it's ok to **** yourself
as long as you do it right
they way i've found for myself
drink heavy and eat light

it's alright to take the oath
live fast and die young
youthful days, i gave my most
i lived the song i sung

it's ok to drown yourself
in your phlegm and some wine
that's the way i find myself
i **** myself to pass the time

in the highlands, on top of a hill
it sits like a castle of broken will
closed for years, it's occupied still
by lowly souls who are unfulfilled

the chains and shackles redeem their pain
they rattle with rusty dying moans
the empty corridors scream in vain
these tortured souls are still alone

the ***** tables and ****** straps
can no longer hold the desperate minds
misery and death, in human traps
hands can't pray when tied in binds

they scream their stories into my ear
they show the scenes to my crying eyes
ghosts of doom, torture, and fear
stuck in between, where angels never fly

in the highlands, on top of a hill
it sits like a castle of broken will
closed for years, it's occupied still
by lowly souls who are unfulfilled

fifty miles from the nearest store
tucked back into the oaks and pines
where doves die, and vultures soar
where the warming sun never shines

he sits in his ply board home
in the dew drops of dampened dreams
he would rather be wet and alone
he says it's not as bad as it seems

heating water in a ***** ***
for his morning pine needle tea
he really believes he has a lot
though he has less than you and me

he hits the trails to check his traps
hoping for a protein boost
he collects greens and mushroom caps
everything he sees, has a use

people say he isn't worth a dime
like a dime is all they can see
he thinks they're not worth his time
he thinks they're not living free

cellophane hearts, loving in parts
letting emotions be replaced
once numbness starts, feeling departs
every thought is on the chase

feeling so stamped on

cellophane dreams, hushing the screams
smacking thoughts that defeat
like reality vaccines, by any means
every day is on repeat

the tales of things that have happened there
would send shivers down anyone's spine
the hills and hollows only glare
a shadowy gloom of a ghostly kind

you can still hear
the children's flaming screams
you can feel the fear
in the ashes of their dreams

passing the site where lives were set alight
fostered dreams were burned alive
they still return every night
the wandering ghosts of the deprived

like a whisper in my mind
what are you trying to tell me
the path you say to try
the path they try to sell me

thoughts move to the front
these are not my voices
they are here to confront
how i make my choices

down where the river meets with the creek
the water is cold, the water is deep
that's the place where dreams were put to sleep
that's the place where the secrets keep

what i saw in that misty mud
forever scarred my mind
moonlight on the crimson blood
tragic acts, so unkind

and it seems these dreams are memories
these nightmares are for real
every time i go down there
their pain is all i feel

back in the holler, next to the tracks
the water is cold, the water is black
that's the place where dreams were put in sacks
that's the place where i can't go back

don't follow me to where i go
the freshest tracks in the snow

man made path of darkened steps
leading to insanity's effects

don't retrace steps of where i've been
stray away from where ice is thin

man made path of broken cracks
leading to where life had collapsed

doctors in the old days
did more than read a book
they made house calls on the cold days
just to have look

they brought the medicine
they gave you what would heal
they didn't work for big business
they didn't work for a pill

doctors in the new days
call it medical care
they drive mercedes
they don't have much time to spare

they sell the medicine
they give you what is next
they work for big business
they work for a check

punxsutawney phil has nothing on me
i see my shadow every day
not that great, not something to see
i wish i could hibernate my life away

my life was over in an instant
the stain of pain still radiates
in the tormented distance
the fat lady waits

it'll be over whenever she sings
i hear the humming crescendo
i could have done so many things
this is the end though

every second of every minute
every minute of every hour
death bed, i am in it
these thoughts will devour

my death was written in non-existence
the stain of pain still radiates
while i wallow in the missed tense
the fat lady waits

music calms the savage beast
well, there's a beast in me
sound waves comfort, my worries cease
solace is released in me

music can soothe a tortured soul
it can even heal depression
when i hear rock and roll
i can feel my worries lessen

oh god, it feels like i'm dying
it's only three thirty
tired of the prize i've been eyeing
it made me feel so *****

oh god, it feels like i'm living
in a world of hurting
i'm giving in to the misgiving
and my search for certain

my soul had left it's residence
restless essence led to the exodus
I set out to be fed by precedence
trying to get the best of excellence

I ended up just west of prevalence
right where I left my pestilence
I attest no suggestive evidence
i was never blessed in my quest for benevolence

the best poetry out there
was written down and tossed away
there's too much doubt there
so the words are lost today

the best poems out there
are like stones in the creek
submerged, without air
they never get to speak

the best poets out there
they are blowing in the wind
I can hear them shout there
again and again

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I get down on my knees to give thanks for the day
I already know of the struggle ahead
life is a cycle, changes of my way
carefully observant of where i tread

i get up on my feet and raise my hands to the sky
i already knew the answer i'd get
life is all trials, and then you die
then stand before God to pay your debt

looking at the timelines
so many fine lines
times of the blind kind
eyes pine for defined shine

social media made me anti-social

we die by the guidelines
so many hide lines
pride of the glide times
eyes pine for denied shine

