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JaxSpade Sep 2018
One of those shady trees
In the park
We could lay
Under
         And be cool
Because we don't need to sweat
                        Till there is moon

One of those shady trees
In the green of grass
We could lay together
      Just the two of us

And be cool

Under the sunny afternoon
      In the heat of the spark
Let's find one of those shady trees
                                        In the park
         And fall asleep
In each others arms
             And be cool

We could lay together all day
                   Till there is moon
Under one of those shady trees
                               There is love
JaxSpade Jul 2019
They can't see him
Invisible man
They can't hear
Anything he says

Looking through the air
No one is there
To know

They speak to each other
About how he looks
They said he's like someone else

They can't see him
Invisible man
They don't want to know
Where he is

In the middle of nowhere
In their life

Maybe he's someone else
How would they know
If he changed his clothes
Or combed his hair

He's the invisible man
That no one cares

For

They can see right through him
And they can't hear him talk
Because they erased him
From their thoughts

They can't see him anymore
Everything they wanted
Is gone

How would they know
If he loved them
How could they see if he cares

When they see nothing
While he's here

Invisible man
He's so clear
Maybe too transparent
To see him there

They erased him
To a color so bare

He disintegrated
And disappeared
JaxSpade Oct 2018
Writing on down
Falling
Toward the ground
Calling
You found
Wanting
A way out
But nothing was
Drawn in the payout
No body knew your name
To say it
Writing on down
Falling
The pavement
Catches your pens
Payment
Drawing
Pictures of
Enslavement
You tried to break out
But found doubt
That was painted
Fell
In replacement
Of the sell
You wanted to tell
The story that ends at a wall
Writing down
The bricks that fall
Toward the ground
You found
Wanting it all
The way out
Was inside the pen
You swung as a sword
Unto the ears mouths
Writing what was falling
Was resolving what
You thought it allowed
Down further you spiral
Into the abyss of high lows
Never knowing
Where the end is now
You can picture it
But you don't know how
So you keep on writing
Pushing and sliding
The ink over countless
Rhymes in a row
The beginning
Was repeating the same words
You said many times before
Over and ending
Scrambling the yolks
Bending the syllables
Into the same old folks
You realize infinity
Was multiplied by 3.14
A PI that lasts forever more
Than you've ever tried before
That difference left an imprint
Where you fell
Writing down what you saw
When you fell on the floor
Ink spilled into a dream killed
And you ended up
Nothing but a corpse
JaxSpade Aug 2018
You're not my type
I only date church girls
I can sit by
          I like
They way they pray
The way they read
The way they trust in God

Like me

Every Sabbath
They're the habit
                  I want

Your not my type
'cause you don't like
The way I pray
The way I read
The way I trust in the God

You fight
JaxSpade Dec 2018
He said he would rather be defined
By the color of his content
Than the skin of his character

He was a little mixed up
But I think I knew what he was sayin'

If we could live in quotes
And poetic notes
We could overcome pain

But too many people
Can't understand
What he was saying

He would rather be defined
As a
Human being

Being

Inside the color
The same color
Everybody bleeds

He said he would rather be defined
By the color of his content
Than the skin of his character

He was a little mixed up
Like everybody he meets

He said we could all be invisible
When we see

And there would be nothing to define
Just peace

If we could live in quotes
And poetic notes
We could overcome pain

If we could be invisible
We could see

Again
JaxSpade Aug 2018
Sometimes we feel
Discouraged
Despondent
Dispirited and Crestfallen

By the world
And all its
Melancholy
Morose
Disconsolate

It's so despairing
Wretched
Dejecting and woebegone

It seems a neverending blue
Wrapping around you
Pulling your smile down

And devouring

   There is a cure
Called ice-cream

Feel like a kid again
With a few licks
You'll forget about
      The sad things

The cool cream
      Vanilla swirl
In chocolate covered eye dreams

Don't be conquered by the world
And all it screams

Just grab your self a cone
Of your favorite flavor known

And enjoy the cure
Called ice cream
JaxSpade Jun 2020
My name is Hate
I reside in men

