There’s a moment of bliss
Just a moment of bliss
Where I don’t remember all this
Why can’t it last
Instead my head fills up fast
I remember that I no longer feel secure
That I no longer feel loved
That I don’t know this person beside me
That I’m only part of one of his lives
Not important enough to be a whole part
But a small part.
These thoughts wake me up
I might aswell give up
Im trying to see through
But I just don’t have a clue

You ask me to explain
Why I don’t seem the same
I don’t know any more  
But my feet don’t feel on the floor
I’m floating off to sea
Anchor me.
Pull me free from this sea
This isn’t how I want to be
I want to be free from being me
But close to you, Not
Floating like a boat
Trying to stay afloat
Pull me into shore
Let me reach the beach
You holding my hand
My feet sinking into the sand.

I want to be a bear in a cave
Not for long
Just til I get strong

I want to lick my wounds
No big deal
Its just until I heal

I want to be left alone
Please don’t moan
I will come home

Just leave me in my cave
Let me be alone to feel
Everything I need to heal
It won’t be long
Until I get strong
and
When the time is right
I will come out

I try and get as high as a kite
So I don’t remember the night.
But it’s not working
all my thoughts are lurking
Taking over in the night
And I’m waking in a fright
This isn’t a laugh
Blood in the bath
Why can’t I dream of
Sun on my face with
You in an embrace
Instead I’m lost at a cost
Days go astray and
Frights take over the nights

I didn’t think you were capable of any of this
And now I know you are capable of all of this

A dark mood, like a web
Suffocating the light
Sinking claws, sharp and tight
Tangled waves of dark and light,
Both trying to win the fight.

This is to my younger self,
To the self that felt helpless
Felt like there was no hope.
There is hope and I am proof.
Proof that you are stronger than you think
That you are not alone
And you can get through.
To the self that saw no way out
Considered an end not a start to a journey.
To the girl who asked “why me?” Every day.
That feeling does go away.
To the girl who felt so alone
In a spider web of emotions.
You are not alone
To the girl who felt powerless
And now feels powerful
to have survived what no one deserves.
It was not your fault.
It was wrong
You are not wrong
What happened was wrong
You are not broken
Don’t give him anymore power than he already took.
Fight and you will win
You are strong
You are more powerful than him
You survived despite what he took
And that takes more than luck!

There is nothing I can do,
This is all on you.
You could have made this work
But you chose to be a ****.
To walk away
No care of what I have to say
You can't love enough,
You leave the moment things get tough.
Three times you walk
All I needed was for you to talk.
I think that's enough
To show you don't give a stuff!

Life may drain from my face
But It’s not that I’m dead
I just go into my head.
When you ask me if I’m ok
I try to relay these thoughts to you
But as I do they go astray.
and fade away.
I just don’t know what to say.
Apart from No I don’t think I’m ok
But don’t know what else I can say.

I miss the trust I had for you
I miss living with no doubt
Now Theres nothing but doubt
As I try to work it all out
I miss seeing our future so clearly
And now it’s nothing but blurry
I miss feeling safe
But This is what I have to face
As you knocked us out of place

There is no explanation
I just did what I did.
Parties and drink
No time to think
Drown it with ***
I'm out to have fun
Chat to mates
Yeah this is fate!
**** it all up
Until she chucks you up

I wish I could have stopped you
Making this mistake
But now it’s too late
And this is our fate
All I can do it wait
And
Only Time will tell
If we can get through this hell

When I look at you
I think how much I love you
When I look at you
I think how lucky I am to love you
When I look at you
My mind and my body starts to melt
As it tries to hold all it’s felt
When I look at you
Just look at you
I turn to goo

I don’t believe in an eye for an eye
Hate breeds hatred
Love breeds love
I know which one I’d prefer to grow
Fight with love
Not with hate
I know which one I’d prefer to know.
Show me who you are
Otherwise we won’t go far

I position myself here
Between you and fear
The middle ground
This is where I can be found
Every time I get to close to you
I’m reminded of reasons to be in fear
Reasons To stay clear
Every time I turn to run
your eyes bring me back to you
The honesty I crave make it so hard to turn away.
The middle ground is where I must
Stay
How long must I lay
Eyes looking both way
How long do I stay,
Here
On this middle ground

History repeats.
Why can’t you see?
When It’s so obvious to me.
Anxiety churns in your gut
So you fill up a cup and drink it all up.
History repeating
Why can’t you just see
When it’s so obvious to me.

