For all those
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Days
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Sunsets
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Sunrises
1
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Nights
Where my heart
Still said
Goodnight
To yours...

You ask if I’m jealous
That you’ve had lovers
One night stands
Men who never asked
For your name

To which I reply
‘I’ve had you 1000 times...
‘And plan on a million more...
‘You’ve never seen a heart like mine...
‘Nor has the 1000 bodies between us...

Beloved
The best ones
That were written about you
Were the ones written by my
Heart
When you were
1000 Light Years From Me
I had nothing to do with it

It’s simple really
We’re given a birth
And an expiration date
Of around
100 Years

She’s out there
You’ll know her when you
Lose her

Tell you I’m afraid of heights
Dont look down
You say
Inch by inch
Out on the ledge
Wind is whipping
Peek my eyes open
‘No! No! I can’t!’
I say
im right here
Take my hand
Into yours
So warm
i love us
And I love us too
A
N
D
W
E
J
U
M
P
O
F
F
The ledge
Together
And on the way down
You pull me closer
Whisper
ive got you it’ll be ok
A
L
L
T
H
E
W
A
Y
D
O
W
N

It was a wonderful night
Wine
Popcorn
Lovely walk
Air filled with electricity
And at midnight
Still wide awake
In our nakedness
She parted my hair
Told me she loved me
Beyond all measures
And asked me lovingly
‘Will you ever ask me?
‘To marry you?
I
Parted her hair and smiled
And she looked so happy
With her lovely curves
Her taste on my lips
And I brought her close
After a split second of
Thoughts
The 4 marriages between us
The nasty costly divorces
Pain driven
The Reap & the Sow
And whispered
‘No...’

Somewhere along the way
Cobblestone paths
Effervescent clouds
Escape
I was abandoned by the gods

I’ve looked 2 in the eye
Said ‘I do’
Wanted to love them forever

One died young
Forever 25
One gave me children
I’d open the front door
Those little feet running to me
‘Dad’s Home!’
‘Dad’s Home!’
I miss those...taken from me
All of it...

‘The baby is lost...’
Ingrained
Insurmountable
She blamed me
In her hurt
In her reasoning
It was all my fault

I dream of it constant
All that I’ve lost
All that I’m cursed with
In memories

Abandoned

There is no hole
To crawl under...
No cave from which
To escape and dwell
In peace...
No desert to traverse
By which a tranquil
Oasis resides...
No rainstorm heavy
Enough to wash away...
Not enough words
To form sad poems
In requiem...
To dispel
To dispatch
To run the lengths
To sleep in relative quiet
Without waking in tears...
Once
You’ve lost
A Beautiful Love

Over the billions of years...
I just happen to come across
The most beautiful
Space Dust
Ever created

What were the chances?
**** that woman is her own
Galaxy

Just because we are friends with
Darkness
Doesn’t mean it wants to be
Friends
With us...

I’ve got about 20 years to live
Which, for being in my 40s
Is quite bold
People live well past 100 these days
Those with safe routes
Golden paths
Four year college degrees...
.
I drink a few gallons of wine a week
*****
Tequila
But can still run 10 miles
Without stopping
What a strange dichotomy
That woeful mixture
Could be an elixir for some
But it just stresses, strains, depresses, anxiously evolves
Festers
.
At this age you know
The loves who’ve come and gone
and with that admission  
Cynical wit adorning
You’ll know by now
That there truly was only one
And by that, the blood
That pooled, that never clotted
Mighty river
Will someday take you
Drown you bit by bit
Daily
.
For I’ve never been accused
Of being a good man
Men like me die alone
Gutters
Halfway houses
1 bedroom apartments
With one couch
Men like me jump out of windows
Drown in rivers
Of blood that never clot
Waiting
For your hand
To save me
.
20 years is pushing it...

The absolute worst feeling
In the world
Is taking a nap
In the afternoon
Sunlit
Everything familiar
And waking up
To darkness
Night
Not knowing where you
Are
Disoriented
Pained
Wanting to cry
Scared of being alone
Of being hurt by
Someone you love
.
I’m sure there’s other things
That are worse
But afternoon naps
That lead to night
No good can come from...

After the war was over
The only thing I discovered
About myself
Was that I loved
A Good Fight
Words
Fists
Love
Life
A Good Fight
Indeed

I see something she’d like
And it’s the day before
St Patrick’s Day

And I tell her
‘We should give gifts for
St. Paddy’s Day, start a tradition.’

