Unfinished


The soil of my childhood
hard and rocky
Clay and dry
A desert without rain

It took many years
of internal tears
To water the earth
Around my heart again

Years of my adulthood
Lost
Unreclaimed
No memories of young love

I have wisdom
of a heart
That bore too much
Felt too much
Hurt too much

I can tell you
What not to do
Or at least
What to avoid

I was a flower
That bloomed
Too late
To be picked
For the parade
Of life

At least I made it
Into a bouquet
For an Autumn
Love

You were a book without a cover
Hard to read
Closed
Your heart was shut
Like mine used to be
I think I know you better
Better than you know yourself
You had a sense of humor
Smart
Witty
Intelligent
Wise
You had a plan
Knew where you were
Going
I liked that
I stood there
Gently knocking
On the portal to your heart
Hanging onto
Smiley face emoticons
And you calling me back
After you had to get off the phone
But
I always texted first
I had to carry the conversation
I don’t think you realize
How hard it was
To stay out in the cold
Waiting for you to
Warm up
To me
To defrost your heart
To see that I was a man
Who stood there
In your bitter cold
But
In the end
It was the end
You and I
Are two
Separate people
I wish
You luck
I hope someday
You believe
In love
I know
I do

I remember
The days
Both of you
Were born
How proud I was
How much hope I had
How I knew I would be
A great father to you two
Throughout the years
The struggles
The battles
We had good times
Reading books to you
Going to the park
Giving your memories
Of a father
That I never had
That was my greatest gift to you
To show you how a man should be
Camping
Hiking
Swimming
Biking
Vacations at the beach
Memories no longer out of reach
For me
You gave me more
The childhood I lost
You let me prove
I wasn’t broken
You gave me
The opportunity
To the be the father
I dreamed of having
Oh, to be sure
I stumbled
Fell down
Disappointed you too
I was hard
And tough
And sometimes
A *******
I had to
Prepare you for the world
But hopefully you’ll remember
How I was a gentleman
Respectful
Courteous
Kind
Thoughtful and brave
How much I involved myself
In your lives
Even when you hated me
Being there
I know
But if I hadn’t
You would have missed me
And now
The time grows close
Where I must leave
We’ll still have time
Time together
But you’re growing older
Getting ready to move on
Into the world
I hope the lessons
I’ve been repeating
Over and over again
Will one day sink in
Like I know they will
And you’ll remember
Your dear old dad
Was not as wrong
As you said he was
That you will grow into
Men
Men who know
How to treat
A lady
How to respect
Themselves
Nice clothes
And a clean shave
Mean nothing
Without manners
Work hard
Play nice
Have fun
Laugh a lot
Make good friends
And be one too
Wait until you find
The one who amazes you
And raise your children
Better than I did
I love you more
More than you’ll ever know
At least until you have kids
Then you’ll understand
I miss you already
Your father
March 21st 2016

Towards the kitchen
Like a zombie seeking brains
I moan "COFFEE. COFFEEEE!!!"

Where’d you go?
Were you ever really there?
I saw you infrequently
Because you worked nights
And ****** strange women during the day
I knew at 6 years old
I was almost nothing to you
An excuse to visit that girl
At the ice cream parlor
Mom left
Because you couldn’t even be
A father
Much less a husband
How much I mourned
The loss of you
How many times
Did I cry myself to sleep?
No more tears left to give
Not just you
Mom too
Because you two were both
****** up
You didn’t know any better
At least I did
At least I waited
Waited until I was ready
Ready to be a father
To commit myself
To raising children
The park
The sports
The things we do
To give them good memories
Of us
And when you died
I could not cry
I could not shed a tear
For the loss of you
Once again
I had lost you too many times before
No more tears left to give
Maybe someday I’ll cry
For you
Right now my eyes are dry
For you
I have no more tears left to give

Don't look into,
Homeless eyes.
Because,
You know their lives,
Are one big mess.

Don't look into,
Homeless eyes.
Don't look into,
Madness,
Despair,
And anxiety.
Don't look into,
Homeless eyes.
You'll only see,
The pain,
And agony,
They face,
Everyday.
Stay away,
From,
Homeless eyes.

Pushing their,
Shopping cart lives,
To the sidewalk's edge.
Hear them mumble.
Hear them mutter.
Endless paths of concrete.
Where they step off the ledge,
An' tumble into the gutter.