The moon woke me up with a sideways grin
In my bassinette, in my hollowed home
I used my foot to scratch my chin
I ruffled and preened, as I lacked a comb

Brother has gone to find me dreaming
Sister sees me restlessly sleeping
Father is a sun whose face is now beaming
Mother can be found behind me, weeping

Wings are for my stamina
Beak is for my bite
Bone becomes shear lamina
Now I can all but take flight.

Darling, be my Anti-Valentine
Don't give me flowers or feed me chocolates
Don't whisk me away to some romantic dinner
Don't memorize a speech about love that you saw on Oprah

Be authentic.
Do what you want to do with me
Or to me
Every day, darling

Graciously, he wandered
Far from what he would not destroy
Lonely, she sighed
Breathing through holes in her skin

She was not porous, but proud
He was not proud, but abashed
She wondered what she could do
But she had things of her own

Even so

They dwelled
On nights
Where their dreams became one
And they were alone in a crowded room
And he would tell her what she was
And she would deny it with a grimace

Even so

He wallows in shame before he speaks
And throws an idle hook to sea
Hoping to catch one fish
While she swims further away

My cell phone screen lights up
Like my face when I see your name there.
But I don’t have enough storage
For the conversations our texts hold.
And I’m running out of data
From googling all your references.
The family plan isn’t good enough
For the family we could start.
And Snapchat can’t keep the memories
I’ve kept of you and me.
You can’t make digital eye contact
But if you could, we do, all the time.
And there aren’t enough keys to type
About how well I know you.
And there aren’t enough emojis to express
The raw emotion we’ve shared together.
But I cracked my screen today...
and I cut my finger on the glass.
Because texting you instead of seeing you
Is a mistake in more ways than one.

Your versatility makes me weak in the knees.
You're as subtle as neon and as patient as a hungry child.
You're as soft as sandpaper and as approachable as a kiss.
You can be everything and nothing with whatever I decide.

You're the most intimidating thing I've ever seen.

I stood, unformed, a block of stone
I had no name I had no form
I was unharmed and unhappy
I was uninspired I was wasted potential.

In you walked with my purpose in your mind
Inch by inch you conquered my exterior
Making a rock into a marble masterpiece
I took up an image you chose for me

My imperfection chiseled away
My silhouette carved from the core
My details etched to refinement
Your mark engraved in my mind

Let it be known that below my hard exterior I am cherry taffy being pulled with every step

Let it be known that my skin is mailable and my tissue is raw despite my bandages

Let it be known that I’m oozing melted sugar that stained my wrist red and my teeth grey

Let it be known that I am sore from the twisting motion that stretches my words so they don’t come across as they are

Let it be known that I have scars that are not invisible but are always concealed

Let it be known that I have wounds that are gaping and open but never revealed

Let it be known that I am brittle and cracking and cold and curdled

Let it be known that I am wondering what the Hell I should do now that I failed at giving up

Hey...
I know it's been a long time...
That may even be an understatement but...
I-I just wanted to, uh...
Well, in all honesty, I guess I don't really know, I just...
I never got to tell you something you needed to hear.
Something you should keep in mind.
Something I need to say out loud before it ruins me.
I-
I miss you.
Not in a particularly romantic sense, I just miss everything.
I miss the way you made me feel...
The way you treated me.
Even though I knew you were-
You made me unhealthy.
You made me sick.
You made me hate myself more than anyone else ever did.
But I still feel like I need you to make me, me.
I'm in disgust of myself with and without but...
At least when you're with me I can stand to look at myself.
You make me feel beautiful...
Um, anyway...
I really shouldn't have said any of that-
I should go...
But thanks for letting me stop by.

-My stay with starvation

There's just something
about working your *** off
and getting no payoff
that people try to turn into a lesson

the fact of the matter is:
that's just the way it is.

Glassy, green, genuine
aimed at me
dilating

rosy, ruminating, rejoicing
creased lines beside a lash
for things that haven't happened

beaming, brimming, beautiful
innocently conjuring
a rock on a finger

young, yearning, yielding
hovering over a question
but time's caught your tongue

I’ve counted the tick marks on my wrists
Like I’ve counted the books of the Bible
I’ve been drunk off wine and water
Like I’ve been baptized in it

I’ve cried monsoons of yearning and ache
Like I’ve teared up from forgiveness
I’ve justified my actions with ignorance
Like I’ve been given too many chances

I’ve gravitated towards my transgressions
Like I’ve asked for your deliverance
I’ve actively acted against your will
Like I’ve told you I would trust you

And I can’t move mountains when you can
But I can choose to accept it
And I can’t push boulders from my tomb
But I can choose to believe it

Here I am
Finally fed
Denying my premature death
And in your name I pray...
That you’d let it be

We lay in different places with the same thought in our eyes.
so I try to say a word- a word we’ll both understand- to mean what we both want it to mean.
Because we’re both afraid to say it out loud.
together we stare deep into one another before he mutters, “what?”
and everything else clears away like a morning fog bids the afternoon farewell.
“I hate you,” I say, and I smile a little.
“I hate you, too,” he replies, with a grimace of dirt.
“good, then- we’re both on the same page.”
“good.”
and we laid there, together. For years.