I can tell, this day will be a long one
starting out, i smoke myself a strong one
I don't know if i will make it in the long run
so many roads, i always choose the wrong one

later on, i'll have to pop a klonopin
when feelings go off, then come on again
i don't know if i can make it on a bend
so many people, but i can't call on a friend

soon, i'm going to need a tall one
then i can get my staring at the wall done
people tell me that this world can be all fun
there's good times, but I can't recall none

walking in the rain
he looks down at the street
***** tongues flapping
rubber soles of defeat

his lips are moving
they think he's insane
all he is doing
is talking to the pain

where is he going
he doesn't care
away from the closing
of doors in repair

those doors were slamming
right in her face
they fell off the hinges
he fell out of place

life can be so hard
you can only do your best
when every beat of your heart
feels like a bullet to the chest
these holes leave me scarred
the triggers of the test
every little shard
penetrates my vest

life can be a theme park
not tall enough to ride this ride
merry go round dreams part
where ferris wheel hearts died

when all of the screams start
there is nowhere to hide
roller coaster dreams part
where bumper car hearts died

nobody home, my mind is gone
I walk the line that the line is on
it's like a grind, where the time is long
I can't find the sign post that the sign is on

nobody here, besides a ghost
it cloaks the hope and hides the host
I smoke lots of dope, it supplies the most
i have spoken to the guide of the side i chose

nobody home, my mind is fried
i taunt the fires that i lie beside
it's like a bind, where the eyes are tied
i tried to fly so high, but i had died inside

i've been living on the fly for a while
a dive from the sky for a sight of the vile
i tried to find out why they can cry with a smile
but they decide to lie and die in denial

they divide the ties and put eyes on trial
hiding behind a blinding pride with guile
buying is their guide to arriving in style
vying for the high life with titles they compile

and i have no way to get home

looks like i'm stuck in the muck and the muddle
out of luck where i was put just to hush in the struggle
cuffed to this crust is just enough to bust my bubble
another **** to fuss and cuss in the dust and rubble

audio recording
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red brick buildings
twenty units wide
every apartment
has something to hide

down the hall in unit 8
she hides under her bed
daddy's been drinking
he wants his sickness fed

across the hall, unit 9
the kids are all alone
they learn about life
on mommy's smartphone

up in apartment 3
six days he's been awake
he spends his time
making shake and bake

empty doorways
twenty units wide
so many secrets
twenty units hide

when she was a bright eyed little girl
no dreams ever seemed out of reach
after years of tasting the bitter world
she only felt so tired and weak

she found herself a soothing potion
something to make her feel her best
like waves pouring from the ocean
she really loved to ride that crest

she didn't realize she was in so deep
the receding waves had the strongest tow
what this ocean takes, it will keep
sunken lives are found below

she found herself only treading water
it was getting harder to stay afloat
drowning like other sons and daughters
in distress, in the sea of dope

I can feel spirits of tortured souls
they can crawl right up my spine
they won't let me let the horror go
their suffering is all mine

i can hear voices of murdered dreams
like a ringing in my ears
i ask god why i'm serving screams
i ask why i'm herding fears

i see fingerprints of ****** grips
crimson smudges paint my wall
i write down their troubled scripts
every time those spirits call

audio recording
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life can be less than a pleasure
in this place where the rest are weathered
preset on a quest forever
resorting to their desperate measures

life can be light as a feather
when you'er blessed in the test of endeavor
regret for the best is never
and everything just comes together

get away, don't even look at me
if you had your way, you'd throw the book at me
trained paranoia
all you see is the crooked me

we are all suspects

let me be, don't even follow me
i'm not free, you want to collar me
crime corporation
all you see is the dollar me

we are all paychecks

in this world of temptation
it takes a lot to face the day
all i ask is for salvation
holy water, wash it all away

in this battle of good and evil
it seems the demon always wins
what i need is soul retrieval
holy water, wash away my sins

healing spirit of redemption
pouring light over my soul
bless me with a new ascension
holy water, make me whole

if what doesn't **** me makes me stronger
why do i feel like i'm a goner
i still ache from pain i ponder
i don't know if i can hold on much longer

if what doesn't **** me makes me better
why does my heart feel like leather
i still feel every trauma ever
i don't know if i can feel pleasure

I feel like the walking dead
rotten thoughts calling often
no stopping the stalking dread
crossing over from my coffin

bury me deeper

just a corpse, looking back
maggots feasting on the placid
no stopping the pulling black
passing over from my casket

she ran to the bedroom to hide away
but he had a key to every door
she wondered if she would die today
she wondered what she was living for

he followed her, with whiskey breath
this time he would make her pay
he knew this would end in death
he knew she would die today

