i want to scream, till my throat is raw
till my chest explodes, till my lungs implode
and i still will feel no better then i do now

it doesn't matter what i do
the reasons, or if i am true
it all amounts to you
hating me, and everyone else too

so ***** it,
you left out a tidbit
i didn't care about her
or any other

girl, i just wanted you
i liked you, that was true
but then you ran of with my friend
and that should have been the end

but you still give me hell
and its all my fault
how you went for him
and crushed me,

so thank you for the pain
cause thats all i feel now
so please do it again

if we were to do anything
we would have to do it in secret
your parents hate me,
and mine disprove of anyone
that i develop feelings for

it would be a secret
and you would hate being
so secretive,
this is why  i feel i can't make you happy
and why i am being like i am in our chat

Emotions drained to the point
That they are almost nonexistent
I  fail everyone, do nothing but disappoint
My heart beated, cracked, and has a dent

Then you came along and built me a ego
Then you came and made me feel
You came and had a soft touch,
You held me and it seems you love me

And I love you.

he died, six years ago today
and he still doesn't seem far away
but this year i did not dwell
on it, because you made it well

i thought of you, your smile your face
instead of death, i craved your embrace
i hope i do not creep you out
make you happy, not shout

She is amazing so beautiful and smart
And hopefully we are of to a good start
She is cute and adorable, she made
Today great just by being with me and sipping lemonade.

She made the day I hate
All this and more, she is great
How better to describe the superb
I am so thankful we are together,
So thank you for today.

walking down the path and who do i see
a girl who makes me wanna be
the guy she deserves, and that guy ism't me

so my first thought is what do i say
it needs to be something, but she takes my breathe away
she standing there so cute and sweet
being near her is a real treat,

we haven't talked in a few weeks,
and now my knees feel all weak
so she says "we haven't talked in a while", yea and since we stopped i feel dead
we hug and i don't remember what i said,

since then i have her stuck in my head
thinking bout my mistakes and feel like staying in bed
because now all the emotions i suppressed
about her have me depressed

it sounds lame and i guess it is,
but i just wish i knew what it is
that makes me feel this way
why is it when she is around i don't know what to say

lame i am, cause i can still feel that hug
and her  being so cute, but its just a hug
and i mean nothing to her,
of course i do not know this for sure

but i guess its better to move on
even if she is cute as a button
i will not linger around, i'll go away
i just wish i knew what words to say

Well i am slightly confused
I got dumped, but no reason stated
well stuff happens i guess

a cute smile, a perfect smile
that hides your pain
and deception possibly
time to analyze you

to find out if you are
pained or a pain
all of this hidden behind
that cute, perfect smile

If that special someone,
says those words you have been
dying for someone to say to you,
the phrase "I love you"
They are lying, they do not care
and are just blindfolding you before they
shoot you done

I could say you were the calm before the storm,
But you weren't you were the eye
The center of the storm in my mind,
Peace and a rest until you said goodbye

Writing is the one thing I can submerge my emotions in.
I can drown them out and the voices
In my skull, it clears my mind
And if only for a brief moment
It even silences the pain

message me one day
in the summer
and i did not know you
we talk, and haven't stopped

just friends, anything else?
but we keep conversations with
each other, but cannot with others
odd predicament?

what you guys think?
a girl and boy who
talk on facebook all the time
never in person though

friends just friends though? is it odd?

Pain is beautiful is it not?
Beauty is deadly, since
if one can not have it,
they attempt to taint it.
And cause pain and suffering,
old friends they are,
pain suffering and beauty

tell my what your thinking please....
tell me what to do,
because i am out of ideas

I can not go a day,
without hearing that song,
i think of you, and sing along
even though I am a writer, not a singer
your memory makes me a believer,
in hopeful thoughts, and personal desires.

Ever been driving down that road,
and hear that one song, you stop
and think of her?

That song you get stuck
in your head, making thoughts
run a muck

To the point you are stuck
sitting there,
just missing her

I can not go a day,
without hearing that song,
i think of you, and sing along
even though I am a writer, not a singer
your memory makes me a believer,
in hopeful thoughts, and personal desires.

She balances out my insanity,
She calms the voices, the violent urges
She is amazing and betters me in all ways
She causes a balance in me.

She does this an hasn't even said even loves me
This sanity is crazy isn't it?

I saw you out of the corner of my eye,
acted like i did not see you
like my interest was not peaked.
I sat away from others, and thought of you
**** my mind, for not letting me think
of something, or someone beside you.

So I sat in the corner, curious to what
you were thinking and, how you were.
But I just sat there alone, weak.
Stupid of me to think to that I
could talk to you in person.

