Constantine

Constantine Jul 2020

Picture

I've always heard the expression
"life is a movie"
but sometimes i feel like mine is only a picture.

Constantine Jul 2020

Untitled

i need the opposite of options.
i don't know a word for that
i just know that if i am given options

i will choose the worst one

Constantine Jul 2020

I'm just a daydreamer

i keep getting older,
and you get younger
i see it in your eyes you wanna cry
i just want to see you smile
but you know where this leads
so there is no teeth in sight
no joy over the horizon

i think its getting dark now
because thirty times six is, six months of time

thats enough time to find someone to care,
to build a new foundation for a beautiful relationship
built on love and trust

like we were meant to.

I like to believe we are star-crossed lovers
we can never be together
cursed to be apart but to feel like our souls are intertwined
I remember i told you i'm not afraid to die, because i know you're going to be there one day too.

Constantine Jul 2020

bad notes are my every day, i feel like i'm not really here

I'm sorry that i had to start today on a bad note but
words just start overflowing in my head
and i want it to stop so bad
i meditate sometimes, but not enough.
i want it all to stop
just make it stop.

i want people to care enough sometimes. Sometimes i don't wanna lay in my room alone, high and self loathing. I just want what everyone else has, a minor inconvenience doesn't cause you to wallow in self pity and beg for love from strangers on the internet.

Constantine Jul 2020

130kmph

might only feel like my life is over
i know yours is still moving, so so so fast

im stagnant
i am stuck in quicksand
and i only like to thrash around and go deeper and deeper
until my head is under the surface and there is nothing left but silence.

She told me to take care of myself and im scared i am gonna do the opposite,
That isn't her ******* problem though, it doesnt matter to her because it shouldn't. It should only matter to me, right?

Constantine Jul 2020

Zeroed

I hate this feeling
this is why i do drugs
because i'm scared to feel like this
im sweating in my bed and i cant sleep
only now do i wish so much for nothing to feel
nothing to touch or smell or see
i just want to be completely, Null, i want to not exist

is this the tragedy we are all born with?
Do we all just cope in different ways?
is mine just drugs?
will mine take me out?
i am not that lucky.

I hope venting here can bring my soul Peace , even if, just for a second.