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Jan 29 · 127
Wishing Well
Jen Jan 29
She took off through the forest
Held on to the tail of a falling star-
If you listen closely,
You can still hear her echo from afar
From the bottom
Of the wishing well

She held on to this star for some time,
It led her down a path divine
What she did see on this journey
Could not be defined,
Every shape and color bending
With time, collapsed in space
Moving fast as light

Heavenly bodies soon turned
To dust,
There was the well
Once she reached the end

She simply looked in and said,
"I wish to be enough."
This poem can have multiple meanings depending on the perspective of the reader.  When writing it, I was thinking about how I've always wanted to be good enough in myself for someone...just my soul in its simplest form, accepted & understood without having to explain...lost in this dream.
Jan 6 · 187
You are my home
Jen Jan 6
You are my home,
Deep in my heart
Anywhere we are
Is where
I want to stay

I'm more fragile
Than ever,
Never have felt
This way
Hard to explain

Breathing air
Into these lungs
Makes me think
Of how you
Make my life
Always want
You to be happy

Waking up
In the night
This thought
Crosses my mind
You are my life
Can't think about
Living it without

You are my home
Took a little break from HP...rolling in the deep, was pulled out from underneath introspect
Aug 2019 · 258
Jen Aug 2019
You want a piece of this darkness,
It's yours,
You want to be set free,
To let it be,
Centrifuge, holding force
Strength come back,
Wrap around,
Unexplained universes
Fall into the arms of time,
Take hold,
Break through,
Light specks above the cold
Leave behind their traces,
Golden sky explodes,
You want a piece of this shine,
Let it glow
Not on here as much anymore...taking some time to heal my heart and find myself lately, hoping to find some new creativity soon.
Jul 2019 · 191
Lays at Rest
Jen Jul 2019
This feeling settles in,
Making itself at home

It's so unsure,
It asks,
"What were you searching for?"
"Never mind, you can't go back..."

You'll never find it,
You'll never know it,
The cycle seems to keep on spinning...

There is something you have though,
It can't be taken,
It's yours alone,
But no matter how hard I try,
It feels like a part of me has died...

Maybe one day,
It will all make sense,
Maybe one day,
It won't.

Right now it lays at rest,
Sometimes it pours out
For now,
I let it lie down.

It hides in the form of
Sleep and regrets,
It lies.

I am only human,
You encouraged
Me to feel vulnerable,
And I gave in
Like a child to the swing,
Blindly following.
Jul 2019 · 206
So Love Yourself
Jen Jul 2019
You can't always
Know another's heart,
So love yourself
Glimpses of pure warmth
Erode the gravel buried
Deep within an inner shell
So love yourself,
What is it you'll
Gain to keep playing those games,
Nothing in the end,
So love yourself,
Happy memories are made
With those that are close to you
Laughter, hugs, and taking in the view
The sheep hide in the clothing of wolves,
Until the coats are removed,
They hide
They hide
In the daylight
In the nighttime
They hide
They hide
There is nowhere to…
Glimpses of city lights over water at night
This is the best view and brings a sense
Of coming home to arms unfolding to
Welcome you back and say goodnight
You can't always
Know another's heart,
So love yourself
Jul 2019 · 259
This Story
Jen Jul 2019
So many pages
In this story
A soft wind
Blows in the window
It whispers,
"Was never meant to be."
"Leave it alone..."
Time to heal, again
To wait and see,
Hope for better memories
Licking my wounds
Picking myself up
Heart hurt but not dead
It deserves love
Time to keep turning
To the next pages
And move forward
In this story
Called life
Long story short... just returned from a trip to meet a person for the first time that I was talking to and thought might be my future husband who lives 3,100 miles away.  We met, were not compatible in real life...very complicated but it was very different than our long distance communications/phone calls.  I spent the majority of my time alone on the trip...If I ever meet someone far away again, he will definitely have to fly to me first.  Such is life. I've never been happier to see my cats.

I watched "The Greatest Showman" on the airplane home.  This song has been haunting me constantly...even had my own little solo session in my apartment. :-)
Jul 2019 · 178
See You Soon
Jen Jul 2019
See you soon,
You want to know
How I dream of us,
I want to see,
What will be of us,
More than coincidental,
This meeting,
Brush of fate,
You walk in,
I do too,
I want to know
How our story
See you soon.