You will **** yourself.
You will make yourself ill.
Be done with this curse
I really don’t get it
You are a nurse.
Why you can’t see?
What is so obvious to me
History repeating.
You just can’t see what
Is so obvious to me.

Love comes your way,
Why would you want to throw this away?
Both of you should want to stay.
Not destroy your body with boxes of wine
and pretend everything is just fine.
History is repeating
Why cant you see
when it’s so **** obvious to me.

I can see the future.
It’s really not pretty
and that’s such a pity,
That you both can’t see,
What you’re doing to you
and to me.
Please change your fate
Before it becomes too late

I just can’t get out my head
How you took her to bed
You say you were easily lead
But it was you that chose to get into bed
It was you that Packed your bag and left
Left me crying in the bath
While you went out to have a laugh
Plans of roasts, walks along the coast
I heard you said all the right things
What are these things you said
To try and get her to bed with
Aims of a kiss followed by bliss
How did I miss all this?

I am me
if you can't except it
please leave me be

I can't read your silences
I can only fill them in
The blank space, an empty canvas
For my mind to colour in
With all the shades of black and grey
I paint a picture of all the reasons you stay away
With all the darkness I can dream
I fill in all the spaces In between

People change
Start off nice
It’s happened to me
more than twice

The halo slips
I’m hoping it’s just a blip
But it slips some more
And ends up on the floor

Promises broke
This has to be a joke!
silence and lies
without any goodbyes

There’s never any Karma
in all this drama
People change
Start off nice
But it’s always me
That pays the price

I hope you are different
I can’t make that mistake again

This is not a relationship
It was only an illusion
A complete delusion
And now all that’s left is
Confusion

I am proud to be your daughter
I’ve watched you rise through the snow
And grow and grow and grow

From seed to tree, it was great to see
How us three because strong
Even when things went wrong

Without you we would not stand this tall
The roots you gave us are what saved us

I love you mum

I wanted to be part of your life
Not hidden away
while you go and play
I shared my life with you
But in return that was denied
And instead you just lied

The intrusion I feel
As you step into my home
Like you’ve stripped me bare
And do nothing but stare
I read your eyes and all the smiles
But I know what you’re thinking
That I’m never good enough
I’m a little too rough.

It’s complicated
And with complicated
Comes complicated answers
And Complicated reasons
Which form complicated solutions
In the form of complicated plans
All of this causes Complicated feelings
with a complicated road to healing
complicated better be worth it dealing
With all these feelings I’m feeling

It is not weak to act with compassion
It’s not weak and understand,
And try and get the upper hand
It’s not weak to live trying to forgive
And It is not always weak to stay,
instead of just walking away
All of this shows strength and
I can hold my head up high
As all I’m ever asking is why
To understand and learn
Instead of just feeling the burn
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt
But that’s no reason to be curt
Compassion is the way through this
And it’s the only way I know
But this is how I Grow and grow and grow

I want to disappear from life and all it's strife
I want to feel nothing
I don't wanna be me anymore
This is not how I hoped things would be
I want to wake up and feel free
But all I wanna do now is flee from being me
One small word or trigger makes for a loud bang
A punch in the face and happiness is drained leaving no trace
I want to feel love and be safe in this place
I don't want to cry, I want my eyes to stay dry without getting high
Nobody can help, there is nothing that can be done
I'm just wired all wrong
I just gotta hope while i sleep my mind is reset
That I wake up tomorrow with a new beat in my step

I'm no ones comfort blanket that can be tossed and lost.
Picked up in the night but dropped by light.
I just want to be treated right.
My heart is sick of all you ****** who think Its ok to pick me up for kicks and licks on lonely nights,
dropped when you're feeling alright.
I just want to be treated right.
I'm left with This spite and want to fight you.
I hate this bitterness you've caused in side me.
My heart has reached a new low,  
a large portion now devoted to caution.
I just wish you could know.

My instinct is to push you away
Your silence causes my mind to stray
Stray from what you say
I try not to get mad or sad
I push you from my mind
And just leave you behind

This little box we carry
Full of family, friends and
Social media trends
Messages, pictures, texts
Everything at your finger tips
With snaps and apps and
Google maps
But sometimes I just want to
Silence the beeps
Ignore all the tweets
And catch up with sleeps
Just be on my own
Not tied to a phone
But we now live in a world
Where you’re not allowed to be alone
And always have to check your phone
Texting back straight away
Because it can’t possibly wait a day
This is what people expect of me
And it’s not how the world used to be.

