Do you remember?
When you told me i am a bizzare monster unable to love
Ugly pig that no one will ever want.
Do you remember?
The day you say you don't want me
The moment when your hands got me bruises
The second when you pushed me to thinking...
I. WANNA. DIE.
No matter how hard i tried to please you and dad
It was always not good enough.
I just wanted you to be proud of me
To love me...
When i was crying in my bedroom, squizing my pillow, pulling my hair out of my head, shouting noiselessly.
I told you one day i wanna **** myself.
Do you remember?
You told me to do it.

What is it you call a wonderful life?
Is it pain that go through my veins everyday I have to get up?
Is it that one tear that comes out of my eye when I try to hold back another panic attack?
Is it love, so painful to take care of it properly?
So much to take...
When it's so hard to make another step forward.
When invincible power keeps dragging you under the surface.
And you just cannot breathe
Your heart is pounting, harder, louder, LOUDER
Voices still whisper.
What is it you call a wonderful life?
This enormuous scream that shatter your soul into the pieces.
Prayers, prayers, prayers.
But dear Lord...
It doesn't help.
It's just a hand with a card. Ten of swords...