I sort of had given up on love before I met you
And when you walked into my life
thousand of lights and butterflies were awoken in me
I wanted everything you had to offer
I had never been so ready to love
Well except for that one time that one crush that almost crushed me
First time we met I felt a chemistry
I tried to fight it because my history with this kind of chemistry was a big capital (F)
I was so off when I fell so hard and it failed me
Nonetheless I surrendered to new beginnings
To accepting love
and what you had to offer
It was quick
I left my rationality at the door because it always get the best of me
I opened my heart fully and embraced you
I wanted this so bad
Felt it in my bones and I trusted you
Your love
In the short period we were together
You made me feel safe and seen
That’s all a lady like me wants from her lover
To feel seen
I wanted you to be the Oboma to my Michelle
The peanut butter to my jelly
The yin to my yan
Father of my future children
That was first for me
Maybe I got too ahead of myself
What was I thinking?
Clearly not because I followed my heart completely
Was I wrong to?

As far as I know
Words have always landed heavy on my tongue
as a child there were
Some things I couldn’t
Enunciate well
Like soap in my native language
Though English was my first first
Language
I lost it very early on
I must say picking it back up
Learning to relearn this language
That is spoken in many places
Wasn’t as easy
As finessing my safina (soap)pronunciation
In manikaka (Mandingo)
It’s not about saying the words
But how it is spoken
How I struggle with that
English is my primary language
And yet I get asked which
Language I think in
Native speakers tries to over simplify things
Break down so I could better understand them
I mean I don’t know every big grammar that exists in the English dictionary
But golly gee you don’t have to ask me
If I know what the words mean after each sentence
But you know
I can never quite get it right
When I am told that I have accent speaking
My own native language
Words
My tongue
Why does it feel like nothing seems to fit perfectly
Words, languages
Is this the price I have to pay for being
multi lingual

There’s a virus that has been
spreading rapidly
It is not contagious but very deadly once contaminated
The moment you realize that when affiliated by it you become another statistic
Another victim
and you are just that one out many
you battle it alone
because it is an affliction that cannot be cured
so you learn to live with it
It eats up from inside out and no one really understands
How you feel  
      There’s an ancient epidemic
One of the many symptoms are
shame.silence and guilt
You fight it alone because it’s has become so normalize in our society
You do not fight at all because you know there’s nothing to fight for
You become numb and detach yourself
Becoming shallow to reality
To your reality
Dreaming of alternate universe
Wishing for
Days that differ from
your current
Existence and
You wish to perish
from the face of the earth
   There’s an epidemic
It has been use as a weapon in war and love and it has spread wide and far
It has always been someone’s reality
And the people respond
As they have always done well with
    Shame
      Blame
   Questions
          Pointing fingers
            Instead of comfort and justice
    There’s is an ancient epidemic
And
It’s no longer acceptable
to maintain it secret