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Jun 2016 · 437
The Morning People.
Gaffer Jun 2016
The stars look down
And the night becomes day
Morning people stir the day alive
And life begins its ponderous journey
Sally gives me a wink goodbye
She knows I’ll be back tonight to lose the winnings
But this time you’ll be wrong Sally girl
Though you’ve probably heard that a million times
But I’ll not be back
That’s the discipline
To simply walk away
Never look back
The morning breeze awakens the tired senses
The walk home begins a new journey
She’s walking towards me
One of the morning people
Probably walked this road a thousand times
I stop in front her
She looks bemusingly alarmed
I look like the jilted groom
I hand her a hundred pound note, and walk off
She’ll walk a bit faster now, convinced I’m nuts, and it’s a forgery
Later on, she’ll show it to her friends
They’ll tell her that’s what gamblers do
They think it’ll bring them more luck
Not with me
Winning or losing, it didn’t matter
For years the night was my friend
My savior
Then it became my nightmare
Something else to conquer
Time gets you through all
Tomorrow a new challenge begins
I become one of the morning people
It’s been a long time
Hope they’re ready for me.
Jun 2016 · 552
The Grey Lady.
Gaffer Jun 2016
The grey lady walks through the ranks, and stops
Touches the shoulder of the chosen one
And death rightly takes its place
I saw her a lot in the early years
Dutifully going about her business
It seemed like she was responsible for the deaths of thousands
Only once did she stop before me
But she just smiled before moving on
That always confused me
Was I not good enough
How did she know who to choose
I became reckless for a time
Challenging her to take me
She just smiled, before moving on
Dutifully going about her business
One day I felt it, the calling
So strong, I almost welcomed it
She walked through the ranks towards me
Stopping in front of me
I waited for her touch
She whispered in my ear
You’re one of the protected.
Jun 2016 · 298
The Game.
Gaffer Jun 2016
It’s only wrong if you get caught
It’s only right if you want it
You must obey all the rules
This is the greatest acting part in your life
Never upgrade your wardrobe
Change your scent
Use your own phone
Never mix the names up
On no account use your credit card for gifts
Always try for married women
Makes sense
Okay, I think you all know the rules now
So, off you go and have fun
But be careful out there.
Jun 2016 · 447
The Bottle.
Gaffer Jun 2016
Right I want you to put all your negative thoughts into a bottle.
What sort of bottle.
Doesn’t matter what sort.
***** bottle do.
Jesus, yes.
Okay I’ve ran out of room.
You’re so predictable.
Just like you last night, standards are dropping.
That’s because I knew you were coming for a session today.
Think how I feel, all my thoughts in a bottle of *****.
Maybe I should hypnotise you.
How do I know you won’t interfere with me, you read about these things.
Take my word for it, I’m going to send you to sleep, then I’m going to join you.
How does that help me if we’re both asleep, you got a bit of telepathy going on here.
Yes, I’m going to put you into a trance, see if we can find you another guy.
What sort of guy are we talking about, I mean, I’ve already hit rock bottom with you.
Well in that case, we should be able to fix you up quite quickly.
I don’t know, what if he doesn’t understand my quirky sense of humour.
He’ll dump you then.
What, can he do that, just discard me, and me a broken woman already.
Afraid so, but then you can find another guy, and another.
My God, I’ll be the talk of the town, my bottle will be overflowing.
Just relax, breathe in, breathe out, stop doing that.
Doing what.
You’re thrusting your chest out, do you know what sort of guy that’ll attract.
Someone like you.
You don’t want to attract someone like me, you want someone dynamic, someone who’ll take you away from all this.
Have you got someone in mind.
Yes, I was talking to this nice chap in the Asylum yesterday.
Why is he in the Asylum.
He killed a snail.
My God, they put you in the Asylum for that.
No, he’s in for using a flamethrower.
What’s the snail got to do with it.
That was the trigger point.
So what happens if I upset him and it triggers something and he goes mad.
It won’t, I told him to put all his negative thoughts into your bottle.
Jun 2016 · 449
The Sleepy Hollow.
Gaffer Jun 2016
The day innocence disappeared
As life was created down by the sleepy hollow
The days of great sayings
Children bringing up children
We did okay for a time
Sadly maturity does what it always does
Brings new horizons
Sets new goals
We were okay about it
Others weren’t
Maybe they couldn’t see beyond the hill
Time moved on, and the bond was broken
Years later, you found your soulmate
A second child was born
I found out later, a girl
I was leading my life
So in a way, it wasn’t my business
Just made it more final  in a way
I agreed you should take full custody
It was the right thing to do
Upset some
But it was always me and you
I passed by the sleepy hollow
Maybe just to understand
It was wild and overgrowing
Pushing further to the road
Someday it would reach beyond the hill
Never looking back
I would be waiting.
Jun 2016 · 968
Missing.
Gaffer Jun 2016
I’m just popping out for cigarettes
Just popping out
But he never returned
Everyday someone just pops out and never returns
It was out of character
Something must have happened
She left the keys in the ignition, her mobile on the seat
She hasn’t been seen since
It doesn’t make sense
Everyday someone will just walk out the door and never return
They all have their reasons
Stress, money troubles, relationship breakdowns
For the loved ones left behind
Some never recover
****** is always the first thought
Some return in time
Some return after several years
Some change identities, and never return
Eighty percent of people who go missing have mental health issues
Teenagers make up the biggest numbers
The greatest tragedy in all of this is
The Police may find people after several years
The missing person will tell them they don’t want to be found
The loved ones never know this.
Jun 2016 · 294
Lost In Souls.
Gaffer Jun 2016
She ***** him
He’s ******* somebody else
They come together
Just different worlds apart

