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Denver Feb 2021
"You're crying again..."
"Am i?? ... sorry..."
"Stop saying sorry..."
"But i am..."
"Well don't be.. you don't need to be..... here, take this.."
"What is it?..."
"Vallium... "
"What? like .. like the Pidgeon film??"
"No you idiot that's Valliant.. this is Vallium... like the drug that stops you from shaking"
"I'm not shakein.. looks at my hands oh look.. i am, look at my hands ... ****"
"i know sighs you're whole body is shaking, i might put you in the bath with the washing, half an hour and you'd have even the whites clean"
"shut up that's not... spills drink while taking a sip true.."
"really?? take your drugs you ******.."
"you're a terrible doctor"
"good thing i'm not a doctor then.."
smiles
...
...
"Here have a tissue..."
"What for??"
"You're crying again..."
they say it's all in the mind..
well i should ****** well think so...
can you imagine if my belly button was in charge of thinking???
lawks a mercy where would we be...?
Denver Feb 2021
i changed my bed sheets when you left

you got on the coach
and i went home

   and changed my bed sheets

i wanted to burn them but
i loved them more than i
loved you

  so i washed them
and hung them out to dry

while they dried
     i watched the sky and wondered

which plane overhead
you were in by  now

since then
i've been to many of the places we visited

        together

places that were special to me
that i shared with you

i wish i hadn't
     i wish i hadn't shared me
with you

it's hard

trying to erase you
from those places now   places i love

home

so i visited them again
on my own      and now
the last time i was there
i was alone

i wanted to burn them but  
i loved them more than i
loved you

so i looked up at the blue sky
above my rolling yellow cornfield

and smiled that you were
so many miles away


but you still haven't let go
still watching         me
while you
go **** people

husbands and their wives
laughs



i wish i didn't share my sky with you
i wish you hadn't felt my
                 sunshine on your face
     hadn't known my love
my skin
    my cornfield
my bed sheets



i miss the me that i was
before you

she's in here

somewhere
random ****... you ate all my food and had a freeeeee holiday three times a year and my ******* dog liked you even though you fed her things that were bad for her. ignore me i'm just having a moment.
311 · Feb 2021
i'm not a party favour
Denver Feb 2021
it wasn't that he didn't
love (me)
he loved
(me)
but not with love
did he
love
(me)
he loved (me)
with hands
and words
loved (me) with weight
loved (me) with want
and need
with hand-me-down
pleasures

he consumed
immeasurably
(me)


despoiling
what (love)
really (is)
I hope he cannot see (this)
Denver Jan 2021
"hay lets be in a relationship..."
"no I'm good.."
"no really, we'd be so great together.."
"I'm sure you think that, but honestly, its not something..."
"no.. no listen, I think..."
"okay but I'm.. I'm not ready... I'm trying to get myself togeth...."
"no I've got this, we will be together and I will help you..."
"what??... I can't, I'm not well enough to commit to...."
"you don't have to, I will help you..."
"I know but I'm not well, mentally...  I'm not emotionally..."
"I understand you before you say anything, I will carry you, I will be your protection"
"I can't do this, its too heavy.."
"I will carry you"
"I'm scared..."
"and I will help you"
"I cant do this..."
"yes you can, I'm here for you"
"I've been through too much, I haven't healed, I need therap...."
"I will be your therapy, I understand you"
"I don't know...."
"think about it. I love you"
"I can't...."
"I have love enough for us both.."
"I don't, I'm not ready, I ..... I ...."
"I love you, you are wonderful"
"I'm not, I'm damaged, i feel broken.. inside.."
"I can fix you, help you, love you. Don't you want that?"
"...."
"......"
"I do but..."
"then lets give it a try, lets give us a try.. yes?"
"I'm not..."
"yes you are, you are ready, I love you..."
"you do?..."

and that's the story of how i became buggered past retrieval
took about a year but this is a nice little summation of how it all went so ... so... really really not. right...

also my guys if you think this is not a poem then i am here to tell you.. you would be entirely correct in your assumption of all things poetically poetical. well done.  

