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13
While I watch you slip away,
My reflection peeks from behind
I see me in that look
Your puffy eyes,
Your flushed face
Are you ever going to talk to me?
You’re too young to shed that blood
Too young to lose that spark
Still so young that your voice cracks,
Still so young that your hair’s blonde
While I watch life break you,
My heart is wrapped in flames
By blood I want to heal you
My blood, by our shared name
Long time no see!
I believe in the story.
Not fate.
Not prophecy.
But the raw, uncut story of my life—
written in blood,
in silence,
in the suffering I cannot escape.

Life strikes.
Life gives.
Always both.
Always with a price.

I am a tree—
rooted in pain,
stretching toward a sky
that has never answered me.

And still,
I persist.
Each year as my leaves desert me,
I cling to this ever-spinning coil—
with cool pleasure,
with sharp pain,
trusting I might survive another fall,
to be woken
by another living spring.

The world is broken.
But I remain.

When the pyre comes for me,
its bones will be my bones.
My ribs will crack like dry timber,
my marrow will hiss and spit—
oil feeding the flame.
I will burn by my own fire,
the source and the sacrifice,
fuel and funeral together.
Every splinter of bone,
every ember of flesh,
rising as smoke
to prove I lived,
to prove I expired.

Because I have walked the unknown road.
I have swallowed its dust,
bled in its silence,
and I have come back with this:

I believe in the story.
And the story—
is me.
today i am a square
predictable, straight, and fair
my edges wind and curve
to spite the minds unnerve

i feel the greatest depths
i walk along the fence
but couldn’t see a sign
the dark was far too bright

today i’ve lost my curls
no longer is there a girl
sworn to see what’s true
that was before i met you

sit here in this cold dark room
too easy to get lost in you
suddenly there comes a light
will i be free this time?
Let me know what you think!
run
i run
look around
what happened
to this town

dead smiles
deadly frowns
human spirit
broken down

not for me
i’d like
to be free

running
running
to what
i don’t know

to where i stand now
to family that’s found
Really would appreciate any comments, interpretations, questions, feedback good or bad!!
I cry at inconveniences,
ones that wouldn't impact others
yet leave my inconsolable.

Id like to say I'm proud
of my ability to feel everything so deeply.
Unfortunately I dislike it the most
as I often get written off as hysteric,
my options rarely get heard

I try to comfort myself, often failing
until I came to a grave realisation.
Maybe I'm not too emotional,
the worlds just been dulled

So strangers starving no longer feels big,
So we don't cry for people who die
if we've never met them.

Maybe I'm not even emotional enough
because every day I still get out of bed with a smile
whilst someone else looses their most beloved.

Maybe I'm a terrible person
for carrying on when they can't.
“Are you okay?” they ask me
“Im fine” i say
But the truth is im not fine
I've never been fine
The scars may leave
But the reasons behind them will continue to linger
Depression may stay
But distractions are always near
The world eventually stops
all feeling disappear
I hide in my room and sit
I sit there and cry
Each tear with a reason behind it
The world stops when i have no distractions
“Do you wanna hang out?”
My biggest cry for help
Maybe i deserve these scars
This pain
This hurt
Maybe i deserve the reasons behind it
Sometimes i need time to think
Maybe i am a bad person
I really think i am
I deserve every cut
Every mean word said to me
I need to be humbled
I live in fear everyday of what i might do to myself
Would i do it
No
Do i think about it every day
Yes
My world spins as i think about every bad thing i did
I deserve every scar
Every cut
I deserve to sit in my room
And cry
All this pain and all this hurt
I bring it upon myself
Im running out of distractions
Im running out of hope
I’m not pretty
I’ve never been pretty
And I doubt I’ll ever be
I compare myself to other girls
The ones with flat stomachs
And skinny waists
The waists I try to get
I starve myself
I only eat around people I care about
So they won’t worry
I compare myself to the girls with the pretty hair
The brunettes and the blondes
I yearn to be like them
I compare myself to the girls with the better face shapes
The ones I try to be with makeup
I compare myself to the girls with prettier faces
The ones with better skin
The ones with whiter teeth
The ones with fuller chests
Cause I know
I know
I’ll never be like them
you’re not posting on hello poetry anymore.
you’re not reading my words,
not twisting them,
not waiting for me to say your name.

i don’t have to write around you now.
i don’t have to fear your eyes
dragging through every line.

it’s strange,
but freeing
to know my poems are mine again.
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