For right now, it's just longing,
With a false sense of hope.
For right now, it's hoping the spring will be able to salvage what little winter left in us.

The grounds were still frozen when you passed,
So ashes you are now,
Into the air like heavy smoke,
with no stone to remember your name.
But we will.

For right now, it's trying to make the best out of the worst,
Parties at your house are unsettling,
8 pm without drunk karaoke,
No cowboys hats,
Just the echo of Mr. Johnny Cash.

For right now, it's pretending.
That loss hasn't made its way into our daily routine,
And memories haven't cluttered into every few thoughts.
Maybe we'll feel better in another six months,
Or not,
I don't really know.

The moon was hidden,
And the sky was missing any sight of stars
Or a glimmer of hope, in this case.

Walking into the room with the anxiety of falling back in a chair, awaiting inevitable pain and wishing I had taken the time to be careful and avoid this.

I keep thinking it's wrong to hate seeing you with someone else,
And the way your face lights up at the thought of someone else,
How you get your haircut and clean your entire house for someone else.

And the lights that flash,
And the music that blasts
Can’t deafen me or blind me from the fact that
I can feel the lump in my throat wrap into a swift breeze of nausea when she wraps her arms around you and kisses you like I'm not there at all.

I told you she was so pretty because I wanted to be kind,
You might be more apt to love me more if I was kind right?

I settled in the back and drank all the drinks,
And took off my glasses in the hope that blurring the sights would make them not so real,
But alas, the pain was there and was real already.

Too much to dissipate with the removal of glasses,
Just staring at blurry black shadows and smiling a look of extra approval when you turned around.

And I can never let you know,
Because I'm not a selfish person like that.
It's called love, not possession,
So I’m having to love you from across the room, and possess only the overworked smile smacked across my face.

Because I don't want you to be unhappy,
I just wanted you to be happy with me,
Not somebody else.

He wasn't very beautiful, no.
Nothing extraordinary.
But he was everything I was looking for.
Car rides from school have been imprinted in my memory like hands in wet stone.
His cigarettes filling up my lungs with smoke and leaving my brain rushing and wild.
The way he looked at me, I couldn't even tell you.
I never had anyone look at me that way and haven't since.
It wasn't as dreamy and beautiful as I might make it seem,
Still remembering it with my former teenaged mind,
I spent most of my time wanting him to **** me in the cleaning closet upstairs at our after school job,
Or at least touch me, nervously.
But that never happened.
I did however find myself touching him.
Reaching into his soul and pulling him out until he couldn't hide from me anymore.
I made myself his home and stored his thoughts, desires and pains in myself,
Like his suicidal tendencies,
His misunderstandings and anger,
His love for my friend, Katie.
Different than ours.
I felt heartbroken,
Yet so happy as long he was,
And while it seemed unfair
I finally passed infatuation and found love in its purest form,
No matter how unfair it was.

She was the kind of beauty that was not to be heavily applied and caked,
She was the kind that rolled over in untucked sheets the next morning with a slight glimmer in her eye, and a rosy tint to her cheeks.
The kind with long eyelashes, and a wardrobe full of cotton striped tee shirts.
She was gentle, sweet, and told ***** jokes on car rides home.
She was the kind of beauty you find in low budget indie films,
The kind that warms the pit of your stomach when she walks in a room,
The kind that didn't strike twice.

Don't ask me how we met,
I'll just say "god's will"
It was 2 pm and you were drunk,
And I had just taken a handful of pills.

The coffee shop was empty besides faces I couldn't see,
When you stumbled a little more closely and melted into me.

I think I ordered something,
But we were tired and left,
You fell asleep in my lap,
While I listened to your breath.

The wind moved slowly and picked up the leaves,
Licking sugar off the spoon of love and full moon eve's.

There was a song on the radio that reminded me of your head,
All the madness running inside it,
Too much madness to ever be dead.

I think we got home okay
because we're on our fifty fourth date,
And I'm making my baby a pie,
To celebrate the time we met and managed not to die.

Find me in your thoughts late at night,
You can't forget about me,
I stuck with you.
I was the lover and the giver,
And I kissed your forehead when you cried
And I never let you down for a minute, I was always around,
But we were just friends that ****.

I got your favorite candy on the way to the movies and I touched your heavenly cheeks before they turned down the lights,
I never spoiled the plot because I know you like surprises,
And I held your hand when you pretended you weren't scared,
But we were just friends that ****.

