Take my pills
Make it a habit
Remember to eat
Make it habit
Light the candles
Make it a habit

Do it again
And again
And again

Pills are a tool
Eating is my fuel
Candles burn like
The Fire in my belly  
That can burn out
But I can relight
Every single night

I want to be a bear in a cave
Not for long
Just til I get strong

I want to lick my wounds
No big deal
Its just until I heal

I want to be left alone
Please don’t moan
I will come home

Just leave me in my cave
Let me be alone to feel
Everything I need to heal
It won’t be long
Until I get strong
and
When the time is right
I will come out

I wish I could have stopped you
Making this mistake
But now it’s too late
And this is our fate
All I can do it wait
And
Only Time will tell
If we can get through this hell

I miss the trust I had for you
I miss living with no doubt
Now Theres nothing but doubt
As I try to work it all out
I miss seeing our future so clearly
And now it’s nothing but blurry
I miss feeling safe
But This is what I have to face
As you knocked us out of place

I didn’t think you were capable of any of this
And now I know you are capable of all of this

I miss the rush of wind on my face
As I’m floating on a boat
In the middle of the sea
This is where I want to be
Looking out to sea
When looking becomes a stare
Wind in my hair
At the top of a cliff
Standing as a close As I dare
Looking out to sea
Wind on my face
Being in the sea
Waves crashing over me
Wind in my face
Looking out to sea
Me, Just being with me

I wish we could start a new
Pretend we haven’t met yet
Start with, how are you?
I wish I could turn the clocks back
Do it all another way
I wish I hadn’t leant on you
With all that weight
You were bound to break
And now you bolt
It’s all my fault
I just wish you would have talked
Before you had walked
Even though I don’t really know
It seems you want me to let you go
I just wish you could tell me so
Face me
Disgrace me
Tell me what you feel
So that both of us can heal

Lonely is the leaving the radio on
So it doesn’t feel so empty coming home

I hate my brain
Especially on days
It causes my eyes to rain
As they release all the pain
Oh I miss the bliss
Of that tender kiss
Stop
Allow no room
For these thoughts
To loom
Stop

My instinct is to push you away
Your silence causes my mind to stray
Stray from what you say
I try not to get mad or sad
I push you from my mind
And just leave you behind

My patience is large
as large as my heart
And now it’s wearing thin
I try so hard to keep it all in
Until it all starts to spill

I’d rather look out my window
at beaches and trees
Than watch men fall to their knees
I’d rather hear waves crashing
Against cliffs
Than hear men using tricks with bricks
To sort out rifts
But this is where I’m living
Men fighting men and
No first aid given
Just dragged across the floor
In an attempt to be hidden
I need to get out of this city
It’s such a pity because
I used to see it as pretty
With dreaming spires
And so much culture
But now all that I see
Is vultures
Making  me want to flee
live by the sea
And finally be free

I am proud to be your daughter
I’ve watched you rise through the snow
And grow and grow and grow

From seed to tree, it was great to see
How us three because strong
Even when things went wrong

Without you we would not stand this tall
The roots you gave us are what saved us

I love you mum

I position myself here
Between you and fear
The middle ground
This is where I can be found
Every time I get to close to you
I’m reminded of reasons to be in fear
Reasons To stay clear
Every time I turn to run
your eyes bring me back to you
The honesty I crave make it so hard to turn away.
The middle ground is where I must
Stay
How long must I lay
Eyes looking both way
How long do I stay,
Here
On this middle ground

It’s complicated
And with complicated
Comes complicated answers
And Complicated reasons
Which form complicated solutions
In the form of complicated plans
All of this causes Complicated feelings
with a complicated road to healing
complicated better be worth it dealing
With all these feelings I’m feeling

This person I knew
Couldn’t do these things
I learnt of you
This person I knew
Wouldn’t do these things
I learnt of you
This person I knew
Wasn’t you
This person she knew
Wasn’t you
And now you are new
Is this you?
Who are you?
I don’t have a clue
I hope this is you
How can you stop
This happening again
When you don’t know
How it began
Why you turned from me
To her without any care
You even cut you hair
All of this isn’t fair
Why didn’t you care?

