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Apr 4 · 74
Suicide before I die
Suicide before I die
Wont be long, dont worry why
Suicide before I die
Its not easy coming home just to cry

So one last drive where i grew up
Burn outs here, and broken love
Fist of anger, and painful rage
Finally no more tears on my page

Pet my kitty just one more time
Ill see her soon so its not goodbye
Clean my room so they dont see
the mess and stuck dirt is really me
Pray to God and hope to die
You make no mistakes but what am i?

So suicide before i die
Wont be long dont worry why
Suicide before i die
Its not easy to see and cry

Blurry vision while shifting gears
Weight lift off my shoulders and no more fear
A sense of relief comes over my head
I can tell its almost my last breath

Play it off as just an accident
Few understand she is how i vent
I love too hard in this world of darkened depths
Hard to communicate when choking on death

Suicide before I die
Wont be long dont worry why
Sucide before I die
Its not easy and the pills dont lie

One last dance with my true love
I hope he knows he was the one
His kiss gave me life but not enough
Im sorry baby i know this is tough
May 11th 03:00,
Speeding 140 with a peacful mindset
You were my only happiness
You win you love me mostest

Im happier now and i promise you this
Ill hug you tighter, you will be missed
Tell my family i love them a lot
This is a battle that cannot be fought
Please dont cry
For you i tried

