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641 · Dec 2012
A Poem for Christa
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
A poem for Christa

I miss you like a fish misses the sea

I need you like the Earth needs it’s trees

I hope to see you soon like the early morning light

I know this doesn’t make much sense

I guess I’m trying to say….

Christa come home.
612 · Sep 2013
Where would we be?
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Where would we be
Without each other
I'm pretty sure
We'd be six feet under

Me without you
You without me
What we've become
Would just be a dream

Life since you smiled at me
Has been such a joy
It should be easy to see
Just how happy you make me

Shall there come a day
When we're ever apart
I hope not a second goes by
When I'm not in your heart

You're my whole world
My boyfriend
My best friend
My protector
My true love

Forever and for always
Has new meaning everyday
Because without you
There would be no me
607 · Sep 2013
You want to know about me?
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
I hate myself

I  hate my life but have no real reason to

That makes me hate myself more

I wish I didn’t give a **** about the rumors

I cry myself to sleep a lot

I can’t stand my family

Even though they don’t deserve my hate

Just that face seems to make me a terrible person

I’m doing terribly in school, not that I care

I don’t know what I want in life

Or even if I want my life

I tend to push everybody away

Even my so called “friends”

I’m afraid of life after college

I hate living here for various reasons

I don’t have any real skills

The skills I do have will get me no where in life

I cry when I’m angry

Which makes me even more angry

So I cry some more

I don’t trust myself

I complain too much

I’m petrified of change

My biggest fear besides change?

Being alone and losing everything

So how’s that?

Does that basically cover who I am?
607 · Sep 2013
I want to be that girl
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
I just want to be what everybody wants me to be

That beautiful, smart, funny girl

They all say is me

Do they even see what lurks behind my smile

The lies I’ve told that stretch for miles

Never ending wishes that I could reach a little higher

Be the person you all wish like hell I could be

Yet, I keep ******* it all up

Just adding more depth to my scars

One more thing that reminds me I’m a failure

You can say it’s not true

That I’m perfect the way I am to you

I know the truth behind your protective words

I see the way my actions affect you

I know who I am

I hate who I’ve become

Whoever that beautiful, smart, funny girl you see is

I promise you she’s not me

Way too good to be true

I can’t lie to myself anymore

Pretend like I believe

That this girl people seem to see

Could ever be me
Tabitha Sullivan Mar 2017
Im very proudly the best friend of a survivor.
Believe me when I met her I thought "who is this pompous Richy rich *****"
Then we met again when things had changed a little. When there were bigger things than what brand you wore.
When there was small feet growing inside of us and a fire burning in our soul.
This woman has changed me. She has reminded me what mental strength looks like. What it looks like to be "just a normal teen" when at home you are shattered and drowning. She listened to my "I have read baby center all night and I know it all now" rants and held me when I didn't think I could continue. We have gone months without talking to each other and called one another at 3am. She survived ****** assualt at a young age, she survived multiple abusive men, she survived her own inner demons and continues to do so everyday. As for me...Well I am her best friend. I am the one who is constantly checking in with her and adjusting myself to her needs. Why? Because I love her and I need her to be okay too. I am the one who sees redbull and breakfast sausage and smiles because I know her morning routine. I am the girl doubled over laughing with no makeup on in my ugliest PJs because she so innocently looked up from her phone and had no idea what I had just said. But watching her try to confidently tell me she heard me was the best thing I had seen all week. I am here for her. I am here for me. I am here for a lifelong friendship that means sometimes I don't always agree with her and sometimes we will get mad. But she is worth it. The girl I first met, the woman she has become, the woman she will find herself to be....That survivor....She's my best friend.
591 · Sep 2013
Someday Vows
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Today I stand before you
Looking into your eyes
I see the man I fell in love with
I've heard you say I do
Now it's my turn

Every day since the day you first smiled at me
Has been some of the best days of my life
It started out small and innocent
You protected me from the rockets
My human shield
You slowly wrapped your hand in mine
It was like pieces of a puzzle
Finally coming together
We shared our secrets
Learned our boundaries
Fell deeper and deeper into love