I just can’t get out my head
How you took her to bed
You say you were easily lead
But it was you that chose to get into bed
It was you that Packed your bag and left
Left me crying in the bath
While you went out to have a laugh
Plans of roasts, walks along the coast
I heard you said all the right things
What are these things you said
To try and get her to bed with
Aims of a kiss followed by bliss
How did I miss all this?

I still can’t get my head around all this

We both were seeing a different man.
She was told she’d always been the “one”
What does that make me a two or maybe three?
Either way he never said that to me.
There was never talk of holiday plans
Marriage or Prams
I’m told the plans were for two
Yet I didn’t have a clue.
All of this he chose to hide
And I was taken for a ride
I still can’t decide what’s right and wrong
But the evidence shows that the feelings were strong.
If she didn’t end it and be so mean
I think he may be just as keen.
Asking to see her more
Sickens me right through the core
I don’t know if I can take any more

It is not weak to act with compassion
It’s not weak and understand,
And try and get the upper hand
It’s not weak to live trying to forgive
And It is not always weak to stay,
instead of just walking away
All of this shows strength and
I can hold my head up high
As all I’m ever asking is why
To understand and learn
Instead of just feeling the burn
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt
But that’s no reason to be curt
Compassion is the way through this
And it’s the only way I know
But this is how I Grow and grow and grow

I am only doing what I think is right
Not everything is black and white
And yes it’s true
I may not have a clue
But please let me do
What I need to do
To find my own way through

This is to my younger self,
To the self that felt helpless
Felt like there was no hope.
There is hope and I am proof.
Proof that you are stronger than you think
That you are not alone
And you can get through.
To the self that saw no way out
Considered an end not a start to a journey.
To the girl who asked “why me?” Every day.
That feeling does go away.
To the girl who felt so alone
In a spider web of emotions.
You are not alone
To the girl who felt powerless
And now feels powerful
to have survived what no one deserves.
It was not your fault.
It was wrong
You are not wrong
What happened was wrong
You are not broken
Don’t give him anymore power than he already took.
Fight and you will win
You are strong
You are more powerful than him
You survived despite what he took
And that takes more than luck!

There is only one of me you see.
One of me but you chose to split yourself In three.
It’s not a third I want to see it’s the whole of you.
The black the white and all the shades of blue.
The whole colour spectrum all the way through
Three of us share your heart none of us good enough to choose
Be careful as in the end it’s only you that will lose.

I don’t believe in an eye for an eye
Hate breeds hatred
Love breeds love
I know which one I’d prefer to grow
Fight with love
Not with hate
I know which one I’d prefer to know.
Show me who you are
Otherwise we won’t go far

I am nothing now
So insignificant
Something small
To blow away

I wanted to be part of your life
Not hidden away
while you go and play
I shared my life with you
But in return that was denied
And instead you just lied

This is not a relationship
It was only an illusion
A complete delusion
And now all that’s left is
Confusion

You split yourself in two
And I didn’t have a clue
I was one and now I’m two
Now I keep a half from you
What you see on the outside
Is not what I’m trying to hide
That’s left eating me up inside

An important friend
So important we’ve never met
What does that make me?

There’s a moment of bliss
Just a moment of bliss
Where I don’t remember all this
Why can’t it last
Instead my head fills up fast
I remember that I no longer feel secure
That I no longer feel loved
That I don’t know this person beside me
That I’m only part of one of his lives
Not important enough to be a whole part
But a small part.
These thoughts wake me up
I might aswell give up
Im trying to see through
But I just don’t have a clue

The betrayal is hard to swallow
I feel like a stupid ***** tool
Being so easy to fool
Yet none of these feelings
Are going to help me through
Perspective is the way through this
To remember this is a small part
Of a much much bigger dish
That I can not move forward
While still chewing on doubt
I think it’s time to spit it all out

This little box we carry
Full of family, friends and
Social media trends
Messages, pictures, texts
Everything at your finger tips
With snaps and apps and
Google maps
But sometimes I just want to
Silence the beeps
Ignore all the tweets
And catch up with sleeps
Just be on my own
Not tied to a phone
But we now live in a world
Where you’re not allowed to be alone
And always have to check your phone
Texting back straight away
Because it can’t possibly wait a day
This is what people expect of me
And it’s not how the world used to be.