And I come In any color blend

I am thee
        deadliest
                  Sin
You know me
My name is Hate

         I'll slit your throat
And spit on your grave

I corrode every container
                          I'm left in
          I reside in men
I can create a habitat
In any culture

And destroy them

My name is Hate
                I know
          You know me

You know who I am
And where I live

Sometimes I crash out at your crib
I've yelled at your wife and kids

When you made me the boss
After the love you had was lost

But you know
No matter what
I'll always be yer dawg

My name is Hate
And I can relate to everyone

Except One

His name is
          Jesus
JaxSpade Nov 2019
I fail read backwards is "life" misspelled due to failure
JaxSpade Jul 2019
Old man
Old heart

Stuck in his old ways
Losing his good days

Old man it's too late
to be loved

Olden
Golden

Youth has stolen
Your daze
Your eyes are blurry
Old and worried

While wrinkles cover your face

Old man turning gray
Old heart slowing pace
She'll never love your gray

Old man it's too late
To be loved

Old man
Old hands

Time has taken away
Any chance for your past...


To change -


Stuck in your old ways
Losing your good days

Old man
It's too late

To be loved
JaxSpade May 2020
It's ok
We can rollerskate

Hold hands
Like old times
When we used to date

It's a different age
                        but
Love is the same
If we do it
It's ok

We can rollerskate

I can roll with you
While the music tunes
               Our harmony

We can take off our shoes
Put on some skates and cruise
Like we used to do
Back when we could
Love

And rollerskate

Through the whole summer
Down on the Huntington Beach Pier
Ocean breeze salt in our hair

We can rollerskate
Me and my date
It's ok
It's not a crime
To ******* some wheels
And glide

Away

The speed of the day
Burning in the rays
Of Southern Californ

IA

It's ok
We can rollerskate
After COVID-19
goes away

We can rollerskate
Hold hands
Touch face
Just like the old days

When we used to love
And kick off our shoes
You know what I'm sayin'
What we could do

Rollerskate

Me
&
You

And the whole world
We're on top of

It's ok to love

And hold hands

   And rollerskate

      It's ok
If we do it
JaxSpade Aug 2019
I crashed into the sunset
I was bent against the hues
You found me fallen against the clouds
And saw me crushed by the blues

I was wrecked

Smashed against the windsheild
In a pink and rose milieu
My heart had broke against the glass
And burned me hitherto

Out in the skies I pilot
I crashed into ultraviolet

And headed toward doom

I was spinning rapidly out of control
Until I pulled my parachute

I took in all the damage
What a beautiful view
I crashed into the sunset

But I landed on the moon
JaxSpade Oct 2019
I was looking for this girl
Who wouldn't mind my love

And spending some time
Together

Where we could be us

I was looking
And searching
But I couldn't find ya'

Maybe i Passed you up

I don't know
I was looking for this girl
But she never showed

I keep looking
Maybe she's up the road

Waiting to spark a conversation

I was looking for this girl
Who had a smile
That pierced my heart
And wanted to know how
If we could be together
Till the end of forever
And never be apart

I was looking for this girl
But I never found

And that's just the way it is now

I'll have to stop looking
For someone
That won't ever be around

You see...

I was looking for this girl

                                         But I..

                                         Gave up
JaxSpade Oct 2019
I am my behavior
Who really am I
Though
Blind am my eyes
Who is the I
In the outer spaces of my Saviour
Who knows what the morrow favours
I'm just a godt **** vapour
Looking back at me
I just stared at the moment
Even broken hearts have a rhythm
I thought about my foolish heartbeat
While darkness made himself the enemy
It was the Word and the light switches cure
I thought about in the beginning
All those powers in molecules and atoms
I tried not to breathe
It was a revolt against oxygen
My conscience didn't move
Staring at me
The space just sat there