She stalks his dreams
He’s lost in her soul
Together apart
Apart together

She scratches her name deep inside him
He penetrates her mind
Mind blowing
Just different worlds apart

She bares all
He caresses deep inside
But not deep enough
Not right into her soul

She screams injustice
He pulls away
Naked and pleading
Just different worlds apart

She dresses for the final time
He walks away
She goes back to him
They come together.
Jun 2016 · 355
The Song.
Gaffer Jun 2016
The long rope hung in the air
The song was playing in his head
The barrel spins, click
He heard the voice
You are in charge of your weapon, always
The day the weapon takes charge of you, is the day we find you
The song plays in his head
The barrel spins, click
He wouldn’t die
The rope shook, but he wouldn’t die
He unloaded the magazine into his head
He done the decent thing
The song played in his head
The barrel spins, click
Images started to appear
He wouldn’t sleep
The house was the fortress now
The song played in his head
The barrel spins, click
The long rope hung in the air
He watched him walk away, smiling, inviting him
Destiny
The song played in his head
The barrel spins
The song plays into the distance.
Jun 2016 · 552
The Alibi.
Gaffer Jun 2016
****** is always dangerous
They tend to investigate murders
Now accidents
They tend to happen
Randomly
So, an accident it had to be then
She liked her bubble bath
Liked to listen to her music while relaxing
Seemed the obviously way then
Now all was needed was the execution
But more importantly
The alibi
He would be abroad when it happened
The simple rise in water as she entered the bath
The final song as she switched her music on
The extra hidden wire just to make sure
He would have that look of devastation
The breakdown
But the money would ease the pain
They would investigate
Of Course they would
They wouldn’t find anything
Eventually they would pay out
Something troubled him though
Just that niggling doubt
Kept nagging at him
What the hell was her final song.
Jun 2016 · 319
Our Kelly.
Gaffer Jun 2016
She was just one hit away
Knew the score
Could stop it anytime
Unlike Kelly, stupid *****
******* needle sticking out of her arm
Christ, how many times
How many times did she tell her
She started selling her body
That’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom
No way back when you start doing tricks
Told her straight
You’ll either get murdered
Or end up dead in a toilet
She knew best
She became a walking skeleton
Pitiful person who would do anything for a hit
It was only a matter of time now
She would inject anything
Till there was no where else in her body to inject
It was probably a release in the end
Her body just gave up
Kelly found her
The way she found her everyday
You look after your friends
That’s what you do.
Jun 2016 · 391
The Enlightened Woman.
Gaffer Jun 2016
The marriage was a sham
Nothing more, nothing less
The only happy people were her parents
It stood well with them
Years and years, it stood well with them
She couldn’t even blame him
He was everything another woman would have wanted
Just not her
The note was brief
He’d get over her in time
Now time was all she had
Forty two and alone
Seeking enlightenment, just seeking
He was about twenty
Told her he would like to make love with her
Was this the new generation
No courtship, just ***
Though, he didn’t ask for ***
He asked to make love
Maybe it was the experienced woman he was looking for
If lying on her back was experience, she was that woman
Strangely enough, lying on her back seemed a long time after he removed her dress
Never in her life did she dream of someone kissing her through her underwear
The absolute pleasure just derived by somebody touching the right spot
No one had explored her whole body before
No, she didn’t remember being on her back
She did remember being on top
Totally in control
She did remember exploring his young body, the second ****** as good as the first
More surprisingly
She remembered walking around naked totally unashamed.
Jun 2016 · 1.8k
What Women Want.
Gaffer Jun 2016
He knew what women wanted
After all, he was a man of the world
None of that namby pamby stuff for his woman
Oh no, he was a practical man
So when she opened her presents
To find an iron and a hoover
She was ecstatic
She was that ecstatic
That when he came home the next day
To find his shirts pressed
The house spotless
Her gone
He couldn’t believe it.
Jun 2016 · 419
Yesterday.
Gaffer Jun 2016
She watches, and the road drives on
He’s gone, yet the clock keeps ticking
Only in that moment, does she smile
He said it would pass, just like life
You’ve got to live it
No point dancing in the past
Not with the looks of an angel
He was full of ****, so was she
The grass was long then
With mountains that stole your innocence
Miles from the watching eyes
Where love lasted a whole day
Regrets were hid away
Seemed like yesterday
Now she’s alone with him
So respectable she almost cries
For a marriage full of lies
A pillar to all that died
The mountains stood there
Just for a moment
Looking down on innocence
She watches, and the road drives on
He's gone, yet the clock keeps ticking.
Jun 2016 · 493
Mind Games.
Gaffer Jun 2016
She liked the sound of music
Soft and sultry
Sometimes dark
But mostly in mind

She liked turning him on
Watching him smile
******* her slowly
But mostly in mind

She liked the sound of music
Soft and sultry
Sometimes dark
But mostly in mind

She liked the way he teased her
Moving slowly to her love zone
Tantalising her soul
But only in mind

She liked the sound of music
Soft and sultry
Sometimes dark
But mostly in mind

She liked the build up
The tension
The screaming, the release of pleasure
But only in mind.
Jun 2016 · 361
Special One.
Gaffer Jun 2016
The first mile is tough
The last mile is the toughest
I liked the way she played with her hair
Liked her smile
She had a calming effect on me
The in between was just numb minding
Just distance for the sake of distance
Some never made it, some did
She hated cruelty
One of god's creatures
To good for me
Just to good
The body wants to give up
That little voice agrees
Just dumb for the sake of dumb
I was a dumb one
Everybody loved her
She was one of the special ones
They always take the special ones
Sometimes when the pain gets too much
I’ll run the hill
Just to see her play with her hair
It’s worth the pain
Jun 2016 · 398
First cut.
Gaffer Jun 2016
She needed the love
Like the stars needed the sky
The trees needed the rain
The passion would come later
Always later