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how am i supposed to take my time
when i don't know when time is taking me
how can i make up my mind
when my mind is only breaking me

how can i see it clear
when it clearly can't be seen
how can i stop the fear
when the fear is everything

how am i supposed to let it be
when my thoughts aren't letting me
how can i get the point
when the point keeps stabbing me

running through cornfields, brushing silken tops
we made our own paths, right through the crops
when we were children, we did as we pleased
God, how i miss that lake erie breeze

down by edson creek, through thickets we ran
we never thought twice, we played with no plan
we swam in the creek, we climbed in the trees
God, how i miss that lake erie breeze

the vermilion river's mouth, diving off the pier
carefree and wild, and we didn't know fear
when we were children, we had lives of ease
God, how i miss that lake erie breeze

i don't need a green lawn
i want a shoulder i can lean on

i don't need a front door
what i want is what i hunt for

i don't need a new car
what i want isn't too far

i don't need a green lawn
i want new bed to dream on

who killed the songbird?
someone clipped her wings
now she can't fly
she never ever sings

who killed the songbird?
they cut off her tongue
now all she can manage
is a melancholy hum

who killed the songbird?
made her spirit die
never again to sing
never again to fly

i made a lot of bad decisions
probably more than most
every single one of them
created an angry ghost

they haunt me day and night
they're eating at my soul
the entities of my past
will never let me go

butterfly poets see the sparkly things
they live in gingerbread houses
they hear harp strings

butterfly poets eat cake everyday
they have rainbow sprinkles
in a jar put away

butterfly poets talk to hummingbirds
they have the perfect ears
to hear the pretty words

butterfly poets ride on angels wings
they wear rose colored glasses
they drink evian springs

she buried her face in her locker
just hoping for that ringing bell
she felt she could no longer face them
those hallways were a living hell

the names they called her hit her hard
taking her hopeful breath away
every where she went, there they were
it made it hard to face the day

if i had your hand in mine
we could lie beneath the stars
and if we had control of time
the day would always be so far

if i had your hand in mine
we could lie beneath the moon
and if we had control of time
the night would never end too soon

go break me a switch off that tree
i'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget
through the violence you will see
how these whelts will make you regret

you better just stand there and take it
don't act a fool, and scream and shout
this is love, don't you mistake it
cry, and i'll give you something to cry about


i'm going cut a road map on your back


see the routes that lead to the pain
under passes of the past
i know every road by name
and the street signs will always last

people turn their backs
they can't handle emotion
they run with the packs
they can't handle devotion
they only want stacks
financial promotion
their names on the plaques
of outstanding notion

people turn their heads
toward their satisfaction
no tears are shed
struggle is a distraction
they look straight ahead
toward their transactions
they walk on the dead
to get to their attractions

when i am dead and gone
never shed a tear
i'm just not that strong
i don't want to be here

on my dying day
laugh, sing, and dance
no use to pray
i never stood a chance

His name was malik, but he said it was chad
maybe it is, in his native tongue
the conversation that followed was bad
the lack of understanding stung

" i am doing all i can to help you"
even though i'm a million miles away
impersonal and broken english
if only i could understand what you say

she was only ten years old
when he made the video tape
the film shows a horrid crime unfold
that little girl was *****

the story that remains untold
a past she can never escape
available for an easy download
fuel for a pervert's sake


they have their way with her over and over


******* eyes watch with bad intent
she is a victim again and again
every time that file is sent
she is ***** by other men

come with me, and we'll find shelter
let my arms protect your heart
we could spend all our days together
we could let the world depart

lead the way, and I will follow
a path that can help us heal
just give us a chance for tomorrow
to find out if love is real

come with me, to a place to ponder
future plans of heartfelt bliss
let our feelings only grow stronger
with every touch and every kiss

every mountain has stories to tell
they've been watching for so many years
seeing every climber that fell
hearing screams with rock face ears

every river knows of the pain
pushing it away into collective bays
washing every hurtful stain
lives are turned to red bank clay

every sun ray does it's job
warming hearts with just one glance
making our chests beat and throb
letting us know we still have a chance

she said we could last forever
all she wanted was my hand to hold
love can change, just like weather
turning so windy and cold

sheets of rain soak to the core
lightning strikes us in the hearts
washing away the love we swore
this typhoon has torn us apart

we are all in this together
aren't we all just the same
we should treat each other better
why do we play this hurtful game

words scorch, and so does rejection
burning heat of judging glares
eyes seek a downward direction
when it seems that no one cares

poison arrows aimed at destroying
hitting people in the heart
bullets fly from the fingers pointing
slowly tearing the victim apart

what we need is understanding
no one is perfect, none have the right
the bully only stands there laughing
thinking they have won a fight

but

power comes from the strangest places
a bully will only live in regret
we were made to grow in stages
they haven't seen the best of you yet

Snow caps gleam like lighthouse beams
to a drifting vessel, all alone
the sights I see in all my dreams
now, I am coming home

the forest floor beckons me more
than concrete streets, hard as stone
what's in store, more than before
finding dreams on my own