That time of year again,
When the grass bares a light crisp,
The trees stand barren,
Air into sweet smelling whisps,
Of a season so fragile,
It comes and it goes,
With birds flying south,
Families coming home,
It's that time of year again,
Time to go home.

I'm gone.

And if I'm not,
Then I'm slowly fading,
Erased from thought,
My mind degrading,
Memories on fire,
Existence blazing,
But through the fire,
I stand there gazing.

But...

I'm lost.

Because if I wasn't,
Then I would be found,
Raised from the ashes,
Like a phoenix heavenbound,
So I'll face the thrashes,
Of anxiety leaving my mind,
I am forever now ashes,
Of a phoenix,
That fell to the ground.

The struggle, the pain
The fear inside,
Is breaking me, changing me, filling my head with lies,
But you don’t see it. You don’t see the flame, the fight, the tears in my eyes,
They tell me I’m wrong,
And I break down and cry,
But why?

Why don’t you see my thoughts, the worries, when I walk out the door,
To go out in public,
To this judge mental world,
As only a kid,
With these feelings and scorns,

But this is me, a human,
What happened to “equal?”
Just cause I’m different, doesn’t mean that I’m evil.
But Maybe it’s you,
Your the problem, the pain,
The reason I hide,
The voice in my head,
Telling me to disguise,

But why does it matter?
Respect is respect,
It doesn’t need a social latter,
So stop worrying about who I am,
And worry about who you are,
Because United we stand,
And stand, we will, forever.

I wear the mask that shades and hides,
All the pent up tears inside,
It causes pain when I have to lie,
When people ask me, I say, I'm fine.

I have the eyes that see the demise,
Of the people who will never realize,
How words cut and jab like knives,
Bruising and clawing me up inside.

"I'm okay," says the teenager with hair covering her face to hide the tears.
"I had a good day," says the tired single dad to his daughters with a big smile.
"I ate today," says the boy with his ribs showing through thin long sleeve.
"I look good," says the man in heels too self conscious wear them in public.
"I'm not scared," says the young girl with anxiety on her first day of school.

If you could see what's on the other side of the mental mountain your climbing, would you make it over? Even if it's heartbreak, or the lottery, if you had the option to see what lyes before you, would you look? Or would you let the anticipation of "what if" drag you to the other side? Or would you terry along the mountain, knowing not what lyes before you, dreading what's to come, or having the knowledge of what's on the other side?