Who said that love was fire?
I know that love is ash.
It is the thing which remains
When the fire is spent,
The holy essence of experience.

No one told me
so i'm telling you
i expected grief to feel like sadness
but i wasnt told that
that it makes your whole body ache from morning until night
and even in your sleep
and that it makes your hands sting from numbness
making buttoning your jeans impossible
and that some days clumps of your hair fall out
but having a good hair day is the least of your worries
and morbid thoughts attack like being ***** slapped upside your head
hurting so bad you actually pass out in mid sen--
But it's nothing like the sadness i had expected to feel
i've known clinical depression since age 4
and that feeling of curling up in the fetal position
waving the white flag of surrender
trying to make yourself into the tiniest ball of nothing
But grief is a flammable substance
and you can feel it as it ignites the flame of your soul
it feels like being angry in a righteous way
like when jesus knocked over the flea market vendor's tables at the temple
like being so ******* at all of the scales that are inbalanced
and it is the fuel that makes you want to correct the injustices of the world
and become larger than you are
and shower love compassion and truth over evil
no one told me that grief feels like this
so i'm telling you

A morning flower                                                 
A heavy morning rainfall
Oh, eternity

Raindrops at rooftop
A stream in my consciousness
Pond of emptiness

Will no one run with me through the fields,
And laugh unto the moon.
I've been too long from childhood.
I need to find it soon.

Will no one climb up in the oak,
And hang dangling by their knees.
I've been too long from childhood
Won't someone help me please.

Will no one hide their eyes till ten,
Then run and laugh with glee.
I've been too long from childhood,
Won't someone help me see.

Will no one help me make a kite,
And fly it to the sun.
I've been too long from childhood,
I need to have some fun.

Will no one run with me in the night,
And catch the fireflys.
I've been too long from childhood,
Won't someone tell me why.

I need more from you.
I want romance and cliches
and I know this may come as a surprise
affection has always hid from me
in the corners of my poetry.
but my fingers are searching
using the blood that flows
from my heart as a compass
and all streams lead to you.
I need more from you.
I need those times when
your eyes tie knots to mine
to pull us together until
gravity has it's way
I need to feel your hands
reach for mine without fear
so I can always be near you
I need more from you.
let your words drip truth
and wash away the doubt that
tightens my muscles when
you go away and we lose more time
I need more from you.
or you'll have never have all of me.

although we've never met
i feel as if we've spent countless hours together
sharing memories in the dark.
like remember that time in the fall
when we both snuck out of the house at 3 AM
to meet at the gas station
and from there we walked
for 30 miles and only talked about the stars?
when in reality, we lay there with our heads resting on pillows
and hands resting on blankets mere inches away from each other

we counted shooting stars as if it wasn’t the most cliché thing to do in the world
and laughed at jokes that nobody understood
(i don’t think even we quite understood them)
we smoked cigarettes like we could never die and lit fires to let the universe know we existed
we saw the stars as tidal waves, crashing into the dark night sky.
we tried to estimate the distance between planets and galaxies but got confused and lost
when we realized we didn’t know a single star that lit the sky that night.

take me back to the place where stars
substitute the freckles on your face,
where trees quietly rustle us
a long-leaved waltz,
and where the ocean breathes for us
so we can stay locked in this kiss
all night long.

i wanted to drown in your emerald gaze
and lose myself in your arms.
i wanted to speak to you in verse,
serenade you in sweet whispers
but mainly i wanted to hold you
while we ride this rollercoaster
that we call life.

In the shower
For a good five minutes
Before moseying over
From the bedroom
Half dressed
To close the door
Slowly behind them
Where they stand for five minutes more
Sending a text message
And messing with soap bottles
And the strings of their clothes
And preparing to get into the
Warmed water
And out of the steamed air

Are the selfish ones

She was putting
on makeup in the mirror
while I lay on the bed.
It was late
and she was going out,
had on these heels
that made her
tall as me
when she stood.
--and so much
more dangerous--

She sat there
putting on makeup,
and every so often she'd
look through the mirror
in my direction and
shake her head;
a mix of disbelief
and resentment.

She sat there
putting on makeup
in silence for
eternities before she
suddenly stood up.
Told me she couldn't
take it anymore.
Told me she
had a friend
who'd let her sleep out
on her couch as long
as she needed.
Told me this friend said
she would have
left a long time ago,
if it had been her.

When I didn't respond
she called me a *******
*******,
called me all of these
terrible names.
She listed out all of my
terrible sins,
--with surprising
accuracy in detail--
and told me I was lucky to have
her as long as I did.
I told her I agreed and
she stormed
out the door,
leaving me in awe
there on the bed.

I haven't heard from her since,
but sometimes late
at night, when
it gets quiet and lonely,
I can hear
those ******* heels
click-clacking down
the stairs.

Piercing my heart with
each step out
towards the night.

My grief was ugly,
Like a black tar.
So foul that I shut it away,
In a dark room within me.
Letting it dry and shrivel,
Hoping it would die.

But through my ears
Flowing to every nerve
Came our song.
The one I was avoiding.
My veins drowned in sadness
That spread like a fire,
At the echo of that beat.

The music filtered through
A maze of rooms.
Reaching the grief,
And with one intake of breath
The door unlocked.
My grief was freed.
Releasing into my blood,
As I'd feared, like a poison.

My heart felt the pain instantly
In one fell swoop.
The familiar notes
Were a bittersweet release.

I tried to sing but
No sound came out.
Overwhelmed.
All I could do was cry to our song
And pray for the grief to leave me.
Like you did.