She says sure
Then I elaborate
‘We talk all day in Irish accents
‘Give ourselves Irish names
‘And at 6pm we drink green beer
‘Take shots of Jameson
‘And give each other our gifts

She seems excited
‘Ok Shaughnessy how much
‘Money is in the account?

I check
$19.67 to make it to
Wednesday
&
I check
The cabinet
There’s old margarita mix
And potatoes

‘I guess we can talk in Irish accents tomorrow while I make Potato soup with our margaritas Maria...’

‘Who’s Maria?’
She asks

Our Alcoholic Christmas

Because my memory is so good
I can remember ages 3-4
Lying on my back in the grass
Listening to the crickets
The ants doing their thing
The clouds and the moving
Watercolor paintings
Move across the sky

Welcome to Kindergarten
Go here...go there
Sit here...take this test
Make good grades
How was school today?
You need to do better if you
Want to get a good job
Make a good living
Schoolings over
Work begins
Get certified
Train
Come in early
Go home late
4am mornings
7pm get homes
2 weeks of vacation a year
Fill this out
Put this in the mail
Save for your retirement
Eat better for a longer life
Take a glimpse of that cloud
Rolling by
Rememberclouds?

‘You’re late...this Better never happen again or you’ll be looking for another job.’

Years pass much like those clouds

Retirement

‘What are you going to do with the rest of your life?’

‘I’m ready to die...I’m ready to be among the clouds.’

Years travel densely
Hibernation
Comparisons
Conversations
But none truly compare
In and out of our
Lives
Not really giving second
Thoughts about them
.
Putting words down
Once again
Reactions
Familiar roads I’ve been
Down with you
Admiration
Subtle nuances
The way your tree
Sways this way
And that
I could be blind and I’d
Still know every inch
Of your body
Flung into the icy seas
And still know the taste
Of your kisses...
Do all old lovers talk like this?

The loneliest spot on Earth
Is sleeping next to a person
You can’t fix
No amount of encouragement
No amount of post it notes
Of ‘we can get help’
‘I love you no matter what’
Can fix the unfixable
Insecurities
Secrets
Lies
Fake accounts
The next time my heart aches
For someone
I’ll remember
The screams of the unfixable
And the loss of our dreams

An officer is
Educated in war
Combat
Conducive to Compassion
Leaders among men
Knows even when he doesn’t
Delegated
&
Dedicated
To the cause

The dead were many
On this side
And on theirs
One stood out to the
Officer
As his enlisted ripped
Toiled
&
Dismembered
His lifeless
Body

Arm broken
Skin under his nails
Riddled with bullets
Innumerable number
Of the officer’s own
Around this enemy soldier
Face covered in blood
The officer wanted to know
Why

Then it came out
The Letter
Written by him that morning
The officer unfolded

‘By the time you read this it’ll be a week until you are my Mrs., my have and to hold...my forever entrenched...’

The officer folded it neatly
Placed it back where it fell
&
Ordered his men to clean the
Soldier
As if he were his own
Who fought
Valiantly
Not to leave this world
If
Only
For
Love

‘I wish we could all fight for a love as beautiful as this...’

At 10pm
We lie with naked skin
Together
Blue from the moon
She tells me
He yelled at her
Threw stuff at her on
Tuesday
‘I told him that he just threw away
‘All of his ‘I Love Yous...’
She says
As she gets up
Walks to her clothes
‘So he’s at zero?’
I ask
She nods yes
&
Comes over for a kiss
&
It’s passionate
&
I whisper in her ear
What she doesn’t want to hear
Leaves with tears
He gets off at
Midnight
And it’s
1-0
Me

This guy is stealing your poems and putting them on PoemHunter.com as his own

It’s from 1981
My dad was 32
I must’ve been 3 or 4
I keep it on the bathroom mirror
Both of us
Smiling
The guy who tried to
Put my mom in the trunk
Drunk
As he was
Who showed up late
On Saturdays
Sometimes never at all
Called my sisters
Mistakes
I should have a picture
Of my mom
Who died for 30 seconds
When she had me
Fearless
Loving
Mother
Who gave all that she had
Or my sisters
Who grew up without a
Father
But had a daddy who put them
Down
Or maybe I should have a
Picture of me & my
Children
In the bathroom mirror
Instead of the man
I don’t ever want to be
But there he is
And there we are
Me at 40
And him at
68
Still vying for his
Attention

It’s not till you become an adult
That you reflect on the ******
Adults of your youth
Waiting on our dad in the car
As he attends his AA and court ordered Domestic Violence class
And he comes out and lights a cigarette and we have to wait another 5 minutes
He must’ve been mid 30s then

