I wish i was empty.
Hollow like a hallway.
Incapable of holding
Any of those things you carry.

I wish i was air;
Carefree and forgetful.
Unlike the deep, dark sea,
Always under some lover's weight.

I wish I was worthy.
That i could find some kind of love.
Not this shaded overcast
That wont stop this sinking.

Soon I'll be numb.
Dead to the touch again.
Completely frozen over.
Ignoring those trying to get in.

"I love the ocean"
He whispered softly
His breath tickling
Her crashing waves
The moon shining light
On her truest intentions:
A way into her depth.
he followed that tempest
Until he was felled by her darkness.

She dug her feet into the sand
At the edge of the shore.
The storm would not back down.
She knew better.
She understood now
And she stood alone.
With her wild purple hair,
With her bold eye shadow,
With her empty womb,
With tears in her eyes
Sparkling like the sea
In the moonlight.
The tempest winds tried her but
There was strength
Emanating from her being.
Even when she broke down crying,
Especially while she rose.
As she clung to life.
And she had never been more beautiful;
While she warred with herself,
While she believed in her bones,
While she grew.
She held the weight of love
On her shoulders
With a power she finally knew

I find my self awake,

Hurdling over feelings i thought i beat;
Wondering why my mind always  wanders back Into you.

Your smile lights up your eyes.
A glow i sometimes despise because,
Cruel is the one that carves a diamond so beautiful that it blinds those yearning to be near it

I just want to stop thinking about you that way. I want the sound of your voice to sieze its warming hold on my unsuspecting heart.

I just want to sleep.

My heart skips nervously
because you are near;
glory magnified by your gaze.
Heat singed skin begging for rough hands.
Bruises you left,
on my being,
a space so full;
and yet there's a hunger...
                                                       ­       ... only you can satisfy.

her path is lonely.
She kneels in the dirt and pushes
her fingers deep into the earth
submerging all the points of her into it's pulse.

"let it be me" she whispers into the mist
and the forest groans in response,
breathing in her magic; her, a potion
of sea salt, crystals, and moon dust.

If emotion is nature, then she is their owner.
Caressing vulnerability out of places no one
cared for, inciting wild dreams and grasping on to love,
for those of you who find it far too heavy to carry.

Its a double edged sword
To care about others freely,
Because its easy to forget yourself.

You disappear into people.
Avoiding your pain
Ignoring your heart, its well wishes,
Your needs...

You'll be fine, you've got time
You've cultivated a friendship,
One of life's most magnificent gifts!

Who needs romantic love that grows deeper with every glance? Who craves intimacy so rare your heart fills whenever you're vulnerable? Every chance.

Who is eager to feel anything? I give up.

Lets just be...

We fit
Like the sea and the shore
We ebb and flow into each other
Energy matching synergy until
We explode.

Such beautiful violence.
The kind that makes you wonder how you survived.
How did we make it out alive?
How drained will you be?
I want every last drop
And i know you want to give it to me.
And i know you missed me.
And i know youve been inside me
In your dreams

Pushing and pulling yourself from depths
We have met before.
Darkness drowning you and leaving you stranded.

I know the feeling.
I feel it too.
Because
We fit
Like stars and the night sky.
Shining through that emptiness until
We collapse.

I feel heavy.
Slipping further;
Diving into the Depths.
Drowning under
The gravity of my actions;
Of my words.

This hole in my chest consumed
The sea. And i did not hear
His cries I pushed them
Down. Into me.
And Its still beating.
Weighing me.

How did i become her?
In the blink of a tear filled eye.
As a mother, nature has taught me
That fighting is the only way
That sometimes you never have a say
In who hurts you the most

Monster. Thats what ive
become. Covered in scars
from head to toe, Trying
desperately to be something else...
Anything else...

I thought i was empty
Turns out im full. Of black
broken pieces. A muddy thing to be
Disposed of. Hating myself
Came so naturally.

And now i know why.

Where do you come from?
A place with no name. A world
Full of grown folks ashamed to
Be alone. A place where strangers
Deep breaths echo in the dark.

What are you made of?
Salt water. The sea has become me.
Flowing from my pores, my eyes, and my dreams. Nature's cleanser; a glue to put myself back together.

Who are you?
A woman looking for acceptance. Looking for love in all the wrong places. wishing she could hold the
Little lonely girl inside of herself.

Will you ever change?
Yes and no. As history goes, I'm doomed to failure. If i do not fight i will not heal. But she will not win. She did not expect me to crave wholeness so badly.

when the sun dips below the hills
humanity slips and gives in to thrills.
all different types from all kinds of places
dark, insidious; no recognizable faces.

that is where i reside; pick up and hold the line
waiting there, an intense fantasy
as long as you keep on talking to me.
the moans will be loud and the lust will be true

and not before long; i will have you.