We started to plan out our life
Telling ourselves we'd be gone
The day we graduate
We'd find our own place
Make our life
How we want it to be
Where we want to live
To build a house
Start our own family
Even if it doesn't go
Exactly as planned
We have each other

Today is the beginning
The beginning of that life
The life I'm ready
To spend by your side
Through the sickness
The health and everything in between
For the first and the last time
Today I stand in front of you
Saying these words

I do
585 · Jul 2015
How I feel now.
Tabitha Sullivan Jul 2015
In sixteen days it'll have been two years
Two years of my life that I have spent
Looking over my shoulders when I walk
Questioning every car I get into
Spending hours on the porch in the cold
When I wake up screaming & shaking
From the same nightmare I have every night
Reliving that night over & over again
So clearly now that its burned into my eyelids
For the love of god I still flinch when touched
Everytime I relive it I feel rage & sadness
To the deepest levels of the emotions
I will never heal from you
I try to tell myself one day it wont hurt so bad
In sixteen days it'll mark two years
Two years since you ***** me
For which you spent two months in jail
Do you even regret it?
Do you loose sleep?
Do you ever think about how you ruined me?
Well...that's how I feel about it now..
Try asking me again next year.
584 · Sep 2013
Strength, Passion, Joy
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Strength
He is steel
Anger flares easily
With grip so strong
yet underneath
He is gentle and kind
He makes me feel how I feel
When I feel freshly cut grass
beneath my feet
Relaxed and content

His eyes light my life
with passion and joy
when we're together
His eyes twinkle as he teases
They can quickly turn black
As the ocean at midnight
Frightening but controlled

His lips brushed mine
Tenderly, firmly, deeply
His hands hold me tight
At my hips
At my waist
At my neck
At my thighs

His mind runs rampade
Always one step ahead of mine
I can never know what he wants next

His heart pounds loudly
I can hear it over my own
It almost seems to set the pace
I have to keep up

His soul is beautiful
His mind is dark
His heart is mine
Tabitha Sullivan Mar 2017
Some days passion for my life is overfilling my bloodstream and spilling out of my mouth. Other days it licks at the valves and tendons in my heart, begging it to find the rhythm of the purpose it beats for. Most days I can pull myself out of bed. Most days when I'm done brushing my teeth & fixing my eyeliner I can paint a smile across my lips. Even if the stain of red comes from the blood that dropped like silky dew from my wrist as if to replace the tears my eyes can no longer cry. Some night I sleep as if I have never experienced pain or heartbreak. While other nights the thoughts that raced through my brain for hours would give you nightmares for nights to come. Most nights I can tell myself today was a good day. Most nights I can tidy up my house even if in reality I just want to smash it all before running away & honestly that scares me. But no matter what day/night I am having I have never and will never give up hope that I can be a better person. That I can be a better mom. That I have the ability to change myself. Sure. I can't always scream it from the hilltops and some days its just a whisper but I will be okay.
577 · Sep 2013
No words
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Our friendship needs no words

I know you’re upset before you swear

I know you’re happy before you laugh

I know you’re sorry before you apologize

I know we’re best friends before you hug me

But the words you do say,

“I love you”

“You’re amazing”

“Crumble boy”

“Fiesta en mi pantalones”

“But…But… you know you love me!”

Those are the words that make my day

I promise, no matter how far apart we become

You’ll forever be in my heart.
This was written for my best friend Courtney D.
574 · Dec 2012
Her Point of view
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
I wrote this to prove to my friend that I knew how she felt the day that she convinced my then boyfriend to sleep with her**

I walk into his room

I haven’t seen him in awhile

My feelings flare just looking at him

He’s video chatting with her

Slight anger fuels inside my heart

I watch him smile

I say hi *** I’m home

Loud enough for her to hear

I hear her try to laugh

“Now don’t you two go have *** in the woods”

She tries to laugh at her own joke

I hear the crack at the end

She’s my best friend

But there’s something I need to finish

She stole him from me before I could

He promised me

Promised to be my first

What she don’t know won’t hurt her right?

