I hope they can live the way I couldn't;
slowly,
and in the light.

outside: Help needed! Feed the children!
inside: weak knees, white apple flesh skin (it's not their fault they were born in a doll house)
outside: empty soup kitchens, blind volunteers
inside: not enough light to grow, tiny bones, tug dead hair, find something to do
outside: God help the children!
inside: minds buzzing for frantic change
outside: give them more make them eat
inside: shivering mirrors, shivering thoughts, sickness and rotten fridges
outside: you're perfect the way you are
inside: change me, hair pieces all over the ground
outside: life!
inside: hidden in a rib cage
outside: just try
inside: filmy eyes splatter raindrops, fall into the black lagoon bulging from beneath

please forgive me for,
my weak knees, my cruel eyes, my hungry smile, the curves of my body, the curves of my lip, my angry brain, my sick brain, my tired brain, my cold fingertips, my impure hair, my over pleading tears, my ****** fingernails, my faintly lit neck,
forgive me for everything in me that's
faintly lit.
I have not the courage to turn on all the lights.

so the wind has blown
over your head. (again)
you're still sickly
come back to the ground
or stand and watch,
watch your veins grow darker
(forests of black ivy
all over your wrists)
*****
over and over and over and over
like when they lock you in a room,
or you do it yourself.
you've hated and you've loved,
when everything tears you
to papery shreds,
yawning walls,
dead grey blistered mouths
& the moons getting brighter
until it swallows you whole
with your mind buzzing
kaleidoscope-everything
hands sweating for
this frozen wasteland
lusts for drops
of sweet scented turquoise air
and like the rest of your life
you've trampled yourself again
you're like a bruised sack of bones
again
time to do the dishes
they can never leave you alone.

the sun has beautiful blood
you've watched it splash across the horizon
over the ocean,
like a fireworks show
watched it with cold eyes
feeling victorious
like a man again (if you are one)
like you've survived another day.
watch the suns demise
remember the reflection on your face
take a picture;
it's your favorite time of day!
you won't blink
you'll let it linger in your brain
& you'll wake up with silky sick nightmares
and you won't remember why
you're all grown up
you're all lies
but maybe the first time you saw
a sunset
you cried

I wish I was your
One and only rather than
Your one of many

to the humans with the glassy eyes,
i know they've been hurt before
(your eyes,
thrown against the wall,
like a jar filled with rotten marbles)
cauliflower-clouded mind
red-scented sleep
& i pray to God
those pills dissolve in your
sanitized hands.
don't cry when it's over; cry now
i can see milky white
stars in your eyes
and soft pink
bubble gum-flavored clouds
and lazy green rivers
and violent violet nights
and a deep howl in you
when you think you can't go on.
and you burn yourself
with empty looks
and break yourself
by lying down
and **** yourself
by forgetting that the lightning storm
ever came.
flying doesn't always set people free.
remember that.

there's a ghost in this house
& teeth marks in my tongue
from the times I've had to stop myself.
if you want me to walk with you,
put me in a greenhouse
so I won't complain about
the frigid air.
hold me close,
not when I cry
but when our eyes meet
and there's tears in mine.
and when I turn into
that ghost
when I become
hallowed out and dry and sick,
like a cicada;
(it will happen)
when my brain is reduced to
leftover spaghetti mush
and my eyes are glazed over
glazed like the cake I would never eat
if it's you, you can touch me

oh my God it's so cold here