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Honeybee Jun 2021
the thoughts in my mind
are more suffocating than
the hands around my throat
Honeybee May 2021
Dreams are realities just waiting to come true
It only takes some hard work and passion to make it a reality
Honeybee Oct 2020
I say I’m fine
that I’m good
Even though I know I’m not
I want someone to know I’m not
I’m scared to say anything though
I’m afraid they’ll hate me
As much as I hate myself
I’m dealing with a lot of self hatred recently
Honeybee Oct 2020
She tried and tried
She hid behind a fake smile with tired eyes
She asked you for help
But you didn’t hear her
In time
Her
Honeybee Aug 2021
Her
I would give anything and everything
If I could just tell you one more time
That I loved you for laps
Around the galaxy
Her and I used to joke around about how the phrase “I love you to the moon and back” was just too basic for us
So we came up with our own
I miss her
Honeybee Feb 2021
I hide away from the world, yet I expect someone to be my miracle and find me?
Just a thought
I hope one day someone will find me though
Honeybee May 2021
You know those times I asked what if I gave  up mom?
What would you do if I’d actually given  up and it worked?
Honeybee Apr 2021
I’m used to being abandoned
But one day it’ll stop hurting
And when that day comes...
Honeybee Sep 2020
I may speak the truth
In my poetry
I may have friends
They may or may not know the true me
I may be timid in real life
I may be a little over weight
I may be too tall or too short
For your liking
Or maybe just maybe
I may be the perfect me
I possibly could be
I may not love myself but I respect and accept who I am
Honeybee Feb 2021
I’m Not




Help





Me
Honeybee Sep 2020
Being alone
Hurts just
As much
As being with
You
Honeybee Mar 2021
I ask myself everyday



Why am I so ****** up?



I still don’t have a valid answer
Honeybee Mar 2021
There’s a difference between living and surviving
And I’m on the brink of death
Thanks for your support
I’m trying to write again
It’s just hard. It’s nice to know that people think I make a difference though.
So yeah I’m trying
I’d appreciate it if you guys stuck with me while I’m going through this episode of numbness and depression
But if you don’t want to that’s okay too
Honeybee Oct 2021
Nothing in my brain
Just an empty head
Nothing in my heart
Just a hollow chest
Nothing in my eyes
Just a blank mess
Nothing is there
But stress
Honeybee Mar 2021
I can tell that they’re judging
I just don’t say anything
Because I know I’ll just make it worse
Honeybee Sep 2020
Time after time
Rhyme after rhyme
I’m still crying inside
I ask myself why?
Why can’t I see
What they think they know about me
Or
For
What they knew about me
I hope this makes sense😣
Honeybee Mar 2021
i can’t go on anymore



save me



i need help



don’t leave me



stay



please I can’t do this anymore
The thoughts behind the words

Show me that you care enough to stay
Honeybee Oct 2020
Her eyes glowed
However her pain never showed
As she looked straight into my eyes
She lied that she was fine
I can’t blame her though
I did the same exact thing
Honeybee Feb 2021
When I said I was okay
Did you really believe me
Or did you just let it slip by
While I was giving up on living?
I wish I could ask the person I’m talking about this question
But even if I faced him I know I would just freeze, say nothing and cry
Honeybee Mar 2021
I feel so
A imless
L ost
O bscured
N eglected
E xhausted
I’m kind of just lost right now
Like is there even a point in writing?
It’s not like it makes a difference in other peoples day
I kind of just want to stop
Not just writing but just everything
Honeybee Feb 2021
If I was lost
Could I  find my way home?

If I was found
Would I even want to go home?
Honeybee Feb 2021
I think the reason
I search so hard for love
Is because I know I will never
Find some inside of me
Honeybee Apr 2022
The pain rings
In me head
As you string
Me along
To bed
Honeybee Feb 2021
If each of my tears left a wound on my face
Would it be as scarred as my heart?
Honeybee Mar 2021
I used to be better at being
“Fine”
Honeybee Feb 2021
I hate getting flashbacks
Of things I don’t want to remember
Just a quote I twisted around a little
Honeybee Feb 2021
The mess around me
Isn’t even a sliver
Of the mess inside my head
Honeybee Mar 2021
Why are you like this?

Why am I like this?