She bled, like women do
Sometimes freely
Sometimes not
Just the first cut hurt
It was life

She needed the love
Like the fish needed the sea
The sun needed the moon
The passion would come later
Always later

She bled, like women do
Small droplets at first
Only blood
Just the first cut hurt
It was life

She needed the love
It was life
Just the first cut hurt
The passion would come later
Always later.
Jun 2016 · 1.5k
Mum's Advice.
Gaffer Jun 2016
It's lovely outside, I think I’ll go knickerless today.
You don’t want to do that, you might get knocked down by a bus.
Why would that make any difference.
You always have to wear clean underwear when getting knocked down by a bus.
Do you make these things up.
Did your mum never tell you, you always have to wear clean underwear when leaving the house, just incase you get knocked down by a steamroller or such.
My mum said a lot of things, luckily for me I grew up, unlike some people I may add.
Hardly my fault my mum has to come round and cook for me.
Cook, she cuts your sausages, you’re a child.
Sure she’d cut your carrots if you asked her.
Think I’ll wear pants now, you’re driving me nuts.
You’re not wearing white, are you.
Why, does mummy not allow white.
I’m more thinking of the guys in the office.
What, what's it got to do with them.
It’s got a lot, you don’t want the guys glimpsing boring white, put black on.
The guys in my office are too busy to be perving at my underwear.
Guys are never too busy, it's our job in life to check the girls out.
My last boyfriend was never like this.
That’s because your last boyfriend usually wore your knickers.
He just liked the feel of women's underwear.
How is his hormone treatment coming along, is he wearing your bra yet.
Get knotted mummy’s boy.
Talking about mummy’s, I’m taking yours running tonight. Hope she’s wearing the skimpy shorts.
That’s another thing, you told my mum she shouldn’t wear pants under her shorts, why would that be.
Might be something to do with the leg massage I give her after our run.
You are sick.
Your mum’s a cougar. Actually, just thinking about her is getting me hot, fancy a quickie.
Get stuffed, just get me to work without mentioning my mum, underwear, or any other perversions in your sick brain.
Do my best, white pants.
I’ll get you in the car, need to get something.
Nice legs lover, did I glimpse black ******* there.
Well, you said it, we need to keep the guys happy, any luck one of them will ask me out.
Well if they do, tell them you’re not available this weekend.
And why would that be.
Cos I’m taking you to Paris.
Maybe I don’t want to go to Paris.
Oh you will, five star hotel, tickets to see that weird female singer you love.
Okay, I’ll need a new outfit, maybe a few outfits. Will I need **** underwear.
Strangely enough no. Me and your mum bought you some.
May 2016 · 409
Bob It.
Gaffer May 2016
It wasn’t the ***
That wasn’t important
Well it was
It was him
I gave him my time
He gave me five minutes
Christ, he came quicker than the 9.05 express
Actually, the 9.05 has been cancelled due to a ****** malfunction
He said he got excited
He’s forty two
It’s a breast thing he said
What, the two of them
Well, actually it’s you being naked
Should I keep my clothes on
Could we do it in the dark he said
Yes, just ****** do it
I was excitingly waiting
Nothing
Maybe he’s a Ninja lover
I heard him chewing
What the hell are you doing
I’m coming
For christsakes, not again
No, I’m ready for you
Well get on with it
I’ll just close the door
He screamed
Something told me satisfaction was 999 away
The paramedics put it in ice
The police took down my particulars
God, how i wished they would take down my particulars
He blamed me, could you believe it
Other patients were calling him, Bob it.
I told him straight, the ****** door got more action than me
Is that all you can think about, ****** ***
I started laughing, he didn’t get it
Just like me
May 2016 · 1.4k
The Pony.
Gaffer May 2016
Hi how you doing
I’m doing fine, how about you
I’m okay, well I’m not really
Go on tell me about it, that’s what us ex’s are for.
It’s Joe.
Joe, that’ll be my replacement.
He doesn’t seem to want to do it.
When you say do it, do we mean ***.
Yes, strange isn’t it.
I don’t know, I don’t know Joe.
He’s a man, what is there to know.
Why is he not chasing you around the house.
I don’t know, what happened to us.
You dumped me.
I know, but why.
Let me see now, oh yeah, you said you wanted a ring, marriage, children, house, and a pony. I said I didn’t like pony’s. You said that’s the last straw. I said, exactly, do you know how much straw costs. You said, shut up about the straw. I said, where would we put a pony. You said, shut the **** up about the pony, shut the **** up about the straw. Do you want to marry me or not. I sort of got lost for words, and by the time I got round to saying I would love to marry you, you were away with Joe.
You’re so full of crap, you ran a mile, actually you and that pony have a lot in common, you’re both mule headed.
You’re still with Joe, did he give you a pony.
No, he gave me something else.
Frustration
It’s not all about *** you know, he’s saving himself.
That’ll be the biggest coming this year then.
I don’t know why I phoned you, you do my head in.
You need to borrow me till Joe’s ready.
No I don’t, celibacy is the in thing now.
Well in that case, I just want to congratulate on your resolve.
Are you seeing anyone.
No, I’m going through a monking phase at the moment, new habit.
So we could meet as friends then.
I don’t see why not, a friend in need is a friend in need.
I think that’s a friend indeed.
Indeed it is friend.
Should I bring a bottle round.
That would be a friendly thing to do.
You won’t mention Pony’s will you.
I won’t mention Pony’s.
Okay, I’ll bring Joe with me.
What.
I need to send him back, the post office is on the way.
Ha ha, nice one.
May 2016 · 668
The Two Faces Of War.
Gaffer May 2016
The rain washed the blood away
And for a time I became human again
Children with dead eyes
Play amongst corpses rotting in the morning sun
A father prays to some god
Hoping for a miracle
Abound by his faith
Certainly a deeper faith than mine
For the moment only the gun is god
In these quiet times
I think of people sitting at desks
Being productive
