The cousin of death is slowing my breath, and has me wondering how much in the tank I have left.  Insatiable emotional depth. Pleasing evenings, some of which I had not slept.  Saw your river, ran to it and leapt.  Stepped along the stony bottom revisiting memories, never forgotten.   Stopped in for a smile but the wood on the bridge was rotten.  Past lifetime I've taken a lot in, but haven't let much out.  The garden that my heart is in is experiencing drought, waiting for a downpour, accompanied by the majesty of a thunderstorm.  
And so my soul soaks in the tone of being alone.  
Never a dull moment but no hand to hold.  
My whole can unfold, unto a page.  It's my key to unlock myself from the cage I felt.  Loosened the belt around my head.  Decompressed the mind many a time, worry free in bed where dread is not an option.  Then the thoughts popped in, Where we were cropped out.  Each of you a beautiful flower bud and I hope to see you sprout, and eventually thrive.  I silenced any negativity, to hear from my inner child that's still alive.  Let go of pride to make amends to the few.  And I wish nothing but love to all my waves have touched, the old and the new.  Now is forever, but at times I have postponed.  Now I find home in where I roam, and loan vibes at no interest.  Hard to see the path solely focused on the finish, but too many instances left the words/actions inconsistent.  Still finding out that i'm so resilient.. I just see an empty pond over yonder, and often ponder on how to fill it.  Thrill through the skill of spontaneity, I must disappear before the lords seek to vanquish me.  Outdoors to explore pastures of grace unseen on this face of the trip, among greenery and sounds astounding.  It always amazes me the situations I am found in.  Now to doze off, for mind and body replenishment.  Power enough within all to create direction to switch the skit.  I just hope we come to fully appreciate the characters that starred in it.

The atoms you're composed of
Stay together like magnets, profound love
To make you who you are...

Do you ever look to the sky at night in wonder,
Knowing your ingredients come from what was, a star?
The recipe that is you, reads out important clues
About bonds between all, *connecting destinies to follow through

Every time I sent a question out,
Answers were received.
It's such a phenomena,
years ago I would not have believed.
So now I walk around barefoot,
Soaking up the chi.
Bound by the universal matrix,
Helps me feel so free.

It's really opened me up, to the beauty of everything.
and when my mind's not right I let it out and sing.
In harmony with the cosmos, dancing to the frequencies of nature
Like swirling galaxies, with a relationship so pure
In motion with one glorious ocean, the waves affect us all.
take the chance even if it means risking the fall
You have the power to manipulate energies for positive change,
your significance is never small
Give in to the power of the infinite, just give it a chance.
Tap into the rhythm of all that's given,
remember you are creator of the moments we live in,
Switch up the routine, to ascend and advance.
Nature's song is always on
so feel it in your soul, and dance!

After all, you're the biggest part of it
Pick up those high vibes,
We can make an art of it.

i walked into the night,
and felt the cool air's breeze.
stepping away every once in awhile
usually gives me enough to release.
in an attempt to sober up from binge thinking,
i noticed i was alone, moreso than usual.
not a single car on the street,
no single individual.

this is common after midnight
but i thought there had to be someone who is also deprived of sunlight.
it was then that i was blinded by unusual headlights
on a vehicle known as hindsight.  
abandoned the instincts of fight or flight,
because i was curious.  
it turned into my driveway.
it felt as though there were some undiscovered forces at play,
as i lay in wait.

the door opened up, and a man with a bright white aura stepped into view.
i gazed upon his face and then was at a complete loss as to what to do..
he looked at me, smiled, and said, " yes, that particular thought is correct,
i am you.

you needed someone, and so here we are.  
see this distance between you and your true self aren't so far apart.
it gets hard, when dealing with passions of the heart,
but every day, every minute...moment, can be a new start."

Everything happens as it's meant to, though, right?

" destinies are in the hands of everyone who believes it,
but most don't see to seize it."

are you, God? an Angel?  a jester in disguise?

"you naturally won't want to accept this statement initially,
but i will tell you no lies.  i am from a faction of lightbearers,
to help illuminate the path.  the variables you add and subtract though, changes the outcome like math, heh heh."

where am i to go?

" you are not to know, yet, what's the fun in that?"

true, but then what about this,' shedding light on the path'?

"all that is within you, is everything.  unlimited potential and power to benefit the universe.
before i disperse back into the cosmos, i am here to ensure that your own light grows.  the love you emit causes radiated blooming within the chakras of others, but your aura has diminished, do you know why this is?"

fear?

"love."

but wait..

" embrace all that you are, Ryan.  i needed to remind you that you are loved deeply.  take care of yourself, so to not be the cause of your own reaping.  your efforts are never exhausted, i see and appreciate all you do, with a smile.  now go the extra mile, cross the line and let your divine shine through.  you are never alone, remember things from the past you wrote.  every word still holds true.
i must be leaving, but listen to what's inside when you're unsure of what to do.  Namaste, Ryan."

but wait! who really are you??

as I stood in bewilderment, he ascended into the sky with a smile, and his vehicle disappeared.  
would this interaction have happened had i displayed my primal urges of fear?
when he was no more than a sparkle in the eye that is the ever-expanding sky
i didn't feel so dry and lifeless, but rather moist with creative juices from all that sunk in.
and the warmth, it was a love you could touch without touching.
this is what i was missing.
and so when reminiscing, i show gratitude and blissful appreciation,
because too much can be lost in the translation of contemplation.

Without frustration ideas are put into rotation.

Absorb them and keep flowing like blood circulation.

I could tell you, but I prefer demonstration.

In recent years I've really learned to be patient.

How you choose to endure the rollercoaster ride you're on makes a really big statement.

Changing the chemistry witihin me has been the biggest payment.

Yet I still don't sleep at night and wonder where the day went.

To many I can seem absurd,

and to most the symbols are just words.

My biggest fear is leaving this place unheard and passing before my children's third birthdays.

Done so much in life already but maybe not the right way.

Obstacles have never been so fascinating,

and may not play out according to this mental map I'm making,

but I won't be taking anything for granted.

I try to understand it, or sit blissfully in a mystery.

Give a helping hand when you can because together we're writing history.

If ya ever need ryno, toll free - you only need to pay, a visit.

If not maybe we'll cross paths on another plane, metaphysically exquisite.