The space just sat there
Staring at me
My conscience didn't move
It was a revolt against oxygen
I tried not to breathe
All those powers in molecules and atoms
I thought about in the beginning
It was the Word and the light switches cure
While darkness made himself the enemy
I thought about my foolish heartbeat
Even broken hearts have a rhythm
I just stared at the moment
looking back at me
I'm just a godt **** vapour
Who knows what the morrow favours
In the outer spaces of my Saviour
Who is the I
Blind am my eyes
Though
Who really am I
I am my behavior
JaxSpade Jun 2020
Smooth jazz
The way she moved

Curves
  Brass

She walked with a melody
  And looked back

Mmm... the harmony

Her eyes
  My hands

And the radio in the background
Playing
Smooth jazz

The summer heat
        Would sweat
        And melt two hearts

In the beats brass
Curves would
           Smack

And She
Would ask

   For more

Smooth jazz
Played
As our bodies
Wrapped in braids

                    Amore

A groove
  A sound

           Of two lovers
In a tune they found

Dancing and singing
        Enjoying laughs
The way she moved
When she walked past

I just had to have

              That
Smooth Jazz

And those eyes that kiss mine back

      Mmm... The brass
When the horns blast
And the finished past

We lay there together
In a world that's ours
Two lovers sharing scars

So we just turn up the volume
To drown out the problems
Then kick back
         And relax

With a little smooth jazz
Some curves and hands
You and I
Could be our own band

We'll have our own razzmatazz
Extravagance and coolness
Others don't have

The way she moved
I didn't know what to do

But grab

After a slap
She kissed me back
And love was daft

As the radio played in the background
The smoothest jazz
JaxSpade Apr 2019
I woke up in Generation X
In the flesh of a baby
And this is what they made
In the winter
Of Octobers labor
I traveled through the millennium
A poor figure
Forming saxicolously
On the earths behavior
I'm all ready in enough sin
That I voraciously devour
And my abstruse mind
Adroit yet intertwined
With why me? empowered?
Oxygen? blood of the lamb?
24 hours
Into generation Z
Amorphously they move forward
And I'm trying to survive
The atomic powers
With my nuclear family
While government downwards
I woke up
But now I'm tired
The people have lost their minds
And morals are a thing of the past
There is no more shame
In the way we act
I was born into the aftermath
Of a Gods punishment for a devils path
And in that path was a man and rib
And a proclaimation I was chosen
Not I that chose him
John 15:5 claims I am the limb
And from thy vine
fruit produces in men
I can do nothing
Will all my somethings I sin
I am a withered branch
without the Lord within
Here I am born again
Bearing the fruit
Of the husbandman
JaxSpade Jun 2020
My skin is colored
A pigment from a palette
Of earths mother

My blood is red
Like each others

My brain thinks different
Yet similar
It wonders

Why a shade of flesh
Would matter
When chosen by the artist

The lover
The admirer
The charmer

Does it matter the cover
If you love the books contents

Coloured
JaxSpade Jul 2019
What light through yonder window breaks?

My heart
JaxSpade Jul 2019
Under the moon
She did all these things
We couldn't talk about

the moon saw everything
the way her dress felt

Silky as her lips
when they fell

I caught them with mine
Well

And the moon saw it all
Glowing in the nightfall
The things she did to me
We couldn't talk about

The moon saw everything
the way she loved me
When no one was around

Under the moon
She did all these things
I loved her about

while the moon watched
and followed
he saw it all

And is a witness to record
The love we shared
In the night

Under the moon
In the telescope of his eyes
We glowed brighter
Than what the sun reflected
In his sight

He saw my hands
Trace her thighs

Squeeze and pull her
Closer to my side

And as he drooled
Her lips moved
In places he thought were private

Yes
He saw it all
Like a fly on the wall
Of the universes night

He saw a fool in love
And the gravity tug
Like the moon does
To the tides

He watched me inside
Thrusting with might
As she begged for the depth of my bite

Under the moonlight
It wasn't Vermont
But It felt like
That old classic song

The way the moonbeams
Danced along
Her eyes in my arms

He saw it all
All we couldn't talk about

Under the moon
We weren't alone

He was watching it all
Tonight
JaxSpade Jul 2019
Kanizsa Triangle

Electrochemical
Photons of light
Signal in the eyes
Visions of the world
Through the thalamus
of our mind

