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83 · Nov 2019
Gentle Warrior
Malia Nov 2019
Truly
Do you understand
It’s crazy how you withstand
All of that pain
And yet you’re still there
For me.

Your quiet strength
Supersedes
Loud and showy bravado
Thank you
For you are a gentle warrior.
83 · Dec 2019
Over and Over
Malia Dec 2019
Over and over again
I write the same things
I rant
I weep
I dance
I cheer.

Different words used
But the theme is the same
Pain
And meaningless things.
83 · Jan 2020
Crash&Burn
Malia Jan 2020
My life
Is a plane
On downward trajectory.
I’m going somewhere
Down there.
I don’t wanna crash&burn.
But right now,
I’m crash&burningout.
Help me
Because I don’t think
I can pull up
In time.
82 · Nov 2019
Run Away
Malia Nov 2019
Run away
Run away
It’s best that you don’t stay
You have no idea
What chaos I am.

Run away
Run away
Remain and you will pay
The price of loving a living sin
And being in the places I have been.

Run away
Run away
Stay with me; you better pray
That you will make it unscathed
Out of this friendship you have made.

Oh please stay
Oh please stay
I will let you have your way
Even though I’m walking fire
And you have gotten yourself stuck in my mire.
82 · Nov 2019
Freedom
Malia Nov 2019
Freedom
Is more than being able to be
But to be able to express
Freedom of thought
It’s what our founding fathers sought
The freedom to speak
And say what is needed
Without getting persecuted.

What a world it is
When children in grade school
Don’t have freedom.
82 · Dec 2019
Choices
Malia Dec 2019
I though I was supposed to have choices.
But you still don’t let me.
You tell me I can object.
But I can’t.
Not really.
So I am instead objecting here.
It doesn’t matter.
You can’t see me anyway.
82 · Dec 2019
Question
Malia Dec 2019
Have you ever
Felt like crying
And then involuntarily
Make a joke about your life
To make others feel better?
Malia Nov 2019
Dogs are way better than people
That is a well-known fact!
But people smell way better than doggies,
But people still lack tact!
82 · Apr 2020
Sunny
Malia Apr 2020
People may be dying right now
People may be crying right now
People may be hurting right now
But at least it’s sunny out today!
Malia Nov 2019
Only in our blind beliefs can we ever find the truth
The deepest precepts come from the youth
Contradictions never fail to make sense
And I can’t even see through my own pretense
81 · Dec 2019
Not Poetic
Malia Dec 2019
I am not poetic,
I am not pretty.
You want to hide my chaos,
I refuse to be neat and sit still.

I know you want my fake,
But I care about my real,
I don’t want to hate,
I just want to feel.

You want me to be charming,
Instead I’m rather alarming,
If I’m such a disappointment,
Change your expectations.
81 · Nov 2019
Waning Faith
Malia Nov 2019
There is a God
But he ain’t showing himself
Why is he letting his “great power”
Rot on the shelf?

My faith is waning
My awe is fading
It’s too loud
Too big of a crowd
Looking for peace
But that hasn’t happened.

Where the frick did you go?
Why did you leave
When I needed you the most?
If you’re really there
Show yourself
Come back.
80 · Feb 2020
Inner monologue 3
Malia Feb 2020
I have a fairly great life.
I am one of the group of fortunate people
Who get to go to school
Who have a kind family
And a roof above my head.
I should be thankful.
I am.
But I’m mostly sad.
I am always afraid of what may happen,
Which probably will inevitably happen
Because life does that sometimes.
I feel like because I am fortunate
I should be happy.
But it’s so dang hard for me to be happy.
I don’t understand it.
Sometimes I wish I was diagnosed with depression
Because then at least
I would have an excuse.
I would have an explanation.
But instead I am left with a sadness
That I can’t explain.
I don’t deserve to be this sad.
My life is awesome.
I don’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain.
I’m pretty sure I got a good amount of serotonin in me.
It’s just me.
But if it’s so easy,
Then why is it so hard?
80 · Oct 2019
It’s a shame
Malia Oct 2019
How fast
Beautiful things
Turn grotesque.
80 · Oct 2019
Haiku
Malia Oct 2019
Push me down thinking
That I won’t push you back worse
You are so stupid
80 · Nov 2019
I Still Wait
Malia Nov 2019
I can’t find the butter for my bread
I refuse to have anything else instead.
I can’t find the missing puzzle piece
That will complete my masterpiece.

I still wait.
79 · Apr 2020
Red Sea
Malia Apr 2020
I stumble into a crowd
And it parts like Moses’ Red Sea
I’m not any celebrity
They must be afraid
Of someone like me.
79 · Nov 2019
Would you
Malia Nov 2019
Would you recoil
Your wonderful touch
If you saw a few of my scars?