I can’t help it

I have to let her know

I send her anon messages

“He’s cheating on you”

I know he’ll deny it

But it was worth it

Just for that day

To feel his body against mine

It tore us apart

I don’t know how to talk to her

Instead I use anger towards her

She stole him from me

She deserved to be hurt

He’s mine…right?
547 · Dec 2012
Late night ramblings.
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
You say it doesn't matter
That nothing will ever be okay
Things are doomed to be messed up
You know maybe you are right
Just maybe life is always gonna be this way
Honestly though I just take it day by day
I take your craziness, laughter, sadness
I filter it all through my brain
I offer my love, my support and my wisdom.
In return I only ask for a few things
Your love~ To hold me through the night
Your support~ To follow my dreams
Your guidance~ To help me realize my potential
Most of all though I really need your dominance
Because that's how I know my place in this world
That's how I know my role
I am yours
Yours only
So give me another stare
Give me another punishment
Go on about more insane thoughts
I'll love, support and hold you through it all
I promise.
546 · Jul 2015
Untitled
Tabitha Sullivan Jul 2015
Long ago I dragged myself away from the edge
No longer felt the urge to jump & finally be free from this world of pain
Yet this day hits me like a boulder that I watched roll towards me & can not remove myself from its path.
It knocks me over the edge leaving me hanging on my my fingertips. Knowing that if I just hold on I will pull myself back up..
But that wait seems like forever while the minutes creep past me & I can't help but to let the thought cross my mind.
How easy it would be to let go
How it would feel to no longer feel at all
It would be over quickly & I would he free
I shake my head and take a deep breath
I will be alright. I will come back from the edge. I will pull myself back up & recover. I always do...
544 · Sep 2013
3 years ago
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Wrote this for a friend. She couldn't put into words what she's been through so she asked me to help.

3 years ago

Late at night

She can’t escape

Her dad is at it again

Things flying threw the air

Angry words spew from his mouth

His hand comes down harder and harder

The minutes creep past.

My mom, brother & I

Venture out into the night

She usually comes here

But tonight is different

We’ve never had to go get her

She’s my best friend

I’d do anything for her

Driving slow

Looking for her house

We stop at light

It seemed so bright

Against the night sky

When it turns green

We keep going straight

Out of nowhere

The truck enters our sight

It should have stopped

We had the right of way

It just kept coming

No time to move

Just hold on tight

He ended up on top of us

The airbag hit my face

Glass embedded itself into my eyes and skin

All I could think of was my friend

How could I save her now?

In my mind my injuries were nothing

Compared to what she has been through

Mom had only cuts and bruises

My seven year old brother had a concussion.

She never talked to me again…

Today I contacted her

All I got was angry words

Her saying she hated me

3 years ago I almost died trying to save my friend…

Who no longer considers me part of her life.
544 · Dec 2012
Lie Awake
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Lie Awake

Do you ever lie awake at night thinking about someone?

I know how it goes,

You hope maybe they’re lying awake too

Maybe they can’t get you out of their head

Do they think of you half as much as you do them?

You find yourself asking,

Why does it hurt so bad?

How did everything go so wrong?

You can see their face, so clearly, in your head.

You talk out loud

As if they’re standing right in front of you

All the words you wish you could say

Spill out into the empty air

You weep and laugh at the memories you have of them

Do they have those memories to?

Do they even remember you?

You finally just stare into the dark sky

Fresh hot tears shining in your eyes

Tears that person will never see

Thoughts and words they’ll never hear

So why….

Why do you still hold them so dear?

Because you hope that over the years

They’ll come home

Dry your tears

Replacing them with laughs and cheers

Yes… I know just how bad this feels.

I know how it feels to lie awake thinking about them.
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
No list of differences

Between two people

Should be able to ruin a friendship

Best friends shouldn’t turn away

You abandoned me

Turned your back

When I needed you most

You walked away

I blamed myself

Slipped into a depression

Convinced myself

That I could become somebody else

Next year I could be the “perfect girl”

Then it hit me

Why was I so determined

To change for you?