But then, when I looked back to where he used to be, he was gone.
And I can only guess that he hated me too much.

Hey, are you awake?
I wanted to know because
we've been sleeping here, together
and time seems to elude us both so quickly

Are you awake?
I'm wondering what we'll face tomorrow
because today seemed too good to be true
and tonight everything seems stacked against us

If you are then turn around
And we can strategize for our future
and dream without sleeping
because we lose time together once our eyes are closed

If you're asleep
then be blissfully unaware of my worries
and be happy for both of us
because I can't meet you where you are

Hey, are you awake?
sleep until tomorrow when I've calmed my mind
and when I wake, we can talk about everything
but for now, maybe it's best that we talk about nothing

Me
That word; it’s poisonous to us
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“That’s so me.”
“He hurt me.”
Me
I don’t know what to do with that word
I don’t know why I feel that way about
That word
Me
It’s something we say every day
It’s something we feel every day
It’s something we worry about all day
Me
It’s the problem we all have
It’s the problem none of us can fix until
We hit rock bottom and then that’s all we have left
Me
“Me and you.”
“It’s selfish of me.”
“It’s difficult for me to...”
it’s someone I’m stuck with
It’s someone I don’t want to know so well
It’s someone I want others to get to know
Me

I do not have an hourglass figure
But I do cast a shadow that stretches beyond
The shape of my hips

I do not have toned features
But I am stronger than what you can see
Under my skin

I do not have manicured nails
Because I dig with with my bare hands
And rip out the weeds and the lies I tell myself

That I am not attractive
Because I’m not the one defined that word
But I am the one who wants to change it

I’m not a beautiful person
I’m not exactly unique
I know enough but not a lot
But I am still here
And that’s wonderful
Or so I’ve heard
But I’m trying my ****** hardest
I hope they’ll see that someday

Is it possible to miss someone you’ve never met
Or is it just a yearning to know someone different

Someone who isn’t someone and no one that resembles them

Someone who looks at you for the purpose of seeing you
Instead of playing a game for which you never learned the rules

Someone who cares enough to try from time to time
And doesn’t make excuses as to why they make excuses

Someone who apologizes in a timely manner because they never needed to apologize

Someone who doesn’t miss out because they were too afraid of being happy

Someone who never grows tired of listening to you because they’re hearing what you’re saying
And they share just as much as you do

Someone who only exists in another place that seems impossible to find
And someone who is not
Someone else

I want to sleep
But your name won’t let me

For some reason, it keeps shouting
Over and over

And I’ve tried counting sheep
But they’ve started herding to form letters

I don’t doubt you can imagine
What they might spell

Nothing seems to help except giving in
And thinking about our house, and our life

We own the sheep, and I knit from their wool
And then I wake up

And the cycle continues
And I can never stay asleep long enough

To hear my name, finally
The way I like to hear you say it

My life shattered.
It just fell down into little pieces in front of me.
And there wasn’t a thing that I could do, it seemed, except look at all the colorful shards that lay scattered across the floor.
I picked one up, and held it in my hand, up to my heart, and I forced it in my mind.
And as I worked I kept it there, that one little piece, that made me feel safe and happy and wonderfully scared.
Time passed, and I had created something different.
It wasn’t the same as before, but it was beautiful; a mosaic of my past and my hopes for my future.
But one piece was missing- the one I had held onto for so long.
And I thought all that time that I had studied it so intently and memorized it’s shape so meticulously that when I was ready to fit the piece into the center of my creation, it would fit perfectly.
But instead, it resisted. Desperate to complete it, I pushed and pushed with everything and nothing left inside me. The work of art began to crack from the middle outwards. And i found myself in agony deciding if I would I risk it all for the remarkable piece that didn’t even fit, or if i would I give up on something I had idealized for too long with too much of myself? But before I could move, something interesting happened. One of the shards took its place, and the creation seemed to embrace it. And I could see my own reflection in the center of everything for the first time.

The sun rises from stage right
She follows her cues throughout the day
She exits in the left wing
And then the moon steals her show

He captivates his audience with ambiance
His chorus twinkles ever so slightly
He plays to the romance of the night
And she wishes she could do the same

So she requests an hour’s difference
And watches the moon’s anticlimactic exit
She takes a deep breath and focuses
And she enters, once again, in vibrancy

Her supporting actor plays with her hair
As his waves dance to her brilliance
She takes her time with her movement
And her elegant chorus billows high above

When her show is coming to a close
She gives it all she’s got
She paints the stage with a dainty hue
And exits at the peak of her performance

She smiles from the wing
As she gets her standing ovation