Note: So I'm in a LDR (Long distance relationship... he lives about 3,100 miles away), and in the very near future we will meet.  The very near future... I am putting everything on the line, all my trust, all my heart...our tickets are booked. Nothing to lose now... this video represents how he makes me feel inside. I stumbled upon it the other day, and I was mesmerized.
Jul 2019 · 268
Jen Jul 2019
Rhetoric streams from a soul
Burdened on the sidewalk,
Words bounce through the sky,
We pass him by,
Just stare,
Words fly up in the air,
But where do they go?
Just passing through,
To him they mean something,
To those of us that pass,
It’s all rhetorical phrases,
Puzzle pieces of a life
Not known by many...
By himself, does he know
What he is trying to say?
Passing him on the streets,
We stare blankly,
As this man stumbles,
Clothes ***** and voice
Broken and burdened,
A lone dialectical dance
In the heat of a summer day,
Releasing his verbs,
“What is he trying to say?”
We pass him by.
We live our lives.
We all have our stories.
Jul 2019 · 245
Jen Jul 2019
Somberly glanced to the ceiling,
I knew it when I heard the ringing,
       I'd be there dancing and singing,
Couldn't hide from the irradiation that saturated with all its might,
It seeped in unsuspected,
Grim to bright,
Forced beams in when all I wanted was the--
Dim inside,
Glared through blinds--had to adjust my eyes,
The sun was so harsh when I got the news tonight,
Always up, no one can always stay "up."
Life will sometimes let you down,
And that's just what it is,
Nightfall to sun-up,
Some things are
Beyond our control.

One of those days where it was going great until something came up that really got me down...I sometimes go to music for release, used to sing.  Tonight I played this video too many times and sang and danced along.
Jun 2019 · 283
Summer Rain
Jen Jun 2019
Forest stream,
Peaceful, serene
Trickling beautifully
A song,
In nature's arms
They warm the callus
Wearing on the soul,
Calm the constant
Inner struggle,
This human pain,
Cleansing everything
In summer rain,
Lost in it for just a little while,
Forgetting yesterday,
The present day erases
It all away
Jun 2019 · 565
Matters Most
Jen Jun 2019
What matters most
Holds no value
On this earth
Loving words
Let go of material things
They've got no true meaning
In the end
We all serve our "purpose"
In worldly terms,
It shouldn't
Consume our souls,
Will we ever
Truly know it-
To love
To smile
To laugh
To feel
To cry
To hold
To know
That we held on to something real
While we were here
Jun 2019 · 233
Rainy Days
Jen Jun 2019
No fun to drink alone
Wine glass
Hold the phone
Memories to be created
No fun to eat alone
Making an amazing dish
Of honeyed fish
Walking to pancakes
Hand n' hand
A storm, ready to land
Staring into those eyes
They change color
From time to time
Holding you close
Never know when
We'll get this day again
Rainy days are the best
Because there's
A safe place to go
And find shelter
From the storm
Rainy days are the best
Arms that hold
And dreams that unfold
Everyday in our minds
Jun 2019 · 85
Short Time
Jen Jun 2019
Hold your breath,
It's this death
That has taunted
For so long,
Haunted here
More than twice,
Take your breath
Into these lungs,
Heart meant
To feel something real...
Eyes used to see...
What is there,
And where is
This figment
For just
A short time?
For just a short time,
Catch your breath,
Touch and face
Visiting for just a short time,
We all eventually
Fade like waves into sand
Jun 2019 · 106
As One
Jen Jun 2019
Keep it safe,
Hold it forever,
Never let it go,
Keep it whole,
Not to break again
In this lifetime,
So full of hope,
You'd hold my hand
Close to your heart,
I believe your words
Are true,
Hand on your chest,
Smiling sweetly,
Two hearts
Beat as one.
Jun 2019 · 197
Breaking the Still
Jen Jun 2019
Never try to plan
Your life out,
Because without
A doubt,
a wrench will
Be thrown in,
A heavy one,
Not always
Necessarily bad,
But a test of sorts
Brought about
By fate,
To see how you
Which way you
Will go,
Just when you
Think your life
Is set in stone,
A wave rolls
In to break
The still,
It's love
That breaks
The still,
To risk it
All following
Your heart,
Or to stay
And never
At all.
Jun 2019 · 161
Jen Jun 2019
Tears fall,
All these dots
In the "dot" book,
Like a game...
There once was a child,
With pencil in hand,
Drawing constellations,
Little lines came together,
Tool in hand,
The creator of the universe
Was born
Jun 2019 · 96
Dividing the Sea
Jen Jun 2019
Unpredictable this life is, so
Unpredictable just like
The winter snow,
The force of
A Summer Storm,
Coming in fast,
Keeping us guessing,
Your love burns across
The dawn to find me lost
And I don't have control,
Of this,
Of everything,
And your heart seems
To call me from
A place so familiar,
And just when I thought
I knew where
I was meant
To be,
You came along,
Dividing the sea.
Jun 2019 · 818
Jen Jun 2019
Caught a falling star,
It fell so far,
Landed where
It was called,
Lighting up
Dark skies
Colors collided
Far and wide
Across the sky,
They forever
Held the pieces
They only traced
The corners
Of my mind,
The ones you
Can't find,
Back to thoughts,
Not concluded,
Shined so bright
Never turned
Out the light,
Burned down,
The way back
To a place
Where a
Was found.
Jun 2019 · 246
Get It
Jen Jun 2019
You never
Read it,
Couldn't believe
Said you'd never
Even read it.
Another said
He didn't know
How to react
To another
Artist type,
I'd get quiet,
Sun shining,
Lost in my
Couldn't get it,
Didn't understand
Does anyone
Get it.
Jun 2019 · 155
Jen Jun 2019
I see your shadow,
It passes by
How to be
You just create
The image,
I'll bring the time,
It's an idea
We create,
Who are we
In the mess
This life,
We hide,
I could hold
This thought,
Here in my
We could
Create this
It's not
It's just lost
In the middle
I see your shadow
May 2019 · 261
The Fire
Jen May 2019
All or nothing
Just want something
That doesn't go away
Craving realness
Like an addict
Mouth on fire
Only all I want
Is something true