Perceptions are conceived
with the belief
Of what we see
As each part of our brains
Collide

We decipher codes
With linguistic notes
We wrote when discovery
Wore a **** dress
That we took off

When a blind man dreams
What does he see
If he was born without eyes

As I ride the ponto-geniculo-occipital waves
In R.E.M states I fall into a vortex
Into my visual cortex
And all these things that happen
I can't explain

Imageries paint endlessly
As random neuronal firings in my brainstem
Continue religiously
My unconscious always stays awake
Through the interstates of my dreaming

Imagine me
A concept of a virtual reality
sensing and seeing hallucinations
In a subthreshold of my bodys activity

We dream
And when we wake up we dream
We open our eyes and see
And when we close them we see

The difference
Remains in the submission
To achieve what your brain
Finds delicious
When you control what it eats
JaxSpade Nov 2019
Katauta is an unrhymed Japanese form consisting 0f 17 or 19 syllables in a 3 lined poem 5/7/7 or 5/7/5
These were usually lovers poems
Katautas were considered half poems

A pair of Katautas with syllable count 5/7/7
Is called a sedoka

Standing in your glow
In the aura of your smile
Makes me feel love in your light

Or

Embracing your heart
With each pound against my soul
Fills me with your love

Sedoka:
Your rose petal lips
Were so soft and full of love
Kissing me under the stars

Under the half moon
We stood together and stared
In the twilight of our eyes
Examples written by yours truly
JaxSpade Jul 2019
Her lips I mostly missed
When she kissed the words I love you
They were everything I wished
Her lips I mostly missed
I remember the way they kissed
Now another man they've gone to
Her lips I mostly missed
When she kissed the words I love you
JaxSpade Nov 2018
The kiss of death
Press your lips
Pucker up
You're all wet
Your charcoal eyes
And silhouette
Cast the shadows
Under evils breath
I see you out there
So passionate
Sliding your fingernails
Across several men
The kiss of death
Invites intimate
Souls for buying
Pornographics
Press your lips
Against the blackest lips
Sink those fangs
In the barest neck
Death kisses
And dark mistresses
Have your ***
Plenty of fish
To trap your nets
Kiss of death
Sink the deepest depth
Bury that tongue
In the tar pits
Pucker up
Boy
To the darkness
Pressed
You're a man now