Why are we like this?
Honeybee Aug 2021
Whenever I look in the mirror
The only thing I see
Is the monster that I am
Honeybee Sep 2020
Lying here in bed
Wanting to cry and bang my head
I don’t know why I feel so much
I think it’s just because
I woke up as me
I struggle with very low self esteem  

I’m working on it though
Honeybee Apr 2022
it’s like i’m two plus people
in one body
It’s really hard because my manic episodes come fast and hard and then my depressive episodes are even worse
Honeybee Apr 2021
The day she came
Was the day my hope returned
We’re not blood related but she’s my family nonetheless
I love her she’s the best
She understands me in ways no one else could
She’s my inspiration in poetry
And in my life in general
Honeybee Mar 2021
Them: I don’t see any scars
Me: why would I leave scars where you can see?
I saw something like this. And thought I would twist it up a little and post it here
Honeybee Feb 2021
No one realizes that a fake smile
Is all I need
To cover up the pain
That they don’t see
Honeybee Mar 2021
My parents have been asking me if I want to go back
Back to the place that tore me down on so many different levels
Back to the place that shattered me
The place that turned that sweet little girl into the broken and aggressive one that they see today
Back to the place that was so terrifying that no matter where I went it haunted me day and night
The place that was so exhausting but so terrible that I could barely sleep at night
Back to the place that was so awful that I felt the need to **** myself
The place that made me feel that the only way I’d get out is if I died
The place that I lived in for twelve years but will make me question everyone for what they want till the day I am six feet under
The place where I couldn’t even go to school as an escape because it was just as bad there as it was at home
Back to that hellhole that was run by my father



The place that I will never go back to
I may not know much but I honestly feel like that my parents are trying to get rid of me at this point
I’m sorry if I sound like a whiny brat for writing if I do just let me know
Honeybee Mar 2021
I just want to die
For only one day
Just to see
If anyone would care


And if no one did
To make my death permanent
I saw something like this and thought I would twist it around a little
Honeybee Feb 2021
You know
I really wish
I was okay
But I know I’m not
Honeybee Mar 2021
I’m just sitting in my tub
Not taking a bath
It’s actually completely dry
Just sitting
Thinking
Crying
I’m trying to write I really am but it’s really hard
When I feel like this it’s hard to even get out of bed
So I’m trying
Honeybee Mar 2021
My emotions and thoughts are just like an ocean
And I’m drowning on the last bits of the boat of insecurities
And I’m barely surviving on the lifeboat of being “fine”
Or
Honeybee Feb 2021
Or
Do I actually matter
Or
Am I just as I insignificant
As I think I am
Honeybee Sep 2020
You can see the pain
Leaves a blood stain
Have sat at a gray window
Cried into my pillow
A lot of nights
I think about the fights
That I caused
I wish I could have it paused
Could have fixed it
At least a little bit
Arguing every night
I was in my blanket pulled tight
Or in the tub begging to drown
All I had was a frown
"Keep your head up"
It wasn't just a bump
You did this
Back then there was no bliss
I was thinking of a day
Where things might go a little my way
But it never did
Honeybee May 2021
You know that the world seems so nice and the people seem to treat you so well and they all want to be your friend
That is until you let a little bit of your crazy show then they tell you how much of a freak you are and how your better off dead or how you don’t matter and that your worthless and stupid
Then when you end up trying to **** yourself or they accidentally see the bandages on your wrists or they by chance notice that your wearing a hoodie in a hundred degree heat
They do one of two options
1 they try to be your friend out of pity or
2 they throw you to the ground and bust your lip open then tell you ten times more often that your a freak and a thousand times more often that that overdose you tried last summer or those times you ran away from home and was so ******* to close to either walking into traffic or jumping of a cliff should’ve worked
To be honest where I come from it’s usually the latter

And quite frankly the more times they tell me all of this it makes it feel worse than death and it gets me thinking that those suicide attempts should’ve worked too
Honeybee Mar 2021
I hope you already know this
But
Makeup won’t change
You on the inside
Honeybee Feb 2021
I have nothing left to say
But
Please just stay
Honeybee Apr 2021
I’m tired of feeling like my mind is an inescapable prison
Honeybee Apr 2021
“Living is a privilege”
Then please like you take all my other privileges away take this one away too
Honeybee Mar 2021
I can still hear his voice
Telling me how worthless I am
I can still feel his hands
Over my throat
choking me
I can still see the blood
Dripping to the floor
From where he cut me
I can still smell the beer
On his slurred tongue
I can still taste the iron in my mouth
from where he would punch me repeatedly

I can still remember everything my brain allows me too
Whenever I see or hear something that reminds me of him
I immediately break down
Honeybee Sep 2020
Your smile was the sun
But it didn’t last for very long
You were bored
So death came knocking at your back door
You cherished me
Yet I couldn’t see
That through the rain
You were in pain
Your heart was so pure
I was so sure
We were just friends
But in the end
I loved you so much
Sadly it was to late for such

Emotions
Honeybee Mar 2021
How am I supposed to say what’s right
When everything is wrong?
Honeybee Mar 2021
Sometimes I just go into a daydream
And never want to come back to reality
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