Or my aunt
She never worked
Had 13 cats, a hallway and
House full of stuff
We’d go by and there was a
Path to get to her bed
The rest was trash
Self help books and
A dozen or so roaches
Self helping themselves to
Her leftover Twinkies
She must’ve been in her
Early 40s then

Or my uncle
Who we’d tag along with
Cause he was a free babysitter
And he’d collect his unemployment check
Take out a little pipe and
**** on it and blow the smoke
Out the window
&
Look at the jobs that were
Offered to him
‘Oh **** that...’
He was fond of saying
I’m guessing he was in
His late 20s then
Never really holding down
Any job

And now I’m an adult
Working 70-75 hours a week
At a **** job
With a **** boss
And a **** ex
Who just ***** all over everything
I do
Maybe if I had beat my kids in a
Drunken stupor
Or allowed myself to be sad
To let the roaches in
Or was perpetually high all
The time
I’d have time for metaphors
But I don’t
I’m raw
My words are too

And I wonder what my young ones
Will say 30 years from now
When they’re adults...

We all need a Strong One
In our lives
Someone that sees though our
BS

Not to expose our weakness
Or make us feel bad

But a Strong One
Who can walk away from us
If our soul is too much for them

A Strong One
Won’t beg for you to stay
A Strong One
Will be there if you love
There is no One Way

The only way you know
If you have a Strong One
Is if you’re still pursuing
Hoping they’ll see your words

But they won’t
They’re Strong enough
Without them

I swear there’s nothing
And I mean nothing better
Than the Beginnings
Of something wonderful

A steak
First sip of wine that cost more than $10
Someone’s words
Thunderstorm
Sunrise
Full Moons
Making eyes with a
Beautiful woman

Relationships
Are by far the best
Beginnings
Clothing becomes optional
&
All you want to do is
Be with them
&
Do anything they want

We hadn’t spoken in a few days
Made a meal
&
Out of the clear blue I said
‘I don’t want to do this
‘Anymore
‘I feel like I’m wasting my life

She dropped her fork
On her plate
&
Put her head in her hands
Silent
Tears dropped and she looked
Towards the window

‘Why do you say such things?

Tell her I’m sorry
I’m the biggest ****
Tell her it’s just that we haven’t
Spoken in a few days

I console
Kiss her cheek
Kiss her hand
Her tears stop
‘Can we go for a walk
‘That place with a bridge?
Of course we can
&
We get a coffee
Talk movies
As we walk
Hand in Hand
&
She still doesn’t realize I still
Meant every ****
Word I said
That morning

That darkness we talked about
The place you’d said
I’d never be alone
That you’d be by my side
I’m going into now
Without you
I’ll leave a trail
For you to find me
Even though you’ve been gone
For quite awhile now
Hope I see you there
Someday

My angel with the blackened
Owl feathers
Standing guard over my
Dreams
Open them
For me

Every man
Every woman
All
Have that one that stepped
Into our lives
No matter how much wrong
They tattooed upon
Our hearts
Their black rose
Always pierces our
Concrete
Fights it’s way through
We’ve cursed their
Existence
Their birth
But we remember
The day we met them
The hour
The minute
The second
How the sun looked
&
How they made us feel
&
How we hate the fact
That we’d take them
Back in an instant
Our
Black
Rose
Piercing
Through
Our
Concrete

(o)
|
|
|
_+_

My body is beginning to fail me
I’m not old yet
Not even a half century
But I feel it
All those times I defied
Nature
Ran more than I should have
Went without sleep
Stayed up for days
Slept for 3-4 hours and went back at it
My eyes are becoming blurry
Hard to focus
My knees
Are rusty oil cans
Crunching together
My body is beginning to fail me
I’m running out of time

I’m so sorry for everything
I hope you read this
So you know
The only thing young is my soul
Which you kept
In the palm of your hand
But for a moment…

I can’t wait to read the book
Of my life

I’m going skip all the
Chapters

Until I get to the part
Where I get to meet you
&
Read it
Over
&
Over
........

So often at times we
Become preoccupied with
Self improvement
Self examination
Self awareness
Maintaining
What others think of us

That we forget that there
Are those willing
To run into battles with us
Spread warpaint
Across our faces
To hold us in our nightmares
But not to wake us
Cause they know we need it
To know
They’ll be there at
First light
Ready sword
Slaying the demons
Of our past
&
Those currently tormenting
Our present