You walked me to my car and you grabbed my hips,
And I moved with your body and I loved every second of it.
I closed my eyes and soaked in every word you would whisper,
Like you were telling me a prophecy in my backseat,
But we were just friends that ****.

Now I smoke and take long drives alone,
And your real girl's your bed, and you love her, I know, you keep telling me.
And I don't know what I did wrong,
I think about it all the time,
You moved your attention away and I couldn't keep you off my mind,
And I wanted to be your real girl so badly,
I get a pain in my chest just when you wave hi to me.
Just a passerby, passing by me.
I don't know know why you even meant so much,
For god's sake, we were just friends that ****!

What can I give to you?
Transformed all my art into love.
I've spent all my time alone writing love notes in my head,
The highway seems so long,
Counting the miles back to you.

I've let all my paints dry and crack,
Letting the colours flood in my head,
Of red, orange, pink and green,
All the seasons I've let you love me.

My words have left the page and come flooding out my mouth,
Broken dams of broken hearts,
Keep you coming back to me.
You said where's the poetry? Where's the art?
I've left it in you.

In your passenger seat, the voicemails on your phone, our pets and our sheets.
I've loved you too deeply to write as freely as I once did.
The boundaries keep me in so tightly.
I'm happy to stay where you want me.
I've said I've got galaxies inside me,
You said show me.

I do in time, more everyday.
Even If it's not on paper or canvas.
I give my art in the form of love.
I love you more, every day.

Nodding your head and smiling,
I could watch that body all night,
Under the dim flashing lights,
All the noise disappeared aside from the saxophone and the vibrations of cool jazz.
Swaying, swaying.
Until you lean your head back,
As if sensing extreme pleasure,
You let out a soft cry
Then kept swaying, swaying.
Got a cigarette in one hand and a bottle in the other,
Gotta love the way you got your own thing going.
Take a drag and a swig,
Soft laughing at yourself
And keep swaying, swaying
Till they stop playing.

Tell me we are nothing.
Tell me we are nothing so I won't have to worry where you are going when you say you can't tonight,
When you cancel last minute,
When you make strange excuses.
Tell me we are nothing so I don't get invested and I don't think about what I'll wear when I see you or what you're doing right now.
Please, please, tell me we are nothing so I don't cry when you disappear, so I don't tell you everything, so I don't think I am special.  
Please tell me we are nothing.
I don't want to fall asleep with you and just be a shadow in the background of your love.
Please tell me we are nothing.
Please.
Please.
Please.

The world doesn't feel real
Like a million of us could fit in a measuring cup
So make something good,
Something sweet.
All the odds and ends adding up to something,
Something that could be beautiful when it ends.
Even though I feel so lost,
I know I have it all together.
Little pieces like a puzzle,
I just can't figure out where they belong.
The wisdom will come to me,
I know it.
Through a cloud, the universe or age.
It'll all be alright.
Someone kiss me through the night.
While I hold a few bottles of wine in my young hands.
Someone hold me till I can think straight,
Someone hold me until I am whole.
I'm finally a real person,
I'm finally alive.

There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
I'm sure you've seen her before,
Maybe in a message of tea leaves,
While she's been living in the lines I write,
And in the threads of my seams.

She's a creature of the sea,
Washed ashore in a dream,
Living life that's unkind to her,
But unkind to everyone it seems.

She's careful and careless,
Articulate and aloof,
She walks along my collarbones at night,
Leaving no footprints for proof.

There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
She's the sun to my earth,
She's a small crying child,
She's the tangy sweet juice,
From an orchard on fire.

Half alive,
Fireside,
Overdosed,
I survived.

Drowned in beer,
In the clear,
Pills in my head,
Can't steer.

Summer night,
Candlelight,
Heavenly hell,
Burning bright.

Riddled thought,
Can't get caught
Smelling of sweat,
Waiting to rot.

Put me on a pedestal,
Show me off to all your friends,
In your mouth like vanilla frosting,
In your car, Mercedes Benz.
Tell me I'm the best and there's no one like me.
Tell me you're afraid to ever be away from me.

I'm your favorite girl.
I'm your favorite girl.

Watch me like a movie,
take off my clothes in the middle of your childhood bedroom,
Your parents house for dinner is so boring,
Baby, let's go home soon
We can **** until we fall asleep,
I'll reward you for pleasing me,
You're such a sweet boy, it's so easy to see.

