I heard our song on the radio today
I remembered how you used to sing it
With no rhythm and zero accuracy
And how I said I didn’t want to join you
But in actuality I wanted to every time
I still do
I still want to join you

I know I’ll never be good enough
But that doesn’t mean you have to point it out to me everyday

If each of my tears left a wound on my face
Would it be as scarred as my heart?

Wake up and fake it
Say that your fine
Don’t let anyone see
What’s really going on in your mind

Being alive
Being happy
Being confident
Is something that I thought I could achieve at one point
Now I realize that was a stupid thought

Everyone has flaws
It’s the people who admit to those flaws
That I truly admire

just because i’m broken
does not
mean i’m weak
so don’t treat me
like i’m a victim

I’m never really that happy
It’s just some days
I’m a little less sad

I can’t drown my demons
They know how to swim

I ask myself everyday



Why am I so ****** up?



I still don’t have a valid answer

You know that the world seems so nice and the people seem to treat you so well and they all want to be your friend
That is until you let a little bit of your crazy show then they tell you how much of a freak you are and how your better off dead or how you don’t matter and that your worthless and stupid
Then when you end up trying to **** yourself or they accidentally see the bandages on your wrists or they by chance notice that your wearing a hoodie in a hundred degree heat
They do one of two options
1 they try to be your friend out of pity or
2 they throw you to the ground and bust your lip open then tell you ten times more often that your a freak and a thousand times more often that that overdose you tried last summer or those times you ran away from home and was so ******* to close to either walking into traffic or jumping of a cliff should’ve worked
To be honest where I come from it’s usually the latter

And quite frankly the more times they tell me all of this it makes it feel worse than death and it gets me thinking that those suicide attempts should’ve worked too

Why are you like this?

Why am I like this?

Why are we like this?

two fallen birds
both broken in hearts and wings
brought together by a twist of fate
and with hope and grace
learned to fly once again

Dandelions upon your head in the shape of a crown with rose petals to match
The smell of strawberries and sweet citrus rolling through the grass
The taste of sour lemons going all the way through my mouth and down to my throat
Your smile as inviting and friendly as the summer breeze
A light sun shower prickling the top of my slightly warmed skin
Giggling quietly until we can’t contain our joy any longer
Feeling like I belong more than I ever have before

i don’t even know why I try to be fine anymore
who am I even trying to please?
I’ve already hit rock bottom
I’ve lost everyone
I’ve given up on everything
There’s no point in trying to be okay anymore

How am I supposed to say what’s right
When everything is wrong?

if i told you i loved you
would you say you love me back?

No one realizes that a fake smile
Is all I need
To cover up the pain
That they don’t see

Cry as long and hard as you want
No one will hear you
Because no one is there

I feel like there’s a big dark red balloon welling up inside my chest
My blood is pumping in the wrong places
Fluids going into places where it hurts and stings like bees repeatedly stabbing me
I get sick to my stomach and throw up not even forcefully there’s just so much pressure on my organs that it feels like they’re being crushed
My throat getting tight and my tongue not being able to fit in my mouth
Pains in my rib cage that feel like they’re stabbing my lungs and it won’t stop
Being sweaty but shaking from being cold even though it’s 100 degrees outside
Feeling so tired that my vision gets blurry
It comes on so quick but too slow at the same time
It hurts so much
Yet if I complained I’d be told to **** it up and move on with my day
even though when my mom has an episode she gets help and has time to feel better
But I don’t get the same

They’re important
They can change someone
For better or for worse
So if they’re so special
Why don’t I have any?

I can tell that they’re judging
I just don’t say anything
Because I know I’ll just make it worse

I just want to die
For only one day
Just to see
If anyone would care


And if no one did
To make my death permanent