Keeping quiet
I never return
Eternity
… later
You surface
Forgotten names
It’s Jenna
Until next time
Pay no mind
Stay distracted
Every day
Then, again
Random day
Old faces
Best news
Hope again
Missed chance
But hope still

Time passes
Harder to stand
Just begging
Need some help
…
He’s got me
I see her
Stop and talk
Got a number
Small world
Go on smiling
Wait a bit
…
There it is
It’s Jenna
How was your day
Smoking, join?
My mistake

Chaos outside
You hear this?
Remember,
That’s the name
…
Asking again
And then,
Borrow my car?
I’ll take you
Weird excuses
Take a nap
And…
… nothing
For too long
I keep trying
Still nice
Still patient
But nothing

Last try
One question
What’s the question?
There she is
This…
… is Jenna
I’m a loser
Hate this
Poor medium
But fine
I don’t know you
You don’t know me
Borrow my car?
Why?
Next question
What did I do?
What happened?
Then nothing.
…

Hidden in the darkness
Tremble beneath the mark
Of their words
Drive out on a monday
Meet you on a sunday
Then the sun turns

Please don’t wait
There’s no hate
But it’s a long road yet
No more talk
And no mock
Not a sign of regret

But the moon shines bright
In a darkened sky
A hollowed tree whistles
When the wind blows right
Walk with me one more night

Weathering the darkness
Waiting to embark
It’s a curse
Killing time with kindness
Her company was timeless
Then the sun turns

Please don’t wait
There’s no hate
But it’s long road yet
No more talk
And no mock
Not a sign of regret

But the moon shines bright
In a darkened sky
A hollowed tree whistles
When the wind blows right

Walk with me one more night
Dance with the shadows in the moonlight
Walk with me one more night

Where are you Isabela?
What happened?
I thought we were done with this
You no longer love me
But still you make me miss you
I question if I deserve it
I wonder if you’ll resurface
I quiver at the opposing thought

We’re older now
There’s no need for this
Sure, I love you still
But it’s not the same
And I know the rules
So what else could it be…
Where are you Isabela?
Why must you still make me sad?

Do you remember me?
You asked me about my dream
Things are not what they seem
What did it mean?
Can I be friendly to you
Something I couldn’t do

Can’t stop thinking about you
There’s something about you

Your smile would get me through
Just let me stand next to you
Cuddling up to me
A feeling I couldn’t beat
Why are you in my mind?
Why can’t I unwind?

Can’t stop thinking about you
There’s just something about you

I just miss it all
Bang my head against the wall
I just miss it all
Stumbling through the halls
I just miss it all
Rachel…

I can’t sleep
Memories repeat
Feel so very weak
Memories repeat
Memories repeat
Memories…

Can’t stop thinking about you
Can’t make it without you

There’s something about you,
There’s just something about you

And at the end of life
She will have said my name
But I would never know
What it’s like to feel love
From someone that perfect

The day will come
All the lives are gone
You came to me
A knife between your legs
When you scream
The earth shakes of fear
I don’t know what you said
But something’s horribly wrong
The knife behind your back
Tells me nothing to say
You fell, you died
I screamed, and cried
And carried you away
There we lied
Finally awake

Depression and sadness
Alone on the road
Get to the intersection
Approach a crossing
There I see the fire
Like hell on wheels
Like my life in the world
Full of danger and pain
Turn left,
Away from the fire
Going down another road
Full of hope and happiness
With the flames in the mirror
On my way to new things
Leave the fire behind
With all my fears
Until it disappears

There’s only one way
I can keep from ******* up
Ever again.

You don’t know me
Let alone my intent
Actions do not always
Self represent
I don’t feel urgency
In explaining
My conscience so vaguely clear

Whoops I od'd,
Shortness of breath,
Call ambulance,
Tell my wife I—
Error in judge—-
—-ment cut my life,
No second chance
No guiding light
I never meant
To cause you pain
I never thought I'd be the one who took the fall
I got lost in the moment,
******* like to test the limit
Six minutes down,
Breathing  machine,
Brain not feel right
The look on you
Is killing me,
Drowning in shame
But don't feel bad,
Cause I
Never feared consequences
Hate regrets more than apologies
A year has passed,
Like photographs, my life is just
A scrapbook of
Old friends and faded memories
Looks like I pulled the rug from under myself
The falls too much for me to recover from
It's been real fun
But now I must say goodbye,
I'll see you all at okie dogs
See you all at okie dogs

When memories are all you’ve got
It’s hard to let go of the things they’re made of.