and then i had a nervous breakdown. which, i will say, i ****** well earned :D
132 · Aug 2020
laden
Denver Aug 2020
forever was in your heart
as you clipped my wings
but all i could feel
was the expanse
of the sky
your *love* made me sorry
for things i should not have been sorry for
okay with things
i was not okay with
made me stay
when i should have left
say yes
when i needed to say no
feel downtrodden
when i should have grown

i wish i didn't feel so very sorry
that i broke your heart

it's not me
it's you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Man4Xw8Xypo
124 · Feb 2021
i wish i had never met you
Denver Feb 2021
you wouldn't recognise me now
i've lost 20 pounds
cut my hair
moved out of town
tore my skin
erased you from my life
poured ashes into my heart
bleached my eyes
purged my soul
grew a beard
*******
stop looking for me
i'm tired of hiding
all this angst is so last year
121 · Aug 2020
fish love
Denver Aug 2020
you drank from me
with crimson lips
high on my essence
devouring

gorging on the pounds of flesh
that I had paid

as you chewed both fat and sinew
gnawing your way through
to my marrow

licking your fill from my sanity

feeding gluttonously
at the banquet
of my sobriety

until my skin was paper thin
empty
void

as organza eyes
stared back at you
and wept

knowing

for it was not love
that you craved

to gorge

to fatten on

it was all that I was

that you were not

that filled you

and emptied me
did I taste good?

https://youtu.be/AVjRuM7Rong
116 · Sep 2020
sin..king
Denver Sep 2020
the tide never ebbed
it just came in
and in
and
in
the seventh wave
crashed over
and the eighth
and the ninth
and the tenth
and the whole ocean
followed

flowing in behind

flooding
and
flooding

filling my bones

crashing into
my skin
for an eternity

sand and
coral
driftwood
and depths
the deepest blue
and sunken wrecks
teeming life
the spoils of war

oh such tragic loss

washed up
with
the remains of the dead

flooded

filling my lungs
with brine

with fathoms of salt

my skin
my bones
my flesh
sinking to the bottom
of the sea

until
i
just.

couldn't.

hold.

my.

breath.
Why did you have to drown me..
you knew i was frightened of the water
you knew i could not swim

writing about feeeelingssss... is exhausting ...
writing under water
makes the ink smudge

i'm sorry i broke your heart
i told you not to love me..
your love was an ocean
and i didn't know how to swim
(this is the real poem even though it doesn't rhyme, not all poems rhyme okay... some just don't)
85 · Aug 2020
End
Denver Aug 2020
End
leave me be
let thoughts of you
come to nothing
bitter burning bile
that you are
festering utterances
sticks in my craw
your name
pungent
flaming
bilious
as i regurgitate
memories
seep
oh heavens
seep through my wounds
dearest lord
take this burden
what hell is this?
what torment?
water does not sluesh
does not cleanse
does not purify
oh heavens burn me
brand my own name
over this wound
only fire
scalding my soul
will parch my
thoughts
and memories finally
fall as ash
80 · Aug 2020
light
Denver Aug 2020
you hear them don't you?
when the world is quiet
when it slows just enough
that exhaustion puts you to bed

they whisper when your ears dip below the water line
you can hear their stories
babbling like drunken sailors with so much *** that it fills their livers

you see them
with your eyes closed tight
they are always there
even when you peep between your fingers

even when you glue your lashes together with silver tears
they always find you
don't they my love...

even when you are silent
and no longer breathe
and you hold your heart so tight
it stops
they want you still

they do, don't they?
and for some unfathomable reason they can't hear you whisper
no

you could scream it from the top of your lungs and they'd love you anyway


they bring gifts
such darling gifts
that weigh so much
with ribbons so pretty
and tight

oh they are so heavy
aren't they?
so heavy that your heart
cannot carry their *** filled livers and their empty stories
and their wants and their needs
and their lust and disbelieving disregard
and their selfish hearts

gifts of ruin
tied with a bow

how could you possibly
need to fly away
or else you will drown
in their guilt laden love ?...

it pushes you so far down
you cannot lift your feet
off the ground
can you my love...

you just cannot understand
why your being alive
draws them close


my love
its because to them
you are light

their way home

you are made
of a thousand sunrises
and a million dreams

you walk like an angel
in the shadows
unable to stop your pure heart
from beating
like the drum
that draws them in

like a flame
you warm their empty bones
you give yourself to them
for love
because you cannot fathom
not doing so

and they consume you child
like such ravenous beasts
and you feed them truth
and love
because you don't have
the kind of heart
that would let them starve

what inconceivable love you have
what treasures you hold
they seek you out
to fill their barren hearts
with your truth
even if it
hurts

you

and for that my love
they will chain you
to their broken hearts
and broken promises
and broken lives

and unless you fly now child

your light will slowly dim
and then forever go out

— The End —