As I read your final words
Tears flow down my face
I just hope you’ve made it to a better place
On the way you’ve left a trace
Touched so many lives
You gave me a new drive
New fight, new hope
You told me not to mope
You were right when you
Told me to fight
You broke the spell,
Taught me not to dwell.
You may have gone
But the memories live on
You changed my fate
I wish I’d told you all this
And now it’s too late

You shout about my imperfections
So that all the world can see
I smile and shrug it off,
every ****** week.
Until your words seep through
Just a little too deep

You were asked to end this daily show
Where all the acts are all the same
And nothing will ever grow.
Instead of stopping the hurt
You chose words that are curt
And shouted and swore until the curtains came down
Well at least that’s the end of the show

When I look at you
I think how much I love you
When I look at you
I think how lucky I am to love you
When I look at you
My mind and my body starts to melt
As it tries to hold all it’s felt
When I look at you
Just look at you
I turn to goo

Santa is fat
And wears a hat
He gets out of bed
And Puts on all red
To deliver the gifts
To which spirits lift
all done by morning
the whole world still snoring
He thinks as he drinks
How lucky he is
That Being Santa is not boring
And how the whole world adores him

As I lay with you Jay
The world feels less grey
As we play through the day
And make days go astray
I pray that this is more than a play
With facts not acts and
Bends not ends
And that you’re with me Jay
Until the very last day

You smashed it all up
Like you don't give a ****
After I built it back up
No desire to clean up
All the pieces so small
Now I can't collect them all
I have no clue what to do
But sit here again with a **** ton of glue

I don’t think Santa wants a whiskey or a G and T
Not by the time he gets to me
I think he’d prefer a Tunnocks and a cup of tea.
All night he’s been drinking
So this is what I’m thinking
A coffee perhaps and a little snack
But nothing that will make him too fat.

I try and get as high as a kite
So I don’t remember the night.
But it’s not working
all my thoughts are lurking
Taking over in the night
And I’m waking in a fright
This isn’t a laugh
Blood in the bath
Why can’t I dream of
Sun on my face with
You in an embrace
Instead I’m lost at a cost
Days go astray and
Frights take over the nights

You ask me to explain
Why I don’t seem the same
I don’t know any more  
But my feet don’t feel on the floor
I’m floating off to sea
Anchor me.
Pull me free from this sea
This isn’t how I want to be
I want to be free from being me
But close to you, Not
Floating like a boat
Trying to stay afloat
Pull me into shore
Let me reach the beach
You holding my hand
My feet sinking into the sand.

Your kindness blows me away
I really hope you’re here to stay
Unlike all the rest
You really are the best

I don’t give a ****
If I’ve used all my luck
Because you’re not like all the rest
You really are the best

I love you to bits
And not just for kicks
I try to forget the past
As I don’t have a mask
But you are not like all the rest
You are the very best

I love you and
I will endeavour
to make this
last forever

People change
Start off nice
It’s happened to me
more than twice

The halo slips
I’m hoping it’s just a blip
But it slips some more
And ends up on the floor

Promises broke
This has to be a joke!
silence and lies
without any goodbyes

There’s never any Karma
in all this drama
People change
Start off nice
But it’s always me
That pays the price

I hope you are different
I can’t make that mistake again

Life may drain from my face
But It’s not that I’m dead
I just go into my head.
When you ask me if I’m ok
I try to relay these thoughts to you
But as I do they go astray.
and fade away.
I just don’t know what to say.
Apart from No I don’t think I’m ok
But don’t know what else I can say.

History repeats.
Why can’t you see?
When It’s so obvious to me.
Anxiety churns in your gut
So you fill up a cup and drink it all up.
History repeating
Why can’t you just see
When it’s so obvious to me.

You will **** yourself.
You will make yourself ill.
Be done with this curse
I really don’t get it
You are a nurse.
Why you can’t see?
What is so obvious to me
History repeating.
You just can’t see what
Is so obvious to me.

Love comes your way,
Why would you want to throw this away?
Both of you should want to stay.
Not destroy your body with boxes of wine
and pretend everything is just fine.
History is repeating
Why cant you see
when it’s so **** obvious to me.

I can see the future.
It’s really not pretty
and that’s such a pity,
That you both can’t see,
What you’re doing to you
and to me.
Please change your fate
Before it becomes too late