What is it like?
I have no recollection
Ever of being wanted
No love has come my way
My vision is a collage of mirage.

I had sadness
And it stayed
Then I found happiness
And it strayed
My heart, it’s
Still so frayed
Where to now?
No decision made

Sometimes the world makes me feel
Like I never existed
And I existed
When she was laughing...

Grasping at straws
To obey the laws
You set out for me
I can’t help it
I feel like ****
I’m just so lonely
And when I try to communicate
I’m the only one who participates
You tell the truth, but I can’t see

Left out for another
Blowing the cover
Agree to disagree
I know I’m not wrong
But I’ll try to play along
Because you showed mercy
But in the midst of the longest night
When I beg your right ear for my plight
You want me to be something I can’t be

The moment I believe I’m not alone
I am fooled
I feel like a fool
I commit suicide
I see nothing but blood
Then I see nothing.
Blackness
For what feels like eternity
I see nothing.
Then I see identities.
Not people
Not physical entities
I see remnants of souls
Ones that have left this world
Crying
Fighting their eternal destiny
Then I see light
Blinding
Then I see the morning sun
I dreamt the glory
Of leaving this life

You lie
I cry
You fly
Now I die

You can’t change it
You can’t rearrange it
Time is all that we’ve got
So baby let’s take it.

Did your metaphorical skull get bashed in and bleed
By those who you always assumed were after your hopes and dreams?

It’s more than on occasion
I wish I were dead
Never an invitation
To be deserted instead

It’s a terrible affliction
You’re my addiction
But maybe I’ll have a better mood tomorrow

It all comes and goes
All these woes

No one exists around me,
There are no friends to make
With the devastation that surrounds me
There is no advice to take
If I have fortune
I’ll die of alcohol consumption
The ones who are immune
Will make their own assumption

I’ll dissolve in the end
I’ll turn to dust and
Blow away in the wind
My emotions like sand
I’ve never had a real friend.

There’s nothing worse
Than being on this planet
With seven billion other people
And feeling utterly alone

Love, it's sweet.
It tears your heart open, then it retreats.
Just a little bit tender it is
All you need is a kiss

Hate, it's ruthless.
Moods will leave you toothless
You'll ****, you'll lie
Until the day you accept your fate and die.

Sadness, its depressing.
Realization is so much more stressing.
Never, ever fleeting
The heart really takes a beating

Depression.
One expression
Eternal pleading
Eternal bleeding.

You’ve broken my bones
Every other day
You’ve left me alone
To feel this way
You’ve asked my worries
To avoid your own
You’ve no guilt that hurries
To make itself known

Because you’re you
Regret hardly exists
Inside your head
To the confines of friendship
To the confines of marriage
And the confines of all else
Never ailing for what we said
Yet I hardly exist

I am alone
And utterly detached
Meandering through the means
Inside my head
Never forgetting what you said
Listening to my vague plight
Opening your eyes to the closed mind
Varying degrees of comfort
Every other day

Whether or not to trust-
In words said, actions done,
To the confines of today,
Heart-wrenching conclusions-

you.

Within my own mind,
I’m a prisoner.
Within my own heart,
I’m a victim.
Within my own body,
I’m a stranger.

It’s airplane mode for me
When you’re not near
I plan to weep
But you’ll never appear

My wont is what I want.
And what I want is what I’m worth
So what am I worth?

I hurt
Because those I want to be around
Those I want to hold
For a thousand years
I can’t.

Someday, I’ll drown
In my memories.

Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today
To misplace our faith
To live in all things through a god
That we’re not even sure exists
And to make a pledge
That needs not be made

Give a ring
Take a breath
Forgive and forget
Pledge your life away

When you shout
It hurts my ears
I close my eyes
And gritt my teeth
Not for the volume
I’ll handle that
But for the tone,
The aggression underneath

Please be calm
I’m a fragile heart
Your sound waves ripple
And rip me apart

And after you’ve painted
A thousand trees,
A hundred birds or more
And a city street,
A single grain of sand
Painted within a mile long beach
Means as much as the sum
Of all the other brush strokes each.