So suicide before i die...
Wont be long dont worry why
Sucide before i die
Its never esay, but youre always mine
Sucide before i die
It doesn't hurt and i know why
Its meant to be like my love for you
An endless bottle flowing through through
I love you to death cant you see
So suicide before i die
Wont be long dont worry why
Sucide before i die
Theres no such thing as goodbye
Jun 2022 · 133
Someone to Trust
GothicKitty1905 Jun 2022
You ever get stabbed in the back? I'm sure you understand, when reality comes back and grabs you by your hand. When you lose everyone, and you don't quite get it, his love is so comforting, you will never forget. He is someone to trust, because he is the way the truth and the light, and trust me he knows youve put up a fight. But here's the thing, he wants you to fight more, he wants you to fight so hard that you may never have wished to be born. It's a hard challenge to take, but his gift is worth it, he is everything knowing. do you know where you're going? Hebrews 12:4
GothicKitty1905 Jun 2022
It's one of those days again... The ones where you barely find the strength to begin. With every waiting breath, I wish and want cardiac arrest. Everyday the struggle to even get out of bed, just eating feels like such an achievement. I'm finding it difficult to even vent, my emotions are filled with hopeless relent. It's one of those days again, starting it off too late in the day, and too many mistakes made to walk away. It's gonna be one of those days.
GothicKitty1905 Jun 2022
There are some days where life feels too easy, like sipping sweet, lemon tea just feeling the breeze. Even in winter, feeling that rush of cold air, an icy bliss, brushing against your face, thinking, "why can't every day be like this?". Those days of the rain tumbling down, supplying tears for when you feel down, somehow those days can feel empty as well... sometimes... that happiness gets blinded by reality, those happy birthday parties, with so many people and balloons, can somehow turn into the most loneliest times, the ones that will last, the memories that depression will claim as its own palace, its resting place. Most of these days got m feeling like Ethan Jewel, "Loneliness in the Presence of Company". Somehow it is all so comforting. Loneliness will become my only love, as if I'm being sent t a prison of four padded walls, only... i want to be there, because if I'm there than im not stuck here at least its quiet, and at least there aren't people to judge me, and there.. there  don't have to worry about friends, that turn into vicious backstabbing petty princesses.
#Ethan Jewel
Jan 2022 · 98
He lives
GothicKitty1905 Jan 2022
He is so amazing, he is so peaceful, he is so powerful, he is forgiving, he is always there, he never abandons, he knows all pain, he knows all sin, he knows you, he knows your scars, he knows your struggles, he holds you tight, he provides warmth, he never loses sight, he is there when you mourn, he is coming without a doubt, so I hope you're ready, his plan is well thought-out.
Jan 2022 · 189
CHRIST
GothicKitty1905 Jan 2022
C.oming
H.ome
R. evival
I.s love
S.acrificed
T.rust worthy
Jan 2022 · 94
Too perfect
GothicKitty1905 Jan 2022
It's been years, and I've grown up so much, new years has brought a unrecognizable twist. Schooling is fine, relationship with Christ and family is fine, everything is perfect, checking every box on the perfect list. I'm completely caught up but somehow falling behind. I'm in such a perfectly straight line. Everything has been so perfect so how is it that i still feel so alone, so empty, so depressed. It's all so perfect. The only issue is that it's too perfect.... Even the purr.... Of the word holds me so warmly, but yet it strangles me with mental illness.
Aug 2020 · 97
Yolo
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2020
Life is fun life is sad life is something that can drive you mad, what I can see could be the strangest thing, some people only see some of these things, but over all look above not below after all.. I mean yolo.
Feb 2020 · 111
Happy birthday to me
GothicKitty1905 Feb 2020
Here's to the worst freaking birthday where you can't handle anything anymore and you're left trying so hard not to cry but suffer tears down your face I can't handle this pressure so happy freaking birthday to me the best one yet! Can't you see how happy I freaking  am now I'm left at the mercy of friend, family, and God I just hope you knows what he's doing happy birthday to me.
Dec 2019 · 155
Glow
GothicKitty1905 Dec 2019
I can't have a glow if my light is dimmed, I'm cut open with a knife because we sinned, if life is a game and there's a medal at the end, I will pass it on I won't make it there goodbye for now see you in a little I need to recharge to breathe again.
Check out NF and his new song Paid my Dues
Aug 2019 · 433
Alone
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2019
I am alone so don't call I won't pick up the phone dripping from my mouth as I lie cold will be foam I am so done with losing friends with evil comments that never end die die bye bye no more taking off to fly die die bye bye
Aug 2019 · 130
Am I an imposter
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2019
Am I an imposter sometimes I don't like my family I wish I was fostered no one likes me for who I am everyone thinks I'm a big copycat but you don't know who I really am I am a small kitten suffering with cuts bruises my heart tries to fight but in the end always loses you don't want to see my scarred wrists but you don't know who I really am you do not know me so you cannot accuse me you may not have been where I am just be thankful the evil comments don't come from your fam I build  myself up I let myself down what is a smile I have the frown my eyes are empty all the love and light has left me you see me as an imposter but maybe I'm just dark and Lost if you hate me then just **** her end it all with a simple twist life long suffering could end BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.
Aug 2019 · 368
Empty
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2019
You can see me in my shadow only some people I call a friendly fellow you can find me hiding in darkness left empty crying and speechless stress weighs down on my shoulders it's like I'm hitting giant boulders it seems like nothing could help me but I still look to the sky to try and see Lord is there I know he is how can I feel so dark if I know he's there hatred and depression it's my biggest bear life is not fair sometimes I wonder how can I live but to keep me going I try to share share poems share my thoughts but I'm still drowning and now I'm just lost.
Aug 2019 · 408
Breathe
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2019
B:broken
R: rifle
E: empty
A: anxiety
T: threatened
H: hatred
E: exhausted
Aug 2019 · 181
Broken love
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2019
I was broken shattered I tried to pull myself together piece by piece my friend picked up the pieces of me falling apart but only one person had the last piece to my heart.
Aug 2019 · 148
My own shadow
GothicKitty1905 Aug 2019
Lost in my own shadow who can see me doesn't matter no one would believe I can talk I have a voice but I screamed so much I was lost in a void forcing me to break down is a demon version of me she looks at me and says you will never be free I cried till the end of May I cried so much I could fill an oceans Bay but there is one stronger than all who can hear me when I call he catches me when I fall Lord your out there I know you are sometimes I feel that you are far. Joshua 1:9

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