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Denver Feb 2021
i changed my bed sheets when you left

you got on the coach
and i went home

   and changed my bed sheets

i wanted to burn them but
i loved them more than i
loved you

  so i washed them
and hung them out to dry

while they dried
     i watched the sky and wondered

which plane overhead
you were in by  now

since then
i've been to many of the places we visited


places that were special to me
that i shared with you

i wish i hadn't
     i wish i hadn't shared me
with you

it's hard

trying to erase you
from those places now   places i love


so i visited them again
on my own      and now
the last time i was there
i was alone

i wanted to burn them but  
i loved them more than i
loved you

so i looked up at the blue sky
above my rolling yellow cornfield

and smiled that you were
so many miles away

but you still haven't let go
still watching         me
while you
go **** people

husbands and their wives

i wish i didn't share my sky with you
i wish you hadn't felt my
                 sunshine on your face
     hadn't known my love
my skin
    my cornfield
my bed sheets

i miss the me that i was
before you

she's in here

random ****... you ate all my food and had a freeeeee holiday three times a year and my ******* dog liked you even though you fed her things that were bad for her. ignore me i'm just having a moment.
Denver Feb 2021
you wouldn't recognise me now
i've lost 20 pounds
cut my hair
moved out of town
tore my skin
erased you from my life
poured ashes into my heart
bleached my eyes
purged my soul
grew a beard
stop looking for me
i'm tired of hiding
all this angst is so last year
Denver Feb 2021
it wasn't that he didn't
love (me)
he loved
but not with love
did he
he loved (me)
with hands
and words
loved (me) with weight
loved (me) with want
and need
with hand-me-down

he consumed

what (love)
really (is)
I hope he cannot see (this)
Denver Feb 2021
"You're crying again..."
"Am i?? ... sorry..."
"Stop saying sorry..."
"But i am..."
"Well don't be.. you don't need to be..... here, take this.."
"What is it?..."
"Vallium... "
"What? like .. like the Pidgeon film??"
"No you idiot that's Valliant.. this is Vallium... like the drug that stops you from shaking"
"I'm not shakein.. looks at my hands oh look.. i am, look at my hands ... ****"
"i know sighs you're whole body is shaking, i might put you in the bath with the washing, half an hour and you'd have even the whites clean"
"shut up that's not... spills drink while taking a sip true.."
"really?? take your drugs you ******.."
"you're a terrible doctor"
"good thing i'm not a doctor then.."
"Here have a tissue..."
"What for??"
"You're crying again..."
they say it's all in the mind..
well i should ****** well think so...
can you imagine if my belly button was in charge of thinking???
lawks a mercy where would we be...?
Denver Jan 2021
"hay lets be in a relationship..."
"no I'm good.."
"no really, we'd be so great together.."
"I'm sure you think that, but honestly, its not something..."
"no.. no listen, I think..."
"okay but I'm.. I'm not ready... I'm trying to get myself togeth...."
"no I've got this, we will be together and I will help you..."
"what??... I can't, I'm not well enough to commit to...."
"you don't have to, I will help you..."
"I know but I'm not well, mentally...  I'm not emotionally..."
"I understand you before you say anything, I will carry you, I will be your protection"
"I can't do this, its too heavy.."
"I will carry you"
"I'm scared..."
"and I will help you"
"I cant do this..."
"yes you can, I'm here for you"
"I've been through too much, I haven't healed, I need therap...."
"I will be your therapy, I understand you"
"I don't know...."
"think about it. I love you"
"I can't...."
"I have love enough for us both.."
"I don't, I'm not ready, I ..... I ...."
"I love you, you are wonderful"
"I'm not, I'm damaged, i feel broken.. inside.."
"I can fix you, help you, love you. Don't you want that?"
"I do but..."
"then lets give it a try, lets give us a try.. yes?"
"I'm not..."
"yes you are, you are ready, I love you..."
"you do?..."

and that's the story of how i became buggered past retrieval
took about a year but this is a nice little summation of how it all went so ... so... really really not. right...

also my guys if you think this is not a poem then i am here to tell you.. you would be entirely correct in your assumption of all things poetically poetical. well done.  

and then i had a nervous breakdown. which, i will say, i ****** well earned :D
Denver Sep 2020
the tide never ebbed
it just came in
and in
the seventh wave
crashed over
and the eighth
and the ninth
and the tenth
and the whole ocean

flowing in behind


filling my bones

crashing into
my skin
for an eternity

sand and
and depths
the deepest blue
and sunken wrecks
teeming life
the spoils of war

oh such tragic loss

washed up
the remains of the dead


filling my lungs
with brine

with fathoms of salt

my skin
my bones
my flesh
sinking to the bottom
of the sea





Why did you have to drown me..
you knew i was frightened of the water
you knew i could not swim

writing about feeeelingssss... is exhausting ...
writing under water
makes the ink smudge

i'm sorry i broke your heart
i told you not to love me..
your love was an ocean
and i didn't know how to swim
(this is the real poem even though it doesn't rhyme, not all poems rhyme okay... some just don't)
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