If you couldn’t accept me for me

Do you deserve me at all?

Today I’m not going to look back

I’ll smile at you in the hall

However, not one word

Shall pass my lips

I’ll always remember today

Today I’m the one who walks away
537 · Sep 2013
That night (Shay)
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
It's dark tonight
I jolt awake
The sound of your voice startles me
Low and angry
It's a too familiar sound
I'm afraid now
In my mind I'm telling myself
It'll be okay
You can fight him off
I can barely finish my thought
Before your hands are around my wrists
Pulling me up out of my bed roughly
I can feel my shirt trying to adjust
From how it was while I was asleep
Your grip around me is so tight that I don't dare move
You drag me to the stairs
Even if I did dare to move I'm to frighten to
I'm frozen to the spot
Are you going to throw me or drag me
You choose to drag me
Making sure each step hurt just as much as the last
We get near the bottom I can make out the lights in the kitchen
I don't want to be in the light
I don't want to see the anger in your eyes
The dark soulless look you give me
You loosen your grip
I pray you're going to let me go
Instead you grab at me until you find the perfect spot
The perfect spot to put all your force into
You throw me across the living room
I skid to a stop in the kitchen
You walk over to me
I know it's not over
I scream for help but nobody's there
I know I have to wait until he's done
I'll slowly and painfully climb back up those same stairs
Mentally imaging the bruises that each one left
I crawl into bed again
Hoping I'll be safe for the rest of the night
I can't close my eyes
Behind them I see his
Dark and angry
I'll never forget tonight
532 · Sep 2013
Tasha's poem
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
When I think about all we’ve been through

I can’t help but smile at the memories I have of you

Like a movie in my head

Where our friendship plays

Beginning to end

Sometimes the movie goes dark

Re-playing all the times we drifted apart.
529 · Dec 2012
Mother Thank you
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Mother Thank you (Lisa)
It hurt to leave you behind
You’re my mother
You raised me
Taught me right from wrong
How to walk How to talk
You were always honest with me
About where I came from
Why you chose me
Where my biological parents were
It was you who helped
Mend every broken heart
Put up with my anger
Never gave up
Tried to make me happy
Handled all my issues
Stayed strong when I hurt you
No matter what you always said I love you
Before I walked out the door
Even if we had just finished fighting
I heard you cry late at night
You were wondering where you went wrong
Got up each day
Hoping I’d treat you better
I crushed your every dream
That I’d change someday
Over and over
You tried to hold me tight
I just pushed you away
Made you retreat
Lock yourself and your heart
Far away from me
Today you let me go
Watched me from the door
You just wanted what’s best for me
Mommy thanks for loving me.
528 · Jul 2014
Dommy
Tabitha Sullivan Jul 2014
You never understood
You became my brother too
Part of my heart
Part of my life
Part of my soul
My love poured out for you
I reached out my hand to help you
I held on as much as I could
Thinking that somehow I'd be able to save you
From the hatred of others
The dull sickness in your stomach
I wanted to teach you, lead you
Protect you from everything including yourself
I wanted you to know the healing of words
Of caring and understanding
The safety of knowing somebody is there
Somebody who isn't blood isn't family
That it's possible for somebody to love you
because they grew to not because they felt forced to
Every word I say about you seems wrong now
Like it's past tense like you aren't coming home
As if you've forgotten where home truly is
I'm so angry at you for leaving like that
So livid for your lack of goodbye
For convincing me everything would be okay
Then just spiraling out of my reach
I want to pick up the phone and hear your voice
Hear you tell me you are okay
I am so sick of listening to them tell me your fine
I won't be fooled like that never again
This will not be okay until you return
Not that anything will be the same
You're now an uncle did you know that?
To a little boy named Gabe
Your brother is with another woman these days
I'm once again just the past
Maybe I belong that way
**** it Dommy....
I still miss you everyday.
527 · Dec 2012
Mexico
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
If I ran away to Mexico

Would you come for me?

