It’ll be years from now
The planets will align
Once more
Just for but a moment...
.
‘I can be there by 6pm...’
By bus you say
And me in my 50s, maybe even
My 60s
Watching you get off
That Greyhound bus
In Toledo
Slow motion
Making my heart
Feel 18 again
Once more
Just for but a moment...

Remember when we were kids and you’d turn the corner when it was cold and you’d feel better knowing you’d be in your house soon? Under your blankets and near the fire? Your mother’s food being prepared? The smell of just being safe?

yes I remember

That’s how you make me feel...

Found that orange pillow that you’d bring to our Saturday nights
On my couch
And like a dummy
I smelled it
And somehow
Someway
The gods remembered
How much I loved you
Because the smell of your
Hair was still upon it
After years
And
Years

Comets come along
Once, twice, maybe ten
Times in a lifetime
Linked at the hip
People meet in
Strange and beautiful ways
And the keyhole
To your heart and soul
Can only fit those comets
Those once, twice, maybe ten
Souls that fly by you
To help you navigate in the
Nighttime sky
For the rest of your life...
‘You’re my tribe, whatever tribe this is...’
You just know it
You just feel it
When you’re around them

&
One day you’ll be too much for them
&
They’ll leave and never come back
&
They’ll delete you from their life
That idyllic
Romantic
Notion
All of it

&
You’ll be tempted to go after them
Let them go
Set them free
Unlock the cages
You’ve put them in
The Empty Promise Cage
The It’ll Get Better Over Time Cage
The There Is No Other Love Cage

Be happy for them
&
For yourself
They’ll remember you fondly
As no other
Perhaps a song
Or a verse you wrote
Especially for them

&
Get used to one meal checks
Wine down the drain
Unanswered pleas
The smell of them in your clothes
Their pillow you can’t part with
&
Realize it was your uniqueness
That made you different
What they fell for
&
What tore
You
Apart

You’d rather succumb
Than not submit
Be weak & let go
Than be strong
Take all your guards down
To hear me say my words
To you
To have but a little something
Of me
Your voice goes quiet
When we part
And I love it
It’s the tail end of your
Comet
Passing me
In the night

Heard them corralling the rabbit
Chasing without mercy
Communicating with woops
&
Hollers
Their screeches
Their bloodlust
I kept quiet
Tippy toes
Opened the shade
Circling poor Thumper
Must’ve been 3 or 4 of them
Open field
Rabbit goes this way
Darts that way
Nowhere to go
Nature
Even coyotes have to go to
The store every once in a while

‘Keep it centerpiece in your life’
‘Respect its power’
‘If only your dad...’
Grandads last words
.
Just a portrait of a man
Darkened features
Staring straight ahead
Wiry hair
Eyes I never liked looking
Into
Moonlit backdrop
.
Did as grandad said
Years passed
Kept it at the end of the hall
At a height of where his
Head would be
.
And at the lowest times of my life
Separations
Death
Thoughts of my own demise
Failures
I’d look down that dark hallway
To see
A silhouette form
Around the frame
A man
Drunk and enraged
I cursed at it
‘You are nothing to me!’
Only to see its eyes
Turn red
Turn back again to see it
Go back
Once again
.
Thrown it out
Torn it apart
Burned it
Only to find it
On the wall
The next morning
.
And one day
After I’d lost everything
After decades
Of failure
Loss
Torture
But never looking at it during that time
I looked down that darkened
Hallway
And
The portrait
Was me...

My dream last night
My children
11 and 16 now
In the dream my son
Was 4 again
And he was sobbing
Uncontrollably
Told him to catch his breath
Kept ******* air
Trying to explain
Why he was wronged
But only tears came out
So I held him
Close to my chest
And he fit
And it subsided
And he just let it out
Then the smell of them as babies
Came upon me
How they’d sleep on me
My chest
How I love being a dad
They live with their mom a mile
From me
But it might as well be a
Million
And now I’m sobbing uncontrollably
******* air
With no one to
Tell me it’s going to
Be ok...
The sadness is so overwhelming this morning

After the Darkness has left...
There should be enough light
For the both of us.

A single thread to warm
Enough strength to carry
Into the sunrise

We can make it
One more day
Together

Someone you’ve never met is waking in this universe
Under the same stars as
You
Ready to appreciate
The beautiful
Words
You write

Sometimes life declares war on you
Without you knowing it
Years pass by
Decades even
Before you know it
.....
But small victories reside
Before surrender
Even tho
Life takes the best parts
Leaves you with graying
Memories
....
The laughter of your children
The home that lies within your
Mother
The road to your childhood
Home
Summers with a beloved.
All small victories
In a war
That life always takes...

I admire the ones who
Walk away
The ones who’ve disappeared
From view
Who decided my words
My actions
Were just too much
For them

Maybe...
I shared too little

One...
Wanted forever
Like they all do
One...
Cried herself to sleep
In my arms
Many a night
I really thought she’d stay
She’s been gone for decades
I wonder if she found
Another tree to hold onto
One...
Emails me once a year
On my birthday
That’s it
The only day

Words...Actions...Mapping Out
Constellations
They’re never enough
To keep them from disappearing

I admire that

You should know that when you look up and into the heavens
Past the blue skies
That eventually
It leads to darkness
Surrounded by atmosphere
As black
As night
As it should be

Heavens
Made of darkness
Not of clouds
Shrouded in mystery

But dark

I’d make you wail every morning
If I could
Put your tears in my coffee
To have you inside me all day

Like your scent on your pillow
Inside of your coat
Towel

Your Black Ocean swallows me whole every single day

I begged, pleaded, with the above
To relieve me this
From you
Your ******* dark lipstick
And now I enjoy my imprisonment of you
This chamber of you
I find myself in

Or shall I say lost?

