When you looked into my eyes
Could you see as deep into mine as I could to yours?
Did they drown you?
The same way they drowned my cheeks when I found myself in deep thought of you
Could you study them?
The same way they study all your flawless imperfections
Did they tell a story?
Did you follow the tales they told?
Did they speak softly, or hide anger behind amplified words?
Could you find me?
I was hoping if you stared deep enough .. You would sail through the seas of tears I tried to hold back as you told me you loved me
And the waves wouldn’t crash they would resemble waves of silk velvet
You’d eventually find yourself shipwrecked .. due to a crash into my heart of ice
We could live the titanic together
While I am confident in the thought of my heart going on
While I wait for you drown deeper than all the walls I built to avoid bringing you to the girl I hesitated to claim as myself
Yet still, I was hoping that you’d stumble across her as you sink deeper into my soul
Find her crying while darkness and loneliness comfort her
Because she started a game of hide and seek
And I hoped you’d be the one who cared enough to look for her
Because I tried.. Although, I was never taught how to count to ten

Why
Are my notebooks continuously overflowing with love letters
All the words I always wanted to tell you
but the butterflies in my stomach often made blow away in the wind their wings made

Often never finding the periods to those sentences
Or sincerely's at the endings
but only empty hearted 'I love you's'
and reminders that you're the best

In other words saying
I adore you but my heart becomes paralyzed every time I try to introduce it to the thought of you
And for the next seasonal forever, you stand so high beyond, it's a challenge to grasp you
So many others want to have you
and I'm only a few teardrops away from letting my insecurities delete you
From letting them convince me , that a diamond will never step  down to a rock
No matter how much I claim to want you

Where I’m from pain has always been my middle name
I would close my eyes to see only a man raising his fist in vain
All I ever seemed to know was pain
Everyday I seemed to drowning in rain
Pain..
Tears drain from my bloodshot eyes
running 24/7
chasing something worse than I was originally running from
forever finding myself dwindling into the arms of heartless guys just as broken as I
Where I’m from
I was a failure before I was even born
Day by day forced to look into the eyes of a live devil in disguise and be told I was ugly, worthless, unwanted
Told I would never amount to anything
Where I’m from it’s nothing like most expect
It’s a night sky abandoned
where the stars are transformed into shards of shattered glass
In this place, all that we see is blood and tears, people crawling on their hands and knees because they can no longer handle the pain on their feet
We all seem to have fallen weak
We are here but we can hardly breathe
seeming to always be at a loss of words
Pain, is the only language we speak
So just when you thought black couldn’t get any blacker
and your darkest night couldn’t get any darker
I could easily open up my heart, reveal it’s secrets, and simly prove you wrong
If only you could see, this hell that I call home
Where I’m from

I wrote you a letter that I can only wish you could see
I titled it “The letter he’ll never be man enough to read”

I changed my name to unspoken
For that’s all I ever was living under the roof of your name
I’ve washed off the dirt you dusted from your shoulders onto mine
And poured out the poison you injected me with

You always wanted to be the man of my dreams
And I thought you’d be glad to know, you finally made it to that name
I can’t seem to sleep at night
For closing my eyes is a fright
Hazy pictures of you canvas my inner eyelids
Short little movies play while I’m laying in bed
My free ticket to reminiscing on the fear you once filled me with

You often said, “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”
Although, I never seemed to understand the meaning of those words
Why you said them
What they meant
If they were even worthwhile to wonder about..
But I am no longer that ignorant little girl you once held prisoner
I lived my life trying to define that simply complex sentence
And I’ve finally come to realization of what it was saying
You were the devil which played on my fairgrounds
My mind was idle so you put it to work
You hand washed it, in a soap of your words
Then rinsed it off in a fountain of your obscured pains

When we were in public you liked to call me “daddy’s little princess”
I wore a crown amongst my head as my halo
Though I, was no angel
My dad was satan in disguise
So I was just his little devil
But I was still his princess..
Beautiful, yet held captive like a dove in a cage
Isolated, driving my own mind insane
All dressed up, yet nowhere to go

That used to upset you so much
You would burst through the door
Eyes filled with rage as they darted from naked hangers dancing in the air
To my body dressed in outfits I could only dream that someone besides me would someday see
I never seemed to understand why that made you so demented
Why you always strived to be so possessive

When I looked in the mirror you would often creep up behind me
A look of disgust painted across your face as I stared into the reflection of your eyes in the mirror
Painful whispers would seep into my ears as you spoke..
I could’ve sworn you made my ears bleed more than once
You liked to remind me how I wasn’t good enough to be pretty
To be like the other little girls in school
To be something good enough for you to be proud to own

My dark skin was really just a collage of the words you criticized me with, painted with a brown stained brush
That’s just how much pain you put on me

Some dared to call me lucky
Because I was fortunate enough to know the man I once called daddy
But when I think back to how bad he hurt me
I have to admit, I refused to agree

Father, I finally escaped your prison of hell
And made it to a life of living well
I took the keys to my cell
And dropped them down my handmade wishing well
A well filled with the tears I cried, each drop filled with the wishes of a broken girl
No longer am I made of glass and I won’t break
From now on I am glad to own my own words and thoughts and not yours
I’ve been bowing to you for too many years, I think it’s time I stand up

I wrote you a letter that I can only wish you could see
I titled it “The letter he’ll never be man enough to read”