Going to college,
Trying hard to hold back tears
I can't face today.

Catching my breath
I've been running from my fears again,
Endlessly sprinting from worries that often outrun me,
Every muscle in my body screaming at me to surrender,
My lungs are an inferno that plead for oxygen,
My head is telling me to stop and turn around,

But my heart is telling me to keep going

I am terrified, petrified, frightened,
I cannot face the growing nightmare
behind those closed doors in the far corners
Of my mind
The skeletons in my closet are waking up,
They're stretching out their legs,
Voices erupting from their hollow chests,
Screams
Laughter
Profanity

My dreams have intertwined with thoughts of decay,
Madness,
Chaos,
Darkness,
All swirling around like a raging tornado,
Threatening to destroy the city of hope
I have so willingly constructed to feel safe,

*But now I am left with the destruction and debris of my actions

Distorted reflections,
Unwanted connections,
Chaotic reactions,
****** attractions,

Stable mind,
Clearly blind,

     I am fine,
     I always lie,

          I look great,
          Another part to hate

               I love you
               I don't think you do

                     Are you OK?
                     You know what I'll say

                          Can I help?
                          I can do it myself

                               Don't you care?
                               I wouldn't dare

                                     Are you crying?
                                     If I said no I'd be lying

                                          I'm so sorry
                                          *Oh please, you never worry.

Who invented the complex nature of emotions?
The anger
The sadness
The sheer joy

Why are we subjected to the cruelty of being hurtled through walls of solid feelings?
Do we not suffer enough cruelty from the physical violence of society?

So many questions, so little time

I feel myself cascading down a staircase,
Each step:

  First, happy
     Second, sad
             Third, scared
It seems that as we tumble down this spiral staircase and descend into the abyss of the mind,
We lose ourselves in the mix and drown in the inevitable storm that rages,
Submerged into a conciousness that bears the forbidden fruits of emotions we do not dare explore.

The battle is smaller than the bombs that shatter the tranquillity of the planet,
The war is more personal than guns spitting out their venomous bullets,
The fight is harder than fists colliding with skin and bones.

Inside, chaos rules

One scar for every insult  I thought
One more minute with my head down the toilet  I cried
One more twisted moment of despair  I prayed

Yet I am still here.
The only bullets I need are the words of encouragment,
The only war I will win is the war of self control,
The only time you will see me surrender,
**Is when I'm already dead.

The tarmac rushes beneath my feet,
But my body is sitting still,
Pulled back by the seatbelt so tight,
The journey feels so unreal.
Speeding cars and motorbikes,
The smell of fumes and city lights,
My home is getting closer,
I can feel it. I can feel it.

I miss the house I called a home,
I miss the friends I call my own,
I miss the place I used to see,
Of happy lives, a family,
And now my heart feels heavy.
I feel just a little homesick, tonight.

Catch a coach from the airport,
I’m tired of waiting around,
Suitcase in my left hand,
The sound of the engine’s so loud.
Vehicles will pass on by,
Lost in the dark and the city lights,
My home is even closer,
I can see it. I can see it.

I miss the house I called a home,
I miss the friends I call my own,
I miss the place I used to see,
Of happy lives, a family,
And now my heart feels heavy.
I feel just a little homesick, tonight.

Smiling faces will guide me,
The signs on the road will guide me,
The hope of going home will guide me,
To cure my homesickness, tonight.