If I drank myself sick

Would you hold a bucket for me?

If I did something stupid

Would you sit with me all night long?

If I got into an accident

Would you hold my hand in the hospital bed?

If I had a breakdown

Would you come to me no matter where I was?

If there was more bad than good

Would you still stay with me?

I want to know that you love me

Even when the days are not so good.
511 · Sep 2013
Take me or leave me
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Note: again, this poem was inspired by a quote. However, it is all mine and in no way did I steal the quote.

Maybe I’m not hot

Maybe I don’t act like the other girls

I am smart ~ But I don’t pass my classes

I like to have fun ~ not that I get out much

I don’t party ~ because I’m never invited

I like being with my man ~ he’s my un-moving rock

I have my own back ~ because I can’t trust anyone

I don’t like to admit that I need anybody’s help

I try to learn something new everyday ~ if I can

I live my life to the fullest ~ the best I can

I don’t like to live with regrets ~ yet I regret a lot

I have my good and bad days ~ mostly bad

I fight with everybody ~ even if they don’t deserve it

Some people don’t like my attitude ~ to well

I refuse to waste my time with those who look down on me

I have a ***** mind ~ what teenager doesn’t?

I have my friends ~ if you don’t like them to bad

Don’t ask me to change ~ because I won’t

Take me or leave me ~ this is the way I am
509 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Tabitha Sullivan Jan 2015
It'll be over soon
That's what they all try to say
Once he's put away it'll be over
No it won't be.
It will never be over..
I will still cope with this
He will still be the reason
For this endless insomnia
For the realest nightmares
For the way I cringe when touched
He took my normal from me
But yea..sure...
Once he's in jail it'll be over..
504 · Dec 2012
Boys! Excuses!
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Boys! Excuses!

I’m totally sick of the

“Lets be friends” or “It’s not you it’s me”

EXCUSES!

*******!

Boys….MAN THE **** UP

You need to realize what you have right in front of you

Because one of these **** days

I’m gonna get sick of standing here

Waiting for you to open your eyes

I’m just going to end up walking away!!!
492 · Sep 2013
This is my life
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
When I look out my window

All I see is the sun dwindle

Life my life it’s passing by

It doesn’t stop to say goodbye

Even when I close my eyes

I still feel time flying by

I want to stop it in its tracks

But my life is like a fast moving train

Where most things are done in vain

I know this doesn’t make much sense

But that’s because it will be past tense

Tomorrow when I look out my window

I won’t see the sun dwindle

I will see the moon shine bright

Because it will be the dead of night
490 · Feb 2015
Darkness within
Tabitha Sullivan Feb 2015
Here I go again
Listening to the rain fall
Spiraling into my own mind
Reaching past my sanity
Drawing out the darkness
Basking in it as if it were light
My past looks like a crime scene
Too much bloodshed and anger
With a suspect who shows no remorse
I hide behind that pretty little smile
Running on that gleam iny eyes
I pull on those clothes to hide my scars
Uh oh I see that, yes that right there
You are looking at me like a wounded puppy
As if I'm merely a broken doll
Sorry to disappoint you hunnie.
I will not be tamed nor shall you repair me
You can climb over all the walls you want
My heart is a dead end maze
It doesn't not make a path to the center
Just winds you around until you're lost too
Please don't come any closer
I will reach out to help you but I'll still fall
I'll pull you back onto the sandy shore
While I drown beneath it all
It is okay my dear do not cry for
You can still find mr past my sanity
There I have the release I crave most
Knowing here not even I can hurt myself
Nor can I bring harm to those I love
So here I go once again
As the thunder rolls in and the lights dim
I'm basking in the brightest darkness
The darkness from within
490 · Sep 2013
No More Mistakes
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
NOTE: I did not write this recently. I am not in danger of hurting myself.

Jump off a bridge

End my life

Save myself

From all these fights

Take a gun

Pull it out

Never even make a shout

Pop some pills

Fall asleep

Never awake

No….