You're upset arent you.
your choices bleed and stain with regret.
because you trusted the wrong words.
believed in a silicone future.
ignored all warnings.

there you are
in the thick of it.
likely remembering our past and missing it.
watching me from afar.
wishing you could shine as bright.

the part that saddens me most
is that you could have had us.
The emotions felt for you were so raw.  
you never actually saw it.
You barely got a taste of Me.

You didn't try.
Fear stuck to your veins
buried in the back of cowardice.
A parasite you let in, as if you were prey.

You didn't fight.
Suffering was long winded
And constant. The memories
Inch me closer to destruction,
There's so much more to say.

You left.
Lessons learned in your absence
Cut to the core. Leaving me broken;
Unwanted. It was unwarranted, to this day.

And so,
They continue to leave
because you never showed me
That i deserved someone who
Would stay.

He put his hand
       over her beating heart,
                   their eyes slid closed

Simultaneously.

"This is my home"
     he whispered to her
             and tears filled the corners of her eyes
                         She never thought she'd find love

Unconditionally.

Go quietly go peacefully
Into the night; into
those dark places
Go alone. No witnesses.

Approach the troubled lurker
In the decrepid corners of your
Broken being. Follow his lead.
Keep it silent; keep it secret.

Fall, drive, swallow, cut
The numbness out
Leave your soul. Leave a note
Kiss the ones that tried to love you.
But dont look back.

Disappear. refuse to try.
Im giving up. There are no
Winners in this ether.
I will be a fool no longer.

I wanted you more than i wanted myself. Forever waiting for your hesitant return.

But you are not a man i know anymore. Who even are you? Where have you gone?

I search for you in lovers eyes, hoping you'll validate my existence. And now waiting is all i know.

He called once to tell me that he was no good for me. He sounded just like you over the phone. My voice cracked out a tear filled request begging, yet another man, to stay where he did not want to.

And nothing ever stops you from leaving. Over and over. Not even love.
How do they know where to find the wound? What beacon are they following?

Or has this **** in my psyche been bleeding this whole time. Alerting these predators that i am not fine. Giving them a map to my weaknesses, showing them exactly where to tear. How to rip me open and spoon me out.

My heart drifts to a place i no longer understand. A place i called home, especially when i held your hand. And when i close my tear stained eyes, I see a terrified seven year old being swallowed up, by a darkness she did not mean to create, screaming at the top of her lungs

"Please save ME!"

The future is promised
To those who see it coming
To those who think beyond it
To those who stop running

I used to hide deep in the darkness
From potential, from love, from thoughtfulness, But now i am set free.

No amount of words will explain
What i feel when i see your face
How our new beginnings unfold
To reveal royalty.

Together we will create and break barriers.  There is nothing scarier than
A dream unseen. So i chose you. And you chose me.

And now we grow our legacy.
     And now we grow our legacy.
          And now. We grow. Our legacy.

You cannot love me back together
I am a fine white powder
There is no more space
In me.

There are gaps and holes where i
Used to be. And i take rejection well;
With a bucket, with a rope attached,
Water filled.

What more could you ask of me?
I am devastating. I do not fit.
I am retreating soon. Into the dark.
A place called home.

I keep thinking about possibilities,
Of you and i entangled;
Against a wall,
Under covers,
Exposed skin in the moonlight,
Hands on necks,
Bodies dipped in excited sweat.
I love how you make me feel
Like im the most beautiful woman
Youve ever seen
In the world.
Like i, in my unabashed glory, was created to be touched by
Every part of you.
The best part is i know
you feel it too.

a naughty word whispered in the dark. An embrace so tight that it takes the air out of you.

A collection of my favorite things jumbled into a thousand fantastic memories.

An old song that reminds you of the person you were before all the pain set in. Dedicated to laughter and magical moments.

Quicksand pulling me in a way that keeps me grounded. Filling my lungs with hope before squeezing my throat.

My god, i crave every beginning and ending; every second of you..

I am aimless and lost without you
This was a mistake.

Becoming someone new
Is the only way to survive this rake.

The night was filled with terror.
And my eyes were glossed with tears.

And some how im living this error
Waiting for you to find me here

I begged you to stay there.
I am forever waiting for you here.

Being a woman

is a lot like
       living in  
            two places
                       at once.

in your space and somewhere else
waiting for some commodity.

a partner, a love, some thing more
because we are told that we are not
enough. and until we find them
we are not complete. we are not whole

Our lives
      do not start
             until we find
                      someone else
                                   to live for.

but i love spending the nights
beating in bed. in the arms of a new lover
that may not stay forever. I love music,
passion, and going where the wind blows me.
i love holding onto myself.  

I'm striving to be
        unapologetically me.  
                      in a world telling me that i am
                                                        less.

                  not anymore.