We are not the same,
Always playing different games,
Thought I had it right the first time you ever said my name,
But you were impatient and unkind,
The surface hiding what's inside,
And baby, I don't want that.

I missed you last night when I walked down the streets,
Past the local bar we used to always meet,
Where you looked at me like art and lust radiated heat,
Now someone else has got me beat
And baby, I don't want that.

Laying in bed,
Thoughts littered my head,
While I was under someone else
And you were drunk alone again.
Wish we were a old film where you'd come running back,
But I've done all the running,
And baby, I don't want that.

Wisconsin, fine--
We sit on state lines.
Across the street, Rodeo Drive.
Move a little bit
and East L.A. makes you feel alive.

Go to the diner
where the mermaids wear aprons
and hold out menus like personal stock.
Where the surfer-rama drama in the diner deep
allows them to let go of those they keep.

And you and me and those we love,
keep us finite, because why not.
I could tell you how to eat your waffles
if you will be the spoon that stirs my coffee.

Listen to me,
"Rachel, there's no one, right now,
that I'd rather sit and eat breakfast with than you.
And if it doesn't work out,
and we choke on our meals, that's fine.
I just want to try when I'm with you."

We exchange glances
and I'm sure, then,
that I adore the aplomb,
for your smile leads myself
into believing and being more.

We have different thoughts when we lay awake at night,
You're worried about more alcohol,
I'm just trying to make you feel alright.

I have been trying to cradle your soul,
But it doesn't help it all,
Build you up to be bigger than me,
And you still feel small.

I have been waiting on nothing so it never arrives,
Falling asleep to neon lights through the curtains,
With tears in my eyes.

You said it yourself,
Timing is everything,
It's not just fate,
I'm always early and you're always late.

****
And you said it would be different,
That you were someone I could adore,
But it's all the same,
I give it all to you and end up torn.

What a shame.
What a shame.
Yeah, you were in the wrong
But I took the blame.

Tonight, thinking on you,
My mind is ablaze, fully illuminated,
Akin to a fabled city swinging in festival,
You light me up inside, and I glow brightly,
Bathed within the warmth of your sweet love.

Tonight, thinking on you,
My heart is dancing the greatest dance,
Revelling, an unbridled pleasurable release,
Passionate love flowing freely in our kisses,
Smooching, swaying, in each other's embrace.

Tonight, thinking on you,
Our spirits are riding upon crazy horses,
Galloping over moonlit plains, racing the stars,
Our nakedness glistening with heady scents,
Mind, hearts and spirits, subtly joined as one.

Tonight, thinking on you.

Her hair smelled of cigarettes and loneliness even while smothered in my affection,
And her eyes glazed over when she spoke to me for too long,
Like she was trying to pretend for me,
But I could always sense the progressive disconnect.
Her mouth smiled with sad eyes when I held her hand through town,
And I knew in my soul that our love was already dead,
But I still let her wander around my life like a ghost for months
Unable to bear the pain of reality.

Everything reminded me of her.
When I went to get coffee on Sunday mornings,
I thought of the time she kissed me for the first time,
The snow falling from the heavens,
The February wind breathing her hair over her face.
I thought of her when I skimmed over the newspaper,
The family circus comics I remembered she said she loved as a child,
Back when we were cocooned under the vast ocean of linens in my bed,
When she still loved me enough to laugh with me,
And her feet lay warm, entwined with mine,
Not so ******* cold.

I even thought of her when I was alone,
How much her eyes reminded me of melted milk chocolates,
All the weird facts she had memorized,
The way she always pecked me three times before going in for the ****,
The way we were so in love.

I am still in love.
We are not.
But we
were.

Feel like a ghost
In the background of your life,
Trying to bear me the weight of the truth,
And you tell me it's fine.

When I'm so focused on your face,
Like the camera lens,
And you're always staring into space,
Forgetting to "love me too" in front of your friends.

Like a good cup of coffee
Sitting on the counter for too long,
Now you're bitter and cold,
Now you're coming off too strong.

Thought I could be good for you,
But it's not the first time I've been wrong,
You just like to lay me down to the sound of indie rock songs.

Yeah, nobody said that love was easy
But they never said it'd be this hard,
Looking at you feels like looking at a loved ones face
On a laminated memorial card.