Sitting in the corner writing this,
and you will not be the first to see it,
if you ever do. This poem like most the others
I will hide from you.
In my little corner of this of this site.

death came to me in a dream
and unlike him it did seem
he wasn't a skeleton, rotted to bone
he was just a young man who was all alone

hated by everyone, except for me
he had came not to set my soul free
but to tell me that i must live and suffer
to take the life i was given, with no buffer

to dull the pain, to dull the hell
and that soon the smell
of corpses would fill the air
and then he gave me a odd dare

to live, and then he vanished into the mist
the fog curling around my skin in such a bliss
then i tripped and i fell and fell,
till i ended up in hell

death was there and so was Lucifer
he said that life was over, and time to suffer

i asked for it in a moment of weakness,
so i got one, a simple hug that's all it was
to you at least, to me it was so much more
i wished it had lasted for ever,
but it also made me long for something more

My emotions were asleep,
that one kiss woke them all
up, I am thinking and replaying
it in my head, and all I can think
is that I can not wait for the next
This kiss got my heart
beating again,
The kiss is the one I craved
and needed for so long,

i finally got her, and no i am working and she is at school
im sore tired and thinking of her and she is busy following rules
i am loading wood and cutting trees and she is learning about tree types
i am thinking about her and she is thinking about god knows what

this year ***** everyone else
***** there happiness
because this year i am on worrying bout my self
doing what makes me happy and not dumb chicks

i know this does not rhyme but i am expressing myself
so you do what makes you happy and shut the hell up
let me do me and you do you
and later when you are sitting back and wondering why the hell i am acting this way
remeber its your fault and when i was down and hurt you walked over
and just kicked me in the ribs and punch me in the gut
if only i knew before you were just a ***** **ut

so i will be me and you stay clear
cause me is not who you should be near

Way to long ago i fell for a girl
Tis the tragedy of all males
To meet someone cute in a dress
To fall for a girl who becomes your world
But then when put to her test you fail
And your life goes back to that mess
You lived before her
I wonder if she knows how I adore
Her company and loved her smile
The only person to attempt to teach
You that emotion poets write about
That sparked emotion the sets your mind ablaze
With thoughts of that person,
That sends a shock through you
That which is love,
But now she is gone,
Time to move on?

her lips entice me for a taste
but if we kiss, i hope it lasts
i hope that my complexion still doesn't look like paste
and with her i take it slow and not fast

i want to hold her close
and be hers, maybe not forever, but only a few years
i want to become love drunk and comatose
and protect her from all of her fears

i really, and simply just would like her

To save time since people are asking
Yes I am feeling sad and mad and lonely all at once, but no I am not going to try to die again,
Questions answered? Any other questions please send to my inbox

True Pain is not physical
it's thinking of her, and knowing she's with him
it's wanting to message her but knowing you will
get ignored, it's wanting to call, when she has nothing
to say to you anymore,
It's knowing that we were friends, and not knowing what we are now
True pain is losing you
even if we were just friends, I managed to fall for you
and this is what it taught me

I'm trying to be nice
And give good advice
I'm trying not to be a *****
But what I say don't stick

She just don't believe me
And just wants left be
But I can't with that look in her eye
And just say goodbye

I want to make her feel better
Not be a regret to her
What to do?
Would anyone want me to give up in you?

the few friends I have are not
fearful for the thought of hell
but instead embrace it, the rot
that comes with it, the smell
that would bother some matters not to them.
They are ready to go, because they are
going to hell just for being themselves.
Why would they go to hell for that?
Well because of a book wrote by man,
in the name of god.

The misinterpretation of these words
cause such a debate, the same words
did not allow slaves human rights
justified hatred of other "races".
These words let jews be massacred by a German,
let crosses be burned and people whipped by
the "white man". Let burning of countless
innocent women occur.
LET people forget the one race
that we all are, human.

So people why do we not forget the man
written words and follow the true divinity of them?
Pray to your god, and worship his son, and embody
the holy ghost, is this too hard of a task for such devout Christians?

one simple question,
why do i exist?

Beautiful, smart, funny, cute.
Makes my daily commute
A lot more enjoyable
and my life more tolerable

oh wait she doesn't exist
cause every girls charm i can resist
i am broken and can't fall in love
i just am hoping for death from above

or death at all
cause life is a free fall
with no parachute
lives waiting on drug distribute

waste all of us our,
waiting for a love from afar
or near us, wanting it till our hearts stop
and keep trying until we finally drop

Thoughts I am not allowed to have


Four to three months
Then I am gone to basic
I am going to serve
An I seem so calm about it
But I am scared, scared to lose
Lose my mind, my friends
And my family.
I mean I lost
You  
So why would I not lose

The
Rest

Everyone act like the urges
Just stop, the desire just fades
Away, the voice begging for cuts
The scream begging you to die
The person in your mind
That wishes for your demise
It never goes away, it jut gets louder
And louder
And louder

raged voices yelling at me
reminding me of my failures,
please someone make it go away
her touch and voice could, but
she doesn't care for my sanity now,
so insanity and misery are welcoming me back
with open arms, and a tight embrace

i want to scream,
i want to shout
i hate my dreams
i just want out

i just want you
but i also want left be
i just want it to
be you and me

i want away from this place
but only if i can take you
but you barely know me, sides my face
and what i look like, to

bad though cause it *****
to not be known, or your feelings be known
this *****, that she can't give any fu**s
but this is what i am used to, being on my own