I'm your favorite girl.
I'm your favorite girl.

I could be the one you've been looking for,
I could be your dream.
I know when I'm away, all you think about is me.
With the flowers in my hair,
My vintage dresses and curls,

Put me on a pedestal,
I'm your favorite girl.

What if I was born out of soft *** cries and blooming flowers?
If I was born from the tears of the people in the falling towers?
If I was made by the gods or nature and trees,
If I was made out of spite to bring my father to his knees.

If I was made out of fluorescent lights and ambient sounds,
If I fell from the sky onto unholy grounds,
What if I ****** it up real bad and they sent me from hell,
And I was born with no memory of it and no secrets to tell.

Or I was just born from my mothers womb,
Boring but probably true,
She took all her love and gave me my youth.
But I don't quite remember so I'll have to make things up,
Of how I was made and born here,
How I became bad luck.

I’m missing you near
Wish you were here,
I'd send a postcard to my first love.
Down below,
So as above,
Always the best when push comes to shove.  

Everyone says
That it comes in waves
Now it's crashing and covers my face.
Ashes in jars,
All that you are,
My beautiful boy, what a waste.

If you were the wine,
I'd have a taste,
Stuck in the maps and still misplaced.
If my love didn't die,
You'd still be alive
And we could get out of this place.

My heart calls to you,
With notions of gloom,
Locked in a room, in the dark.
The clock and the time,
They fall out of line,
Eternity has no ending or start.

Everyone says
That it comes in waves,
Now it's crashing and covers my face.
Ashes in jars,
All that you are,
My beautiful boy, what a waste.

Feel like a ghost
In the background of your life,
Trying to bear me the weight of the truth,
And you tell me it's fine.

When I'm so focused on your face,
Like the camera lens,
And you're always staring into space,
Forgetting to "love me too" in front of your friends.

Like a good cup of coffee
Sitting on the counter for too long,
Now you're bitter and cold,
Now you're coming off too strong.

Thought I could be good for you,
But it's not the first time I've been wrong,
You just like to lay me down to the sound of indie rock songs.

Yeah, nobody said that love was easy
But they never said it'd be this hard,
Looking at you feels like looking at a loved ones face
On a laminated memorial card.

Slow suicide
On the porches of the houses on the hills.
In the cobblestoned sidewalks in the centre of everything,
The car frame almost melting in the mid day sun.  

The faces always look so sad,
And sometimes angry with me,
When I leave the coffee, barely touched behind,
And walk with my hands locked, leaving with someone I don't know.

Slow suicide
In the bathroom of a childhood friend,
In a painted cotton shirt.
Taking it off with the camera on me,
Held him captive in my body.

The faces look so pleased,
So in love with the moment, but not me.
When my thoughts turn demonic and ***** out the things I never thought I could say,
But there I went saying them.

Slow suicide
On the highway going 110,
In the radio, in the songs that sing me nearly to sleep.
The lights keep flashing but they don't bother me.

The faces don't show at all,
Except for the masked strangers in my head,
When I think away from the mess I've made in front of myself,
And try to disguise my impurities,
My strange fetish for fear,
But I try not to let it get cleaned up.

Oh my,
Tell me what it's about this time,
Said you're just saying goodbyes
To the ones that loved you that you never really loved back.
Good times,
Hanging out the passenger side,
In the cold wind and Christmas lights,
When you took me by surprise.

You said "I'll never find another,
I'll never fall asleep,
I'll never have a dream,
And wake up wishing you weren't next to me"

And now you got a love,
No one could break apart,
"Just letting you know that you're somewhere still in my heart"

It's fine,
Treat me unkindly so kindly in the middle of the night,
You're right.
It was never perfect maybe it wasn't worth it,
Maybe it was the wrong time,
Or it played how it should,
I never thought you would
Be leaving my side,

But you pulled me again,
Leaving questions in my head when you said

"I'll never find another,
I'll never fall asleep,
I'll never have a dream,
And wake up wishing you weren't next to me"

And now you got a love,
No one could break apart,
"Just letting you know that you're somewhere still in my heart"

Leave me cold and blue while you're  burning red,
Get it off your chest,
Keep it out your head,
Find a way to relieve what we've come to be,
I'll just say it was bad time to keep myself from still believing you said

"I'll never find another,
I'll never fall asleep,
I'll never have a dream,
And wake up wishing you weren't next to me"

And now you got a love,
No one could break apart,
"Just letting you know that you're somewhere still in my heart"

A pure treasure since she was born,
Deserving to be delicately placed on velveteen pillows.
Looks like that are lusted after
Like line after line of ******* in an upscale bathroom.
But all the pretty girls are like that.