No more…

No more mistakes…
487 · Sep 2013
Understanding
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
sometimes its hard

sometimes its easy

it doesn’t matter

i’ll always understand

one way or another

my mind is open

I don’t judge

I just help

I understand

I involve myself

I stay

I don’t run

I don’t hide

I don’t push you away

I understand

I pull you close
484 · Dec 2012
Kasha
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Kasha

Beautiful nine year old

Seemingly unaware

Of this big harsh world

I admire your courage

Watching you stand out

Refusing to blend in with the crowd

Not caring what others think

No matter what they say

Just doing your own little thing

I wish I could protect you

From the pains of growing up

At the same time I back away

Knowing my selfish actions

Hurt you more then anything

Kasha,

I wish the best for you

I know I’m not the sister you want

Or the sister you deserve

Just remember one thing

You’re part of the reason

I want to change

To become the sister you want me to be

I love you Kasha
481 · Dec 2014
Hello Dommy
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2014
September 26th, 2013 was the last time I heard your voice
Looking back now if I could have held onto the sound I would've
Everyday since then I've mourned for you as if you have died
In my heart it feels like you have and to be honest I've wished it that way
At least then I'd have a headstone to cry over, ashes to spread
Then at least I'd have natural causes or a person to blame
Instead the blames fall in my hands, the heaviest weight in the world
I have wished so many times for you to be home safe with us
That I swear if you look hard enough you can see it written in the fog
Clear as the light that shines upon me from the full moon in the sky
I remember the pain exploding in my chest as I realized I lost you
I lost the battle against everything I was trying to save you from
As your friend, sister, protector, guidance I had failed you
For months I obsessed over the dream of hearing you again
Until enough days had passed that it was just a whisper in my thoughts
When the summer wind turned to chilly autumn rain
I woke up on my front porch fresh tears on my cheeks
The step beside warm where you had been sitting
Reassuring me that it wasn't my fault, kissing my forehead
Preaching my own words to me and getting through to me
Finally I found hope again within myself
November 6th, 2014
It's an ordinary morning crawling slowly by
My life is in an uproar of chaos I can not control
Then I'm staring at my phone reading your words
Shaking my head wondering if this is another dream
Calling your brother until he picks up and crying until I can't breathe
Telling him he has to get online, he can't waste any time
That his brother is online and doing so well.
Hello Dommy,
How I've missed you these past few hundred days.
This a squeal poem to the one titled "Dommy"
475 · Sep 2013
Your words
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Your words cut deeper than my knife

Those five hate filled words

“I really couldn’t care less”

Made it one of the worst days of my life

No emotion in your eyes

I softly whisper my goodbyes

Nothing in this universe could make me more depressed

I’ve lost my BEST friend in the world

Now I just watch from afar

The whole sky opens like a tightly sealed jar

Pouring rain, bringing more pain.
471 · Dec 2012
Lonely Blue Line
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
It was hard to see

That one lonely

Blue line

Slide it’s way

Across the screen

Crushing my dream

Of us being a family

I swallow my sorrows

Wipe away my tears

I tell you it’s negative

Just like you want it to be

I see your own tears form

I regret my words

I know a baby

Would have meant the world

I’m sorry I couldn’t

Give you a baby right now

We’ll try again

When we’re older

Maybe then

Two perfect lines

Will blend together

Tell us that

I’m going to finally

Be a mother

That you

Are going to be

An amazing father

I love you

Forever and ever
Tabitha Sullivan Jan 2015
If my heart wrote you a letter it might go a little like this.
Dear Scotty,
I would like to take a moment and thankful for being so graceful. You slid gently into my life, somebody new who just floated past. Its a one in a million chance that it we came out of it. I've spent years building up walls to keep myself from getting hurt. Relationships had become nothing to me. Meaningless labels that just held no emotion for me. So I'm sorry ahead of time if I stumble through this falling in love stuff. Its new to me and I'm trying not to step on my own land mines. I also want to thank you for making me smile. Every time you make me smile I see life a little brighter. I have hope for the future again and while I'm scared I'm also excited.
I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I might even skip a beat
~The heart you hold in your hand
462 · Jul 2014
I'd fold the Earth for you
Tabitha Sullivan Jul 2014
Babe I'd fold the Earth for you
Walk across the creases into your arms
Stand in front of you and say hello

