Whenever an indevor
I’d think of the meaning of clarity
Its simple beauty
Its blissful foundation
The feeling of everything
And yet the feeling of one thing
Clarity is a beautiful word
Yet now I find no peace of mind
It isn’t so simple
It isn’t so romantic
It’s all so messy
So clarity is not a beautiful word
It’s just an idea

I clumsily I tripped on my shoelace
I fell and broke my little glass vase
It was always too transparent for my taste
But its beauty was inexplicable
So I felt empty without its presence.
I bought this gorgeous crystal one
And placed it in the same spot
I put flowers in, and I tended to them
But they still wilted...
As it turns out, it was the crystal
Because even though it was better quality
The flowers only bloomed in the glass
They liked the vase’s vulnerability to the sunlight

I’ve trained myself to suppress my hunger
My stomach has learned to be empty
Kept telling myself that I look younger
I needed to not let people forget me

So I said no to school lunches at 12
I didn’t want dinner to be too big
Which consisted of chips from my pantry shelves
yet my eyes would lie and call me a pig

4 years of one meal a day
Maybe some coffee in the morning
Which wasn’t easy, by the way,
Until finally my eyes were no longer scoring

4 years of hunger and insufficiency
And I’m still not strong enough to get over you
Sure, I can stand despite iron deficiency
But giving you up is something I can’t go through
I’ve trained myself to suppress my hunger
I’ll train myself to keep my heart from racing
And now that we’re not a year younger
Saying goodbye’s the only time we’ll be embracing

“I’m not hungry,” becomes an anthem
For a nation of starving citizens.
They’re not at war, they’re not lacking in supplies,
They only seek to attain the slim silhouette of a pen

Here’s to the days we spent craving that cake
Here’s to the months we were counting our bites
Raise a glass to that tiny mistake
Of eating one peanut on that one flight.

A mistake like that twists your stomach into knots
You feel your body wake itself up
Your tastebuds start tingling as if they forgot
Any other flavor than your water cup

Dry leaves crunch under my feet as I walk
It’s been too long since I’ve tried to talk
My sorrow sits on the tip of my tongue
I keep my worries trapped inside my lungs

The air tastes sour and smells like bitters
My head is hollow but one thought litters
My veins ache and my skin crawls
Close my eyes, I’ll fall, if sit down, I’ll bawl

My ears ring on the same noisy Sunday
For a ghost instead of shadow on Monday
I’m blocking the sun and burning my arm
It trembles, it shakes, it works like a charm

Knowing I’m lying through my rotting teeth
Wearing a smile with a smirk underneath
Father and mother a perplexed expression
Sister surprised with a gradual depression

I’m sorry I’m sorry for hurting myself
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m not in good health
I’m working I’m working on starting anew
I’m working I’m working on pulling through

I can't move mountains,
I may not be Caesar,
I won't lead thousands,
But I can try to please her.

Maybe I'm no intellect,
I don't know how to split atoms.
Beside you I feel like a small insect,
And I can't contain my enthusiasm.

I may not score the winning goal,
And I may not win first place.
But with you, I can't help but feel whole;
You make my meek heart race.

I don't deserve your excellence,
Not your beauty, nor your grace.
Just let me enjoy your presence,
and the warmth of your embrace.

Tu es ma lune, Cherie, tu es ma lune
Oh, on this refreshing fall afternoon.
your sister, starlight, tangos in your eye,
your brother, midnight, forced me to deny,
That I, you vintage and familiar tune,
Would be a fool to fall in love with Lune.

I had to forget you during the spring.
This lonely heart all tangled up in string,
knitted of yarn; of humble mellow mind,
a thread of strife, now a challenge to find,
would unravel if you gave me a ring.
My ticker would flicker, and dance, and sing.

Why was that a love of belligerence?
I thought, once, you'd be my deliverance...
Because this old forgotten melody,
Has never ceased to own my ears for me.
And this bitter sweet melancholy tune,
Sings all through my mind because of la Lune.

Curled up under the covers
My coffee cup in hand
Reading about young lovers
Trying to understand

I could stay here for hours
Thinking of only his name
Smelling his bouquet of flowers
Looking at his picture frame

But the morning has to end
I must wake from this dream
I remember I'm only his friend
I must get over this scheme

This scenario where he'd choose me
A happily ever after
Though my heart buzzes like a honey bee
Whenever I hear his laughter

I'll be there for him in the meanwhile
His quote-unquote wing woman
Seeing him all dressed up makes me smile
But it's not for me, it's for Lin

It is the char on a marshmallow after being held over a fire; it tastes better than it looks.

It is the asphalt after the rain; it smells better than it feels on bare skin.

It is an optical illusion; it’s hard to identify at first, but once you do you can’t unsee it.

It is the difference between bourbon and cheap *****; a choice between quality and quantity to get the same job done.