Their red lipstick and lacy lingerie,
Cocktail dresses and long legs.
Swift movements and carefully crafted bones.
They feel their beauty really sink in with a needle full of ******,
and a high that knocks them off their perfectly pedicured feet.
My God, they are so lucky.

All the pretty girls do drugs.
And all the pretty girls get high.
All the pretty girls smile and wave in their size zero glory.

Flickering lights in old parking lots
My head on your chest
Blink-182
I miss you, I miss you.

Kisses on my neck
On my *******
On my hips
I dare you to choke me,
Don't let me breathe, don't let me breathe.

Radio down and expensive coffee on the floor,
Take me for granted tomorrow
I like how much you hurt me.
Love you forever, love you forever.

In too deep,
Falling asleep,
Nobody but me,
Better not be anybody but me,
You don't have to love me, you don't have to love me.

It's weird when people you knew die.
Especially when you're young.
I'm not terribly upset though,
Death doesn't hit me like it used to, I've sort of become adjusted.
But sometimes I think:
I'll never run into them at the grocery store and catch up a bit,
They will never get married to the love of their life,
Or have children,
But I might.
By the time I am dying,
They will barely be but a memory
Deep in the brain of someone who knew them 60 years ago,
Someone like me.
How strange.

I can see the face,
Hear the voice,
But It's all in my head.
I'll never see or hear it again.

You said I'm out of my mind,
Am I getting in your head?
The days are too long,
Now you're staying in your bed.

You got your boyhood courage
Slung on your back,
Not enough to get you to next year still intact.

I'm not trying to romanticize the past,
It wasn't that great,
But we were young enough to still believe in fate.

And our souls didn't ache,
Like they do right now,
Maybe they did,
But it all feels different
Somehow.

Somehow.

Somehow.

I can feel it dying,
Feel it falling like sand out of my fist
Clenched so tightly,
And the yearning in my chest doesn't stop it from slipping through the cracks.

I don't know where it happened.
Where we fell deep.
Was it the couch at my parents?
Or the bonfire at our friend's?
Gerosa's?

There's nothing I can compare to what it has felt like to be in your arms,
In the summer heat and the autumn breeze.
But I've let the winter take over me.

I'm lost and uncertain,
I feel trapped by the cage in which I have thrown myself in.
I can feel it dying,
I know it's me.

Time doesn't heal wounds,
The wisdom that comes with time does.

A hard pill to swallow,
crushed up and snorted,
and taken bitterly like cheap motel coffee,
What a way to start the day.

I didn't think the last time I kissed your lips would be the very last time,
That you would shove me aside for someone half decent, and a dull flamed heart.
And that's when I think:
I am trying too hard.
There is still time, there is still time.  
I've got an hourglass in my head and my heart pinned to my sleeve,
My chest pounding with anxiety and I attribute it to butterflies and give all my love to some strange boy with flowers in his hands,
nothing worth falling for.
I reward myself with a sour taste in my mouth and a thousand metaphorical knives in my stomach.
It's okay, it's okay.
All wounds heal in time,
There is still time, I know.

Their confusion was real.
His chief stating feathers swayed down his back,
While he laughed with the children,
And made sure they were always happy,
For they could do no wrong in his eyes.
He adored his leadership,
He raised his head proudly,
And smiled a gentle smile.
His people would never doubt him,
For he had led the longest.
But one day,
He threw his feathers into the river,
Said a solemn, short goodbye,
And walked down a trail of tears to join another tribe.
Nobody quite understood,
He was so happy, so loving,
The one to look up to,
But they never saw him again.

I fell into the thought that I was nothing,
That nothing would get better,
The mind controls all.
I'd been told many times, "what we think, we become."
And it's true,
I was becoming less
And less,
I was becoming nothing.

I didn't walk poised,
I walked unnoticed.
I didn't work with pride,
I slipped under the radar,
Good enough,
I guess,
Better than nothing.
But almost nothing.

I didn't start conversations,
I didn't contribute to them either.
I said nothing.
I didn't answer calls from friends,
I stopped replying to texts from worried family members,
They received nothing.
I couldn't consume rich foods on holiday,
I couldn't gain anything.
I couldn't look my parents in the eyes anymore,
I was such a **** up,
I was nothing.