Dreaming dreams better than mine
Building a future
The survivor alarm kicks in
I've been here too long
The scene changes
The father has found his god
For a time he becomes a soldier
Two gods about to collide
One through total frustration
The other with the dimension of time
He once read a book
The romance of war
He always thought the title should have read
The two faces of war
The bullet killed him instantly
Tomorrow he would be another rotting corpse
No romance there
People at desks building futures
Children with dead eyes play in the morning sun.
May 2016 · 367
Wrong Number.
Gaffer May 2016
She said I was history.
Then she said she would give me one more chance.
Then she said I didn’t deserve a second chance.
Then just as I was about to speak.
She said, I mean, who the hell do you think you are.
I was just about to say.
She said, this is definitely your last warning.
I was silent for a few seconds.
Well what do you have to say for yourself.
This is a wrong number.
What.
You’re not speaking to the guy you’re dumping.
Well why the hell did you let me rabble on.
To be truthful, I sort of get dumped a lot by phone, I just didn’t recognise the number.
That’s because you’re all jerks.
Well why don’t I take you out tonight to get over the ****.
Get knotted, consider yourself and the **** dumped.
Got a feeling she’ll phone back later and apologize, and then take me up on my offer, and when she gets to know me better.
She’ll definitely dump me.
May 2016 · 528
The Mural.
Gaffer May 2016
Words on the wall.
Go with Paul.
So profound.
Like a crystal ball.
Okay, all coming back.
Should have read.
Julie, will you go with Paul.
But it didn’t.
Surely a message.
A deeper meaning.
Check the celestial phone.
A message awaits.
You ***** lying scummbag, drop dead.
Should I tell her there's only one M in scumbag.
Could this be another message.
I enlighten her.
The other M is for *******.
But is it.
Is there an even deeper meaning.
The celestial phone bleeps.
I peruse the heavenly text.
Actually there should be an extra B with the extra M, *******.
I see pain in her text.
I feel it myself.
There is a wanting.
Flowers and chocolates.
I feel comfort walking through the graveyard.
Knowing random people are helping me in the pursuit of love.
I throw a pebble up to her window.
Holding my mixed bunch of flowers.
Old Mrs Jones looks down, smiling.
If I was seventy, I’d do, I digress.
I bade her in, throwing the pebble up to my true love.
Who opened the window maybe a tad too early.
She screams my name.
Which was comforting in a strange way.
Old Mrs Jones looked out, recoiling in horror, knocking herself out in the process.
I realised I had forgotten the chocolates.
Darling, could you borrow me ten pounds.
Something in her one good eye told me no.
The paramedics told me to go.
The Police read me my rights.
Putting me up for the day, and the night.
Still, as the Councilman said as I was scrubbing the wall.
It’s not like you’re Banksy, is it Paul.
I felt a deeper meaning.
A thought had occurred
It would take a lot of paint.
But would be worth the pain.
I worked through the night.
Such a delight.
I threw a pebble up to her window.
Old Mrs Jones looked down at the naked mural of me, and dropped down dead.
Julie sort of squinted in dread.
But the gun in her hand.
Well, enough said.
The Police charged me with indecent exposure.
Though the court said that wasn’t quite true.
Still, the Councilman said.
I’m really impressed.
I mean, it's different.
Maybe you should have added a verse.
He stopped me scrubbing.
We bowed our heads.
As old Mrs Jones passed by in the hearse.
May 2016 · 262
Paradox.
Gaffer May 2016
Most tragedies can be avoided if people follow hindsight to the letter.
May 2016 · 198
The Past.
Gaffer May 2016
You still live in the past
Like some old crutch dragging you further to your knees
Wake Up, I know what you see
The blood soaked underwear was just life, primal
The vultures stopped circling years ago
They died as well
Just like the love, remember
New horizons, that’s what they say
Make the distance pay
Yet, here we are again
Broken people
Glue us back together
The cracks still show
I once thought, build a three storey house
Me at the top, you at the bottom, love in the middle
That way we both get a bit of something
Wouldn’t that be great
Few years from now
You walk up the stairs
Love is waiting
Wouldn’t that be great
Just don’t climb any higher
You left the past behind, remember.
May 2016 · 736
Rover the dog.
Gaffer May 2016
The funeral was well attended
Nobody came
It was sad in a way
Clashed with the dog passing away
There was a friend with a leg
When I say a leg
I actually mean two
Though he had the flu
The Priest nearly made it
But he passed too
The butcher discussed it with the baker
In the newsagents where the notice was placed
Was it his wife who put it in
Well yes, to begin
Then a black guy called Fred
Placed another, hopefully dead
Followed by Titch
Who looked quite rich
But was really his *****
Not to detract from Simon
Frowned the butcher, calling him pieman
Though, that was simplistic
The florist  cried foul
She had the contract
But just for a while
It was left to the undertaker
Wade
Who had to subcontract
When thieves stole his *****
Joe from the pub
With the maths degree
Discussed the angles
Buried under a tree
Bernadette, at the bookmakers
Had to agree
Rushing off to mass
Father Joe listened with glee
It was a trying day in the village of Dull
The pub was in mourning
There was a definite lull
But one thing was agreed
As they slowly got ******
Rover the dog
Would surely be missed.
May 2016 · 473
Tragedy.
Gaffer May 2016
It’s a tragedy
Both parents
Road accident
Still, life goes on
That’s the real tragedy
She left him
His first love
For a gay guy
That was a  tragedy
He still had his sense of humour though
You needed a sense of humour when a gay guy steals your woman
She wanted you back
It wasn’t working out with the gay guy
Mainly because he left you for a gay guy
Tragic
The world was his oyster
The mud suited
Camouflaged the loss
Hid the tragedy
Kept his sense of humour though
Met her years later
She remembered his sense of humour
What a tragedy
She was dying of cancer
Still, life goes on.
Apr 2016 · 1.5k
The Mantra.
Gaffer Apr 2016
5 am you woke me up, to meditate.