Babe I'd swim oceans for you
Dry off in the presence of your love
Bathe in the warmth of your touch

Babe I'd cross universes for you
Until I found our perfect galaxy
Filled with stars shining just for us

Babe I'd fight fate for you
Tell her where to stick it
Destiny is what we make of it

Babe in the end it won't matter
If your oceans, galaxies or worlds away
Somewhere in the middle is a life for us
I intend to find it and stay there forever

So let me fold the earth, swim the oceans and cross the universe as long as your on the other side I'll go as far as it takes.
446 · Dec 2012
Happy Poem
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Happy Poem

I never thought I’d write a happy poem

Yet, here I am writing away

Today is the day I say what I need to say

Life is finally better

No more cuts or bruises

Just sparkle and shimmer

The smile on my face is real

Not fake like it used to be

I’ve grown up a lot

Changed myself

Figured out what I want from life

Reached inside myself

Searching for the answers

To life’s hidden questions

I found the girl I used to be

She never left at all

Always been a part of me

Just concealed behind

What I had become
444 · Dec 2012
Following her
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Following Her

I’ve lost my way

Taken the wrong path

Following my mothers footsteps

Not willing to look back

Faith was left behind

A long time ago

Nothing the bible says

Can ever help me through

People I love slowly go away

Like puddles left over from a rainy day

Words fall flat against my ears

My own heart twisted with fear
443 · Dec 2012
24 hours
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
24 Hours

Keep it locked away

Nobody can come inside

Don’t let them see your pain

Push your fears aside

Smile like your happy

Laugh like your not silently cracking

Make it through just one more day

It’s only 24 more hours

Locked inside your head

Living this life in complete misery

Every moment filled with dread.
441 · Sep 2013
Push me away
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
You can only push me away for so long

Before I walk out of your life on my own

I know I sound like a hypocrite

I’m not one to scold people for pushing others away

I do it all the time

Except I have my personal reason for it.

So be careful…

Make sure this is what you want

Because once I’m out of your life…

It’s very unlikely that I’ll be coming back.
441 · Sep 2013
Promise me
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Please just do me a favor, promise me!

Promise that you’ll never forget me.

That I changed you somehow.

Let me know,

That I had somewhat of an impact on your life

Please promise that you’ll always remember me

Losing our friendship was hard enough

I don’t want to go on knowing that I meant next to nothing to you

That I was just one of those friends

Who passes you by

Nothing left to say

Promise me you’ll remember me, good and bad
440 · Dec 2012
Alone
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Alone

Sitting Alone in a room

Nobody to sit beside me

Words escape from my cracked lips

Fresh salty tears slip from my swollen eyes

I wipe my face and wonder once again

When did my life get like this?
438 · Jan 2015
falling for you
Tabitha Sullivan Jan 2015
When I first watched you come down those stairs I thought man what sadness hides behind those beautiful eyes and when you spoke I heard the loneliness behind each syllable. For the rest of the night we drank up and smoked up until we laughed at dawn. I fell asleep in your arms and your breathing refused to settle until you held my hand. Now we keep seeing each other and making things better. Now I can't get you out of my head now I can't fall asleep without seeing your smiling face behind my fluttering lids.
428 · Nov 2014
Unsobered
Tabitha Sullivan Nov 2014
Its funny that up until this very moment I was too sober to focus on my emotions.

Up until this very moment I didn't realize that I resemble falling snow, my current emotions resemble to ache in your side after trembling for too long.

Up until this very moment I was too afraid to admit that I'm only with the man of my dreams because I have faith that one day we will together feel the love we felt so long ago... ****.. I'm high...
426 · Sep 2013
Worth it
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Would it be worth it

To lose my family

The guy who says I’m his world

Daily hugs and smiles

Being told I’m amazing

All for the long wait

To truly be with you?

