star eyed yellow bloom
washed in sunlight's shower
the radiant healer of all your gloom
field full of sunflower!

My name is the tears falling from heaven

Or the tears falling off your face

My name is a promise

A promise that flowers are to come

Because all this bad has a purpose

The rain will wash everything away

And that’s me

I am the rain 

I will wash away all the hurt if you let me

After all the pain has been planted

I am the flowers that grow 

I am the rainbow that paints the sky

A reminder that no matter how grey

Or how damp and unpleasant

Something good will come out of it

And something good will come out of it

If you believe that bad things happen

If you believe that rain falls from the sky

You must also believe in good things

You have to believe the flowers will grow

That the sun will come up

That the sky will be streaked with multicoloured happiness

And that’s where you’ll find me

In the rain 

And all the little things afterward

suppose you're on a sea beach
where the waves are frozen dead
you don't hear the seagull's screech
not one is flying above head!

in the wind not rise the rolling roar
the sea is a darkish gel
no silver spray bounces on the shore
clouds not on her blue face sail!

the sea is flat dumb and still
staled painting on papyrus
that weary of man's mindless deal
is lying in dying hush!

think of it as our good fortune
the sea isn't so looking as yet
but she can't be from us immune
if we dump on her our waste!

Fly away melancholy
  Fly away to some far-flung lands
   Where you don't need any soul
With your fatters to bind and clasp

              Fly away melancholy
     The joys are standing at my door
         They want to get in for me
When there is not even your shadow

So much depends upon
The strength of that boy
That gangling brown haired boy
Who may be skin and bone
But somehow manages
To carry around the weight of loving me
Every day
And to have my burdens and baggage
On his back
But I'm scared that someday
His strength will fail him
And he'll be crushed
And I'll have been the undoing
Of the one person
I never wanted to see hurt

So much depends upon
The patience of that boy
That boy who is usually go go go
But for some reason slows down
And waits for me to catch up
And can always tell when something's wrong
And always cares
And listens to me complain
But I'm scared that someday
His patience will have run dry
And he'll take off running on his own
Because I held him back

So much depends upon
The blindness of that boy
Who is the smartest person I know
But was stupid enough
To fall in love with me
And I know it's selfish of me
But I wouldn't mind
If his love was unending
But I'm scared that someday
His blindness will dissolve
And he'll realize he deserves better
And the only person holding me together
Will hate me
As much as I hate myself

I. When watching TV with my grandmother, we stumble upon a film about two beautiful girls who fall in love. When they kiss, she turns away from the screen. Every time.

II. I'm getting reading for school in the morning, and turn on an episode of my favorite show. When two of the boys kiss, I glance away out of habit, and my mother whispers, "It's just so strange."

III. I'm making lunch in the kitchen when my grandmother remarks, "I don't think anyone can know they're gay until they try being straight." Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore.

IV. One of the boys I grew up with keeps telling me that I'll find the right man, no matter how many times I correct him.

V. When my friend finds out, she says it's okay. But she refuses to hug me.

VI. I'm out to dinner with my cousins when  one of them says, "I have a friend who's a lesbian. It's so hot." I excuse myself from the table and spend the rest of the evening sitting in a parking lot.

VII. The boys at school say "***" every other word.

VIII. The girl in the locker room refuses to change next to me.

IX. My grandmother finds a love poem in my room. I tell her it's a part of a school project.

X. In class we talk about gender roles, and a boy gets up and says, "You have to teach your kid to be manly or he'll end up being gay."

XI. Someone says the word "****" and I feel like crying.

XII. The youth pastor at my church tells me that I can be cured.

XIII. Everyone tells me I'm wrong.

XIV. I tell myself I am wrong. Every single day, it repeats in my head like a sacred chant. I tell myself I don't deserve to live. Until the day that I don't.

--------------------

I. I watch every movie I can find without looking away.

II. I smile every time they kiss.

III. I develop a stronger stomach.

IV. I correct him more forcefully.

V. Her sister hugs me twice as hard.

VI. I slap my cousin across the face.

VII. I decide to see it as a term of endearment.

VIII. I stop taking gym.

IX. My grandmother finds a love poem in the room. I tell her to calm down.

X. The girl beside me tells him to shut his mouth.

XI. Someone says the word "****" and I feel like laughing.

XII. I pray for her.

XIII. Everyone tells me I'm wrong.

XIV. I tell myself I am wrong.

XVI. Until the day that I don't.