For the longest time i dreamt
A beautiful story with a beautiful end
That i will laugh, sleep and cry
With the one that won't leave me behind

And for the longest time i thought i will
Walking down the road with such a thrill
Facing up troubles and the destiny that i will fulfill
For i am the main character of my own story, at least that's how i feel.

I craved for love and can't wait to feel it
I knew nothing about it but i'm sure i will get it
To meet someone is all i ever wanted
And then there she was and i thought, "this is it"

And it was as beautiful as i always thought it will
But then she left...
I'm sure, no, i knew she will be happy
With someone else...

..................

I met someone new and she was great
Third times a charm, people said
I was even more happy than i ever was but i suspect
That that feeling is not mine to kept

Everyone come and go and still here i was
Racking my brains up, i just can't figure it out
What did i do, why it keeps on happening
I keep on being happy and, and it then it was gone before i even know it

After all this time i finally understand
That i'm just a stepping stone, a bumpy road for everyone to pass on
I'm just a sidekick because my story is not worth telling
I'm just a sidekick because my life is not worth living

A silly boy with his small hands
Filled up with dreams and hope to no end
As high as the cloud as vast as the sky
There is nothing can stop him you just can't deny

Monsters in the cave, and trolls on the mountain
He slay them all with ease after giving them the pain
His horse is big, as big as his pride
He is still a silly boy, with a small stride

Along came a fairy with words as sweet as honey
Promising him the world on a platter, and at the top, a cherry
The boy has no clue as he was foolish and silly
His heart is beating fast as if it was in a hurry

"I never felt this way before. What is this feeling"
"I will do anything for her. In fact, i want to give her everything"
"I will strike down zeus himself, and cursed hades to death if she ask me"
"For there is no greater deeds than to please a fairy"

She take what she can get, and leave out all the rest
She was happy with the serving boy, but its not gonna last
Even if she knew what the boy actually wants
She only offer the world but not her heart, so it should be fine

Silly boy
Silly boy
Played with like a toy

Proud as he was, and dumb as he is
He finally realize there is nothing more to it
As he muster his last strength and was sure he has nothing left
He ask her softly "can i die yet?"

And so she nod beautifully
"Die silly boy, die in your sleep."
"As it was much more than you deserve, honestly"
"You outlived your purpose gracefully, for such a silly boy and a creep"

Lonely winds blows my heart
Hold my soul so it won’t be apart
See everything but feel nothing
And it’s time to get in the ring

I get up and starts to walk
This new hope burning in my chest
If i can’t go to that other world
I’ll find someone here and get some rest

Hey is anyone there?
Anyone?

I watch my step, it’s getting darker then ever
Still had my faith but now starts to wonder
Screams louder, hears nothing
Now I don’t know where i’m going

So i light a thousand candles
Hoping to see the lights of angels
Feeling too tired, hope fading fast
Still i have to save me from myself

And now the candles are gone one by one
I’m scared, there’s no one to be found
Sitting here right againts the wall
It looks like i’m all alone afterall

Recently I have allowed myself to get worse.
I stopped telling people how I was feeling,
I couldn't stay sober for more than a week,
I relapsed.
I hate myself for so many things that i have done,
I make the worst descisions,
I can't do things right.
I'm getting worse and I dont know how to ask for help.
It's hard, I want people to think I'm strong but Its hurting me.

God, this writing doesn't even make sense I'm so lost.