Will you marry me?
So that we could escape the Weekdays together?
And make love till we create little Weekends?
My sweet Friday Night?

You could put a bullet through my brain, and I'd still miss you in hell.

That tragic moment
when I finally settle down
and realize...
I am upset over the idea
of our relationship ending...
rather than the suffocation  of it.
We both had become
tired and lazy
and selfish with our
understanding
and withholding...everything
resenting...everything
It had been way too long...
since we kissed...
circumstances...
were extraordinarily difficult
from the very beginning...
never really letting up for very long
and they took a heavy toll...
eventually we each
spun inward
unable to communicate
without offences.
So...
We each began letting go
insecurities ran rampant
it became too hard too hold on
so we let go...
a little bit at a time
first, of our desire
then
our ability to believe.
..in Us
and  what we had
was special to be real.
No one got what they wanted
No one is solely to blame
To  me...
that is the true tragedy..
what we could have...
should have been
That is where
my true sadness lies.
jammed between
the should haves and could haves
I hope we each
find our comforts.
I wished SO much...
Believed so hard...
That someday I would find you...
That when I did
I didn't see all the cracks...
Now it seems
the search begins again...
I am left to find
someone like you.

I don't want to write about you
Because if I should,
I will have to open my mind and reminisce
And let filthy scenes fill my head
Of guilty sins    
Which have destroyed the bridge, connecting who I was,
To who I've become
Making it hard to cross once more

I don't want to forget you
But if I could,  
I will start by burning my diaries,
Watch as ***** secrets turn grey
Turn meaningless,
Demolishing what's left of my happiest moments,
Creating suicidal thoughts            
In the nearest future                

I don't want to marry you
But suppose I do
I will have to ignore your wrong doings
Hurt as you slash me with broken promises
Breaking me, reducing me
Hell breaking loose and you finally dominating me

I don't want to remember,
See,
Feel,
Hear,
Crave,
Miss you

You're a gate pass to hell,
Heaven knows,
I don't wanna go there