Dead
JaxSpade Jan 2019
The knife hit the floor

The floor hit faces

Emotions stabbing
The motion stabbing

Even the shadow
Had blood splatter

The wall was a movie screen
Screening a movie scene

Seen moving

Those bodys
Twitching in your pupils
Memory

Woke you up
To see

The knife hit the floor
And slammed the front door
Never returning to a steak

The floor hit faces
And soaked in places
Emotions mirrored in a lake

As the blood puddled
Body's huddled
the last of the breaths
Left to take

Emotions stabbing
The motion stabbing

Even the blood splatter had a shadow

The floor hit the knife
The faces hit the floors

In a ****** puddle of life
JaxSpade Oct 2018
The knife hit the floor

The floor hit faces

Emotions stabbing
The motion stabbing

Even the shadow
Had blood splatter

The wall was a movie screen
Screening a movie scene

Seen moving

Those bodys
Twitching in your pupils
Memory

Woke you up
To see

The knife hit the floor
And slammed the front door
Never returning to a steak

The floor hit faces
And soaked in places
Emotions mirrored in a lake

As the blood puddled
Body's huddled
the last of the breaths
Left to take

Emotions stabbing
The motion stabbing

Even the blood splatter had a shadow

The floor hit the knife
The faces hit the floors

In a ****** puddle of life
JaxSpade Aug 2019
Empty
As my glass

Pour me some bourbon
Or a molly of sassafras

Brain my damage

It's already a hammer
Of grab and smash

Empty all my liquid
And take a bath

Douse yourself
In my cerebrospinal fluid

And crush

Work your fingers baby

             Knead my mind

Tie it into the naughty knots
Yours supplies

Empty
Fill me up

Feel me slip into the slide
Of your overflowing cup

      Quench my thirst
With the worst syrup

Allow me to get wasted

Let me take another sip
Cure me with fullness
      Of your lovely lips

Tie me to your tongue
Beat me in your heart

Work those fingers baby
                       I'm a mess
JaxSpade Dec 2019
Tears are only secretions from a troubled eye
A hordeolum bespectacled lack of lye
In the lachrymal lakes of a punctum stye

This is what she said to me, a scientific lie
She explained to me, o'er again, the reasoning why
Tears are only secretions from a troubled eye

Mine had wandered into logs and knives
And they pulse the tears of meandered cries
In the lachrymal lakes of a punctum stye

Forgiveness is a forgotten try
Boy cried wolf and science vied
Tears are only secretions from a troubled eye

Pleas and knees swallow pride
Tears fall deep and losses die
In the lachrymal lakes of a punctum stye

Two of hearts must say their goodbyes
As love was lost for science to find
Tears are only secretions from a troubled eye
In the lachrymal lakes of a punctum stye
JaxSpade Oct 2018
Clovers fall
Down

To the ground

Clubs
Over diamonds
Four leaf crowns

Have you a heart
What have you found

Green was all over
And lucky left town

All of the clovers fell
Onto the deck of cards

Upside down
Turning over
Hedron

The smell of vervain
And mixing sober
Ginger under a *****
Dug out

Clovers fall.                                                                                                                                                                                                  
down

A circadian rhythm
With the ground

Such a mysterious milieu
Nascent in the soils
                             Flinging about

Clubs thrown around
The dealer crowds the house

Clovers fell down
Into a theasarus
              Of sound

Have you a heart
What have you found

Green was all over
And lucky left town

Wood sorrel
Revelations
A tousle world
          Unbound

Make yourself a bed
In the clovers fallen down
JaxSpade Jan 2019
Lazor beams
Shot in every difference
It was the future room
Of past decisions

I saw one hit the ground
As I jumped toward the ceiling

Lazor beams
In a galactic cloud
Of feelings

I could dodge a few
But I got shot too
Right through the heart
In the bulls eyes center

Lazor beams
Cutting through the atmosphere
And severing
Even if it means killing

Shot in every distance
Of the worlds limits

Sabers of synergetic
Light emitted cutlery
Beyond the speeding bullets method

Lazor beams
Shot by the menace

Did they get you
Did they get us
JaxSpade Sep 2018
Where would I go to sleep
With my unkempt face
My tears of rain frogs
And katzenjammer gaze

Where would I rest my head
On what banquette or street
When I'm just a kiyoodle
In a world of hate

Where could I lay down
And rest in peace
When I'm just a 'blot on one's escutcheon
Laying couchant in disgrace

Where could I close my eyes
And slip slide away
Hidden in nolo contendere
Where could I disintegrate
JaxSpade Aug 2019
Squeezing my lemons
Sugar you know the sour
Every time you pucker
I develop canker sores
******* on my woman
Stirring my lemonade
Sugar you know the sour
In every sweet minute maid
Squeezing my lemons
In a tall glass of you
I'm sipping on that ice cold
Sweet and sour juice
For all I needed
Was a little of your powder
To quench my thirst
JaxSpade Aug 2018
Red lanes
flashes of highways
And guitars
Wailing in the backgrounds
Of lava lamps
We parked
A hundred miles away
From no where
Anyone else had been
In the frontiers of existence
Inside a human being
Feelings of somewhere else
We know we'll be
Absence from all the everything
Happening in every scene
Is the ending dreamed
We will always be in the future
Of what is passing
Us by
Flashes of highways
Colored mars
Strobe lights crashing
On fluorescent clothes
Black lights glowing
In the dark
With lipstick art
And passion in automobiles
With passing cars
We take it all off
And be naked in the garden
Once more
We begin and again
We live in the moments
Of everything we do
Or did
In the psychedelic mind-bending
Memories
Of humans being
Existing
                here
JaxSpade Apr 2020
This lil
Dragon fly

