i wanna be the picture on your homescreen
is that so much to ask?
you know i trust you

You worked hard to earn the life you have now
many nights crying yourself to sleep
i dont have to be there to know we both did the same
many months have passed and now you have a new life
a new safety net
i had one for a minute too
it does feel lovely doesnt it
to have someone else's attention?
i know you're blissful right now
arms around eachother
lips interlocking before bed
you earned it
i denied it
i held onto hatred and pursued you further
you were planets away, emotionally.
To you, never seeing me is the best scenario

ditto

i hate worrying people i dont want anyone to care
can they just forget i exist
i want to be gone from their mind
read my poetry
listen to the songs i made
all while i was breathing
i wanted something to outlive me
what better than melodies and words
vibrations i send out of my mouth stay stuck in your head more than
my physical appearance
i had alot of words in my head but they never came out
not around you anyways

i know it seems like it but these are not cries for help
i am so content here
this bottom for most people
is my home
i feel better here
nobody bothers me or expects anything of me
they know i am hopeless
i skip daylight
streets are nicer when nobody is walking on their sidewalks
no cars in the street so i lay inbetween intersections
music playing so loud if a car was coming i would never notice

its a never ending story in my head
nodding off somewhere but through all the euphoria
inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness
your voice stays clear
memories stay vivid
the car you left in the last time i saw you
it's every where when i go out
i know you have someone who loves you now
you deserve it
i deserve the ground

itsnot numbing me enough anymore
i want to do harder drugs
if i had my own place i might leave earth there
fly me to the moon and never come back
over dosing the drugs because im not scared any more
its easier than pulling a trigger

i wanted a safe space and i found out too late
that my safe space was never safe at all
you were reading all my words as i wrote them