I think back on every pill
and I am terrified
How high could I fly
if I could barely walk,
barely breathe?
How far could I swim,
when I was drinking down the sea
with every pill I tossed in?
The bland flavor and the eccentric,
electric aftertaste
The burst of color and movement
where none existed
made a dim room feel like a happy place
And the burning sensation in my gut,
wasn't butterflies anymore
Muscles torn apart, ravaged by the colors I consumed
Bleeding in every limb
I'm not hungry and I'm not tired
but you know that I'll still sleep
when I'm dead
I feel no cold, and I don't feel the blood pooling at the back of my head as I fall again
I pick myself up and my vision is blurry but I barely notice
because I still feel great
And then I'm laying on the ground and for the first time
I can't get back up
and I'm not scared because I see a light whispering my name
and I hear a voice telling me how slow my heart is
and another voice screaming into the phone
But I still feel great
I feel like I'm floating
I've finally learned how to fly, it feels like
And I close my eyes and the screaming gets louder until
it fades away
and I fade away
and everything around me fades away until I am
nothing
I feel nothing, I think nothing
I'm gone for a while
And when I come back I'm a child at the mercy
of multicolored scrubs and loud voices trying to talk to me
But I still feel great