I thought someone had died, someone had, me.

It was the ultimate time, you said.

Looking down, I had to disagree.

Can you feel the energy, she said.

I can’t feel myself, go away.

This is a window of opportunity she said.

There was a window.

Let us breathe she said.

This had never happened before, nutcase  came to mind.

What is your mantra she said.

What is my name I said.

No, you have to reach out, draw in the energy.

I am going to reach out, it won’t be pretty.

Let me take you on a journey, join me.

I’ll phone you a taxi, blast, it’s your house, I’ll phone me a taxi.

If we connect the *** will be out of this world.

Okay, through the delirium I heard the S word

Mmmm feel it, Mmmm, feel it, Mmmm, can you feel it.

I can definitely feel something.

It’s getting stronger, we are one.

We definitely are.

We must connect.

We definitely must.

Before my husband comes off the nightshift.

Thought I heard the H word there.

Let us be one.

Let us wind back to the husband.

He is but a component in time.

What time does this component come home at.

Six, but it’s okay, he’s gay.

Thought I heard the G word there.

He likes to join in, which can be a pain.

When you say join in, what do you mean.

In the mantra, he likes to join in in the mantra.
Apr 2016 · 3.6k
The Photograph.
Gaffer Apr 2016
The wedding photograph took centre stage
Eight great years
Two years gone now
She had sort of moved on
Slowly
She gazed at the photograph
So strange, it looked different
It was as if he had taken two steps back from her
She began to study the photograph again
Maybe it was just that photograph
She looked out some others
It didn’t make sense
He was behind or in the distance
Moving out of her life
She began to shake
It didn’t make sense
You can’t change photographs
You just can't
The family photo
He was at the back
Was she going crazy
She grasped at the wedding photograph
Watching as he slowly began to fade from view
Was he punishing her
Trying to tell her to move on
She woke with a jolt
Studying the room
God, that was awful
So awful
She needed coffee, and quick
The caffeine kicked in
She spoke out loud
Okay Tom, I finally take the hint
Glancing at the photograph
So strange she thought
She wasn't in it.
Apr 2016 · 765
Sacrifice.
Gaffer Apr 2016
He bleeds, for he is weak
Tortured thoughts
He bleeds some more
Preaches to the mild
So reverent in their eyes
Looking down, he sermons
The cross is bearing
Impure thoughts
He bleeds some more
The thoughts get stronger
Penance for the soul
He touches his scars
Sacrificed for his lord
The prayers cleanse
He is pure
Gods chosen one
Standing before his flock
He sermons
They call to him
He sees her
The scars open.
Apr 2016 · 1.4k
The Tortoise.
Gaffer Apr 2016
I told her marriage was an institution.
She went mental.
I consoled myself with shooting the tortoise.
It was for the best.
There was no way it would win the greyhound derby.
She was beyond reason.
I was bringing it out of its shell.
I sort of laughed uncontrollably.
She didn’t.
She actually was trying to bring it out of its shell.
I suggested mad passionate love.
She wanted chocolates.
How about a toffee crisp and a fumble.
How about you dropping dead.
Who would pick up your pills if I dropped dead.
I would pick up my own pills.
What, you don’t know what day of the week it was last Thursday.
I was in love last Thursday.
Not with me.
No, with the pet shop owner
You do know he’s married.
He was leaving her for me.
He’s married to a bloke.
They’re both leaving their wives for me.
Is this about the tortoise.
What tortoise.
Never mind, let's get married.
Just now.
Yes, we can get married in the chemist shop
Somehow that makes sense.
What about children.
You could get them at the supermarket.
Three for two.
They hide them behind the screens now.
Children.
No silly, the alcohol I think.
They don’t hide the chocolates.
Did you really shoot the tortoise.
Yes, but the bullet bounced off its shell.
That’s good.
Not really, the pet shop owner was holding it.
Apr 2016 · 634
The Misunderstanding.
Gaffer Apr 2016
Will you let it go
No
C'mon trust me
Trust you?
Yes I won't let you down
I'd rather jump out of an airplane without a parachute  and hope for the best, than trust you
Think we’re getting a bit melodramatic again
Do you see a sign on my head that says, kick here
I just see the woman I love
Did you see me when you were in bed with my sister
Think I explained  that scenario
Yes, and I’ve heard it called many things before, but never a scenario
You know your sister's trying to get pregnant
I’m quite aware of that, that’s why she has a husband
I know that silly, but he’s a foreigner
What's that got to do with it
It doesn’t operate in this country
What, what do you mean
Isn't it obvious, he comes from the other side of the world
So ****** what
Jesus woman, do I need to spell it out for you
Yes, spell it out, cause you’ve sure got me confused
It’s upside down
What, I didn’t know that happened
Neither did your sister, that’s what she was showing me
I was wondering why  she was so embarrassed
I know darling, now they have to go back round the world to get pregnant
My god, that’s terrible
I know, and the worse thing is, you’ll need to apologise for calling her a *****.

