this passes with time, things hurt for a while but they get better
you don't keep sticking the fork into the outlet once it shocks you once, right?
Wrong actually, that pain makes me feel alive
something to feel in my soul
so i continue to go back and forth, emotions felt so deeply i fear of taking my life.
On the hardest nights i have to write something to get the words out
or i will silence them forever.

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't lighter on my feet today
i have issues you see, so i check almost daily whether or not you still have me blocked.
but today you don't have me blocked.
what does that mean?
i'm only slightly anxious, but all i want is to talk
i don't want a relationship, i just want you around.

I wasn't who she thought i was.
after almost 3 years.
I wasn't who she thought i was.
i was never that person, but i spent 3 years trying to be.

I'm not scared to die no longer.
We promised to meet on the other side, my darling.
I think i am gonna go soon, i will be right there waiting for you
i will have nothing better to do, than to wait for you
so we can get back to spending eternity together.

I know it's terrible but your netflix is still logged into my laptop
and i go onto your profile sometimes just to see what you're watching.
at least we both can't watch the shows we watched together all the time.
i'm sorry but even knowing you're watching the office for the millionth time, makes me feel slightly better. it also kinda hurts, because i wanna be right beside you and watch our favourite shows again.

i'm writing this because, if i don't write it somewhere
i will end up finding a way to get it to you.
Amy, i will always miss you, in every waking moment of my life.
I wish we could figure it out
can we just talk please? can i know what you're doing
i see you in everything i do. i try to distract myself but it
will always be you who is tattooed on my mind
i miss you so much
i miss your presence
i miss everything. i miss you Amy, i wish you would come back.
I want the life we always wanted, i wanna work towards it with you
i don't wanna see you move on
i don't wanna see you holding another guys hand
i know you cant wait for me to do something to better myself.
but i want you here while i do it
i want to hold your hand while i do it
i wish you weren't gone.
i wish you didn't block me on everything.
i know trying to contact you would cause so much pain
so im just gonna cry over my keyboard
and write what im feeling.
it helps. but soon i might do something reckless.
im scared i wont see you again
or if i do, you'll be with the love of your life
or you could look right through me.
like i was never even a sliver of your life.

I'm never gonna delete those memories,
no matter how much pain they cause me
as i scroll past them in my camera roll
it does not matter.
i will hold them close like my first born
because i never want to lose them
like i lost you