Would you walk away
If I told you just
How many times I’ve been marred?

Or would your embrace get tighter
Your love for me stronger?
Would you still be willing
To give me a sky full of stars?
Inspired by the song “Love Me Less” by MAX and Quinn XCII
79 · Oct 2019
Epigram
Malia Oct 2019
It appears to be
(Or at least, to me)
That every student at my school
Is crazy, bi, and quite a fool.
79 · Jan 2020
Lost in Confusion
Malia Jan 2020
Lost in a lock of confusion.
Misunderstanding is our demise.
What isn’t made of logic and facts,
We belittle, ignore, and despise.

What we see we don’t always believe,
Because we only let ourselves see what we want to,
To change someone’s mind is like
Trying to tip over the Rocky Mountains
With your bare hands.
79 · Nov 2019
I can’t
Malia Nov 2019
I can’t seem to react
As others would
I can’t seem to feel
As others would
I’m not completely sure
I’m able to feel at all.
Malia Dec 2019
I walk through the foggy mist
I feel the souls around me
The lost ones I am amidst
I’m not talking about dead people
Instead the ones who are ignored
I’m talking about the people
Whose hearts are battered and sore.
78 · Apr 2020
Loneliness
Malia Apr 2020
Loneliness
Is a great grey funnel cloud
Trying to whisk us away
But not to the Wizard of Oz
It takes us away
To a Land of Pain.
78 · Nov 2019
Untitled
Malia Nov 2019
I love you
But you
Can’t stand me
You see
An annoying pest
That’s best
To ignore
78 · Aug 2019
Nightfall Falls
Malia Aug 2019
Nightfall falls
As curtains close
To end a show.
And then,
The curtains open up again
To start a new one.
78 · Apr 2020
Just My Opinion
Malia Apr 2020
Music is when
Your bones vibrate
With the happiness
Of listening.
Or something less dramatic,
But still similar.
It’s when
You get goosebumps,
Or you can’t help yourself
But hum along.
Or at the very least,
It’s listen-able.

So “The Box”
By Roddy Ricch
Can just
Go die.
No offense
To all of his fans
And Roddy too.
Just my opinion.
78 · Nov 2019
I am slowly deteriorating
Malia Nov 2019
I am slowly deteriorating
And going insane
And c r u m b l i n g
My supports are bending
From the weight of my burden
My brain is rotting
From lack of use
78 · Oct 2019
If you could save me
Malia Oct 2019
If you could save me that’d be great
But it doesn’t seem that that’s my fate
Cuz my sadness won’t abate
And my longing will not sate.
78 · Dec 2019
Incapacitated
Malia Dec 2019
I was in a mist
Things I never had I missed
Come near and I’ll hiss
Trust never was my thing.

But now your light shines through
So that I can approach you
But yet I stand still
A statue, a picture taken.

You start to walk towards me
I look like a deer in headlights
I can’t seem to move away
How you have incapacitated me, my dear.
77 · Mar 2020
If I Was
Malia Mar 2020
If I was the wind
I’d blow away
To a place so magical
I’d always want to stay.

If I was a fire
I’d warm you to your bones
I’d be light
You’d never be lost.

If I was the waves
I’d give
And take
And give
I’d find treasures
And lose them
So you could find them too.

If I was the Earth
I would nurture all that grew
Along my edges
Because the small things
Are important too.
77 · Nov 2019
Plastic
Malia Nov 2019
This world is plastic
Not fantastic

This world breaks
From all the gosh dang fakes.
77 · Oct 2019
Undefined
Malia Oct 2019
You are undefined
Like 0 divided by 0
Or a non-linear function.
Just thought of this doing math homework. Turns out math homework does have a purpose...
76 · Dec 2019
Stone Cold Silence
Malia Dec 2019
Ink runs down the paper
Like my words are crying too.
I write these for a person.
Someone, I don’t know who.

Thought is so unnecessary,
And yet these thoughts run rampant here,
They rage inside my untrained mind,
My calls no one can hear.

In a room all by myself,
Screeches fill the air,
But only I can hear them.
All you hear is
Stone
Cold
Silence.
76 · Oct 2019
I still want to write
Malia Oct 2019
What?
I don’t know.
Why?
I don’t know.

Wow. This is why I have no ideas.
76 · Dec 2019
Stop Exploding
Malia Dec 2019
How am I supposed to
Focus on algebra
When I feel like
I’m exploding inside.

You’re the kind of person
That would tell me
To stop exploding.

I’m the gun
And you’ve already pulled the trigger.
76 · Nov 2019
Whoops
Malia Nov 2019
She’s sad
She pretends to be glad.

