Each day we wake up looking for goals that we foggily see, walking through our days carrying our mission of the day with us. We may seek wisdom of the day. We may seek love and shelter. We may seek loneliness and our shadows. Either we knock on locked doors until we are sore and bleeding. Or either we jump of the edge off a mountain. We never give up. Sometimes we never give up on hopelessness. Sometimes we taste our breath trying to search for a meaning in this life. We miss our chances looking at the wrong direction.. And then we miss our lives regretting the lost chances. We live our days experiencing emotions that we rather ignore or control or perhaps we claim that emotions control us. We fail to realize that there are no good or bad emotions they are only fear and love as we fail to realize that there is no reality. Each of us create their own reality with a journal of memories that shapes the path of his daily life. We deny nothing at all for one moment in each day. Our moments differ but they are the same. Before we close our eyes to rest. We realize how heavy is our head. We choose to shut it down by various kind of ways. For us to wake up tomorrow and live again.

I'm sitting here in a waiting room somewhere that feels far away from home, mom is sitting right next to me and she's making me nervous as ****. This is not some poem but I'm terrified because I don't know what to expect and its terrifying, but I do believe deep down inside that fear is a really good feeling, fear is probably the best sign you can have. I feel the stars bleeding disappointment,I hear the moon screaming silently for only me to hear, they know I'm crazy but they don't want it to be fixed, I apologize to the moon and stars for I need to make another true friends and it's about time to reveal my farewells, let's hope this doctor fixes me, let's hope I am crazy.

You slowly, carefully add the tiny navy blue feathers one by one after fully believing  I can't grow wings on my own. You hold my hand and tell me all about dark broken promises and promise me one. You hold me like I'm a million hundred worth glass crown that's about to break and place it proudly on your head for people to see. Or, at least that's what I thought. You're a part of me I thought I can't detach, true it was hard and painful when you started detaching me but I still believe that you're a part of me I can't ******* detach. My trust lowers slowly on the only person I fully trusted, but it's all right. It's alright. I look at the mirror and see your words written on my forehead, and I weep. I remember your words, how my secrets disgust you, how you say I disgust you. I close my eyes and ears to hear you hating on me to see you effortlessly break the glass crown with your bare hand and wipe the blood from the glass cuts away, I see you burning down my wings, you know all I thought I had was you, all I thought I loved was you and the only place I thought I fully belonged was where you accept me. I hardly believe my own thoughts anymore. I hardly fully love anyone anymore. I trust everyone but with complete trust that they'll betray it and it feels so good, it feels so good because at least I've learned my lesson this time, or haven't I? I miss you a lot, if you're thinking that I've placed a stranger in your place like you did, you're completely wrong. As I said, again and forever, you're a part of me and you can't just cut a part of your body and live like nothing happened. Or can you? It's either you're proving this fact wrong, or I never was a part of you in the first place. I'm in denial about this, I'll always be. Hopefully not.

Just when storms appear you lose yourself under the pressure of the invisible oceans and scream out every name that ever caused you a heartache
but none can hear it.
Listen carefully to the secret silent conversations, do as they command.
Lose that glimpse of hope
Hold on to what's left of you
Cry out what's left of them
Fold and tuck the memories
Fly and kiss a star, that shall distract the moon
Have a cup of patience
Shower yourself with ignorance
Everything is just a matter of time

See through my thin skin
See through my bones
See through my reckless acts
I beg.
I beg.
To chase what've been missing
Looking at the graphical images my emotions shaped which I call memories
Did I fail again? To see what is so obvious?
Rewinding each memory creating a new one
I, who you may call smart fails to figure it out.
I abandoned my nest to breath freedom
But I ended up cuddling my bed at the sunlight
Did I miss it again? That noise will feed my brain with toxic
Inhale me in
Inhale me in
For my emptiness to be filled again

An open book with empty pages
Read between the lines, will you?
Find the missing pieces under your skin
Fragment sentences
Collect each one and read the piece I wrote
Scared with the world that hides in your eyes
Read it once again through my lips
Let the poetic poison drug your body
For me to be under your skin

Hello, I know it's way too late but can I call you dad?
  It hits me when someone mentions your name and I feel the need of that rare hug of yours that could bring the dead back to life, ironically..
I miss you terribly, I can hear you laughing at me right while I'm writing you this, you would laugh that laugh of yours when one of your siblings make a really bad joke, or when your mother hints about how cigarettes are bad for you and that you should quit smoking. I'm sorry, I got drifted away, God I miss that awful laugh so much. Back to the point, you would make fun of this and I would hate it and you'd laugh that laugh and I would hate it, you'd keep the letter and I would hate it as much as I hate that you will never read this or laugh that laugh ever again. I miss you. Your memory is dragging me down again, I wish for a single day with you, just one day where I can tell you "I love you" for the first and last time, where I  thank you for making me the person I am. I'm trying my best to be the good girl you've always told me is hiding somewhere inside me, I don't think she's completely there anymore, just one day of brilliant random advises and lousy little talks about anything and everything that doesn't actually matter, just one more kiss upon your brow, just one last back pat or one last smile, one last hug, one last failed attempt to show you that I do love you, I swear to God that I regret nothing more than taking you for granted, nothing more than not showing you how much you mean to me or for realizing it a little bit too late. I hope you're where we pray to be, I hope God is showering you with more of what you've blessed us with, I hope you're happy, I hope you're happy, I hope you are happy. I miss you. I miss you terribly. Sometimes it feels like I don't have the right to say that I miss you out loud since I've never showed that I could when  you were here when everyone else did, so now everyone has the right to grieve for losing you and not being capable of showing it to you anymore, but they don't understand that  never saying or showing what they have can be way more horrible, and they wouldn't give me the chance to tell them that. I don't have the right to say it or to love you any more than they do, because I didn't when you were here, I'm sorry I didn't. I didn't know how to show it, you didn't teach me how to show it, teach me how to show it! Teach me all the things you didn't for thinking I wouldn't listen, I would've! I'm sorry I'm late. I know I'm late. I'm trying not to be late, always trying in everything, for you. I know it's late for that too but it helps with the guilt I guess.
I am emtionlly paralyzed by the thought of losing you forever.
I keep your advises close to my heart, I'll keep the memory of your beautiful mind and your pretty fake smile even closer and I bet these small thoughts are what will  keep me going, I'll be always proud of knowing someone like you. I shall grow on loving you even if it wouldn't do anyone any good, I shall pass the love you gave me to those whom deserve it. And those who don't, it's enough for all.
You will always have the biggest piece of my heart. Don't laugh at this, this is not a joke and it's okay not to laugh about it, I'll be embarrassed anyway, but it's okay. God bless your splendid soul.
Goodbye? Seems ironic as well. Goodbye.

Free yourself
If they free you
They're your freedom
You're stuck
until you no longer want freedom

I shall write another one
You shall take nonsense as an excuse

I shall seek the stars and the full moon for happiness and unacceptable misery

You shall scream the butterflies out, rip the shivers with your bare soft little hands

You shall write my name on the shore and one wave or another can wipe it off

I shall write your name with the stars on the darkest nights, night clouds will hide them, mornings will miss them, high buildings will hide them with jealousy

And I shall unlove you

I shall reach, breathless and embrace you
Effortlessly erase you
Unlove you
Forget
And you shall help