If everything could have been solved just by avoiding it, then it should have been solved a long time ago

But I’m exhausted
I wish I never met you
I wish I never befriended you
I wish for you to disappear from my memory

I don’t want to hate you
I don’t want you to apologize
I don’t want for you to experience the sadness and loneliness you caused

As much as happy memories we had but the ending is always what lingers I can stop hating you but I’ll never forget how much I cried how l had to beer the agony alone
For as to be on good terms just get the hell out of my sight or find a way for me to erase our memories

There are people  who call them selves friends.
Yet they never were around because they liked you as a person but because they needed you for their benefit.

I thought I was blessed having good friends, people I can relay on, create memories with, study together and live our own adventures...

Then little by little the atmosphere changed...
It felt as if they are annoyed and troubled by me.
I denied that feelings and thought that I'm thinking too much about it. But slowly they started to have their own secrets, chat room, inside jokes, and then they started to hang out together without me..

I gave them million excuses for their actions, blamed my self for having a strict personality, got angry on my circumstances for not being able to hangout with them to certain places, and tried my best to fix my bad habits. Never did I realize the fact that I have never blamed them.

I got so gloomy, depressed, and sensitive at that time.
I still remembers how lonely I was despite being around them, how I acted dumbly as if I don't know anything, and that painful fake smile I had on my face.

For years I stayed...
Even when I knew what is best for me, I couldn't just leave and throw all the good things that we had together!!
There were times where I was happy with them.. times where I smiled genuinely and laughed so hard (I miss those times).. and times where I was thankful to them...

But things happen and we learn the difference between true friends that can be trusted and those who are only there to hangout with. After that incident I realize what I meant to them and finally decided to stop hanging out with them after long nights of crying..

It was hard at the begging to stop going with the people who you used to hangout with usually. It kind of felt lonely that the time we had together is no longer there.

But I did what I believe is the right thing for myself.
Even when it gets lonely sometimes, it is better than living a fake life.
Time will pass and hopefully I learn from this experience and meet better friends.

Although I'm not ready to have any honest contact with anyone for the time being..

We are so different in our thoughts and interests..
I know that they get exhausted when they are around me sometimes..
I myself admit that I’m tired too, but I’ll keep at our friendship as long as they’ll see me as one.
Although I’m not sure if they’ll do the same in return..

Sometimes, we feel as if we’re lost
wondering in space with no direction
We try to hold on to anything that may lead us or even give us a slight push
but again nothing change
Despite all of that, we keep on walking and searching
until we find our destination

I kept myself busy till I got exhausted, and now that I’m taking a break to rest I remembered why I did that.. it was to keep my mind busy so I won’t have the time to think about it...

I hate nightmares..
especially those painful once that are hard to escape..
those that when you wake up from you realize that it wasn’t a dream but a tragic memory that you couldn’t forget..