By Lily and Paul.
Apr 2016 · 434
The Journey.
Gaffer Apr 2016
He always brought the subject up at the most inappropriate of times, usually when some **** was trying to **** us.
Are you a believer now.
If I get out of this, I’ll think about it. We got out of it.
God was looking after us.
I would like to think my rifle was looking after me, but if you think it was your god bolt, or Jesus sticker, I’m happy for you.
Why do you never use the word christian.
Probably cos I’m a non believer.
You don’t believe god saved you today.
No, I believe I saved me today.
Let me read you this passage from the bible.
I’m already reading my own bible, it’s called *******.
You do know that is demeaning to women.
I don’t know, did jesus not hang out with a prosey.
Jesus saved Mary, there is a difference.
Oh, touched a nerve there goddy boy.
I will pray for you.
Why do you people do that, why do you love sinners.
So we can show you the error of your ways.
Do you know what I think, I think you all get together at the weekends, you do all this god stuff, but it’s not really enough, cos you all agree with each other. so when I come along, and you convert me, it’s collective creaming. Am I right, or am I right.
Something tells me I will never convert you, but I’ll keep trying.
Why do you do all this bible bashing, I mean, you’re a great soldier, a thinker. that’s a rare breed in our game.
I want you to do something for me.
Is there a god involved.
Indirectly there is.
I’m intrigued, shoot.
If I die out here, I want you to go into my church and say goodbye to me.
How does that work, I don’t have to pray or anything do I.
No, you can run in if you want, say goodbye, and run out.
Okay it’s a deal, but I want you to do something for me if I die.
Okay then, what is it.
Right, I want you to go to the brothel. Now this is very important, I’m onto the Chinese race now, so you must do your best for me.
You know I can’t do that for you.
Just testing you. Okay I want you to go into the brothel, give the money over to the lady, explain how great I would have been if I was there in person. But under no circumstances try to convert her, none of that self gratification stuff.
Okay, it’s a deal.

Tell you what goddy boy, we could do with some divine intervention here, give your boss a shout. a small earthquake should do the trick.
So you’re a believer now.
If he kills all the baddies, I’ll convert yesterday.
See what I can do.
You’ve failed, let's get to **** outta here, c’mon, now’s not the time to pray. C’mon Michael, Michael.

The town was a *******. Not surprised you got out mate, I’ve only been here five minutes, and I want to top myself. The church had seen better days, half a roof, half of everything by the look of it. He loitered outside, trying to figure it all out. The walk in was a slow one. So strange, he felt like a child again, awkward to the point the words wouldn’t come out.
The priest saved him.
You look lost my son, can I help.
Yeah, I’ve come to say goodbye to a friend, Michael Sommers.
Ah_Michael will be sadly missed, he was helping to rebuild the church. As you can see, we’re slowly but surely getting there. In a strange way, Michael's death has really helped, he left everything to the church.
How much more do you need to finish the job.
Ten thousand pounds, then the restoration can begin.
Your lucky day father, Michael left me money to give to you, ten thousand pounds to be exact.
This is truly  a momentous day, you don’t know how much this will mean to the community. The spirit will return now.


You ******* Michael, I should have ran in, and ran out. There goes my month of high class immorality, I can just about afford a pint in your local pub now. Christ, I should have given the money to the pub, what a dump. The only saving grace was the girl serving behind the bar. Gives a pint of what you serve here.
We serve beer, the same as every other pub in the world.
Okay, gives a pint of your worldly beer.
Did you fall out the wrong side of the bed this morning.
I’ve had a bit of a shock.
You don’t look the sort of person who shocks easily.
I was in your local church.
Funny, you don’t look like the sort of person who frequents churches.
I’m not, I was saying goodbye to a friend.
Anybody I know.
Michael Sommers, I don’t suppose he came in here.
You mean, Micky Sommers.
I’m getting a sort of vibe here, did you know him.
Everybody knew Micky.
Tell me he tried to convert you to god.
No, that’s not the Micky we knew.
Okay, I’m getting that vibe again, fill me in.
Well, I suppose you could say, Micky was a nutcase.
What, no, we must be talking about a different guy.
I’m Micky’s ex, take my word for it, I watched him nearly **** three guys who got a bit out of order.
In what way.
They made remarks to me.
This is brilliant, glad I came in now.
You're like him, aren't you.
Listen, can I take you for a meal or something, tell you about the Michael I knew.
Well, there is only one restaurant in this town, it’s Chinese.
Fantastic, I’m sort into Chinese at the moment, eight o’clock okay for you.
Eight is fine.
Okay, see you then.