It is an anemone protecting a clownfish; it’ll sting whatever tries to enter without the clownfish’s permission.

It is what I am after everything I’ve been through...

Each item is not sold separately; if you want one you buy the whole set.

"X marks the spot to your treasure,
The treasure that holds your lost pride.
X marks the spot to your pleasure,
go have a look inside."

So I followed the careful instructions,
took one step left then two right,
I was detoured by flower's seductions,
then went back to the map's X growing bright.

At first I felt confusion,
Once I reached this so called prize.
This must be some sort of delusion,
Made by a child to fantasize.

But I looked at the map a bit closer.
The X was no location.
It was the map to my closure,
The way back to my past damnation.

"This is not my pride," I said,
Feeling as though the map lied.
Old pains flooded all through my head.
Because facing my past felt like suicide.

I saw your face, and I whimpered.
How I longed to hear you voice again.
My arms grew numb and limper,
Nostalgia multiplied by ten.

But then I stepped back and took in a breath.
I thought of the troubles that had passed.
Once I'd thought I'd love you until death,
Yet I knew that wouldn't last.

Because while you were once my love,
you were also my strife.
"I fly alone now, turtle dove,
I'll live a fruitful life."

I examined the map and I pondered.
these words were no mistake.
In fact they've made my memories fonder,
Shaped a jagged edge into a clean break.

I do not miss you any longer,
My heart no longer cold.
So if you're ever missing me, just look yonder,
To the map that helped me be bold.

I feel you walking in the crowd
I see your face among the clouds
I smell your cologne on my old sweater
I know it was easy for you to forget her

The one who helped you through disaster
Now wears a smile made of plaster
The woman who called the rescue team
Is now the girl who only sees you in a dream

Just promise me you're happy now
And please forgive my furrowed brow
I'm still jealous of how you moved on
And left me in that place to fawn

She is sitting in a room with white curtains,
watching them fill an empty room with empty space.

She writes to a God that doesn't answer,
Because she doesn't use the right address.

She seals her tears in a paper envelope,
and hands them to a man who will never deliver them.

She twirls her hair around her little finger,
watching the sun fade again and again.

She is ***** by men with whiskey tongues,
and she clings to them for comfort.

She is staining her sheets with the blood from her head,
and she never washes it away.

Watching my life from an outside window
Wondering where I went wrong
Make my way to the chair in the corner
Across an empty room
How many times have I emphasized
The happiness over the strife
It’s the human condition
To be in this position
You’ll lie to yourself
Before you admit you were wrong

The lights went out
I let out a shout
I'm a bit scared
and unprepared
But I'm completely fine
It's just the power line  
So I talk to you
but it seems you're through
you're not enjoying our little conversations
which leaves me to ponder while looking at constellations
As if I'm not worth a call
As if I'm not there at all
So I sit in the dark with no electricity
Waiting on life to grant me some simplicity
Why can't my mind be serene, like yours?
Being the first to talk is always a chore

Blue veins hug my hands and neck
My thin hair, a bunned-up wreck
I trace a picture of malnutrition
But, to me, there is no condition
Everyone either says one or the other
It’s their consensus but I’m left smothered
So I’m stripped down to my fatty core
But all they say is “put on more”
How I’d love to take a bite
But then they would get to win the fight
And what am I left with, even if I won?
A bag of bones with ribs like none
But I’m healthy, so I know what they mean
Even though that’s not what I’ve seen

Autumn's tears have watered down the pride
Winter's bite has scarred the dogwood trees
Spring's laughter has revived the wilted flowers
Summer's kiss has numbed the boastful lips

Travel down a wooden pathway
Where glow fish taunt the fishermen
And flirt with their lustful hooks
Until they come up with empty handed respect

True waltzes with false
Where the horizon blurs into oblivion
And the massive unknown consumes the view
Until you fade into its corruption

Tread lightly when others stomp
Where conversation flounders on idle lips
And understanding becomes a currency
Until it snaps into a sudden, “goodbye.”

When I was a young girl my father used to tell me not to take love lightly. He said it doesn’t happen often, so when it come around cherish it. Because it never stays. I though if it doesn’t stay for long then how good can it really be? Years later, I was walking in the dark and an arrow struck my from behind. I was wailing and bawling asking the emptiness what to do. My dad helped me to my feet and told me I had to get over it, and take the arrow out. But I didn’t want to... I wanted it to last. I wanted to feel the pain of it all for longer. But as I started to bleed out, I realized my father was right. I tried my best to pull the arrow from my side, but I fell. The arrow went straight through me. And I was left with a gaping hole. My dad sewed me up, and explained that not all arrows will be good for you. Especially if they’re only a shot in the dark.

I don't want to know what you're doing
I don't want to see you again
I don't want to know where you're going
I just want to know if I'll see you in the morning
And that's enough for me