Just tell me.
Tell me if I passed,
tell me what I gotta do,
As,
I wring myself wry
and fill myself, satiated.
body humming to the sound
of taste.
that climbs down,
acrid,
and climbs up acid.
Exhausted.
Rooted in embraces
and awakened lullabies
I watch as winter shivers.
An empty reflection.
Just tell me
So maybe,
I can feel warm inside.

She wakes up,
puts on noise to try to,
brighten up the void,
in need to,
tell her what to do.

She listens,
tries to understand that,
maybe learn something that,
will help her live alright,
right?

And the words keep coming,
but the exhaustion weighs her down,

She eats hoping,
it will make a difference,
momentum vs. resilience

She lost one,
has trouble,
gains none,
from the other.

She's disappointed.
But so tired,
of being awake
and just wanting,
to dream.

Have you ever heard a "no"
reverberate in unison?
It echoes in your bones,
your blood,
your heart,
remains shaken.

When you start to count the digits,
allotted on your palms.
You want to be a destination,
Instead of "just along".

The first had buttered words,
candied actions and giving hands,
you wanted to fall on something sweet
but you had a bitter land.

The second blew you wishes,
you cupped and made them yours
but,
they scattered in the wind,
and never did return.

The third offered escape,
Until the sun went down,
You danced,
And rose, hips dipped and kissed,
But he left before,
The dawn could yawn.

The fourth was running water,
an expected steady stream.
but he'd gush all his emotions
but build a dam around feelings.

The fifth was hope embodied,
to not be all the same.
The fifth suggested promise
that maybe,
they wouldn't walk away.

But he did.
They all did.
Suddenly,
Unexpected
Triumphant "no"

That can't help but play,
Inside my brain.
Over and over.
Again and again

We rush,
towards our beliefs
like F
           À
               L
                   L
                       I
                          N
                              G    ­     snowflakes.
That S
          I
         N
         K    with our expectations,

We wish,
in hopeless desperation.

Surprised,
when it   m  e l t  s     in our palms.

Who are they to you?
Mere friends,
like me?
Objects of potential interest?
That you found so suddenly.
My fingers ache in the morning,
When we used to talk in soliloquies.

Now I'm not even beckoned in the room,
and you leave again, so suddenly.

To not be glanced at in curiosity,
only when boredom hits,
you, so amicably feel the need to-
ask "how are you,"
"Merry Christmas,"
but I was never even on your wishlist.

I took your hand and felt my heart,
rattle inside of its cage.  
So suddenly.
Ready,
To pour you a cup of wine.
Have a drink,
things will be fine.

If I can just....
Stop
Feeling.

So suddenly, came.
These emotions,
and expectations.
Of a cup that's supposed to be filled.

I wanted to satiate
but instead,
I'm just a cup that wants to be held.

To lap up the attention,
in such a gentle cascade,
despite, desire, spiraling into my veins.

I want you to hold me,
like I'm your answer.

despite, being a cup of wine
that's filled with water.

Right now it's deceiving,
but I can't stop believing,
that so suddenly
thing's will get better.

Because for my new year's end,
and my new year's wish
is for my heart to stop hurting,
to put that cup back inside my chest.

And maybe then, when  I can heal
and when given a sign
I can pour my heart freely and ask

"Hey, would you like a glass of wine?"

Is there anything I could do,
to have another chance,
to try at us two,
and gain another glance.
To glance in my direction
And garner your affection
To wrap hands around steel arms,
and embrace your mind and all its flaws.
To finally have you.