She’s angry at the world
Her inner fists are curled.

One time,
Something sad was happening
Someone told her she was still smiling
She forgot to take of her mask.
76 · Nov 2019
Humanity’s song
Malia Nov 2019
It’s so loud
Silence is scarce
So much sound
Thinking about it makes me hoarse.

There’s only a few sounds
The buzz of humanity
Yet it is so loud
I’m bound to lose my own sanity.

Silence still stifles me
And yet I still long
For both sound to leave me be
And to hear humanity’s song.
Malia 19h
that summer my cousin came
way down from goshen, utah for four whole weeks
and when she had to leave i
cried.

dust billowing up behind horse hooves
in the sticky heat or bitter cold
in breeze or rain or shine,
the feeling of flying.

i’d never, ever forget it, for
when a bird knows Freedom she
will not settle for cages.

my first copy of Falling Up, off
the shelves of the school library and
never returned, pages folded and flipped
and worn like a favorite sweater.
thirty times or more, i read in corners
at my sister’s dance studio and cars and
chairs on the porch, me and shel sitting,
sipping lemonade and apple juice.

i still feel it in the way the
leaves look greener in the rain.

some nights my heart is filled to the brim
so i take the sharpened tip of my pencil and
pierce
the quivering flesh and pour out
line after line after line on the page, but
when i look down all i see are the lines
of my mother’s face etched into the paper.

and when the night is dark and the air is still,
off the letters comes the sound of galloping.
76 · Dec 2019
Help
Malia Dec 2019
You tell me to communicate
I try but you don’t listen.

It’s hard to tell you everything
When to you I always say the wrong thing.

You always think I’m lying,
Because I have lied before.

So now I have to lie again,
I have to bend my truth to your will.

Why won’t you accept me?
This is very frustrating. Got any ideas how to handle this?
76 · Dec 2019
Invisible
Malia Dec 2019
Am I invisible?!
Because you’re avoiding my eyes.
What are you hiding?
Look at me.

Am I silenced
Because you ignore my cries
Are you deaf?
Or are you just cruel?
76 · Nov 2019
My non-drug addiction
Malia Nov 2019
I crave affirmation
I live off of praise
Why do I need this
Is it my curse?
Why do other’s opinions matter?
76 · Dec 2019
Running Out of Time
Malia Dec 2019
Timers are my enemy
I never liked running anyway
Running out of time is worse.
75 · Feb 2020
Really Dang Cliche
Malia Feb 2020
Okay.
This is really cliche
But I’m not sure exactly
What love is
Because there are so many ideas
In the world of today.

You see
Some people say it’s a butterfly in your chest
Or when your stomach
Does a gymnastics routine worthy of a gold medal.
Others say it’s a feeling of safety,
Comfort
Reassurance,
Because when you’re with your loved one,
You are okay.

I have also been told
Love is when you find
Companionship
And friendship
And compassion within a person.

Is it a flash
A strike of lightning
And BOOM you’re in love?
Or a gradual
“I really like you”
Which turns into
“I really love you.”

Truth
Myth
Lie
Deceit.

Too many
Too many.
75 · Dec 2019
Hummingbird
Malia Dec 2019
Fly away my hummingbird
That I might hear
You chirp another day
That your colors bright I may see again.

Come back for the spring
With the blue buds blooming
After hard cold winter
Will I see you again?

Nevertheless, if you leave
And do not return
I wish you well
Stay free, my hummingbird.
75 · Nov 2019
I’m fire youre water
Malia Nov 2019
Im fire
You’re water
And dirt
You try to stifle me
I suffocate

w h e r e i s m y o x y g e n

I’m dying
Where are you
I need you

i n e e d y o u
Malia Dec 2019
Thank you Larry Marshall
For listening to my complaints
For putting up with my whining
And supporting it anyways.

Thank you Katja
For writing from your heart
I see you
I hear you
And it sounds awesome.
75 · Dec 2019
Welp
Malia Dec 2019
No, I won’t stress myself to the point where I start breaking down and getting mad and making everyone else’s day ****.
Too late.
74 · Dec 2019
Movie
Malia Dec 2019
The futures brighter than the past,
The past is black and white.
The future’s technicolor
And the past is dull.
But this isn’t a TV screen,
We can’t just pause the movie at the scary parts.
74 · Nov 2019
Untitled
Malia Nov 2019
Where am I?
Where did I go?

Why can’t I find me?
74 · Mar 2020
Float
Malia Mar 2020
Rise
I ask
I plead
You to rise.
Please
Don’t stay
There on the ground.
You
Deserve happiness
But you won’t
Accept it.
Rise
Love
Give.

f l o a t
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