Someone who doesn't mind my jokes
And enjoys cuddling,
Yearning for a way to not be lonely

Has a sense of humor
Is fun

well i told her, and i feel so nervous
now, i feel so weird, she doesn't treat me
weird she treats me normal which is good
but i just wish she was mine, she isn't

so i guess i gotta stay positive
which is not in my nature haha
but whatever i guess
i just want to hold you honestly

i hope when you read my poems
that the words make you feel warm
make you feel good,
because beautiful you are amazing

you are perfect
you are cute
you are smart
and caring

the feelings are still there
like you and your beautiful hair
but any chance of "us"
was lost in that last fuss

so i guess we are done
us and our fun
i have lost my "home"
so now i am left to roam

what now?

what do i need to do,
what will it take
to get a girl that's true
and me not have to be fake

I need you my readers to explain
what it is to get a girl and keep her
i want a good relationship for once, even if its just plain
it may be odd coming from me, but it is what it is
every girl just seems to have a purpose or motive
why is there not a girl who just wants a simple relationship
and if there is a girl like that i want to meet her

i am tired of the games
i am tired of the motives
i am tired of girls like her

what do i need to do,
what will it take
to get a girl that's true
and me not have to be fake

if you do not want to talk to someone
you used to have the ***** to say it,
if i am annoying or bothering, then tell me and i will leave you the hell alone
but do not be a cowardly pathetic pleb and get your boyfriend to
tell me you want left alone on facebook
what happened to you, and what happened to society

me and you used to be close, i was there when
everyone else turned there back and made fun of you
i stayed there and took the crap everyone gave me for it
and didn't give a single sh*t, and then you get a new boyfriend
as well as three friends with benefits and you want me to leave you alone
well i'm glad you don't have time to be my friend when i
broke up with three girls, got in a fight and took a lecture from my entire family
and still stayed at your back,

the girl i talk to one facebook
the perfect chorus and perfect hook
amazing in every way
and her art takes breath away

she is a great friend
though she makes me very shy
I do not understand
why i can't just go to her and say hi

what is this girls game?
tells people i am lame
but wants to be on me
and crap, ugh people are annoying

get mad because i dont believe what you do?
your religion teaches acceptance and to not judge
but every time i want to stay home,
you get mad and you do not even care about my reasons

you just do not ask, do not try to understand
you just get mad at me, so whatever have fun
in heaven, cause i will enjoy suffering in hell

what should i name my project? i am trying to get published
but my poems contain my emotions heart ache and misery
what do you name a collection of six months or work
six months of me just writing so i get away from cutting
six months of your crap, all this time spent *******
all this time spent writing my emotions to keep me from finally bursting
and the stuff i post is the censored version, i do not post all my thoughts
if i did i would in a asylum with a nice white straight jacket
so what do you call a book of your hard work and therapy
therapy from your darker and happier side
what keeps you from just destroying everything and everyone near you

so what do i name this? this mixture of poems about my crush
and poems about whatever i neeed to get of my chest
this pile of poorly made mush
and words that barely let my mind rest

You still make me curious
and i still make you furious
You still cause the urges
you use to, thoughts i cannot purge

my mind free of,
your touch takes me,
to a different place,
how else do i put it?
it excites me, not completely
sexually, but it does make me
want you though
to be held by you, to hold you

you take me to the brink
then leave me, what to think
what to think

when i read your messages i start to smile
then i try to go into denial
i see you and your perfect face
and i just want a quick or long taste

of your beautiful lips
guys i need some tips
what do i say?
how to get her to stay

she makes me wish i was holding her
when she complains about her bf controlling
her, i actually  listen i done zone out
and during class she is all i think about

how to get her to be with me
and not want to be left be
i know she isn't free
and her bf is nothing like me

so should i give up
or step up
and give this a shot

which to do
the expectations
or my will
only when they are one
or when they clash

what to do
when my friends think
i should jump
and i just want to sit and think
or just want left be

why and how do
i keep getting along?
this game is eating me
so which why what and how to do?

Why am i like this?
Why is it i go wrecking every thing
I fight everyone and they still stay
Why do they do this?
Why do i do what i do when
we all know my fate is to die
off in a war in the army i enlisted
into, alone and unloved

we are the wolf pack
we are a group, a team
we are on the attack
but not how it would seem

we are attacking the grade scales
being top of the county
we are a wolf pack, we will not fail
we will receive the bounty

we are mostly rejects,
outcasts by nature
they think we are defects
and our structure

will fail, but we are the wolf pack without fail
we will win, 300 strong
so the pack will prevail
the pack will not go wrong

Is love really worth it?
For you it seems not.
You seem to think that leaving
Is easy when that is not the case dear
So ask yourself is it worth it?
Because for me it is.
But then again I do not matter,
So I guess it is not.