Wish I could be
An addict to you
If only, I knew you…

Sinking deeper,
Blue haze
In a dark pool
Flames washed away

Craving realness
Like an addict
With desire
Mouth on fire
Flames washed
Here in the abyss
Swallowed up
By thoughts
Lost in my mind
May 2019 · 278
It Beats
Jen May 2019
It beats
Keeps life
Alive inside,
This heart,
I'm just trying
To get
Back to
It beats
Alive inside,
I'm just trying
To get back to
It beats
Alive inside,
I'm just trying,
It beats
Was singing when writing this as if song lyrics...just seemed to happen.
May 2019 · 186
Life Itself
Jen May 2019
Simple Life
Is what I live
No need to impress
Taking joy in this
It's freeing
Like birds flying
Butterfly landing
Rain falling
Ocean calling
Sand between toes
Sun's warming
Eyes opening
Each day
Beautiful music
Waves racing
Hot tea and writing
Resting as day
Is ******* to dark
Waking to a new day
To realize
The gift is life itself
Restarting with each new breath.
May 2019 · 220
Break the Chain
Jen May 2019
Questioning everything,
Events coincidental or something more,
Putting thoughts in my head,
And here I am the willing puppet;
Eating crumbs off the floor, Led
To the gingerbread house where
I can foresee a fate unknown and
Forest of tangled trees unending,
Silent chords follow patterned ringing,
Day after day a new situation

Only I can break the chain,
Before my heart stops beating,
The only way to escape the game,
Is to sever it and have no shame.
This poem is about a personal situation I'm faced with. I decided to give someone a second chance to be friends (platonic friends), but I'm afraid he is only playing an endless game with my heart instead and seems to get some kind of excitement from it. I know what I have to do...I have to end this false friendship. It will be challenging, but I know I'll have peace of mind and not be taunted anymore by the endless trickery. It seems like he will say anything to keep me strung along, but I need to be strong.

Anyone else out there ever experience similar?
May 2019 · 634
Frozen Embers
Jen May 2019
Feeling in-between
The seasons
Winter and spring
With the melt,
Your heart
Sings, frozen embers
Fade to cinders,
Please remember...
"I can't."
It's still winter,
"No, it's not."
Spring has been here too,
Not inside this
As soon as
It starts to
The freeze
Comes back
To welcome
After the fall.

, And you'll never know her heart break.
May 2019 · 544
One You
Jen May 2019
One thing to remember in this life
Is that you always need to have the
Best of intentions for you because
You're all you've got when it comes
Down to it, so take care of yourself
Until the end, it's not always easy,
It's sometimes hard to remember
Difficult to do but you only
Get one you
May 2019 · 280
Jen May 2019
See, it’s just me and you
Here in this reality

I am her
And you are you

No one else intrudes
In this space

You said she’s fissile
What does that mean?
Like energy,
Exploding dynamically
Or slate or crystals,
Not letting you through.

You wanted to know
Where my mind would
Offered advice
Pretended you wanted
Mine too,
Only to find
That I’m her,
Split in two
But so are you,
I am her
And you are
I don’t see anyone
Just you,
Is that what you
Were aiming for?

