You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
And I know that.

But I can't rediscover it every ******* day.
I can't return to that epiphany
every time my alarm clock goes off.
It's unnatural.

But what I can do, and do quite naturally,
is become jaded and unimpressed by it.
I can see your beauty as normal,
as one of my life's many constants.

I can climb atop its shoulders and travel about,
rolling my eyes at sunsets and rainbows,
dismissing all the beauty of the world as
less than average.

And I complain to you about it.
And you can deduce your beauty from that.

there's a wonderful pain
when metal touches skin
that somehow releases
monsters bottled within
quick hand movements
observed through tear blurred eyes
and if you go deep enough
you can earn deaths sweet prize
but waking in the morning
with red stained arms
leaves you paranoid with guilt
setting off silent alarms

s.s

it is always back there
in the farthest corners of my mind
waiting to seep out after sunset
at the lowest moments

and it aches
making everything heavy
like cement rolling through my veins
weighing me down so i can no longer run

it holds me like a planet in orbit
making itself the center of my universe
yet it is the farthest thing from a bright star

so i just sit
staring into the darkness
but not seeing
only feeling
feeling the feeling of not wanting to feel

s.s