Lonely is the leaving the radio on
So it doesn’t feel so empty coming home

I think how lucky I am to be able to sit in this space
The sea, the sky, and the wind in my face
How lucky I am to feel the sea at my feet,
the heat of the sun on my skin and the breeze from the sea.
This is the place where I can feel alive and be free.

Take my pills
Make it a habit
Remember to eat
Make it habit
Light the candles
Make it a habit

Do it again
And again
And again

Pills are a tool
Eating is my fuel
Candles burn like
The Fire in my belly  
That can burn out
But I can relight
Every single night

I am only doing what I think is right
Not everything is black and white
And yes it’s true
I may not have a clue
But please let me do
What I need to do
To find my own way through

I walk around a graveyard
Not the one you rest Nichola
But my thoughts are on you and all the other lives too short
The flowers and Christmas tokens, decorating the place of rest of so many loved, touches me
The many forgotten dishevelled tombstones, saddens me
A life lived, lost and forgot
Names and dates are all that remain to mark the place where they are lain.
You will never be forgotten Nichola
You're part of the earth now
The trees that stand so tall and firmly grounded
The flowers in the spring
Part of all new life that will now begin

I have nothing to give
So I keep it all in.
Keep it locked
so no one can get in.
I'm hard to get to know
So nothing will grow.

I want to be a team again,
To dream again.
The future looks bleak
All alone I will be

I am the broken and
No one has a clue what to do.
No one has strong enough glue.
It's not nice what's inside,
Fragments of broken pieces
And nothing besides.

I am nothing now
So insignificant
Something small
To blow away

I’d rather look out my window
at beaches and trees
Than watch men fall to their knees
I’d rather hear waves crashing
Against cliffs
Than hear men using tricks with bricks
To sort out rifts
But this is where I’m living
Men fighting men and
No first aid given
Just dragged across the floor
In an attempt to be hidden
I need to get out of this city
It’s such a pity because
I used to see it as pretty
With dreaming spires
And so much culture
But now all that I see
Is vultures
Making  me want to flee
live by the sea
And finally be free

My patience is large
as large as my heart
And now it’s wearing thin
I try so hard to keep it all in
Until it all starts to spill

People think I'm a loon when I say I want to move to the moon.
I'm just so sick of the political tricks people play to get their own way.
Ashamed of the selfish attitude
that grows and grows
in a place, in the  space
I once wanted to stay
til i am grey.
Now I can't  wait to get away.
The more global we become the less and less we seem to work as we are one.
I feel less troubled in my Cornish bubble
But just because I can't see it doesn't mean there's no trouble.
People think I'm a loon when I say I want to move to the moon.
But that's just how this world makes me feel today, like I want to run away.

To look at the sky is to look at a moment
Look away and turn back and what you see has changed
The slightest change in sunlight
The subtle movement of clouds
The smallest movements can make the biggest difference
A rainbow filling the sky now gone.
A second in time and the sun has shifted, the world has moved on
To look at the sky is to look at a moment
Look away and you miss that moment

Why do people want to watch tv
The world outside is amazing
The sky, the fires we make
The sound of the ocean
The rustle of leaves from the breeze
The birds, the crickets, the splatter of rain
This is what I want to see not sit and watch the bbc

The betrayal is hard to swallow
I feel like a stupid ***** tool
Being so easy to fool
Yet none of these feelings
Are going to help me through
Perspective is the way through this
To remember this is a small part
Of a much much bigger dish
That I can not move forward
While still chewing on doubt
I think it’s time to spit it all out

You smashed it all up
Like you don't give a ****
After I built it back up
No desire to clean up
All the pieces so small
Now I can't collect them all
I have no clue what to do
But sit here again with a **** ton of glue

Santa is fat
And wears a hat
He gets out of bed
And Puts on all red
To deliver the gifts
To which spirits lift
all done by morning
the whole world still snoring
He thinks as he drinks
How lucky he is
That Being Santa is not boring
And how the whole world adores him

As I read your final words
Tears flow down my face
I just hope you’ve made it to a better place
On the way you’ve left a trace
Touched so many lives
You gave me a new drive
New fight, new hope
You told me not to mope
You were right when you
Told me to fight
You broke the spell,
Taught me not to dwell.
You may have gone
But the memories live on
You changed my fate
I wish I’d told you all this
And now it’s too late