another year
passed by
and i guess
i have more reasons
to be here
to be alive
to try
to be seen
for who i’m meant to be
to be heard
as more than just a little girl
to give myself a chance
to change
to be more of
honeybee

Some people count calories
Or sodium and sugars
But I have nothing to count
Because I just
Don’t eat

Dandelions upon your head in the shape of a crown with rose petals to match
The smell of strawberries and sweet citrus rolling through the grass
The taste of sour lemons going all the way through my mouth and down to my throat
Your smile as inviting and friendly as the summer breeze
A light sun shower prickling the top of my slightly warmed skin
Giggling quietly until we can’t contain our joy any longer
Feeling like I belong more than I ever have before

The bright stars settle
In the ominous night sky
Yet I’m still biting my ****** tongue
So I don’t cry and cry and cry

They say that staying quiet isn’t the answer
But I’m not looking for an answer

Her lips like candy
Her eyes like the sea
And the way
Her cheeks turned rosy
When she looked at me

I try to scream for help
But I can’t
It feels like claws are running up and down my throat
Suffocating me making me unable to even let out a sob
So I just sit there in silence
Not being able to breathe
Not moving a muscle

The stars above
Can’t even show my love
Or how much I died
Every time you cried
The good you saw in me
Made me want to believe
I could get better
And not hide under my sweater
To be comfortable in my own skin
To realize it’s okay to not be thin
Would be wonderful

I’m trying to get away from them
My demons
My monsters
My insecurities
But no matter how much I run away
Or try to leave them behind
They find me
They always find me

Mental Disorders
Are out of order for a reason
So we can see the seasons
Uniquely
We are health and pain
We see beauty in the rain
We may be considered in a craze
But I consider our brains like a maze
Traps and dead ends
but like water and gardens
beauty

Suicide doesn’t end the pain
It just makes everyone insane
People who care
Will cry and be in despair
And for the people who don’t
Well there not worth anyone’s time

My scars don’t mind if they have friends
friends like more cuts and burns
More pain just keeps me happier
At least that’s what I thought
Until I got help
Then I realized I’m not okay
And
THAT IS OKAY

I can’t drown my demons
They know how to swim

two fallen birds
both broken in hearts and wings
brought together by a twist of fate
and with hope and grace
learned to fly once again

Just for once, just one time
I want to be someone’s first choice

Everyone has flaws
It’s the people who admit to those flaws
That I truly admire

I may not have been able to pick my blood family
But my chosen family
Is the most important thing to me in this world

I know I’ll never be good enough
But that doesn’t mean you have to point it out to me everyday

My mom always tells me that being positivity is a choice
But it’s not like I get up in the morning and want to hate myself
No one wants to wake up and immediately think of death
No one wants to go through the day with barely enough motivation to stand
No one wants to get home from school and cry for hours
It’s not like I want to be up all night having flashbacks and anxiety attacks
But guess what mom?
That just how my life is!
And there’s nothing you can do to help me
I’m a lost cause
So just let me give up
Please
Just please

I heard our song on the radio today
I remembered how you used to sing it
With no rhythm and zero accuracy
And how I said I didn’t want to join you
But in actuality I wanted to every time
I still do
I still want to join you

I feel like there’s a big dark red balloon welling up inside my chest
My blood is pumping in the wrong places
Fluids going into places where it hurts and stings like bees repeatedly stabbing me
I get sick to my stomach and throw up not even forcefully there’s just so much pressure on my organs that it feels like they’re being crushed
My throat getting tight and my tongue not being able to fit in my mouth
Pains in my rib cage that feel like they’re stabbing my lungs and it won’t stop
Being sweaty but shaking from being cold even though it’s 100 degrees outside
Feeling so tired that my vision gets blurry
It comes on so quick but too slow at the same time
It hurts so much
Yet if I complained I’d be told to **** it up and move on with my day
even though when my mom has an episode she gets help and has time to feel better
But I don’t get the same