Came across the waters
Of my eyes

An electrical
             Blue
               Foil
          With glitter

Where i looked
A lot

She danced
And from a ponds glance
Her wings held a beautiful body

               I noticed

When she flew by

Past

She didn't say anything
But anything
Said she laughed

I saw her smile
Taller than a giraffe

This lil
Dragon fly

Buzzing around
            My head
JaxSpade May 2019
I was tuned

The sound frequency
Was so frequent
Following rapidly

The sound of waves
Crashed into my brain
At 20,000 Hz

I been tryin to keep it down
To a low 20

I was holding a horseshoe magnet
And I became magnetized
The only thing I couldn't attract
Was a womans beautiful eyes

Sound was traveling
Caused by a vibration
It sounded like an elastic band twangin

Sounds waves filled the place
I was slapped a magnetic pole upon my face

It was this invisible force
A magnetosphere running a course
Of magnetic energy

The earth was spinning
Her iron core
Creating a dynamo electric current
When I was born

This resonance
Vibrated articulated
A little frustrated yet integrated
Into the world

The bigger the difference
The bigger the voltage
I had so much potential
As a little volt

Then a filament of tungsten wire
Developed an idea
Inside of a glass bulb
Filled with argon and nitrogen

A bright glowed
Superconducted
A light flow
That allowed me to see
Into the next world

This life

A bunch of electrons
Breaking free of atoms
Banging into each other
Like a row of marbles
In a current of 24 hours

I found myself in an electromagnetic spectrum
Floating in radiation emitted by atoms

X-rays and microwaves
combed through my hair like static
Electricity
   Ultraviolet
No one could see this
Computed tomography
Developing schemes like these
For poetry

I resume to be a battery
Eventually inevitably
Running out of energy
Tell you pull me out of your
Radio frequency
And discard my cathode
Of zinc and manganese
JaxSpade Sep 2018
The fall out of the alphabet
Letters in the atmosphere
Spinning as planets
With gravitational
Motivational
Habits
Continuously
With individual
Entities as phrases
With mouth
Attractants
Words forming
Magnets
To the eyes
Memorizational
Remembrance
This do
In paragraphs
Blood and bodied
Configurants of
Metaphorics
In vowels and consonants
The constance
Sentences said by
Existence in alphabets
Of the fall out
Deciphered by the brainstem
Of mens
Difference
Every one has a pen
And writes gibberish
To deliver it
To someone
who just might give a ****

The fall out the alphabet
Preparing for the aftermath
JaxSpade Jun 2020
This is just spit

It's nothing poetic
Just my saliva
In one foul drip

This is pure mucous
A slime excreted
From a knows
Foolish

It's the phlegm in my throat
Spewed in ridiculous notes
Everything I wrote
Is a slippery *****

And you've just been slimed

By this poet
JaxSpade Jun 2020
I'm wide awake
Watching my ceiling
Stare back at me

It was saying all kinds of things
Telepathically

I couldn't believe
It was talking back to me

I'm wide awake
Staring at my ceilings face
It started talking to me
Felt like I was on some LSD

The things it was telling me
Filled my brain
And I'm wide awake

But now I'm not sure
Because my ceiling
Is talking back to me

No, I'm wide awake
I pinched myself
To make sure this was real
And I wasn't imagining

My ceiling was lecturing
I was staring at the white cottage cheese
Mentoring

I was there too long
Because then I heard the walls

And they starting closing in
Then I felt real small

And the floor started
Swallowing me whole

I didn't know where to go
So I jumped out the window
To my soul

And that's how I ended up
In this Institute
For the mentally gone

I'm wide awake
But my ceiling says

I should go back to sleep
JaxSpade Mar 2020
I feel a scratch in my throat
Am I supposed to panic now
And change my vote

