat
Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds playing on the radio
Sea air letting us know we were getting closer
Sand slowly replacing the grass along the highway
The excitement of reaching dangerous Suicide Alley
And turning up Sloop John B when it finally comes on
I remember it all so clearly as if this morning
A happy family on their yearly odyssey to the beach
Growing boys unknowing the trials that lay ahead
That these innocent times could never truly last
Take me to Nauset, my favorite lighthouse
And live through paintings that will never be added to
As each summer slowly trickles the souls in the car
Dwindling and diminishing to an inevitable end
And then renewed as a new core grows
As I introduce new lives to the majestic Highland
And round the large hook passed by Pilgrims
Brave the breaks, cracks, and scars of a full life
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off one more time
Make the trek you know like the back of your hand
One less in the car, one more to come someday

Below is a comprehensive list
Of the woman I want, but just the gist

Smarter than me isn’t saying much
And not too much, but just a touch

So beautiful that she leaves me defenseless
It’s kind of important to me, I must confess

It would be great if she had a really nice job
So she doesn’t pick a bank for me to rob

Oh and of course I want her to be very funny
I’d even be okay if she was just super punny

She needs to care about me and my interests
Which are not all that numerous, I like my rest

The last thing is she needs to be my best friend
I want the type of relationship that never ends

Blackest night in a stormy sea
I cannot keep my feet
The tempest has overwhelmed
And I am so lost, adrift

The cold rain grips me like a vise
The ocean will take me
The end is nigh, a certainty now
Say my own last rites

Blinded by snow and ice, breathless
Hurricane unrelenting
And my faith has failed me finally
Then your light, your light

Guide me, shelter me with your beam
Bring me home, my sentinel
Your lone ray is my hope renewed
My last salvation from ruin

I had hoped to bring you a keeper
The cyclone led me astray
I will be your guardian one day soon
But today you are my beacon

The feeling only comes
When the night advances
When the light extinguishes
When my mind weakens
When actions don’t matter
When the whispers start
When I want to break
When I want the light to flash
I need to remember
Place it where it belongs
Give it to those worthy
Keep the faith
And fear no more

It was such a strange thing as a young boy
To make your way with an eye to the future
To think about adulthood with the eyes of a child
And to set a path without knowing the cost

And the way life makes these choices more stark
Like when you bury your father as a teenager
Decide to put on a uniform before you can drink
Sent to war before you know yourself truly

You suffer through a limbo of loneliness and haze
Numb your pain with the medicine they give you
Promise that you are okay and couldn’t be better
Just in the process of healing but falling deeper

Pick yourself up and brush yourself off
Start a new life in the family you always knew
Pretend you have it all figured out now
And start that family you wanted from day one

Plunge into something you swore was right
Take your vow and shut your mouth
Turn off the voice that says it’s not
Enter into a state of stasis devoid of passion

From your greatest mistake your greatest gift
A little girl who is too much all her own
But not free of the mistakes you already made
Now sentenced to a life you never wanted for her

The death of a love you swore to uphold
Ripped from your fingers and no chance to hold
The betrayal from the one you didn’t trust fully
Setting you on a road all your own again

Took 37 years to find the one you thought
Now dust yourself and start all over
Add another perfect soul to the ledger
Because it’s all a waste if she’s not loved

A vision of the sand and waves endlessly
Unending sky and sundown magenta

The slow rock of the chair and me in the breeze
A glance to my right and vacant stare to infinity

My mistake left me here to contemplate fate
Of a solitary life without the love of another

I yearn for one who can see through my scarred form
Unconditionally accept the soul which rests inside

Will you stay here and be all I ever needed?
Will you fill this empty chair here, love?