She was to good for you Michael. Christ a girl like that is to good for any guy. I’m going to lie like hell to her, tell her you changed cause you loved her. Christ, I would change for a girl like that. You look after me Michael in your new position now. Did I tell you I’m moving onto the Japanese race now..
Apr 2016 · 598
Little Mo.
Gaffer Apr 2016
So strange, it was dark in the white room
People pondered over marshmallow figures all stood in a straight line
That one at the end, it has eyes
So it has
Godlike, we bow in awe
Hundreds and thousands applaud in unison
Chocolate legions stand routed
The eyes have vanished
Death searches in the night
Jelly baby heads abandoned as mothers cry in colour
Candy fish lead the cortege as the night floats downstream
One jelly baby saved
Adopted Tobleronian
Somethings brewing
Death in the afternoon
God speaks
Go forth to jelly mountain
Hundreds and thousands follow
Tobleronians in hot pursuit
Parting of the waves
Plague the Pharaohs army
He leaves the smarties
To climb jelly mountain
God gifts him tablet for the journey down
The smarties have built a chocolate idol
Furious he breaks the tablet in two
With the Tobleronians on one side
Smarties on the other
He came to his only conclusion on jelly mountain
You just can't get the Staff.
Apr 2016 · 386
Comfort and Joy
Gaffer Apr 2016
It’s with heavy heart I pen this verse
Watching your father pass in the hearse
Takes me back to that night in the shed
When you said, this is like fireworks
It was,  I dropped the cigarette on the petrol can
Still, as I remarked not many sheds get a technicolour funeral
He was beyond reason
Not helped when rumours of ***** magazines started circulating
He told me straight, marry my daughter and I’ll **** myself
So we married in haste
But he didn’t keep his promise
What a waste
Still, when that great oak fell on top of his new shed
I had a grin from ear to ear
It was like the chainsaw massacre, but more fun
It was about that time you found god
I found your sister
You forgave me, I was weak
She was pregnant, sixteen weeks
Your dad went mad, he said I was the devil incarnate
Then he dropped dead
They looked at me in horror, in dread
Like it was something I said
Do something they cried
I didn’t know any songs, so I punched him between the eyes
He was definitely dead
I carried the coffin
The least  I could do
I shed a tear, maybe two
We decided to scatter his ashes over his pride and joy
But they couldn’t be found
The crematorium were in shock, people were running around
It was like he just disappeared
I was agog
Couldn’t see the mist for the smog
Later that day, just to console
I produced a big rocket
Really his soul
I set it off, and said goodbye
They had a little cry
It climbed high in the sky
They gave a sigh
Should it not explode
Well it is supposed to go with a bang
Just then it made its descent
It was like he was heaven sent
Plummeting to earth
Mad as hell
We all dived for cover
Just as well
She screamed, oh god, oh boy
No need to tell you where he landed
Okay then
His comfort and joy.
Apr 2016 · 298
Shattered Pieces.
Gaffer Apr 2016
She looked at the cup on the sink
The solitary cup
Like it was the most important thing in the world
She saw a man, full of promises
She saw another man, devastated
The promises didn’t last
Forgiveness begged
The door closing
Reality
She grabbed the cup
Smashing it into pieces
She gazed at the scene
Fascinated
Every piece representing her life
She started to laugh
Uncontrollably
Anyone watching, thinking
Great joke,
They would be right
She thought to herself.
Apr 2016 · 396
The Final walk.
Gaffer Apr 2016
How many bodies are floating down the river
How many
Where do they go on that lonely journey
That final destination
Till they’re found
Is it you
What went wrong
Your final thoughts
Was it for yourself
Someone close
Maybe just the release of pain
What went through your mind on that lonely walk
Was there anyway back
Was there
Who knows what went through your mind
Your thoughts
When you climbed onto the bridge
Was there anyway back
I suppose not
Did the water take your pain
Take it all away
I hope so
I really do.
Apr 2016 · 761
The Priest.
Gaffer Apr 2016
The priest came on at Paddington
Sat across from me
I nodded in a nonchalant way
He gazed inside of me
So strange
Like he knew
Where I was going to
Mrs Black, just ***
Well that’s not really true
There was her friend
But that was because Mrs Black had the flu
You can understand the sacrifice I made
I know you can relate
Don't look at me like that
I was getting round to Pat and Jill
But you should know
They said they were on the pill
I know I don't see the kids
You can understand
Being a man of the cloth
The busy lives we lead
Time just gets away
I suppose in a way we’re both the same
Tending to our flocks
Putting the world to rights
Me and you
We are the few
He got up to leave
I feel his hand on my sleeve
Enough said
He punches me on the head
I’m in total confusion
He makes the sign
Go with god my son
I've administered your absolution.
Apr 2016 · 503
I'm Listening.
Gaffer Apr 2016
Right I’ve taken what you said on board, and I spoke to Lynn and she’s definitely up for it.
Okay love. Up for what, why does she talk to me when I’m watching the football. Who the hell is Lynn. Okay fumble along and find out what the hell she’s talking about.
I mean, you would never have guessed Alan and Lynn were that way inclined.
Alan and Lynn, that’s the boring ******* who garden all day. He does flowers, she does vegetables. Rebels without a cos. What the hell would we be doing with them.
So we’ve booked the hotel for this friday.
Christ, she’s booked a garden convention, a weekend away with plant pots. What the hell is wrong with that woman.
Lynn says they do it all time, she says we’ll love it.
That’s great love, can’t wait. Okay I’ll need to fake a heart attack, the thought of a weekend with Bill and Ben is just too much to take.
I’ve told Lynn you like black underwear and stockings. She says that’s great, she loves dressing up.
Fucksakes, they’re swingers, the boring ******* are swingers. I know I said our love life was boring, but for christsakes not Bill and Ben.  How the hell do I get out of this.
Lynn says Alan loves nurses, so I’ve bought a nurses uniform.
Listen love, I don’t want Alan to see you in a nurses uniform. I love you too much to share you with another guy.
You really haven’t got a clue.
What.
What did I say to you earlier.
You said you spoke to Lynn.
No I didn’t, I said my mum was coming to stay for the week.
We’re definitely not going swinging with Bill and Ben.
Do I look like I do swinging, this is what I keep nagging you about, you don’t listen to a word I say.
Right, I think I’ve learned my lesson, when’s your mum coming.
This friday.
That’s great, look forward to it. The mother in law, or the vegetable woman in stockings. Choices, choices.
Apr 2016 · 346
Denial.
Gaffer Apr 2016
Alas we didn’t meet, and now the scene has passed
Destiny must run true
Though I wish it wasn’t you
The years have stole your best girl
Something I used to see has faded
Your nights have stayed dark
Eyes entombed in sadness
I hear the men in white talk to you now
Touched me for a time
Tried to recall a date
Saw your face to late
If I could change the scene
I’d have you in my dream
Take you from your pain
Let you start again
I used to know this girl, called
What the hell
I didn’t know her well
Seems she went insane today
I turned the page
Seemed the only way.
Apr 2016 · 399
Worlds Apart.
Gaffer Apr 2016
She ***** him
He’s ******* somebody else
They come together
Just different worlds apart