Leave me here forever
It’s all I have
It’s all I want

Lost in You
Lost in Us

Sometimes
You have to send
Good men
Out into the night
To do evil things
&
Hope they comeback

Do you look to the South
The same way I look to the North
When I think of you?

What’s sad is that the 22 year old girl
With a backpack on
Who started to cry when I put it
In reverse
Because I was leaving
After a beautiful
Weekend together

Is gone forever...

I knew it was real when I saw
Her stuff on my dresser
Her woman stuff
Next to my bed
&
When I heard the toilet flush
My first thoughts were
‘What the hell did I just get myself into?’

Don’t ever be the doormat
To somebody else’s life
Whenever it’s convenient
For them

Doormats are used to
Wipe your feet
From **** and mud
And stay just on
The outside of the house

Never to be inside
Remember that

Rolling over to find you
Snuggled into my back
Trying to find warmth
‘Did you miss me?’
‘You know I did...’
‘I’ve missed this...’
Kissing me
Scent of your body
Giving off radiance
Your hips in the moonlight
Opening
Lip trembling
Opened eyes in desire
Then coming in for more

Awake
Clock reads
3:14am
Smell of your hair
In my nose
The place next to me warm
Desperately
Get back to sleep
Back to you

Do you remember the 3:14am train
From across town growing up?
I’d turn on the radio and someone
Had changed it
Those mornings would play some AM station out of North Dakota
Fuzzy
But it would come in
The horn of the train would
Blast
One last time five minutes
Later
And I’d drift off to sleep again
Wake
To find the radio was turned off
Attic
Cleaned it out when I was 12
Plastic Flowers
Had no dust upon them
In that attic
It’s when I saw the ghost
Of her
Put it all together as an
Adult
She
Was the one who changed
The station and turned off
My radio after I fell back asleep
She loved her jazz
Her
Duke Ellington

It’s all too much of the same
I can fix you
I can love you like no other

All ends the same
The door knocks
Quiet rapture
Knock knock knock
Upon my heart

‘Go away! There’s nothing but
‘Sadness, Emptiness, & a Fortess
‘Made of Solitude
‘On the other side of that door

But they come
Thinking that the man who
Writes such words
Must be the
Romance they envisioned
The promise that surely is
Given

It never is

knock knock knock

‘Know me forever...
‘All there is
‘Is today...
‘For tomorrow you’ll be gone

I recognized your storm
Even before your clouds
Began to form...

Now left with
Empty Sandbags
Cleaning up your flood
And tidal wave
This aftermath
Of you...

If you think you’re having a
Bad day
Bad life

There are soldiers coming home
From a deployment
That consider it a success
Because they didn’t ****
Any children
This time

Remember that...

...all a woman needs to hear
...is that you’re unhappy
...in your current relationship
...for her to justify
...why she continues to
...pursue you

Raging winds
Surges over the planks
Sea walls failing
30 foot swales
Lightning
Tropical
Flags whipping

Then ...
It stops
Blue sky in the swirl
Sun peeking thru
Birds come back out
Waters subside
People emerge
Gather damage

Lightning starts again
Winds come from
Another direction

It’s starting again

What it’s like to love you...

Saw 847 faces
Driving 847 cars
Traffic in
Traffic out
Passed by 49 faces
Walking 49 different ways
Made eyes with
1
And she still
Wasn’t you
Why couldn’t
1
Of them be
U

You’re the fire
I’ll never be
Able
To
Put out...
.
Ever
.
I should just
Accept
That
.
Even on my
Deathbed
.
I’ll look past
Everyone
.
For you...

Hey crazy brown hair
From the Far Away Land
Making preparations for sea
Taking both of my hands

‘My sails made of paper’
‘My mast of toothpicks’
‘Pull up the anchor!’
‘Underway! Underway!’
‘I shall see you today!’

‘You’re so far away’
I say
Your finger over my mouth
‘I shall see you today!’
You say

Hoisting our flag
Singing our songs
Taking pulls from *** barrels
You’re my sailor
All along

Fair winds and following seas
My lady
From Far Away Land
‘I’ll see you today’
I whisper
To the burning horizon
‘I’ll see you today...’
‘Love you crazy brown hair.’

In the Sahara
Grows a Tulip
From the day
We met

In the Antarctic
A Black Rose
Fights against the ice
The day we pronounced
Our love for each other

Light has reached
A Black Hole
In the deepest of space
&
Will survive it
Penetrating it
Mercilessly

Where nothing can grow
Where nothing living can survive
You will find us there
Our love
Our beating hearts
Together
Entwined

People’s concept of forever these days last about 3 weeks

Sometimes even a month

I’d believe someone who
Flat out says
‘Let’s just try to make it past 3 weeks...’
Instead of
‘I love you forever...’

Alone
Cold
In the dark
Unable to see
You whisper
Whisper to me
‘Did you hear...hear me call
‘Out to thee?’
‘Oh yes...this is our spot...
‘The place we have to build...
‘If we can’t be together...
‘Right now you & me...
‘Our Love is fragile...
‘Needs a forest...
‘Needs a sea...
‘Your lovely voice
‘My love I heard it...
‘Calling out to me...
Leaving
You have your back to me
Stoking the fire
‘Don’t forget about us...
‘And what we can be...
Alone
Dark
Cold