9 days
it feels like a year
but for others, that's not what they want to hear
I'll continue to pretend everything's okay
Meanwhile, I'm here smiling with my bouquet
I can't keep saying I did this to myself because I did
things I did made me feel like getting off the grid
but it's my fate, my story to tell
if I never stand up tall, how can I ever explain how I fell?

you can't heal a body you hate
you can't heal where you have bled
you can't **** where you eat
the one person you can't hide from is you
you need to forgive yourself.

Here's to trying to write after all these years
after all my wrongs, all my fears
just for this moment to finally feel alright
you have grown, you put up a good fight
you adapted a love for beer and long walks
you've learned to open up and have those necessary talks
you sang all those sad songs and found happy ones
you've even learned that not every battle needs guns
life didn't come with instructions
no please follow as shown
the beauty of life is figuring it out on our own
Here's to breaking your shell and seeing more sunlight
you can stop now, you put up a good fight.

Hey moon?
I am so sorry for you
I know you mean well
But I can't stand to look at you
You symbolize Lonelyness
You make me sad
Why do you have to be so sad?
You rise and fall
You wait for your fire love
And you can't face eachother
Why don't you give up ?
Hey moon ?
Can you teach me how to be as strong as you ?
Teach me how to be okay with being lonely
Teach me how to be Okay with never being with my fire love
Teach me how to be okay.
You make it look so easy moon.
Hey moon?
Does it get annoying when you have asteroids that keep hitting you ?
Does it get annoying when people try to understand you?
Moon, Can You Hear Me?
You are lonely but you shine bright
Are you really lonely?
I get it Moon.
Just because You can't see or be with your fire love
You know that with every orbit
You can rotate around the world
And show strength to people like me
Who try to talk to a Block of Rock from the atmosphere
You aren't lonely.
Ha ! I get it now moon
You've been fooling it
You Moon don't symbolize sadness
You show strength
So I thank you moon
For showing a person like me
With false hope
Something to look at every night
So hey moon?
Are you okay?
You may not get this question often
But I'm not of many
So I ask you this
If one day you can finally be with your fire love
Would you really be happy?
Like come on
You get the thing you want most
But does it make you happy that you don't have to fight anymore ?
Moon I just don't get it
Why do what you do
If you never get what you want?
So maybe it's more than just looking for love
Maybe it's looking for a friend
I have yet to believe that your lonely,
I still can't believe it
I refuse to
. Why you ask
Because you after all these years seem fine
I mean everyone can fake happiness
But you've done it for many years
Tell me how to do it.

Just a girl and a dream
I'm not trynna worry
I got god on my back
You're the least of my worries
I got bodies i still gotta burry
I'm just a girl with a dream
No nobody gunna say nothing because life ain't really what it seems
Got the mind of a young simba
I knew I was gunna be a queen
Seen a lot things most of you never heard of
Sitting in history class like why this never hurt us
Land of the free ?
Guess nothing is in order
Got a mama trynna inspire her daughter
To live and do better things
Head in the books instead of in the clouds
My memory is like iCloud
I repost , save and use the information
Gotta call the Air Force
Tell them to get in formation
. . .
I told em I was ready
Either easy or the hard way
Just never gave them the time or the day
Nothing would ever add up to what's coming
I don't know how Tupac did it
Knowing the corruption in this world
Having little girls twirl
Being sold abused used
Boys dealing smoking killing
How we amount to that?
Where's the love for all
Aren't we tired of all this ?
Looking at the faces of the mamas who lost their own
All they wanted is to watch them get their own thrown
Girls walking around lost
Due to the lack of a father they have
Never taught them how to keep their legs crossed
Boys fighting over a strip of a street
Ready to smell defeat my brother ?
I got the gun to your head
Who got your back
Sorry you won't see your bed
Guess that's what you wanted
Sniffing on that crack
What did you expect
That **** got you taunted
That's just the effect
You get knocked down
But it's path you select to get you to reach
Reach higher
Never let them see you frown
Rules you gotta follow
Unfortunately you gotta sallow all this ****
You could say I'm lost yea
But I never will I be used to this
Got my words wrapped around
Like I'm trynna get the world to bend down