(Thoughts inspired by an old friend...why can't I stop thinking of you...human nature)
May 2019 · 269
Rain & Sugarcane
Jen May 2019
What is so happy,
About this,
Not this feeling,
Stomach sick,
The burn of day
Moves onward
Slowly masking
From within,
Rain and sugarcane
To the sound,
It pours down
To the sound
Of distance
Flesh on flesh
Tangled in a net
To you
Inside my mind,
Do what you will do
May 2019 · 234
Yellow _____Road
Jen May 2019
Tired eyes glanced a Yellow  ____Road
What lies ahead
Perhaps, a man made of tin
A little dog
And rin tin tin
Some comfortable slippers
A bunch of flying monkeys
Ziplining with hippos
Tornadoes built shadows
Followed by rainbows
Open your eyes,
The Yellow  
Is no more
It's time to wake up...
The idea for this write came while trying to sleep last night.
May 2019 · 184
Jen May 2019
Day ended,
I drifted away
Because I no longer
Wanted to stay awake,
Where did I go?
It's a place where someone
Loves me and won't let go
It's a place only in my mind
Where I believe it's so
May 2019 · 587
Jen May 2019
You are human, so let yourself be
You are flawed, we all are,
So let yourself fall,
And then get
Back up,
Dust off your knees,
No one is perfect,
This is something
Sometimes not easy
To see.
May 2019 · 167
No Ends
Jen May 2019
What happens tomorrow
If today dies?
Fate aligns together
In another life
See you there
Where time bends
And there are no ends
May 2019 · 211
Jen May 2019
Lids close heavily
Breathe in deeply
Without opening
Your mouth
In rhythm
so calming
Hands across your heart
Trailing starlight
Chasing sun rays
To touch
Across your own
Face and hair
Believing the outer
Self is a reflection,
Kind of a little meditation practice.
May 2019 · 139
Living in a Dream
Jen May 2019
Eyes fixed on the desert stretching its tired body across the earth

Years fly by and before you know it you are no longer staring across the way on that one certain day,
It's ten years later, twenty, thirty, nearing the end, and you think,
what will I be...

Will I be forever living in a dream,
and is all that surrounds us not what it seems?
May 2019 · 352
Broken Flame
Jen May 2019
It's something
We are trained
To ignore,
What can be
Conform to
Social Norms

Maybe some of us
Are just a little
Too deep
For someone
To want to

Always taking
The blame
Broken flame

Boat so little,
The waves keep rolling
To oblivion
We had our gear,
Storms couldn’t interfere,
What would it take to
Break the surface
Of the storm
And welcome
Sunlight, someday
Listening to:
May 2019 · 277
Don't Make a Sound
Jen May 2019
Dropped these words on the ground, to discover that sometimes
Words don’t make a Sound. Left them there in the soil on a Rainy
Day and returned in the morning to find that they sprouted Wings
And Flew Away, maybe they’ll come back one day or maybe they
Left forever on the back of a Scarlet Letter, to something better or
Maybe they are being sung by a choir lifted high up to Skylight
The song that kept playing in my mind when writing this poem is called "Lose Control" by Evanescence.
May 2019 · 117
Warning Signs
Jen May 2019
Warning signs on every door
Every floor
Can it be any more clear
Back away
Stay as far as possible
From what causes
Pain, this time
Don’t go near
How would it feel
How would it…
Hand in the air
As if there is
Another place
Inside, beyond the surface-side
Difficult to hide,
To break down a wall or two
Like memories that were
Created, detoxified
Built on shaky ground
All falls
All falls
Does anyone else find music very inspiring? Sometimes, I am shocked at some of the songs that I find moving.  I listen to a lot of Spotify, and I heard the first few seconds of a song called "Deserve" by Christina Aguilera...all of a sudden I was in another world and had to start writing. It is funny how certain songs can just draw you in...with no explanation.
May 2019 · 475
Salt and Sand
Jen May 2019
Footsteps in the sand
The beach was your homeland,
You walked your regrets
Away with the day
You always helped
Sea turtles when
You were too sick
To work anymore
When we walked
On the beach
In California
After she passed
You'd sit there in
That restaurant
Pouring salt
Over each individual
Tortilla chip
Before eating it
To this day
That's how
I eat them too
There are
So many
Of what
Made you,
May 2019 · 119
Jen May 2019
You shouldn’t have to change
Who you are

Stay true to you
No matter how hard

Someone's always
Gonna want to
Change you

Close the gap,
Own yourself
No one else
Vice versa

If it’s meant to
It will find you
In between
The pages of
Your masterpiece
Words should lift
You up
Not break
You down
Make you smile
Not the other way