I tried lemon and honey
And gargled mouthwash plenty

I've been bathing in hand sanitizer
For no good it did any

Now this **** scratch
I can feel in my throats back
Before the onslaught of attack

I hate to be sick
Now matter what virus it is
Yet somehow all my precautions
Had zero effect

I'm never changing my vote
They could shut down the whole world
Because no matter how sick I get

I'll never be sicker than them
JaxSpade Apr 2020
When we first met
And our eyes drank enough to make us sick
We fell on the floor of what the future did

Swallowing us whole
And devouring years
Somehow all the good times
Disappeared

Who knew that day was cursed
For the better of the worst

We vowed that forever
Was just a lonely word

When we first met
We believed in dreams
          And togetherness

But it all left in a heart beats
Bitterness

When we first met
We never knew
This would be the end

And we never should have started
What we began

Now we stand alone
Away from the home

We used to love
                To live

When we first met
We couldn't see

Because we were...


       Blinded
By the Love
JaxSpade Apr 2019
Lilium longiflorum

Beauty
    Hope
        Life

You are a trumpet
Of fragrance

In a dress of white

Or she could be a "pink heaven
At Eastertide

In the drops of sweat
From our King you rise

You never toil or spin
Yet you're arrayed with love

In the chancel of churchs
Your faces lay aslant

Greeting our Easter morning
With such an alluring plant

Lovely lilly
You blossom in springs romance

Consume us in your beauty
Our good Lord grants
JaxSpade Sep 2019
I couldn't draw luck
Perhaps I'd do better with a gun
If I could draw it faster
And fire away

(I couldn't draw luck
The result was the action
Of the opposite disaster
In losing it)

What could I draw
If it wasn't luck
What could I fire away
Back at the enemy

I couldn't draw luck
My gun was faster

If we're goin and wildin
Here's my ante

Every one has their gamble
Have you paid the risk
What did you give up
For what you wished

I couldn't draw luck
But i wanted to win

I was so bold
When I went All in
JaxSpade Oct 2018
We dig into the magic hat
Stirring rabbits and facts
Right before your eyes
We act
Like the show is great
But in the back
There is tears
Behind the laughs
& We wave the wand of the past
Over words cast
In smokey dust of drafts
Glitter and the audience
A whimsical appearance
Of a magician and the flaws perfect
Illusions trap
The mind into a bars can't
But his assistant is cut in half
We gasp
but the girl still walks
After curtains collapsed
We all applaud and clap
So amazed the impossible
Is possible if you could fool
The world into thinking it has
JaxSpade Dec 2019
If I could just pretend to live
I could die inside my head

Because my body is just a host
For the soul of my ghost

On the other side
Living in someone else

I am the figment of my Gods creation
Inside his devils throat
There I am paddling

Through the darkness unfurled
Into the belly of the beast
Where I am swallowed

If I could just pretend
I'm somewhere else
If I could just lie to myself

I could pretend I'm in heaven
As a Holy ghost

As the perfection of a man
Hidden from the worst

If I could solve in my imagination
And proper my education
Perhaps I could learn some appreciation

I could embrace the succ
And decipher a new interpretation

If I could just lust for the love
And just pretend
I'm good for someone

I could die in their arms
If I just pretend to live
JaxSpade Aug 2018
Each droplet
Carries a weight
Softened
splashing on pre-made
Coffins
            walking
In the rain
As puddles form again
My boots absorb where I step Inn
Hotels cabins and tents
Rent bodies and scents
With temporary nights spent

My Lord comforts my sin
And I repeat only to do it again
Human nature imperfect in stature
My God!
  I am sooo.. Man

Haha ha's
Begin laughter
This is absurd
My own will is the last thing I'll surrender
I've heard
But my ears blurred
The visions slurred
I needed to ferret out
So I moved my house here