I want to believe you miss me
But I don’t want to lie to myself
You let me free
And now I’m determined
To find out who I’m supposed to be
I want you to be able to see
That all the things I did was for us
Never made you doubt me
Always had that kind of trust
I just want to know if you think about me
It feel like I’m in a ship
Waiting for water to rise up
Now if you ask me
Yea I’m kinda corrupt
I stopped caring
I stopped giving a ****
Trying to piece where we went south
We can’t keep leaving and coming back together
It isn’t healthy
I wonder if you think of me
But I don’t want to lie to myself
So no need for questions. .

Can I have a Penny for your Thoughts
Matter of fact how about 3
A penny for you
A penny for me
And the other one so I can get to know you entirely
I wanna get to know you from the neck .  up
I wanna know what gets you mad enough to punch walls
I wanna know your pet peeves
I wanna know how far your smile goes when your smiling like an idiot
I wanna know if you sleep on the left or right side
I wanna know your favorite position. . In football
I wanna know if you even like football
I wanna know where you see your self in 5 years
If not 5 years, I wanna know what you're planning to eat tonight
I wanna know you're mind set when push comes to shove
I wanna know how long can you last..
In the intimate game of starring at eachother
I wanna know your shoe size.
Because if I ever decide to fall for you,
I'll be like yea he was a size 12
I wanna know what drives you crazy
I wanna know how far you'd take things . .
In Life
I wanna know if I were to kiss you,
Would you be Hard . . To get or would I already have you
I wanna know what gets you annoyed
So I'll make sure I'll annoy You twice a day
I wanna know if your good in card games
So we can play crazy rights until 3am
I wanna know if you ever been hurt
So I can show you that it's different
I wanna know if your ready . .
Because I already sat down and buckled my seat belt
I wanna know if one day I wake up to you, you'd tell me my favorite 3 words
"Are you hungry?"
I wanna know what makes your mouth water. .
I wanna know if you a are you full or where's the dessert type of guy
I wanna know if we're driving at 2am
Would you be able to tell me your hopes and dreams
I wanna know if your ticklish
So if your ever not smiling I get to make you smile
I wanna know if you prefer lights on or off. . .
When playing PS4 or Xbox
I wanna know if you sing in the shower
I wanna know if your into taking pictures . .
Because Id save all your silly pictures
I wanna know if you wanna make a movie. . .
Of a lifetime with me
I wanna know your insecurities
So I can love them the most
I wanna know what type of songs you listen to,
So when ever we decide to go on a road trip
We be bumpin
I wanna know if you get one of those little attitudes when your jealous
I wanna know how to never lose your attention
I wanna know if you'd be able to love me because I have battle scars
I wanna know if you think about me as much as I think about Honey buns
I wanna know if you look at me and say
 "man she loves to eat"
I wanna know if you like silly nicknames
I'll give you something like Sugarpapi .
I wanna know if a writer falls in love with you, would you want to live forever
Because words never die
So therefore,
Can I have a penny for your thoughts

sometimes i feel like im losing control
no exact reason why
or how
or when
ask me what im scared of
ill say nothing
a guy tried giving the world
and i froze
knowing in the back of my mind
that hes not mine
he can not make me his
doesnt mean it makes it better
my forbidden love
why do you feel so good on my skin.

Under the mango tree lies a soul sweet and sour
Under the mango tree grows new born strength
Stories will be told to generations at the night hours
The mango tree grows with her energy running through it
For those who first knew her , will tell you she was fierce
The center of attention and everyone’s friend  
The mango trees leaves will fall and grow again
There will be rainy days
There will be sunny days
But under the mango tree there’s a light that will never burn out  
I know she’s gone but I know she’s always here
whenever I’m upset I’ll remember her words clear
“If there’s nothing you can do about it , find something you can do about it”
Ironic mangos , ******* the outside , soft on the inside


Under the mango tree lies a mother a daughter a sister , my godmother💚 I love you