Accept you
All of you
Ups & downs

If it’s broken
Let it be
If it’s tattered
Set it free
We all
Only get
One story
Inspired by a dear friend who always tells me to never change who I am.
May 2019 · 253
Day Breaks
Jen May 2019
Surface fades
To empty space
Day breaks
Slices of moonbeams--  in half
To Dissipate
Like unreal magic
Frost effaces
What is left
Without a trace
Night drifts away
Without saying
Left to dust
Sleeping, dreaming, discovering
Subconscious awakenings
They revisit whenever they want
You're never alone
May 2019 · 116
Hidden Sacrifice
Jen May 2019
It’s easy for us to get “caught up” on our lives
When in the darkness others have no choice
But to sacrifice

Don’t idealize, it’s all compromise, what if we
All stood up together to shut it down, what if
What if those of us, the millions of us that
Stay silent shut it down, is there a way?

How could it happen, it could in time, it could
It’s the underworld where children are treated
Like animals, we live our lives, we do, we don’t
Think about them, but what if there was a way

What evil lives in the hearts of men, what evil
Corruption and greed run rampant in this life
They will find their fate one day in the end

Some are just small children, sold like animals
Treated worse, groomed, trained, and used
Until they die, misery turned to tears,
Their innocence taken, objectified  
And here we are worrying about trivial things
In our lives while they are helpless and alone
The hidden sacrifice
Came across some reading material on human trafficking and then this poem emerged. I wanted to cry after reading about it...especially the parts of how children as young as toddlers are being treated, ugh.
Apr 2019 · 455
This Is It
Jen Apr 2019
This is it,
It always
Has been,
It is what it is,
And if
We could see
Into each other’s
Souls then would
It all be clear?
No one is alone
Apr 2019 · 474
Jen Apr 2019
Seeing patterns everywhere,
Signs a constant following
Shadows cast fast so eerily
Upon ancient forests
Of wise old trees
Everything changes so quickly
Nothing stays the same for long
What is living when it’s all frozen
Constantly wishing for the thaw
Apr 2019 · 108
Jen Apr 2019
Shedding this skin
As if it isn’t real,
It’s all pretend,
Points meet at an end
Living inside, out
Outer shell conceals
Secrets buried deep,
New doubts creep,
Threw away the key
Floor against my knees
Long ago, didn’t look
Back, I don’t know why
Everything makes me
Tear, with all the reason
To be happy, only sinking
In my own regrets, but
That does no good, they
Told me to wait and see,
Each year brings all kinds
Of weather, here I am as
Should have known
Apr 2019 · 535
Jen Apr 2019
Smoke from a blown out candle
Darkness, pink fuse, wick now
Extinguished in the emptiness
Watch it move across the room
Watch it move
Laying in the dark gazing at
The sky across the Milky Way
Connecting dots and destinies
Moving towards the ground
In this grand illusion
Hidden reverie that captures and
Takes away the day
Apr 2019 · 351
La la la (On the Red Sea)
Jen Apr 2019
La, la, la
The red sea drifts
On tumultuous rifts
Aging tank subsists
On what's left in the wreckage
Purple reflections
Seen on oily surfaces
& the sky combines
Its blue tones with
The contents raging
& stewing'
In its hungry belly
Apr 2019 · 95
Jen Apr 2019
When I close my eyes, I see diagonal lines
Frozen in this place, space, and time;

I wonder if they can see
Are they more than sheets;
In imagination,
Are they more;

Souls within,
Hearts pretend
Windows to another world
Inverted and bound by
Lost in another place
Apr 2019 · 619
Jen Apr 2019
Oh, sweet lasting melody

Come and carry me
Up to heights reaching
Towards sunlight

Here, right now lifting
To heights reaching
Towards a day so full
Of  hope, full of breath
To breathe some life
In the form of songs
Sung out loud
Productive listening to some music  and writing a little.
Apr 2019 · 306
Jen Apr 2019
What is this
A thin line
I can’t see
Playing tracks
Records are now
Becoming obsolete

A thick line
I can’t be
Easily inspired
A runaway train
Off tracks
Made of iron rails
Replaced by steel
In this modern

The only truth
That remains
Is taken in our youth
Apr 2019 · 176
It Could Be
Jen Apr 2019
Took a hand
Not meant
To last

Released its hold
Never looked back

One day, one day
How will it feel?

I’d keep holding
On for as long
As you'd let me

It could be
Real this time
It could be
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