She stalks his dreams
He’s lost in her soul
Together apart
Apart together

She scratches her name deep inside him
He penetrates her mind
Mind blowing
Just different worlds apart

She bares all
He caresses deep inside
But not deep enough
Not right into her soul

She screams injustice
He pulls away
Naked and pleading
Just different worlds apart

She dresses for the last time
He walks away
She goes back to him
They come together.
Apr 2016 · 630
The States.
Gaffer Apr 2016
She had a breakdown in Washington
The plane had a malfunction in New york
I was pulling my hair out in New Mexico
The states we get ourselves into.
Mar 2016 · 530
Jesus Saves.
Gaffer Mar 2016
I’m walking to my grave everyday
A step closer to being saved
It says it on the sign
Jesus saves
Come in, take a pew
Conversions at two
Bit like the Pub
Come in, take a pew
Have a few, looking great
How do you do
Both battling for my being
The all seeing
The neon sign
Both providing spirits for the weak
Who do you seek
It’s a dilemma everyday
Yet one I play
I take a pew
Raise a few
Look up to see
Our Father and me.
Mar 2016 · 1.1k
The Death Of A Clown.
Gaffer Mar 2016
He paints his face and becomes the clown
Checks the mirror for his furtive frown
Got it all hidden inside
Watches the people having fun
He wants to run
Get away
To that day
When the children played
So long ago
Time goes by
But the screams still cry
He paints his face and becomes the clown
Checks the mirror for his furtive frown
Got it all hidden inside
Watches the people having fun
As he spins the gun
More laughter as he drops with a bang
Huge applause they begin to stand
Then no sound
Suddenly the laughter turns to frowns
So sad
The death of a clown.
Mar 2016 · 255
You.
Gaffer Mar 2016
I hate the way you use me at the weekends.
Then **** me the rest of the week.
Mar 2016 · 429
Life.
Gaffer Mar 2016
You gave me life
Congratulations
Sorry I was a burden
Nine months of misery
Felt it myself
Still, must give you credit
You didn’t **** me
Couldn’t even **** yourself
School was a blast
I was that kid
Borstal opened my eyes
Found like minded nutters like me
That was an education
Still, I did graduate
Straight to man prison
One day they let me out to visit you
To say goodbye
Your gravestone, below your name
It said, sadly missed
How ironic
Two sarcastic people in the world
One day I stopped being bitter
I started laughing
What the hell
Life to lead
Go lead it
Plus, the sign on the wall
Always somebody worse off than you.
Mar 2016 · 318
A Forbidden Angel.
Gaffer Mar 2016
A grave deep down in the woods
Just a person, only i know who
The gravestone shines through the trees
Summer leaves its blessing, winter is near

The sun leaves, darkness brings another light
A grave deep down in the woods
Only i know who lays there
Someone must die tonight, no heaven will open

Still is the night, silence for my master
He of all supreme, the master of evil
A grave deep down in the woods
Screams in the night, no doors open

A grave deep down in the woods
No flowers ever seem to grow near it
Yet the sky opens giving it light
For someone else knows this lonely grave.
Mar 2016 · 324
Stray Dogs.
Gaffer Mar 2016
He liked being on the edge
Liked it fine
Walking into the fire
Better than walking through the puddles
Just better

Stray dogs have more fun
Always on the run
No nice blankets
Nowhere to call home
Just nowhere

Black night's watch couples
Gazing silently
Words strained
Trying to recapture time
Just trying

Death breaks up families
Bringing loneliness
Loneliness breeds fear
Nothing left
Just nothing

Stray dogs die in the wild
Free till the end
Leaving that beautiful trail
For others to follow
Just follow.
Mar 2016 · 941
The Child Has Gone.
Gaffer Mar 2016
The child has gone
Such a long time
They searched like everywhere
But something told them
The child has gone
They started looking inwards
Watching expressions
Looking for that clue
So strange, nothing
The child has gone
Days turned to weeks
Nothing
Nationwide alert
Calls came in, including the cranks
The child has gone
The search died down
Talk spread
Children stayed indoors
Fear became the byword

She watched within the large tree
Her secret hiding place
It was fun
The earth collapsed pulling her under
She tried to scream
Too late
The child has gone.
Mar 2016 · 370
Wrong Time.
Gaffer Mar 2016
Your Haunting death
Like your life
Still leave them cold
They search for reasons
Answers that defy questions
Remember what you told me
Wrong body, wrong time
But not to worry
Get it right next time
So I tell them
Wrong body, wrong time
They can’t define
You were on such a high that night
We laughed until dawn
The final toast
As you lay upon
That haunting smile goodbye
Before you died
One more for the road
Keepsake to the good times
One glass left behind
See you next time my friend
New body, right time.
Mar 2016 · 347
Behind The Wire.
Gaffer Mar 2016
Behind the wire
Watching
The keeper of life
Burdened by memories
Too terrible for mortal man
Asking only sanctuary
Crumbs to die free
Image of a woman and children
Long gone
Evoking anger
Passion long suppressed
Time running out
Glory be
The wire divides
The whistle echoes
Demons fight for the final time
Silence
Angels collect the remnants of time.
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