I am by no definition the "perfect" daughter. I'm not going to do things for you just because you want me to or think that I should, I'm not going to follow every **** word you say and think that your words are liquid gold. I am **** sure not a "perfect" mother and I already put myself down for that cause I know I could be doing better. But I had her too young, my sister had already had her first so family adoption was off the table and we all know how much I'm against abortions so I took on a role I never wanted nor was prepared for. Nothing I have ever done or will ever do will be good enough for you and I need you to accept that. I'm not this great person and mother that you want and expect me to be… I'm tired of feeling like absolute **** because you're always so disappointed in how I act or the things I do or just the person I am in general. I should feel good about being happy, not guilty. I shouldn't feel like everything little thing I do is just another major step in the wrong direction. It's my life and should have a say in how I want to live it. You say you want to help me but every chance I give you, you tell everyone around us about the things I say and that leaves very little room for trust. You already belittle me to everyone in our family and now to your boyfriend's family too and it just hurts to know that I'll never be good enough like my siblings are. Because of you, I've always felt like a giant disappointment to everyone around me so I continuously push anyone away who might care for me in the slightest of ways and that's not healthy. I make myself be alone all the time because if I were to get real friends, they'd have to meet you and leaving them alone with you for any amount of time is enough reason for anyone to quickly become my biggest enemy. I'm tired of you and everyone else expecting me to be the model child like my siblings but I'm NOT them and I **** sure never will be because I've got no one on my side. I've got you and everyone else pretending to be but I know you all know that I'm too damaged to even be anything more than the person you constantly look down on.

He was here and now he's not.
I could breathe in his presence, now I'm suffocating once more.
His voice stilled the ones in my head and allowed me to rest.
I can still feel his touch on every inch of my skin, it makes me smile.
His body fit perfectly with mine and our hearts continue to beat as one.
I hate this distance between us, though it proves just how strong our love is.

Why bother continuing this fight?

Each word only buries you deeper.

The more they speak,

The more opinions become facts and facts become opinions.

I wish his words were as sincere as the words in books
I wish they had meaning to them and weren't hollow
I wish I wasn't stupid enough to keep believing him
I wish I could erase the love I have for him
I wish I wasn't so addicted to his scent, his presence
I wish I was strong enough to walk away, to let go

She stares into the mirror, numb.
All she sees is the imperfections.
Her body trembles as she runs her fingers along each stretch mark.
Tears stream down her cheeks, bluring her vision.
She falls to the floor, trying to hide her stomach so the fat doesn't show.
She wishes she could be the girl she once was.
She reaches for the knife off the counter and just clenches it in her hand.
Sobbing harder, she drops it knowing that she'll become stronger some day.
She gradually composes herself, rising to her feet.
She'll break this cycle one day.
It might not be soon but it will happen.

His hands,
They glide slowly across my skin,
Seeking out my utmost desires.

Her hands,
Sliding slowly upon my flesh and lost in my desires,
I'm losing my breathe.

His lips,
They press against mine,
Whispering the promise of eternity.

Her lips sweetly pressed to mine,
Its captured me and eternity comes to mind,
Questioning "is this really happening?" as my heart races.

His eyes,
They burn into my soul,
Telling me of the love he bears.

Her eyes stare deep inside,
I try to hide a feeling as it seeps out and I melted,
Does she see what I see in herself?

His voice,
It sings to me,
Calming my every fear.

Her voice,
It speaks to me like I'm lost in a daydream,
Soothing the storm of anxiety that lies inside me.

I love his arms wrapped around me.
//
I love her warm embrace surrounding.

The protection and security.
//
Feeling safe and reassuring, smiling at her beauty.

He loves trailing my body with kisses.
//
Tracing my fingers down her skin softly dreaming of forever as we kisses.

On occasion, bite marks too.
His touch electrifies everything in me.
//
Has me feeling found, has me feeling up high use to feel so down and out.

I wonder if he feels it too.
It angers him to see me hurt.
//
I wonder as I plunder through my thoughts if she sees I feel it to.
Angry I'll become if anyone dare makes her feel upset, it's true.

It pains me more.
When he thinks I can't help him.
//
Idk if she can help me, been so broken down by the owns that were so neglecting.

He thinks he can or will hurt me.
//
I don't want to hurt her.
I don't want to be another one to break her down and bruise her with another scar.

That his mind is too broken for me.
//
My minds lost, I'm so confused but I'm loving every moment.
She's says I sweep her off her feet but she held the broom.

I say let me in.
Maybe I can mend his broken soul.
//
Telling me to let her in so I'm slowly letting these walls fall and I'm scared.
She's so sweet but weren't they all?
These voices questioning my heart and mind are testing me, I'd close my eyes but its still her I'd see.
Am I awake or is this just another dream?