It's sinking into me again
Or maybe I'm sinking into it.
The darkness that washes over me,
And stains my skin and spirit.
I keep soaking in the bath in the hope it'll leave,
But alas...

Wish I wasn't so in my head,
Ripped from the outside where I have been content for so long,
Now I'm always looking out the windows,
Longing for a trouble.
I need attention,
There's no stimulation to keep me functional anymore.
God,
Someone ******* hit me or something.


I got pulled over today
Going 50 miles over,
And he told me I could've killed myself,
But at least I wouldn't be so bored anymore.

And
And
And
Please don't look at me that way,
Like I'm someone here to save you,
I'm just in an odd position,
Catch me in the brief moments when I'm around.
Is it the inconsistency that draws you?

Wish I was something else,
Or we were on different  planes
Where we weren't just floating parallels,
Maybe we'd collide?


Sorry.

The connections we have
******* I feel them in my bones
More than the spirits that haunt this house
Like the ghosts of Christmas.

I heard the voices last night
Saying I can do better
And you on the phone pushing me through
Yeah, I'll love you forever.

You ever get that feeling when you're trying to look into snow as it's falling and you just get lost in where it's coming from and where it's going?

That's kinda how I feel when I look at you.

I lost myself sometime back in September,
I don't remember if it was by the school or in my car,
The grocery store parking lot.
Something like that.

I must have escaped suddenly,
I barely noticed until my chest felt too hollow to pound at the sight of the ocean waves crashing to the shore,
My hands were always awkward and confused,
Not knowing their place in social situations,
Pockets?

I went to a party in November with a plot already in my head,
Tied my white converse together with loose morals,
Too much makeup on.
No time for small talk,
"Don't play games"
"You know what I'm here for"
I don't know why I was there though.


Almost January and I guess I found a way back to myself,
In my own bed covered in blankets to hide the shame
On the phone with Brian.
He kept telling me I was somebody's child,
And what was I doing to somebody's child?
What an odd ******* thing to say.

But I started missing myself more than I ever thought possible,
And flooding back in harder than the rain hitting my window pane.