Escaping curs
Barking at my heels
Biting words
Spellbound
In herds

I am clay
Molded and shaped
Into a vase
Or a waste can
Of smells decay

I cannot tell my God how to create
But I pray
Plead and
Beg for ways
To be saved

Had he chose me a blessing
Before I was made?
Maybe I Am the one guy
He decided not to pity
Or brain

A speck
Speckled
I'm the earths freckle
All over her face
I beg for mercy
Because my tears hurt me
Worse than the pain

If I'm not worthy
Will I ever be

Again
JaxSpade Jul 2019
We are all crazy
                   hear
                    Voices
In my head
Im not here
             Rings in my ears
My friend
Is a whisper
And said
    Mister
We're all crazy
We've gone completely
                                Mad
Sense is not so common
For man
It's crazy
     Hear
       Voices
In my closet
Under my bed
In my head
Their hands
Finger my sense
My best friend
Whispers again
And my brain
  Is cognitive
Yet impaired
We're all crazy
Or at least
          I am
Crazy
        Hear
          Voices
In my head
Susurrating
        Further
Uttering murmurs
And I can't comprehend
Why they're here
We're all crazy
                 Hear
Voices in my head
JaxSpade Sep 2018
Falling off the edge of the earth
              Caught by the universe
Swallowed by the mackerel sky
                     The universe cried
                      For an astronaut

  Au revoir!
Ager chills
I tugged the pulley bone

A wish
           A dive
           In a new alive
Far away from home

Floating in the devilment

                  High
                  And high

Avoiding the frog-stranglers
                         And sediment

   I sighed a why
Should I ever try

A return to the life of
           Abandonment
JaxSpade Jun 2020
Well the fishes swam...

                    You know
Those caramel turtles

I weighed a gram out

And you smoked the salmon
Or i should've said nuggets

Don't you know my heart aches
Every time i eat a milkyway

            I have type 2 diabetes
But i think about you anyway

Your like an abba zabba

    Well the fishes swam...
I love that peanut butter

I don't know
I guess now

Tuna sandwhiches
will have to do

The fishes swam
But you know

      I
Drowned
JaxSpade Apr 2019
The impossible dream
Starring me
Killing myself
And I
Can't wake
Countless visions
Rhyming in sync
Appearing a ghost
Out of his shriek
The impossible dream
Starring me
Killing myself
And I
Can't wake
I strum my guitar
But I can't play
I don't have a guitar
Just a handful of strings
I've tried so hard
And hard has tried me
When I'm awake
I just want to sleep
So I can dream
The impossible dream
Starring me
Killing myself
And I can't wake
JaxSpade Sep 2018
Maybe if i finish
This somersault
Turning myself upside down
I could feel another part
Of my beaten heart
Twirling round the carousel
Merry go round
            And round
I could be an entertainer
With laughter in my mouth
Selling jokes and acting silly
As long as it's not real
Maybe if my musings
Swam deeper
Your ears would hear me sing
As long as the song sings a feather
I could fly out of here
And the lights above me
I see spinning
They could be merry
Going round and round
Laughing
Falling down
Holding my stomach
The voice of your old self
Goes up and down
The carousel
Spinning round and round
In the mirrors of blurred
Grinning
I can see your smile
Maybe if I ride the elephant
And the horses slowed it down
I could heal my broken heart
With another somersault
Merry go round
The metaphor
Seeking a way out
Visiting this carnival
Has taken my life around
Round and round
The carousel
There is no way
To out
JaxSpade Dec 2018
Happy Christmas
Merry New Year
Cheers on the floor

I'm drunk on alcohol
And I've lost all memories
Of the previous year

Tear up the calendar
No need to remember
Who you were

Whiskey fireballs
Burning sensations
Welcome me
To dear January
Already here

I'm now a new man
Merry and happy
On the eve of hangover

But my eyes are too blurry and red
To remember the changeover
JaxSpade Jun 2020
Pain has changed me into a 5 year old child
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