Shouting like a siren in the back of your mind,
In the back of your yesterdays.

I understood well,
My place in your heart,
My place in your dresser drawers,
My place in your bed.
Shivering like the twigs on a cold winter morning, after a long heavy snow,
With wings gliding the surface of dead rose bushes,
A wish I might be granted if you'd give it to me.
Shaking your fist in the air,
You had just forgotten and now you've remembered me again after eight ******* years,
Your eyes still hungry to see my face light up in the passenger seat of your car,
Left alone for eternity by a stranger,
What a waste.
Looking up at the sky forever but I can't remember the phases of the moon,
You could never find me,
Disappeared like a cookie on the counter.

A Thursday is no day to sit inside and cry,
I'm fine.

Sick in my head,
Sick in my heart,
He was something out of a movie,
An angel coming to take me home.
I thought "this could be the one".
He was perfect and timeless,
Like an old Hollywood film.
******* me in and holding me,
Kissing my neck in his father's car.
So much passion between us
Don't let it fade,
Don't let it fade.
When boys go down south,
They don't come back the same.
His lips didn't kiss as sweetly,
His mouth didn't speak all the words I craved to hear.
He had all the cheap tricks in the palm of his hand,
And I was a thousand miles away.
Don't let it fade.
Don't let it fade.
He can **** me in the parking lot,
But can't kiss me goodnight,
"I'm too drunk, I'm sorry."
And I feel like this could be my fault.
Even when he's with me, he's not even with me.
I just look at him like a piece of art now,
He's so beautifully crafted but I don't understand him.
I'm watching him leave more and more everyday,
I keep telling myself:
Don't let it fade
Don't let it fade
But it's already dying.

I'm not sure if we ever grow up.
We grow old in our bodies,
Maybe our minds mature too,
But I'm not sure if we ever grow up.

Our problems stay the same,
As they were at eighteen,
Maybe a little different,
But they still stay the same.

I'm low on cash,
I'm with someone already, but I still love someone else.
I'm being pulled in different directions,
I can't sort all my priorities,
I want to help everyone but I can't seem to help myself.

So, I'm not sure if we ever grow up,
Or if we just learn to deal with things,
Accept them for what they are.
I've noticed suddenly we forget our age,
Drop everything to follow our hearts,
Remind ourselves we only live this once,
And that we are  are getting old.
But perhaps, only our bodies are.

Ethereal feel,
Bright lights,
*** appeal.

Tattooed chest,
Short dress,
Trying to impress,
Took too much,
I'm a mess.

Laughing too loud,
Escaped the crowd,
Numb limbs,
Dancing way out.

Nineteen seventy five,
So alive,
Apprehensive about the drive.

Talking out of context,
I forget what comes next,
But that song is ******* cool,
Goodnight text.

Who do you vent to when you can't trust anybody?
I feel like I'm constantly growing away from everyone I've ever known.
All my branches moving in different directions,
My leaves change seasons,
But everyone else stays the same.

I feel like I'm shoved into boxes, labeled who I am, what I am, and what I will be.
I feel like I can't tell anyone the truth without being on the edge of losing them, or being told I am wrong, or that I don't fully understand.

I feel like I am underestimated a lot of the time.
Nobody believes that I can do whatever task it is I set out on,
That I am just an ambitious fool,
There's always someone smarter, more proactive, more charming,
Yet, I am trusted to make leading decisions when nobody else can be certain of the next move.

I feel tired of being looked at like I am less,
Whether it be by the tattoos dressing my skin,
My dark lipstick painted mouth,
Or the amount of people who have seen my naked body.

I feel tired of being lied to by everyone I know about small insignificant things.
I feel tired of being out of place everywhere I go.

I moved him in all the ways he wanted to move, but just couldn't.
I moved him the way the wind moves the newly freed leaves in October.
He swayed and he swayed and he swayed.

I lost myself sometime back in September,
I don't remember if it was by the school or in my car,
The grocery store parking lot.
Something like that.

I must have escaped suddenly,
I barely noticed until my chest felt too hollow to pound at the sight of the ocean waves crashing to the shore,
My hands were always awkward and confused,
Not knowing their place in social situations,
Pockets?