It would be 364 days until

My first true hug from you

Or five days until I’m in his arms again

I realize it’s not worth it

I love being somebody’s world

I rely on those daily hugs and smiles

I don’t need to wait to be with him

I don’t WANT to wait

I have what I need now

Why throw it all away?

*written for k.d.s
425 · Dec 2012
Changed (written in 2009)
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Changed

Over the past year a lot has happened

That one person I thought would never let me down, did.

I went from skipping to class with my friends, to skipping class

I’ve burned bridges without a care in the world

Used my anger as a mask to everything else

I turned away from the people who loved me

Fallen in love with the wrong people

Taken all the wrong paths

Spoken words I can’t take back

Ruined the one friendship that meant everything to me

Bottled up as much drama as I could

Watched as the people closet to me drifted away

Half-listened to the words they said

Begging me to change

Now I’m stuck in a world that hates me

I can no longer feel pain

Death doesn’t scare me

Being alone is no longer my biggest fear

But my biggest wish

Knives threaten my life each night

Friends barely keep me alive

I cry until my red eyes close.
422 · Dec 2012
Little Baby Jane
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Little Baby Jane

Showered with love

Brought up with grace

Yet, something was missing

Like a picture without a face

This baby of my past I can not see

I don’t understand how that baby was me

Lost in thought

With little memories of my pain

So I call this sweet child little baby Jane

I lie awake at night With tears in my eyes

Wondering how her mother, my mother, could go on

When her baby would grow up wishing it was lies

How could she run from place to place

While her little Tabbycat continued her chase

Looking for her mother Hoping she’s changed

No longer a druggie, finally saved

Until then,

Little Jane will hide away

Her mother, my mother, still missing

Her past, my past, still unclear

Living each day with a strange sense of fear.
410 · Sep 2013
So low
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
People think so **** low of me

Yet, expect so much

With nothing to give in return

But more lies and remorse

It dims the light inside me

Causes my inner flame to fade away

I need to know I’m valued

Not just caught in the middle

Of this hell hole we call life

I need somebody to comfort me

That person I can call late at night
405 · Sep 2013
No Light
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
I’m tired of being the reason

For everyone else end of this pitch bl’s sorrows

Lying down at night with the stars up high

I find it hard to close my eyes and sleep

When I know there’s no light

At the end of this pitch black tunnel

It’s as if somebody has taken away my sight

Locked deep inside this darkness

While I’m waiting for hope and forgiveness

What’s happened to me?

To my life?
402 · Dec 2012
Pat
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
Pat
the silence between us is eerie

i want to ask do you hate me

the thought is fleeting

tires crunching as the hardened snow

flies beneath the wheels

turn up the music louder

for the silence is deafining

you take a wrong turn

makes the ride longer

you sing part of the song that’s playing

makes me smile

you’re my daddy

and i don’t want you to be mad

but i know i moved out

and it’s time to move on

I’m no longer daddy’s little girl

I’m daddy’s biggest mistake

The one who ****** up

The one who hurt him

Why should he love me

When he’s got a perfect one

Sitting at home

Doing chores

Doing her homework

Being nice

Being an angel

While he drives home

the oldest

the devil…
397 · Sep 2013
When do I give up?
Tabitha Sullivan Sep 2013
Do I give up when

When my room is my only safe spot?

When that last friend turns and walks away?

When my eyes can’t see past the wall of tears?

When I just can’t feel anymore?

When I’m only laughing because I’m finally dying?

When no light shines into my life?

Somebody…Please tell me when I’m supposed to give up
Tabitha Sullivan Dec 2012
I tell everybody I don’t care, that I’ve moved on
I’m fine on my own.
Does anybody stop to think?
Maybe it’s not just them I have to convince?
I also have to try and convince myself.
Life’s just so hard without my best friend right now!
So please come home, save me from this pain
I’m just falling through the air
I already know nobody’s there to catch me at the bottom
Yet, I can’t help but hope that you’ll catch me somehow.
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