I used to hate-
How I stayed within the lines,
In the pictures I portrayed.
I used to hate-
How I thought once, twice, three times,
And still could not decide,
What I wanted to make.
I used to hate-
The bubble I was stuck in,
The structure I never punctured,
The rules in my head,
Like some wings I could not spread;

While I observed the beautiful swirling imperfect creations of my peers,
Who would draw on their Converse - add piercings to their ears;
Magical and free. I admired their creativity,
As I let the gas settle back in my shaken-up bottle,
Thinking will I eventually run out of throttle?
Grabbing moments of impulsivity, always followed by second, third and fourth thoughts -
Till they pass, and I'm back to my indecisive self.

But now I like my thought-out decisions,
I like the tasks I deem worthy to finish.
Not as free as my peers, and I still like their beauty-
But this world need us both: the fun and the duty.

I'm tired of boys
And how they like all the girls
And somehow you're never enough
How they still believe their instinct is an excuse
How they call themselves animals
Yet better than us
Yet they took over the world

I'm tired of girls
Who use their bodies to ******
Who don't care about relationships
Who continue the cycle of disrespect
While crying 'freedom'
Happy that all the boys are sharing their picture
Maybe that ONE guy they care about will care
Honey, he's looking at all the others

I'm tired of the world
And trying to hold a relationship
While the world tells him to find other women
It's only a picture
It's only ****
It's only an instagram girl
It's only VR
It's only a *******
For a bachelor party
It's only a massage

I'm tired of fighting uphill
into the wind
and the rain
and the fire
against the Devil

I have a monster inside me
She makes me anxious and insecure
She wants to get better
But says theres no cure
She screams for attention
But shuts people out
Shes alone but she doesn’t want
To be out and about
She drives me crazy
Thinking thinking thinking
She makes me lazy
Replaces working with drinking
And I would be so better off
If she wasn’t around
I would thrive I would grow
All my thoughts would be sound

But I wouldn’t be a poet or a lover
I would miss the way she can feel someone’s pain
I would miss how excited she gets when it rains
I would miss how intense scary movies can get
I would miss how passionate she is about dance
Coz I cant ever feel the rhythm without her around
Without her I’m logic, I’m proper, I’m proud
She’s my monster, I love her,
When she’s happy she cries
She’s so cute when she’s dreaming
I’m glad we’re allies.

I've lived half my life in my head
Playing out scenarios
While reality passes by
As a dull grey line
But I never wanted to draw outside the line.

Meticulously I stayed in
Chasing perfection;
Yet I always loved other people's drawings
Beautiful and creative,
Free and imperfect,
Brave and bold-
Whilst I drew the face in peach,
the lips in red,
the hair in brown.

The walls grow thicker
As does the air.
And the screams in my head grow louder
But I keep still in line.

So here we are babe,
In the aftermath of infidelity
I’ve drawn up the list like you asked.

Yes it’s a long one,
I’m making demand after demand
And I’ll add more before you get to the last.

Let’s settle the score babe,
Just do one more thing for me,
They said trust can be restored like faith.

Jump through hoops for me babe,
I will keep adding more,
Watching you tire in this endless charade.

I need you to only want me
Even though I can’t stand myself
I demand you be loyal to me
While I compare you to someone else

And don’t tell me any white lie
Ignore the Everest I’ve hid from you
Make me the only object of your desire
I promise one day you’ll be mine too.

Here we are babe,
And I will keep making demands
Till you cannot meet them anymore.

And when fatigue gets the best of you babe,
I will blame you for making empty promises.

I will blame you for letting me down again
Like you did when she touched you
Like you did when you called.

I will smile that I was right to build a wall
And I will blame you for making me need proof-
Proof I'm enough.

And then I will tell you to go, babe,
And will I be asking too much
If my final demand is for you to return
Even though I don't want you?

And if you do hang around, babe,
Then will I be asking too much
If my final demand is for you to be certain
Of what I’m certainly not?