I went to a party in November with a plot already in my head,
Tied my white converse together with loose morals,
Too much makeup on.
No time for small talk,
"Don't play games"
"You know what I'm here for"
I don't know why I was there though.


Almost January and I guess I found a way back to myself,
In my own bed covered in blankets to hide the shame
On the phone with Brian.
He kept telling me I was somebody's child,
And what was I doing to somebody's child?
What an odd ******* thing to say.

But I started missing myself more than I ever thought possible,
And flooding back in harder than the rain hitting my window pane.

I fell asleep last night with her in my bed.
My Floridian princess,
Call her my Miami Vice.
She summons euphoria in a dystopia.
She makes me sing.
I find her so perfect when she lays there in her natural beauty.
So pure.
And find myself drawn to those lips,
even when shes dressed up in lace.
So much power, she scares me sometimes, I love her.
Just wanna hold her.
My baby.
The way she makes me melt,
Until I'm just liquid wax at the bottom of my favorite candle,
I couldn't compare to anything.
She kisses my lips, my cheeks and my third eye, ever so softly.
Then lingers around my head, and my bed for hours until she finally leaves.
While I sit and just miss her.

You captured my heart in the waking dawn of a warm summer morning.
Gold flecks caught in your eyes, shimmering like pixies in the sun.
Running through dewy patches of newly blossomed flowers, I felt newly blossomed too.
Under trees and in between leaves,
I found love in your body and soul, enchanting and enticing,
Throwing my head back laughing at everything you said to me.
And I saw it in your gypsy smile,
That this wasn't to be forever,
But I didn't mind.
I laid in meadows of wildflowers and spelled your name out in petals, until the wind swept them up to some place far away.
The taste on your lips like sweet nectar dripping onto my tongue,
Your hands soft and gentle, caressing my face like a child.
I unbox my nostalgia, piece by piece like little russian nesting dolls as I speak of you now,
and consider you almost a dream,
so long ago and so brief,
It almost doesn't feel real to me anymore.

Listening to you talk about someone else
Like a stab in the chest ripping all the way down
In the car after dinner,
With a ****** gaping hole,
That you couldn't see, but I felt all the same.

You were smiling and I was smiling too.
You said she was great and you met her dad by chance, and it was the best one in a long time.
I giggled childishly
And let the wound fester and ooze,
You didn't even notice.

I saw it in your eyes,
It was a love,
And it was different than ours.

When you dropped me off,
I felt guilty and nauseous.
It’s not your responsibility to cradle my ego,
To be my romance.
You told me you loved me and you'd see me soon,
You'd see her tomorrow,
Filling the wound with rocks before attempting to sew it up,
Or at least, it felt like it.

I can't stop thinking about how everyone is someone, but at the same time everyone is no one.

I'm noticing less and less of a separation
Between the woman in my head,
The woman who stands before you,
And the hungry wolf I've fed.

I keep telling myself,
“To be numb will make it feel better”
But then it backfires on me.
I don't feel anxiety or embarrassment from what other people see,
For what I've done or what pushed me there,
I know, it's always me.

Sitting in bed,
Replaying in my head
Everything I ever did or said,
That wasn't me, but just a loose bolt in my head,

Crawling around trying to find a source
To feed the cravings and quench the thirst,
For attention I wanted and thought I would need,
And left me wondering why I'm never the one to leave,
Why I'm always the last woman standing in an empty crowd,
Because my pride is too strong,
Because I refuse to back down.

I wake up angry and sick with my other side,
That put me to sleep and took my body for a ride,
And I don't care if the whole world forgives me,
Because I can't forgive myself,
For starting the night as one person and morphing into someone else.

Maybe it's time to start over and invent someone new,
Or keep true to myself,
which I've never had the nerve to do.
But being numb isn't real,
When I was just born to feel,
A sensitive girl painted with false *** appeal.

Missing the simplicity that summer gives us all, the warmth of the sun, and the way it makes us feel like we have more time,
The way we hold our heads up like sunflowers toward the skies and kiss the winds that blow away in the afternoon breeze.

But still understanding that change is needed for any growth, whether it be out in nature, or within ourselves,
The way the leaves need to transform into their crimson beauty and the crisp air gives them their wings to fly.

The way the things in our lives seem to come to a sudden end until we fall into the spring.
But we become more thankful for the flowers when we haven't seen them blossom for months,
We forget the ones that grew so tall last year.

These ones are much more beautiful.

