Everyone says to write about what I know
So I am writing about us
I am writing about bloodstains on the back of my shirt from when you slit your wrists and held me when I shook
I am writing about how you softened when I cried, even when you were high
I am writing about how it felt to put my hand on your knee in the middle of June
I am writing about when your pupils were as big as saucers and I had to help you to your room
I am writing about the sickness that robbed us of our youth
I am writing about how at peace I felt with the world when you looked at me with that smile
I am writing about how I fell in love with you again every time you put your head on my shoulder
I am writing about how you broke my heart every time you put your head on my shoulder
I am writing about love that didn’t quiver when you raised your voice
I am writing about how every fiber of my being ached for you to be well
I am writing about addiction in the passenger seat
About watching you push down the pedal as hard as you could
And knowing as you lost complete control
That I was always going to be there too

i don't understand myself
i don't know why i let you into my life
when you are so content with just drifting away
and you say that you were stupid
and that you would take it back if you could
but i am not the sand between your toes
i am the entire ******* beach
i am the feeling you get when you miss a step at the bottom of the stairs
i am God herself, extracting every single statement from your lips and it is
Intentional
foretelling every move you make, every compliment you give and it is
Purposeful
i know what the inside of your skull looks like and it is
Vulnerable
so don't
mess with God
and especially not
girl

Tender as the day too young then gone
too young to grasp and seize it rightfully strong
dumbstruck youth to sigh anon
blown by in a season young then lost
the venereous cries
of love now  gone.