I’ll smile
All the while
Through the teeth
Of a crocodile

Someday,
In a way, I’ll have never been alone
And someday,
I’ll listen to the voice
That has called my name for years

I want a love that’s right
Right is only half of what’s wrong
I want a short-haired girl
Who sometimes wears it twice as long
Now I’m stepping out this old brown shoe
Yeah, and I’m in love with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now I’m telling you
Although you pick me up
From where some try to drag me down
When I see your smile
Replacing every thoughtless frown
You got me escaping from this zoo
Baby, I’m in love with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now that I’m with you

If I grow up, I’ll be a singer
Wearing rings on every finger
Not worrying what they or you’ll say
I’ll live and love and maybe someday
Who knows baby
You may comfort me

I want a love that’s yours
To miss that love is something I’d hate
I’ll get an early start
In making sure that I’m not late
For your sweet top lip I’m in the queue
Baby, I’m in love with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now that I’m with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now I’m telling you

I may appear to be imperfect
My love is something you can’t reject
I’m changing faster than the weather
If you and me should get together
Who knows baby
You may comfort me

If several hymns were sung
Making the world spin, might,
Even one,
Have rung for you and I?
I hope it is the case and,
I do wish it were true,
That I can
Give my heart just to you

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's
Hard earned pay
Two of us Sunday driving
Not arriving
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home
Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters
On my wall
You and me burning matches
Lifting latches
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home
You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead
Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing so low
In the sun
You and me chasing paper
Getting nowhere
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home

I’m strapped in
On a slowly sinking ship
A new pilot with an iron boot
Will soon make her way
But the hope quickly fades
When I’m told to throw buckets
Overboard of water in the sand
And I know I could right this ship
If only anyone was listening...

I’ve counted in my head
The times I’ve looked ahead
But looking toward the future
Is all about the past
Not what was first
But always what was last
A heavy burden planning
Never a thing to say
The crystal vision made
Fades, slowly blurred gray
What is done is thought
As to be good or not
The pressure has amassed
But only the bad has stayed
How many times I’ve done wrong
How many times I’ve doubted
How many times I could, and should
And how many times I’d never

Looking ahead is always a task
Never look first, then to ask
Pass the past, cast the last
Nothing changes about time that’s passed

Lord, it’s a shame, I know
Thinking of how it could go...

Always felt
Constant
Loneliness

Reality set
Now I know
What lonely is

Your yellow hair is like
The sunlight
However sweet it shines
Bit by the cold of December
I’m warm beside your smile
Oh lady, tell me I’m not leavin’
You’re everything I dream
I’m killin’ myself thinkin’
I’ve fallen like the leaves

Given the circumstances
We only exchange glances
We’d hold a stare and exchange rings
If only our love grew velvet wings
But you say what I’d say
If only in the way
Never does one make you laugh and smile
The way I do, loving you all the while
I have no idea why you run
If only I had one

If only...

Please,
Take me by storm
**** me by hand,
Just not over the phone
The silence is much too much

Please,
Take me by surprise
Respond to me once,
And I’ll be so happy
It’s all I really want

Please,
Take me by the hand
Show me what you want,
The things you love
And what you adore

Please,
Take me by storm,
Take me by the hand,
Take me by surprise
Just please, take me if you can

Take me far away with you
Because I am done with this land

Scarcely,
I see what I hope to see

Loudly,
I want to yell your name

Yieldingly,
I elect not to do so

Instantly,
I sink into the depths

Regrettably,
I take the foolish risks

Incessantly,
I continue to hang onto this

Slowly,
I will wither and blow away

Like the pedals of the flower
Yes, I wither and blow away
Like the beauty of nature itself
My sadness is here to stay

Why should I
Wait for tomorrow?

Listen to me:

The more you see
The less I’m me
The worse you think
The further you sink
You’re captured inside
Your needing to hide
Don’t slip through your skin
To the depression within

If you can trust what you know
We can both fight this foe
And if you do know me
Then happier, we’ll be
But now, you must be brave
And not fear what I gave
You must listen once more:
Something wonderful is in store