So ******* cute the way you move,
Like a wave in the sea,
Onto the next shore until you drown it,
Just like you did with me.

Fill 'em up with lies until they're gagging and gasping,
Talk them to the edge until they're finally relapsing,
Back to old habits and old songs that mock their cries,
Got them thinking they're going crazy, but it's you in their life

Tell me again, how you're just checking up on me,
Coming to see if I've been thinking logically,
Have I been thinking about you?
Have I written about you?
This one or that?
Let's make this sweet and soft,
Yes.....now *******.

She was New York in the winter,
Paris in the summer,
Los Angeles in spring
And
Boston in the fall.

Just beautiful.

Sometimes it's something like "your next boyfriend..."
And other times it's something like "it's lucky you're with me because..."
Blurring the lines of what secrets your heart has been telling your head for months.

Trying to stay quiet and not scare me away,
Just keeping me close to your chest on the sofa while the indie films play,
He said I never talk too much about forever,
because life always gets in the way,
Even though I don't want to be together,
I still want to kiss your lips at the end of a long day.

And I can't tell you these things because I know you feel me inside you,
How I told you all those things,
Now just sitting on your couch would remind you,
Of my kisses and indecision that you caught onto so fast,
And the way I can't seem to leave things in the past.

And I know you thought you could save me,
And you could another time,
When I'm not so unsure of myself and love isn't such a climb,
I keep spending the early hours of the morning alone singing songs
"When are you going to realize it was just that the timing was wrong?"

Boxes on the highway,
Going too fast to catch a glimpse of faces.
This is all I've ever known and still, I find it strange.
Drivers and passengers,
Living lives I know nothing about,
Though there is a possibility I have passed them before, at some point,
And this makes me think.
Everywhere I look:
Ahead.
To the side.
In my rear view mirror.
So many boxes on wheels,
Racing on a road carved out of nature,
Where the rock and trees still remain but don't catch many eyes anymore.
Small, big,
Four doors, Two.
With so many people,
Conversing with each other,
Or thinking to themselves,
And none of them thinking about this.

I'm starting to get distant again, it's scaring me.
But what's scaring me most is that I'm okay with it.
I'm sitting in my hole of depression and am no longer struggling to climb out.
I've accepted that this is my life.
A big cloud over my head, but this won't last forever.
It gets better.
The sun will come out and shine upon my hair,
Like a new life, the one I had forgotten how to live.
For the first time, in a long time, I will be happy again.
But I'll always be stuck in my hole, unable to escape.
I know the clouds will come back, they always do.

Maybe this time will be different,
In such a way I could only hope and dream about,
Or in thoughts I fall asleep so warmly nestled in.
Maybe this time will be better,
Then any other love in my life thus far,
In sweetness of Lilies, kind words, and candlelit dinners.
Upon rooftops, cars, and bridges.  
I might be getting too far ahead of myself,
But maybe this time will be real,
Not one sided, not possessive,
Caught up in a ring of smoke, drugs and money,
Of guns, lies and games.
I don't want to be bad anymore,
I want this to be good.
With kisses sweet like cherries on a checkered picnic blanket.
So maybe,
Maybe this time will take a bit more than the others,
But maybe this time will last.

Don't go kissing the sad girls
They pull you in and push you around,
Make you feel bad about the past,
Que sera, sera
But they won't take just that.

Don't go kissing the sad girls on Sunday night when you're freshly 21,
Free drinks are appealing and so are dark eyes and small figures.
There is a light in a shadow of mystery,
There is heat in a burning heart.

Don't go kissing the sad girls
When you got a good girl that loves you.
Cheap tricks and their crocodile tears  are cute and innocent for a while.
Till they grab your face and kiss your mouth,
******* out your fidelity, what a shame, it was never the same.

Don't go kissing the sad girls.

I need a new distraction,
And would ya look at you
Your tattoos,
Cigarette breath, and old leather shoes,
Oh my,  
God spent some extra time on you.
The way you walk,
You look so cool,
Rolling Stones tshirt,
Keep it old school.
A wild ride,
I can see it in your eyes,
I can hear it in your stories
I'm sure half of them are lies.
But oh ****,
You got it.
That thing that makes me crazy,
I didn't know what I was missing until I saw you, baby.
I need a new distraction and you're perfect,
There's nothing I can do
You walked into my sight and I can't keep my eyes off you.

I don't want to think about what could have been,
I don't really want to know.